All A Heart Needs B&N (25 page)

She'd returned the favor, too, delighting in the hard planes of his beautiful male form, the fine spread of hair across his chest, the muscled abs that told her he spent at least some of his time working out, and the powerful arms that now held her close to his body. Her head was on his chest, his heartbeat resonating in her ear, and she didn't think there was a better sound in the world.

She felt warm, happy, loved and deliciously exhausted. Being with Sean had been different than being with anyone else. There'd been no awkward moments, uncomfortable collisions of lips or hands, no trying to figure out what pleased the other. It just flowed in a perfect, organic way. It was as if they'd known each other forever. They were in tune on an emotional as well as physical level.

The thought made her feel a little guilty. Was it wrong to be this happy, to have so much joy and passion with another man?

But Travis would want her to be happy, she told herself. He'd been a wonderfully generous man, and she would never ever regret their time together, but that time was over.

Tonight was all about Sean, sexy, creative, soulful, amazing Sean. The man touched her heart in ways she'd never imagined and the connections between them were powerful. They shared a love of music, of creating something out of nothing, whether it was a song or a dance. They'd both grown up a little lonely for different reasons. She'd been an only child of a single mother who was never around. Sean had been one of many kids, but his childhood trauma had separated him from his family, especially his father. Holding on to his secret had also isolated him from his parents and siblings.

Sean put on a front for others, but with her he hadn't been able to hide. She'd seen his pain, his struggle with guilt, his determination to find truth and justice for his friend. She'd also seen the lighter side of him, the easy, teasing grin that had brought her out of her own shell, the quick wit, the self-deprecating smile that told her he didn't take himself too seriously.

And then there was the passion, the soul-shattering kisses that had made any question of resistance on her part a joke. She'd wanted him since the first moment she'd met him. This night had been inevitable. They'd fought the attraction. They'd tried to find reasons to stay apart. But deep down she'd always known they would end up in each other's arms. It had been good—better than good. It had been perfect.

But what happened when the night was over, when the sun came up, and reality returned? How could she ever
just
be his friend? Was she about to get her heart broken all over again? Would one night of passion be worth all the pain that followed? She shuddered at the thought of hurting again. She wanted to be happy.

Sean stroked her back. "Jess? Are you okay? You seem suddenly tense and not in a good way."

She sat up abruptly, reaching for the sheet to cover herself, which seemed ridiculous since Sean had just kissed every inch of her body about ten minutes ago, but that had been ten minutes ago. "Maybe I should go home. Or sleep on the couch."

"Whoa! What did I miss?" He sat up and gave her a concerned look. "Did I fall asleep for a few minutes? Because I thought we were getting along very nicely."

"I don't feel like going to sleep, and I don't want to keep you awake," she lied.

"Jess, come on. You know you can't lie to me."

He was right. He could see right through her. "I don't know what to say, Sean. I don't know what to do now. Things have changed."

"You don't have to say or do anything. Just be in the moment. We had fun, right?"

She nodded.

"Let's hang on to that feeling for a while. We can decide if this was all a mistake tomorrow."

"Neither one of us wanted this to happen," she reminded him.

"That's not true. I wanted it to happen from the first second I met you."

"I was a mess then."

"A beautiful mess. But it was the wrong time."

"A couple of days ago you said it was also the wrong time. Maybe there's never going to be a right time, because we don't want the same things, Sean."

"We wanted the same things tonight."

"In bed we're great, I'll give you that."

"Not great, spectacular," he corrected.

"Fine, spectacular, but—"

He put his fingers against her mouth and smiled. "Let's leave it at that."

His smile made it hard to hold on to her worry, so she tried to get it back, thinking that she had to find a way to put a wall back up between them. "I can't leave it at that," she said, pushing his hand away. "Out of bed, we lead different lives. I have a child. I can't live the single, dating life with you. I can't get into random hookups and sexy text messages and late night calls. I can't do that."

