All He Ever Desired (6 page)

“And he resented me for it and, even worse, he resented
you
. He was a miserable son of a bitch and he took it out on you.”

Lauren rubbed the bridge of her nose. “You’re not being totally fair. He wasn’t a
bad
guy, Ryan.”

“He didn’t love you.”

And you did?
She didn’t say it out loud, because she didn’t want to know the answer. “Did he tell you that?”

“He didn’t have to.”

She’d like to think Ryan was wrong and that, at some point, the man she’d had a child with and married
had
loved her, even if it hadn’t lasted forever. “There’s no point in talking about this. But I appreciate you letting me know Dean was upset.”

“There was a point,” he said. “Since he left, something’s been bugging me and I have to know why you never told him.”

“I don’t know.” It was the truth, really. “I kept putting it off because I knew he’d be mad, and I wasn’t sure if he’d think I’d led you on or something. And you kept not coming back, so I kept not telling him. Eventually, I just didn’t see the point.”

He was quiet for so long she wondered if the call had dropped. Finally he spoke again. “It must have thrown you for a loop, me showing up like that.”

“I didn’t know you felt like that. I never guessed.”

“Because I was trying like hell to hide it.” He cleared his throat. “Actually, I spent a long time trying to deny it, but when I came home from college and you looked so damn unhappy...I had to try.”

“It never would have worked out,” she said, as much to herself as to him. “I didn’t feel the same way about you.”

“I know that—I
knew
that—but I thought you’d still be happier.”

Lauren didn’t know what to say to that. In fact, the entire conversation seemed a little surreal. During all the years she’d harmlessly imagined what life would have been like if she’d said yes to Ryan that day, she’d never once imagined they’d have a telephone conversation about it.

“I have to run,” he said when she missed her turn in the conversation. “Josh is waiting for me to go over some numbers.”

“Thanks for calling.”

“Good night, Lauren.”

She liked the way that sounded in her ear, as if his head was next to hers on a pillow. “Good night.”

Sitting on the step, the book forgotten in her lap, she wondered if it would be more or less awkward the next time she ran into Ryan. Maybe less awkward because they’d addressed the past and could put it behind them.

But the feelings he was stirring in her now could make things more awkward if she didn’t squash them. But wanting Ryan Kowalski wasn’t an easy thing to squash.

Chapter Six

Wednesday wasn’t a fun day at work. Gary was in a bad mood, the customers were cranky, and Lauren was fed up by closing time. She actually sat in her car for a few minutes, head resting on the steering wheel, trying to shake off the negativity that had sucked all the energy out of her.

It was still too early to drive over to the Kowalskis and pick up Nick, but she didn’t see any point in going home just to go out again, so she drove to the library.

Hailey was behind the circulation desk, checking in a stack of picture books with her handheld scanner, and the place seemed empty. “Hey, Lauren. Rough day?”

“Does it show that bad?”

“Probably only to somebody who knows you well. Promise.”

Lauren dragged a stool from the computer area to the desk so she could sit down. “So, I guess you’ve heard.”

“That your son messed with the Kowalskis and has been sentenced to hard labor? Yeah, I heard.”

“I swear, he gets more like Dean every day.”

“Lucky you.” Hailey carried the books she’d checked in to a rolling cart. On Tuesdays and Thursdays a high school student reshelved them, unless Hailey got bored and did it. Then the lucky kid got to dust. “You know, Nick’s not only sentenced to hard labor. You know Rose will be feeding him and giving him that amazing lemonade she makes. Or milk. Depends on what she feeds him.”

“Maybe I should break a few of their windows.”

“Are you going out there to pick him up? I have a couple of books she reserved, so maybe you could drop them off? Save her a trip.”

“Sure. I’d look around, but I still haven’t finished the last batch I checked out. And now we’re eating a little later and, even though it’s not by much, it’s throwing my schedule off.”

A couple of kids wandered in, wanting to use the computers. Then a few moms showed up with preschoolers tagging along. So much for killing time chatting with the librarian.

“I’ll get out of your way. I’ll probably run a couple more errands and then go pick up Nick.” She took the books Hailey checked out for Rose and left.

Even once she’d run out of things to do, Lauren was a little early when she drove up to the lodge and parked between Josh’s and Ryan’s trucks. Grabbing the books off the passenger seat, she walked up the front porch steps. She could hear power tools being run behind the house and she couldn’t help but hope her son wasn’t operating one of them.

At least she trusted Ryan to show him how to use the things correctly. But still, they weren’t something Nick had a lot of experience with.

When Rose opened the door, she held up the books. “Delivery from the library.”

“Lauren! It’s nice to see you again. Come on in.” She took the books, making an excited sound over the shiny, new hardcover.

“I stopped at the library and Hailey knew I had to come pick up Nick, so she asked me to bring them.”

“I appreciate it. Come on into the kitchen. I’m making up a big batch of spaghetti and I don’t want the sauce to burn.”

