Alexandr's Reluctant Submissive (12 page)

He didn’t dare look away from her to check if they were alone yet. “What did he say to you?”

She flushed but continued to hold his eyes. The electricity built, small sparks exploding along his skin. He wanted to close the distance between them, but his woman was wound up to the point of snapping. His heart ached that he hadn’t been there to care for her, to help her deal with her stress, to share her burdens. Nostril’s flaring, he took in a deep breath of her scent then wrapped his fist in her glorious Irish hair, determined to show his woman that she could rely on him to give her everything she needed.

For a brief moment, a blissful look of relaxation took her over and she melted against him, her body fitting to his so perfectly his dick throbbed with need. Being inside her was perfection, watching her come apart beneath him then drift deep into subspace made him feel powerful. As if he could give her the world. The visible proof of the pleasure he brought her was an aphrodisiac like no other. A soft moan came from between her pink lips.

“What did he say,
dorogoya
?”

With a flash, her eyes opened wide and she tried to wiggle out of his arms. “Get your hands off of me.”

“Jessica, either you tell me what he said to upset you or I will hunt him down and make
him
tell me.”

“You’re overreacting. He was telling me about some of the women in the Boldin family that had perished because of the curse, women your father and grandfather killed.” She took in a deep breath and her nostrils flared as she blew it out, some of the anger leaving her. “He also promised that he would do everything he could to protect myself and Tatiana, so don’t be mad at him.”

Studying his wife, he resisted the urge to pull her close again, seeing that her temper was still on edge. “I will never let anything happen to you.”

“I know.” She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. “This is just…all of it is so much to take in right now.”

Unable to help himself, he drew her into his arms and pressed his lips to her hair, trying to tell her without words how much he loved her, and how sorry he was for the pain and worry he brought to her life.

Jessica’s temper strained its leash as she struggled against the urge to strangle her husband. The hurt, the almost shameful feeling suffusing her, was more than unhappiness. It almost felt like her depression was returning and she wondered if she needed to conference call with her psychiatrist or something. The ache in her belly deepened as she thought about Tatiana and worry rushed to fill the void of her daughter’s absence.

Alex’s erection pressed into her stomach, and a tingle raced through her, distracting her from her dark thoughts. The scar on his lip twisted when he frowned as he turned her fully to study her face. Right away Alex’s expression softened and he made a gentle hushing noise that soothed her beyond reason. “I forget myself. You are exhausted, have been through much. Come, we will go back to our apartment. I will show you Tatiana’s room, then we shall rest. You have no idea how often I have dreamed of having you in my bed, how many times I have woken in the middle of the night, my dreams of you so intense I expected to be able to reach out and touch you.”

“I know what you mean. I both hated and loved those dreams because for one moment I’d be in your arms again, feel your love again, only to wake up and realize I was still so terribly alone.”

His grip on her tightened just short of pain and a tormented look flashed over his stern face before he placed a kiss on her forehead. “You will never be alone again.”

They stood there for a long moment, just holding each other as their bodies fit perfectly together, their breath synching, and she swore the beat of their heart was the same. “Come
, prinsessa moya
, let us return home.”

Instead of allowing him to release her, she clutched him close. “Okay.”

“Jessica.” His husky voice held a trace of amusement. “I cannot move until you let go of me.”

She simply nodded against his chest and continued to cuddle close. With a low rumble of pleasure, he scooped her into his arms. He’d always loved to carry her and she couldn’t help her no doubt besotted sigh of contentment. It was so nice having someone else she could lean on, literally. Pressing one of her hands against his chest, she found herself soothed by the beat of his heart, strong and steady.

When they reached the door, he knocked three times then it opened, revealing a stone-faced Maks. It would take her a bit to get used to his serious bodyguard expression again. Her strongest memories of the time spent with her friend were mostly of those few occasions she’d made him laugh or smile. Life would enter his dead eyes and she liked to see the real Maks come out from behind his formidable walls. His expression reminded her that they were in a semi-public part of the building, a VIP floor of sorts, but she still found herself glancing around to see if those evil bitches from the salon had somehow followed her here.

