All About Love: Anatomy of an Unruly Emotion (55 page)

ABBREVIATIONS

SE The Standard of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud
, 24 vols, ed. James Strachey in collaboration with Anna Freud, assisted by Alix Strachey and Alan Tyson (London: Hogarth Press and Institute of Psychoanalysis, 1953–74)

PART ONE: OVERTURE: THE RIDDLE OF LOVE

or failure
See, for example, Helen Fisher,
Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love
(New York: Henry Holt, 2004) and
Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type
(Oxford: One World Publications, 2009)

or heterosexuality
Sigmund Freud (1920), ‘The Psychogenesis of a Case of Homosexuality in a Woman’, in
SE
, vol. 18 (1920–2), p. 170

PART TWO: CONFIGURATIONS OF PASSION: FIRST LOVE, YOUNG LOVE

may provide
Stendhal,
On Love
(London: Penguin Books, 1975), p. 50

Is that normal?
Peter Fonagy, ‘A Genuinely Developmental Theory of Sexual Enjoyment and Its Implications for Psychoanalytic Technique’,
Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association
56. 1 (2008), pp. 18–19

at their core
Part of this formulation comes from a personal interview with the psychoanalyst and writer, Adam Phillips, 17 June 2009

has come
Miriam Lichtheim,
Ancient Egyptian Literature
, vol. 2:
The New Kingdom
(Berkeley: University of California Press, 1976), pp. 182–93

with joy
Bronislaw Malinowski,
The Sexual Life of Savages in North-Western Melanesia
(London: G. Routledge & Sons, 1929), p. 283

parental features
See, for example, website on Face Research, available at
http://www.faceresearch.org/
and Suzi Malin,
Love at First Sight
(London: Dorling Kindersley, 2004). For information on resemblance to parents, see T. Bereczkei, P. Gyuris, P. Koves and L. Bernath, b‘Homogamy, Genetic Similarity, and Imprinting: Parental Influence on Mate Choice Preferences’,
Personality and Individual Differences
33.5 (2002), pp. 677–90

always blurred
Marcel Proust,
Remembrance of Things Past
, vol. 1, trans. C.K. Scott Moncrieff and Terence Kilmartin (London: Penguin Books, 1981), p. 528

painful intermesh
Simone de Beauvoir,
The Second Sex
, trans. H.M. Parshley (London: Picador Classics, 1983), pp. 418–19

appropriate passage
Proust,
Remembrance of Things Past
, vol. 1, p. 214

as his Fate
John Updike, ‘More Love in the Western World’,
Assorted Prose
(Harmondsworth: Penguin Books, 1965), p. 170

completeness
Samuel Taylor Coleridge,
Shakespearean Criticism
(Hebden Bridge: Pomona Press, 2008), pp. 430–1

life again
Simone de Beauvoir,
Memoirs of a Dutiful Daughter
, trans. James Kirkup (London: Penguin Books, 1984), p. 345

prostration
Alice Munro,
Open Secrets
(London: Chatto & Windus, 1994), p. 10

element
Daniel Bergner, ‘What Do Women Want?’,
New York Times Magazine
, 22 Jan. 2009

winged state
See Martha Nussbaum’s discussion of
Phaedrus
in
The Fragility of Goodness: Luck and Ethics in Greek Tragedy and Philosophy
(Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1986), pp. 213–23

simple idyll
Carson McCullers,
The Ballad of the Sad Café
(Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1951), p. 26

were love
Howard Jacobson,
The Act of Love
(London: Jonathan Cape, 2008), pp. 12–13

blinding myself
Roland Barthes,
A Lover’s Discourse
, trans. Richard Howard (London: Vintage, 2002), p. 24

delirium
Ibid., p. 39

sense of self
Ethel Spector Person,
Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion
(London: Bloomsbury, 1990), p. 57

in play here
See Natasha Walter,
Living Dolls: The Return of Sexism
(London: Virago, 2010)

planning centres
Neir Eshel, Eric E. Nelson, James Blair, Daniel Pine and Monique Ernst, ‘Neural Substrates of Choice Selection in Adults and Adolescents: Development of the Ventrolateral Prefrontal and Anterior Cingulate Cortices’,
Neuropsychologia
45.6 (2007), pp. 1270–9

disappointment
Quoted in Rebecca Camber, ‘Why You Should Forget Your First Love: The Memories “Can Ruin All of Your Future Relationships”’,
Daily Mail
, 18 Jan. 2009, which references Malcolm Brynin and John Ermisch (eds),
Changing Relationships
(London: Routledge, 2009)

if they could
Luisa Dillner,
Love by Numbers: The Hidden Facts behind Everyone’s Relationships
(London: Profile Books, 2009), p. 177

instantaneous
John Berger,
G
. (London: Chatto & Windus, 1985), p. 142

dreams or art
Robert Stoller,
Observing the Erotic Imagination
(New Haven: Yale University Press, 1985), p. 47