The kitchen smelled amazing and Lauren wasn’t surprised her stomach growled—quietly, just enough to let her know she was starving and the cube steaks and instant mashed potatoes waiting at home weren’t going to taste quite as good tonight.

“Nick’s really working hard,” Rose was saying as she stirred the sauce. “And he’s a quick learner, according to Ryan.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Lauren pulled out a chair and sat down, since she wasn’t sure what else to do. Almost instantly a napkin appeared in front of her with a fresh brownie on top. She liked this place. “Considering what he did, you’ve all been very gracious to him. I appreciate that.”

“My boys all made their share of stupid mistakes and had to make right on them. They’re not going to hold the same against your boy. You two want to stay for supper? I made plenty.”

Yes, she absolutely wanted to stay for supper. But she needed to keep in mind, even if Rosie didn’t, that Nick’s being here was supposed to be a punishment. “Thank you, but I’ve got meat thawed and I need to cook it.”

Lauren heard footsteps crossing the wood floors and looked up to see Ryan stride into the room, phone to his ear.

“She signed off on marble countertops in the master bath and granite in all the other bathrooms. If she wants marble in all of them, she’s going to pay for it, plain and simple.” He stopped when he saw her and smiled before continuing on to the fridge. “I don’t care. You already gave her under-cabinet lighting in her kitchen because you’re a sucker. If you don’t get her to accept the granite or sign off on the marble as an extra, I’m going to fire you.”

Lauren watched as he pulled a bowl of what looked like chocolate pudding out of the fridge. Then she put her hand over her mouth to stifle a laugh when Rose took it away, slapped his hand and put it back in the fridge. She replaced it with a brownie, which Ryan scowled at.

“She has until noon tomorrow to make the decision and then the granite’s going in. Tell her that. I’m not going to pay the penalty if this job runs over because she can’t make up her mind. Call me tomorrow and let me know how it went.”

He snapped the phone closed and shoved it in his pocket. “Women.”

“Give me that brownie back,” Rose snapped.

“I’m kidding. The problem isn’t the homeowner’s wife. It’s Phil. He’s too nice to be in charge.”

“You won’t really fire him, will you?” Lauren asked.

“No, and he knows it. He has trouble being firm with homeowners, but the younger guys will work themselves into the ground for him. So how you doing today?”

“Better, now that I’ve had a brownie. You should eat yours. They do wonders for the mood.”

He smiled, his blue eyes crinkling in the corners. “My mood’s already improving.”

She found herself smiling back. So was hers. “How’s Nick doing?”

“Good. Andy had him working on the stone wall that runs around the back of the property. Straightening loose stones and yanking any weeds out.” They heard footsteps running up the back steps. “Speak of the little devil.”

Nick rushed in and grabbed his backpack out of the corner. He was filthy, sweaty and his hair was standing up in about twelve different directions, but he was also smiling. “Hi, Mom. I saw your car out front. Andy said I’m done for the day.”

Lauren crumpled up her napkin and tossed it in the garbage, trying to ignore the delicious sauce simmering on the stove. She needed to use the slow cooker more often on workdays. The only time she really had to cook big meals was the weekends, but she was the only one home to eat them. Or maybe she could cook up big batches of sauce to freeze and then reheat during the week. She suspected, though, her efforts wouldn’t taste as good as Rose’s smelled.

“Thanks for the brownie,” she told Rose. Then she turned to Ryan, who’d apparently devoured his in the time it had taken her to walk to the trash can. “Good luck with your countertops.”

He smiled again, making that slow heat curl through her insides. “Thanks. I’ll see you around.”

“Probably.”

She drove home listening to Nick’s story about the snake they found curled up in the stone wall, but part of her was thinking about Ryan. The most sinful thing in that kitchen should have been the freshly baked double-fudge brownie, but the gooey chocolate had nothing on that man’s smile. Or his eyes.

“Are you listening to me, Mom?”

“Yeah. Rock wall. Snake.”

“That was like two minutes ago. I said I need more money in my lunch account.”

Oops. Time to get her mind off Ryan and back on reality where it belonged.

* * *

On Saturday, Ryan scored a parking spot directly in front of Whitford Hardware and gave the door an extra little jerk because he liked the way the old bell sounded when it rang. Always had.

The place looked pretty empty, but he heard paint cans being moved around on the other side of a shelf. “Hey, Dozer, I need a half-dozen tubes of caulking and a couple of guns. Some idiot can’t read a supply list and took off for the weekend without leaving me what I need. Maybe if I texted it to him, he’d pay more attention.”

The person who stepped out from behind the shelf wasn’t Dozer, though. It was Lauren. She had on jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt, both of which were liberally covered in dust.

“Dad’s not in today, so I’m covering for him.”

Which was fine with him. He’d never turn down a chance to see Lauren. “Is he okay? He’s not sick or anything?”

“He’s fine. My mom’s been trying to get him to slow down, so she talked him into going to an RV show today. It’s a good excuse to get some dusting done. He still gets the eye-level shelves, but you could write a book in the dust on the bottom shelves.”