"I didn't ask you to do any of that." His tone held annoyance now. "You're jumping way ahead, Jess. And I'd prefer if you stop trying to make me into someone I'm not."

"I'm sorry if that's what you think I'm doing."

"You are doing that. You're putting words into my mouth."

"Okay, but that's because I have to worry about the future. I'm usually surrounded by people who don't worry at all. It has always fallen to me to be smart. Otherwise, I pay the consequences."

"But you don't have to be smart right this second, do you?" he challenged.

"I don't know." She felt so confused, torn between wanting to cuddle back up next to him and trying to protect her heart from breaking."

"Let tonight be just about us. Tomorrow we let the complications back in."

"You make it sound so simple," she said with a sigh, sliding her fingers through her tangled hair.

"In some ways it is simple." His gaze was completely candid. "Do you know what I want to do right now?"

"We already did that twice," she retorted.

His charming grin took the lingering fight right out of her. "Well, you know the third time is a charm. But—"

"But?"

"What I really want to do is sleep with you tonight, Jess. I want to hold you in my arms all night long."

"Just sleep?" she said doubtfully.

"Until we don't want to sleep anymore," he said, the light of desire flickering in his eyes. "But until then, that's what I want for tonight. What do you want?"

Looking at him, she saw everything she'd ever wanted. It probably wouldn't last past the night, so maybe she should enjoy the time they had. At least she'd have the memories.

"I want you," she said, knowing she couldn't pretend anymore.

A pleased smile spread across his face, then he opened up his arms and she moved back into his embrace. As he wrapped his arms around her, he placed a tender kiss on her head. "Sleep, beautiful Jess."

And that's exactly what she did.

* * *

He ran around the corner and down the street, shocked at the orange flames licking the night sky like a monster. He stopped abruptly, the smoke making his eyes water. Small pops turned into loud bangs, the fire leaping toward the sky with each one. He heard sirens in the distance. They were too far away. He needed to get help. There were shadows on the street. There were people moving around, but why weren't they going to the house?

Someone was screaming. It was Stacy!

His heart stopped as she came running out of the house. At first he thought the fire was behind her, but as she ran, it stayed with her, the sparks in her hair, in her clothes. She turned and looked across the street.

Did she see him? Was she calling to him for help?

Then the fire engines raced down the street. His dad jumped off the truck, running to Stacy. He wrapped her in a blanket and rolled her on the ground.

It was going to be okay. His dad was here. His dad would save her.

He felt dizzy and sick. There were too many lights, too many shadows, too many noises. He had to get out of here.

But Stacy was calling to him.

"Don't you see, Sean? Tell them. You have to tell them."

She was grabbing his shoulders, shaking them, telling him to wake up.

Wait, that wasn't Stacy's voice
.

"Sean, wake up."

His eyes flew open and he saw Jessica looking at him with concern. Her hands were on his shoulders. She'd been the one shaking him.

"You were having a nightmare," Jessica said.

He swallowed, his throat dry and scratchy as if he'd really been breathing smoke. He could feel sweat running down his face, and his hair clung to the back of his neck in damp clumps. He forced himself to breathe, to calm down, to remember it was just a dream.

"What was that about?" Jessica asked, curling her legs up under as she sat up in bed next to him.

"Same old dream," he muttered.

"The fire?"

"Yes. It's always pretty much the same until the end. I'm across the street. Stacy runs out. The fire engines arrive."

"What happens at the end?"

"Stacy says something to me. It changes with every dream, and it never makes sense."

"What did she say this time?"

He thought for a moment, not even sure he could remember, but then her words rang through his head. "She said, 'Don't you see, Sean? Tell them. You have to tell them.'"

"Tell them what?"

"I don't know, Jess."

"What has she said other times?"

"The other morning she said,
Look in the light
."

Jessica frowned. "I don't think it's Stacy talking to you, I think it's your subconscious."

"Great. That still doesn't tell me what I'm supposed to see or say."

"That's what you meant the other night when you said you feel like you know something, but you don't know what it is."

