All Falls Down (52 page)

Madeline whimpers in her sleep.

Lexi instantly reaches out to soothe her.

"What am I supposed to tell her and Kit?" she asks me, switching gears. It's not the first time she's asked, and I have no better answer for her now than I did any time before.

"I don't know, Lexi. Do you want to tell them the truth?"

"No." She tucks a ringlet behind her sister's ear. "Madeline's just a kid. I can't tell her that Daddy–" A sob catches in her throat and she can't finish the sentence.

"Come here," I demand and pull her into my chest again.

She starts crying as soon as my arms are around her, and I feel like a complete failure. I've watched her and her sisters cry so often in the last few days. I want to tear my hair out in frustration. I want to find the son of bitch responsible for all of this and tear his heart out.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to her.

"N-not your fault," she tries to say through her tears.

I don't respond.

She cries quietly for a few moments before pulling herself together again.

"I'm sorry I didn't think to tell Savannah who you are," she whispers when her tears finally stop. She pulls away from me, curling around Madeline again.

"I know," I sigh. It's not her fault. "What do you want her to know about all of this, Lex?"

She thinks it over. "It's safer if she doesn't know the truth, isn't it?"

I nod reluctantly. I don't want this to be the case but… "Yeah, it's safer."

"Then we just let her believe that you and I are–" Lexi frowns. "I hate this, Jared. I can't even tell Kit the truth."

We've had this discussion many times before, and I've always assured her that not letting Katie know what's really going on with us has been for the best. But this time, sad brown eyes flash through my mind and I find I don't have it in me to reassure Lexi that this is the right thing.

For the first time, I'm no longer sure that it is, or that I want it to be.

"We'll figure it out," I say instead, truly hating our choice for the first time in a year.

Lexi sighs, and I know she believes that as little as I do, that she likes it as little as I do. But there is no going back. There are no do overs. And too much is at stake to change the game now.

"Will Savannah be okay in the guesthouse?" she asks me.

I've upgraded the security system and changed the locks, made sure the windows are secure and the intercom is functional. She should be fine.

"I'll keep a close eye on her," I say anyway, sliding from the bed. I was complacent before, certain no one had gotten close, and look what happened. Matthew was killed, his fucking brakes cut. Savannah might be safe as a kitten in a box in the guesthouse, but I won't make the same mistake twice. I won't let her get caught in the middle of this.

"I won't let anything happen to her." The promise slips from my lips before I can call it back, and then it's too late. When Savannah's face flashes through my mind again, I don't really regret it anyway.

Lexi relaxes slightly, relief flickering across her face. "Thank you, Jared. For everything."

I want to tell her not to thank me yet, not until this is over and they're safe.

I keep my mouth shut instead and slip from the room.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Savannah's story is probably the hardest I've ever written. There's an old quote from Hemingway, I believe, that says all a writer must do to tell a story is sit down and open a vein. Writing this story felt exactly like that many, many times. But it wasn't my veins I opened with this story. It was those of the phenomenal women in my life who have been where Savannah was throughout this story, and remembered exactly how it felt to drown over and over again. This is their story, and it broke my heart to tell it for them.

I cannot imagine how much courage it took to rip those wounds wide open for me to poke at in an attempt to get this story – to get Savannah – just right. But so many of you did it for me again and again. Thank you. It's not nearly enough to say that, but I hope you know I am in awe of your spirit, your grace, and your strength. You are truly amazing. I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

To Cassie Combs, who died at the hands of her abuser at the age of eighteen… this one is for you, too. You didn't deserve what he did to you. We still miss you. We always will.

Getting into Savannah's head space isn't always pretty, and I lost my nerve and quit writing this halfway through. I didn’t pick it up again for almost three years. So many of you stuck with me, waiting patiently for me to find the nerve to finish it… Thank you. Jacqueline, your passion for this story means so much to me! You are so much a part of the reason I was able to complete Savannah's story. I hope I did it justice for you.

To my husband and the many, many men like him – those who cherish us for the women we are and would move heaven and earth to keep us safe – the world needs more men like you. We appreciate you so much for never trying to clip our wings, stand in our way, or tear us down.

To Melanie, Erin, Mel, Jayme, Lisa, Keye, Leanne, Jennie, Amy, and the rest of my Beta and Street Teams (past and present): Thank you for all of your input throughout this process, and for all you do for me. I'm sure you were ready to strangle me after the twentieth cover swap or fiftieth last minute change to the book, but you didn't. I love you for it!

I'd like to say a very special thank you to Edward Hartline for allowing me to use his song title,
Half-Mast
, as a chapter title in this story. And for otherwise being one of my favorite young artists. I can't wait to see how far you go, young sir!

Finally, to those who have been in Savannah's shoes, and to those still there:
You
are the reason I was finally able to find the nerve to dive back in and finish this. What happened to you wasn't your fault, and it never will be. You deserve so much better, and I hope that, one day, you're able to believe that as much as I do.

About the Author

Ayden lives in the heart of Arkansas with her childhood sweetheart and husband of ten years, and their five furry minions. When not writing, she spends her time hiking, reading, volunteering, causing mischief, and building a Spork army. Ayden graduated
summa cum laude
with her Bachelor of Science degree in Criminal Justice and Forensic Psychology in 2009 before going on to complete her graduate degree in CJ and Law. She currently puts her education to use in the social services field.

Ayden also writes New and Young Adult fiction under the penname A.K. Morgen.

You can learn more about her and her writing at
http://aydenmorgen.com
or by following her on Twitter
@AKMorgen
.