“Not that it’s my business or anything, but why isn’t Nick doing it?”

“He works here during the summers. And he helps out part-time during school vacations sometimes, but he’s with his dad on the weekends and has school, which my dad thinks is more important. Mostly Nick helps shelve the deliveries and replace screens and glass panes and mix paint. Neither of them ever think to dust, and my mother’s refused to work in the store for years. She wants him to sell it and take her to Niagara Falls.”

He realized the time Nick was spending at the lodge probably took away from the time he spent at the store, but he knew Dozer had been all for it. He’d told him so last time Ryan had stopped in, after he’d apologized profusely for his grandson’s behavior. “He could probably go to New York without selling the business.”

She smiled, shaking her head. “From Niagara Falls, she wants to visit the Black Hills. And she’s always wanted to see a giant redwood tree or whatever they’re called.”

“That’s a long time to hang a We’ll Be Right Back sign on the door.”

“Yeah. Let me get you that caulking and the guns. I was just about to hang the We’ll Be Right Back sign on the door myself so I can go get some lunch. After cleaning all morning, the yogurt I brought in for lunch isn’t going to cut it.”

“I was going to stop at the diner for a burger when I left here. Why don’t you let me buy you one?” The words rolled casually off his tongue, but his stomach knotted up. Did he mean it as a date? Would she take it that way? But, really, they were going to the same place, so it was a friendly and gentlemanly offer to make.

“Okay. Sure.” She found an empty box and loaded it with the caulking guns and tubes, but he insisted on carrying it to the register.

He put it on his card instead of the lodge’s account because he was always on the lookout for ways to save the family money. Mitch had it in his head they shouldn’t put personal funds into the place because it needed to sink or swim on its own, without them throwing good money after bad. Ryan felt that they should do what they had to do to get the lodge back in shape and then worry about turning a profit. But he wasn’t the oldest.

“I’m going to hang the sign and lock up after you leave,” she told him. “But I want to try to wash up a little, so I’ll be a few minutes.”

“I’ll get us a table.”

He barely noticed the bell ringing on his way out. After dumping the box in the bed of his truck, he drove down the street to the diner’s lot and then sat in the truck for a few minutes, getting his bearings.

So he was going to have lunch with Lauren. They were friends. They were both hungry. It was no big deal. And really there was nowhere else to eat but the diner, which, unfortunately, his sister-in-law owned. Rose would know he was there with Lauren before their food was even cooked, and God only knew what she’d make of it.

Since there was nothing he could do about that, he got out of his truck and went inside, where Paige greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. “You want to sit at the counter?”

“Um, actually I’m going to take a table. Lauren’s joining me.”

He had to give her credit. She almost managed to hide the curiosity he knew the simple statement had triggered. “Okay. Setup for two, coming right up.”

There weren’t really any private tables at the diner, but he chose one in the back and listened to Paige make small talk about the wedding while she laid out the place mats and silverware.

“I was going to hire a caterer, but Rosie told me Fran’s talked to practically everybody on the guest list and turned it into a potluck dinner. Does that sound tacky? I mean, it’s a wedding reception, even if it is in the backyard.”

“Nobody will think it’s tacky. That’s the way it’s usually done around here, and most people would think you were crazy if you paid strangers to cook you food your neighbors will gladly bring.”

“And Steph already has her iPod loaded up with playlists so she can play DJ. She’s been emailing me lists and, I swear, that girl has every song ever recorded on that thing.”

Ryan grinned. His cousin’s daughter loved her music and her iPod. He didn’t get to see her a lot, but he never saw her without it. “More money saved.”

“And Gavin’s mom is going to be our photographer.” Gavin was her second-shift cook and he loved to experiment on the locals.

“Spend all that money you saved on alcohol and yours will forever be considered the wedding of the century in Whitford.”

She laughed and slapped his shoulder with the menu. “You know Fran is ordering enough champagne to turn the entire U.S. Navy into drunken sailors.”

As fascinating as he found wedding planning, or pretended to at least, Ryan kept looking out the window, waiting for Lauren to come into sight. He tried not to be obvious, but he must have failed, because Paige chuckled.

“First-date jitters?”

“It’s not a date.” He said it firmly, so she couldn’t misunderstand. “I stopped by the hardware store and she was on her way to lunch and I was, too, so I offered to buy her a burger.”

“Whatever you say.” She winked at him before she walked away.

“It’s not a date,” he muttered again, even though nobody would hear him.

* * *

It’s not a date, Lauren told herself as she walked down the main street toward the diner. Dates were planned far enough in advance for a woman to shave her legs and pick out something nice to wear. They weren’t so impromptu that she had to show up in jeans with her hair in a ponytail.

What this was was two friends bumping into each other at lunchtime and deciding to have lunch. And, since all the Kowalski guys were a touch old-fashioned, he’d offered to pay. Simple. And not a date.