He nodded in agreement. "Yes."

"I wonder what's buried in your mind," she mused.

"Hell if I know. It's been twenty years and it hasn't come out yet. I'm not holding out a lot of hope that it suddenly will."

"And you've always had these dreams?"

"They went on hiatus for about ten years. After I moved out of my parents' house, they disappeared."

"Now you're back in your parents' house and the dreams have returned. I guess that makes sense."

"Does it? Hopefully, when I move out in two weeks, I'll leave them behind again."

"I have a feeling the dreams aren't just tied to your parents' house but also to Stacy's house." She tucked her hair behind her ears. "Changing the subject slightly…"

"Okay. What?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do about that house, Sean."

"What are you thinking?"

"That it might not be a safe place for Kyle and me to live. How can I bring my son home without knowing with one hundred percent certainty that he's going to be safe there?"

"Maybe he can stay at Nicole's for a few days."

"Do you really think we're going to solve this in a few days?"

"I don't know," he said, hearing the frustration in her voice. "We can stop looking into the fire."

"It's too late for that. We've already rattled someone."

"Maybe the computer was all they wanted," he suggested.

"But we don't know that for sure. Until I go through every last item in the attic, there's still a possibility that there's something else in that house that's going to bother someone."

She was right. "We could clear out the attic in a big, public way," he said. "We can put everything on the front lawn and have a garage sale. Once everyone realizes that there are no more secrets in the house, you should be safe."

"That might work," she said slowly. "But what if there are still some secrets, Sean?"

"Then we need to find them."

"I'm not sure what I'm looking for. Will I know it even if I see it? I feel like we've learned a bunch of stuff, but we still don't know enough."

"I agree. I think we should talk to Lana again."

"She wasn't very helpful the first time."

"But we know more now than we did then. We can ask better questions. For example, we know about Sally's emails to Robert and also about Robert's business problems. Maybe if we present her with the information we've gathered, it will jog her memory, and she'll say something to lead us in the right direction." He could see the skepticism in Jessica's eyes. "I know it's a long shot."

"It really is, Sean, and I think I should focus on the attic. We should split up. You go see Lana, and I'll unpack boxes."

He frowned at her suggestion. "I don't want to leave you alone in the house."

"I have to go back there sometime, it might as well be today. I'll be okay. It seems doubtful the burglar would come back, especially not in the daylight. I'll keep the doors locked. It will be fine."

Despite her strong words, there was a hint of worry in her eyes. "I can postpone talking to Lana and help you out."

"No, I think you're right about speaking to Lana again. You're also right about cleaning out the attic."

"I'm on a roll," he said dryly.

"You appear to be. We can accomplish things faster if we split up. And speed is important, because I can't leave Kyle at Nicole's house forever. Nor do I want to have to explain to him or Nicole why he can't come home yet."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Yes." She let out a breath. "Mind if I take a shower?"

"Mind if I join you?"

She hesitated. "I think I should make this a solo shower."

Her guard walls were already going back up. He'd had a feeling that would happen once the morning came, but he was still disappointed.

She slid off the bed, grabbed her clothes and headed into the bathroom, giving him one last glimpse of her beautiful body. He wondered if he would see it ever again.

While Jessica was showering, he put on his boxers, jeans and pulled a t-shirt over his head. Then he started the coffeemaker. As the coffee brewed, he checked the fridge, wondering if he might be able to pull a miracle breakfast out of it, but quickly realized that would indeed be a miracle considering he had a six-pack of beer, a carton of milk, and a block of cheese that was starting to mold. He tossed the cheese in the trash and closed the fridge. Breakfast would have to be found elsewhere.

Jessica came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. Her hair was still a little damp and falling in soft waves around her shoulders. Her face was pink, her skin glowing, her mouth soft and inviting. He moved without even thinking, needing to kiss her as much as he needed to take his next breath. He slid his hands on her hips as he stole a quick kiss from her minty fresh mouth. "You taste good," he murmured.