It had taken a great deal of effort to keep her expression blank as those two hags had whispered to each other in Russian about Alex’s exploits after they learned where she lived in the building. It had been one thing to have seen pictures of Alex’s sexual conquests online, but to meet two of those women in the flesh had hurt. The fact that he’d been with other women went from an abstract concept to reality and her jealousy had been almost impossible to control. She’d needed every ounce of her willpower to keep form either breaking down into tears as the stunning blonde woman, Ulyana, had gone on and on—in detail—about her time as Alex’s submissive.

Even worse, they speculated on who Alex would take as a mistress, talking about it as though it was a given that her husband would keep a woman on the side. Ulyana had been very, very interested in the position and Jessica had silently vowed that if the other woman even got near Alex, she’d beat her so bad even her plastic surgeon wouldn’t recognize her. While she was worldly enough to know that most powerful men had a mistress or two, the thought of Alex keeping a woman to fuck made her physically ill. When Jessica’s attendant returned, the other women started talking about fashion and Jessica had somehow managed to scrape her pride together enough to say goodbye to them as she left. The last thing she was going to do was let that bitch know she’d hurt her.

They’d reached the elevator before she knew it and she absently watched how the men piled in with military precision. Maks and Zoya, looking intimidating in her dark suit, joined them. Zoya didn’t bat an eye as she took in Alex carrying Jessica, merely positioned herself in front of them and pushed the button for what she assumed was their floor. Her brain was done trying to process any new information and she yearned to find some bed, any bed, and just curl up beneath the covers and hide from the world for a while.

Closing her eyes, she rested her head against Alex’s chest, the low murmur of his voice blending in with the heavy beat of his heart. She had no idea how long it had taken them to get to the apartment, but when Alex began to climb a set of stairs, it jarred her enough to drag her from the doze she’d been in. Turning to look around, she found that they were almost at the top of the stairs leading to a wide landing. Six doors lined the long hallway, four on one side and two on the other. He stopped before the second door on the right and gently lowered her to her feet.

“Is our daughter’s room.”

The unexpected thickness in his voice made tears threaten so she forced herself to suck it up and turn the brass knob of the dark wood door. It swung open easily and she took in a deep breath, the faintest hint of paint the only thing betraying the fact that this room and everything in it was brand new. As she took in the beautiful space, she realized she totally, totally owed Gia and Rya—huge—for doing this for her.

Instead of pink and super girly, the room was done in a neutral beige with splashes of jewel-tone color everywhere. The big canopy bed had a deep amethyst comforter and cranberry silk throw pillows, some furry, some silky, all adorable. Her gaze went to the small bedside tables with their bohemian-looking pierced brass lampshades, then she took another step into the room and smiled at the sight of child-sized bookcases lining the entire wall, filled with books and toys, as well as a comfortable couch and pair of massive papasan chairs.

A door across the room had been left open with the light on inside, revealing an amazing closet that was half filled with little girl clothes and shoes of just about every color and variety she could think of. On the other side of the room there was a bathroom that appeared to have a clown fish theme, and thick white velvet curtains embroidered with a rainbow of whimsical silk flowers graced the windows.

In a smaller room all these colors and textures might have been too busy, but this room was huge and Jessica let out a low breath as she turned in a slow circle.

“You do not like?”

Realizing he’d misunderstood her sigh, she shook her head. “No, I love it. Are you kidding me? Tatiana is going to lose her mind when she sees this room. She loves bright colors and this room is much bigger than her old one…so much bigger. Wow.”

He cleared his throat then gestured to the far wall, where a daybed covered in even more pillows sat near the window. “A guest bed has been installed. Gia told me story once about spending the night at her friends’ homes when she was a little girl. I assumed this was something common for American girls and I do not want Tatiana to miss out on anything by having to move here and live with me.”