hormonal patches
Martin Portner, ‘The Orgasmic Mind: The Neurological Roots of Sexual Pleasure’,
Scientific American Mind
, 20 April 2008

towards thirty
See ‘Facts on American Teens’ Sexual and Reproductive Health’, Guttmacher Institute Report, Jan. 2010, available at
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/fb-ATSRH.html
; ‘Sex Uncovered’,
Observer
, 26 Oct. 2008, available at
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/series/sex-uncovered
; ‘Facts and Statistics: Sexual Health and Canadian Youth’, 2009, available at
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/series/sex-uncovered

earlier period
See, for example, Peter Laslett, Karla Oosterveen and Richard M. Smith (eds),
Bastardy and Its Comparative History. Studies in the History of Illegitimacy and Marital Nonconformism
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1980), passim

things turn
Michel de Montaigne,
The Complete Essays
, trans. M.A. Screech (London: Allen Lane, 1991), p. 968

relational proclivities
See Walter,
Living Dolls
, for an excellent review of such material

how to compromise
Anthony Giddens,
The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies
(Cambridge: Polity Press, 1991), p. 11

domestic violence
See ‘School Lessons to Tackle Domestic Violence Outlined’,
BBC News
, 25 Nov. 2009, available at
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8376943.stm
, and ‘Teen Girls Abused by Boyfriends Warns NSPCC’, University of Bristol: School for Policy Studies, 1 Sept. 2009, available at
http://www.bristol.ac.uk/sps/news/2009/34.html

school buses
Susie Orbach,
Bodies
(London: Profile Books, 2009), p. 112

everyone else
Adam Phillips, ‘Insatiable Creatures’,
Guardian
, 8 Aug. 2009. See also Franz Kafka, ‘A Hunger Artist’, in
The Basic Kafka
(New York: Pocket Books, 1979), p. 90

them to have
Adam Phillips,
On Balance
(London: Hamish Hamilton, 2010), pp. 1–39

on weddings
John Cloud, ‘Americans Love Marriage. But Why?’,
Time
, 8 Feb. 2007

share of vexation
Jane Austen,
Pride and Prejudice
(London: Penguin Books, 1985), pp. 68, 163, 69–70

over-forties
Deirdre Fernand, ‘Mr and Mrs: The Marriage Report’,
Sunday Times
, 14 Jan. 2007, from YouGov report,
Marriage and Divorce

to be sure
‘Marriage Rate Falls to Lowest Level Since Records Began’,
BBC News
, 11 Feb. 2010, available at
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8510431.stm

their partners
US Census Bureau, ‘America’s Families and Living Arrangements: 2007’, available at
http://www.census.gov/
, and Pamela Smock, ‘Cohabitation in the United States’,
Annual Review of Sociology
, 26 (2000), pp. 1–20, which also notes that 55% of those cohabiting do actually marry

delicious rapture
Quoted in Lawrence Stone,
The Family, Sex and Marriage in England 1500–1800
(London: Penguin Books, 1979), p. 190

as possible
Sigmund Freud (1907),
Delusion and Dream in Jensen’s Gradiva
, in
SE
, vol. 9: pp. 1–96 (22)

love to him
Ibid., p. 88

Norbert Hanold
Ibid., p. 27

the doctor
Ibid., p. 90

with mine
Sigmund Freud, letter to Martha Bernays, 14 Aug. 1882, in Ernst L. Freud (ed.),
Letters of Sigmund Freud 1873–1939
, trans. Tania Stern and James Stern (London: Hogarth, 1970), p. 41

the truth
Sigmund Freud, letter to Martha Bernays, 25 Sept. 1882, in ibid., p. 47

you will be
Sigmund Freud, letter to Martha Bernays, 23 Oct. 1883, in ibid., pp. 85–6

nursery
Quoted in Ernest Jones,
The Life and Work of Sigmund Freud
, vol. 1 (New York: Basic Books, 1953), p. 154

PART THREE: LOVE AND MARRIAGE

by marriage
Stanley Cavell,
Pursuits of Happiness
(Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1981), p. 74

and secure
Montaigne,
Complete Essays
, p. 961

the question
Alan Macfarlane, ‘Kinship and Marriage Lectures’, available at
http://www.alanmacfarlane.com/kin/audiovisual.html

love in marriage
See, for instance, P.G. McC. Brown, ‘Love and Marriage in Greek New Comedy’,
Classical Quarterly
43 (1993), pp. 189–205

married life
Peter Walcot, ‘Romantic Love and True Love: Greek Attitudes to Marriage’,
Ancient Society
18 (1987), pp. 5–33

as husbands
Quoted in Philippe Ariès and André Béjin (eds),
Western Sexuality: Practice and Precept in Past and Present Times
, trans. Anthony Forster (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1985), p. 124

East today
Yossef Rapoport,
Marriage, Money and Divorce in Medieval Islamic Society
(Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2005), pp. 2–6