The wistfulness in his gaze had her slipping her hand into his. “Come on, time for bed.”

He led her to their room across the hall and she looked down at her feet to hide her smile that he wanted to be as close as possible to their daughter. That was so Alex. Always protective, even when it drove her crazy. His thumb stroked her hand, sending tingles spinning through her blood. Warmth tightened her lower abdomen and she barely noticed the room when they stopped moving, her focus more on his touch than anything else. She’d forgotten how immense his hands felt when he held hers, how strong and solid they were. After being stuck in Mommy mode for so long, she reveled in the sensation of being a sensual woman.

She’d missed this feeling, the feminine power that rioted through her body like an electrical storm, reminding her how good it felt to desire and be desired.

“Jessica,” he murmured as he closed the door behind him and locked it.

When she looked up at him, she faintly noted that the room they were in was done in shades of navy, tan, and gold. To be honest, she barely noticed anything other than the intense look Alex was giving her. There was anger in his gaze, mixed with lust, and a thousand other emotions that flashed by so quickly she couldn’t make sense of them. The silence around them took on a heavy weight as they stared at each other.

When he finally spoke, what he said was like a punch in her gut. “I have fucked many women while we were apart. I wish it was not true, but it is.”

God, she’d rehearsed this conversation so many times, debated how she’d want to handle this. It all came down to the fact that to Alex, she’d been dead and he’d been a widow. There was nothing wrong with what he’d done, no matter how much it hurt her. The thought of him kissing other women, fucking them, sleeping with them made her ill, so she banished those thoughts from her mind.

“I understand.”

He frowned. “You understand?”

“Yes.” She realized her voice was stiff, but it was the best she could do to keep her tone even. “I understand.”

“No, I do not think you do.”

“Oh—trust me, I do. I used to do searches for you on the Internet, starved for anything I could find that would reassure me that you were alive and well. Thankfully the press loved to take pictures of you and your latest girlfriends. You had quite the variety. And that Ulyana woman was lovely. You do have a thing for leggy blondes.”

Well, that didn’t come out quite as calm as she’d hoped.

Evidently, Alex didn’t think so either.

“I
fucked
them, never loved. Ever. My heart died with you. I was bastard to many of them, blatantly using them after I told them they would never be anything more than a brief sexual plaything for me. It is not something am proud of, but is truth.”

“How many have you fucked here?” Shit, it was like she was suffering from emotional Tourette’s, one moment determined to let the past go, the next obsessing about it. “I’m sorry, I’m being cruel. Please forgive me. This has been a stressful day.”

“
Prinsessa
moya
, I have never brought a woman into any of my homes since I lost you. Always at hotels, or their places, or homes I bought for them. Never into my bedroom. This space belonged to you even though you were gone. This is your room. Turn around and look above the fireplace.”

It took her a moment to look beyond the large sitting area to a deep-gold and blue marble fireplace, and the painting above it.

She took a step forward then pressed her fingers to her lips as her heart raced.

Alex’s deep voice came from right behind her, the warmth of his body burning into her. “Do you remember this night?”

Unable to find her voice, she nodded. Oh, she remembered the evening captured in this huge picture. It was the night they’d found an outdoor jazz club in Paris and had danced together for hours. Her collar gleamed in the soft, almost impressionistic image and their bodies flowed into each other perfectly as they hovered on the edge of kissing, their mouths inches apart. Whoever the artist was, he’d managed to capture their love almost like an emotional photograph, her face so soft with open adoration for the handsome man dancing with her.

“Every time I look at that picture, I can perfectly remember the way you smelled that night, how warm you felt beneath that poor excuse of a dress Catrin picked out for you. It was indecent and I fucking loved how everyone watched us, how the men hungered for you. They could not have you, because you are mine, just like I am yours.”