All In: ALL IN KNIGHTS OF MAYHEM (31 page)

I clean up in the bathroom and climbed back into bed with Leo. He raises his arm
for me to nestle back down into the place I had previously occupied. Settled I let the peace of the silent room take me over and I drift off to sleep wrapped in my warm and safe haven.

****

I wake to an empty bed and wonder if last night with Leo was a dream, until I hear the mumble of two very deep voices out in the hall turns my head in curiosity. Creeping off the bed I tip toe over to the somewhat ajar door. I peeked through the door and saw two very large shadows facing each other, they were engaged in a conversation.

“Leo you need to tell her
some things but if you tell her all of it , the case might be blown out of the water plus the boss with kill you.” Eno pleads with his hands on his hips.

“Eno if
I don’t tell her and I have to leave, I will have nothing to come back to,’ he pauses and does his signature move by running his hand over his head, ‘and if she does decide to leave me after this I can't quite blame her.”

Eno reaches out a hand and steadies it on his bothers shoulder, ‘brother
, she is worth the fight?”

Leo shakes his head, ‘
I would give up my life for her brother,”

“Then it is settled.” Eno pushes back from his stance and turns towards the guest bed
room. I duck quickly out of sight, ‘tell her everything or not your choice but do what you need to keep her.’ I hear the door click shut behind Eno, leaving Leo alone in the hall. He sighs heavy and slumps down to rest on the floor with his back against the wall. I twitch to go to him but I can't risk him knowing I was eves dropping on his conversation with Eno.

His shoulders slump as if he can no longer bare the weight of them, I feel the tear streak down my cheek and catch in the corner of my mouth filling it with the salty liquid of regret for not being less nagging and more supportive of what he has done for me.

He stands and turns for our room. I quickly tip toe back over and jump into the bed and cover acting as though I am asleep, as he climbs back in the bed tucking me neatly into his side. His body is rigid and tense from the conversation with Eno or it may be from the conversation he has yet to have with me.

I try to absentmindedly roll stretching my leg out over him and encircle his waist with my arm nestling my nose into his chest
. He strokes my hair, “god Avery I am so sorry for what has happened to you in the past month,’ I fight to keep the tears burning the backs of my eyes from falling, ‘I wouldn’t change the fact we met, ever.” He is speaking into the darkness of the room. I lay perfectly still so as not to tip him off that I am awake and hearing all his confessions.

“And I don’t regret the fact you have taken my heart and my breath away. So please when I tell you tomorrow what I have to tell you, you will understand why I have to leave.” He places a soft kiss on the top of my head and pushes his head deep back into his pillow letting out the breath he had been holding, I am struggling with all
my being to keep from just letting him know I wouldn’t change anything either. I love him too and the past month has been a journey to happiness.

The room falls silent once more as his words float on what he thinks are deaf ears, but I heard them
, absorbing every syllable. My heart is on the verge of bursting with the love I have for him and aching at the same time for the guilt he feels for my treatment. I didn’t realize that those two emotions could co-exist in an organ.

I find sleep elusive as I trek through my mind trying to piece together a puzzle that spans the length of a month and a half. What does he mean he will have to leave?
I pinch my eyes shut ruling the thought out of my head and away from me. Leo wouldn’t leave, unless he had too and in that case I would go with him. The most wonderful thing about the profession I had chosen, is the mobility of it.

Feeling comfortable with the short conclusion I had come to I drift back off to a fit full sleep holding on to Leo for dear life.

****

The morning light comes into our room to soon as I feel him shift away from me and hear th
e bathroom door shut behind him. The shower starts as dread washes over me for some reason. My joints are sore and my head has yet to ease off from the effects of the drugs I was given.

I hear the water turn off and roll expecting the sight I will get to see when he exits the door, I wait for longer than I should before getting up and
peeking in. He is sitting on the side of the garden tub with his elbows on his knees cradling his head.

I rush over to him and kneel, ‘Leo?”

His sleepy eyes lift and take my breath away, ‘hey beautiful,’ he tangles his hand in my hair, ‘did you sleep good?” His face is awash with worry and his frame is rigid.

I lay
my cheek on his leg to let him pet my back as I close my eyes and take him in, ‘I guess.”

“
Well are you feeling up for a trip?” He is trying to lighten his voice for me.

Looking up
a little too eager, ‘a trip, where?”

Slightly laughing and shaking his head, ‘just a day trip baby,’ he stretches his legs out in front of him and slides to the floor next to me, ‘to get away from all this shit, ya know be alone, actually just the two of us for once.”

A warm smiles spreads my face, ‘that sounds wonderful.”

He
tucks me into his arm, ‘I figure we can get away from here and I can answer a few questions for you,’ his smile is comical but weak as he is being ginger with his lip, that is being held together with a butterfly bandage.

“
Sounds even better, I can pack a picnic lunch.” I rub my hand down his glistening stomach.

“We won’t have room for it.”
His sly smile is erotic by itself, throw in him sitting in a towel with water from his recent shower making his ripped body glisten and you have my utopia.

I tilt my curious eyes up at him, ‘and why not?”

“Cause we are taking the bike.” His eyes are alight with happiness and his smile is boyish.

Sitting up and rubbing his patched up side, ‘are you sure you can handle riding?”

“Baby there is nothing more healing than sitting on a bike with the open road ahead of you,’ tugging me back into him, ‘and having your gorgeous legs wrapped around me is like primo physical rehab, don’t worry you’ll see.”

Knowing once he has made his mind
up there is no arguing with him, ‘okay if you say so.” I snuggle down into him and smell his clean skin.

An hour and half later we are cruising down the road on his Harley. I just encircle my arms tighter around his waist and bury my face in his back. He takes a hand from the grip and holds my hand up to his lips and kisses it. He cocks his head around to me for only a second but I can see my reflection in his aviators, his smile matches the width of mine.

He takes a turn off the road and travels down a small asphalt drive. It winds and it weaves us up the side of a slight hill then down the other side. We are joined by a small creek to the side as we round the last hill I see where the stream empties, into a majestic lake scene like you would see in one of the scenery coffee table books.

He pulls the bike to a stop still on the pavement and steadies it by putting his feet down, ‘Leo this is beautiful.”

“Yeah it is, I use to come up here a lot,’ he pauses, ‘ya know to think. Basically get away from every fucking thing.” I feel his shoulder tense up under my palms. Rubbing them it eases a little but not much. He uses his hands to pull my knees in tighter around him, ‘anyway I thought it would be a great place for us to spend the day.”

I hung him close, ‘it is absolutely perfect baby.” I bury my face in his back.

I feel as the motorcycle roars to life and is tilted back up and we take off down the hill for a few more minutes longer, when he comes to a final stop I look over his shoulder. In front of us is a little cabin looking to be in considerably good condition.

It isn’t much bigger than Leo’s master bath in his be
droom back at the mansion-cabin. The front porch angles forward slightly making the nails holding the floor boards to the posts visible. The old wood has seen its better days between the holes and faded color. The old screen door hangs loosely on the hinges and looks to fall off any day or just one more time being opened.

Leo pauses as I hesitate to get off the bike, ‘Avery you can’t sit there all day.” He offers me his hand again and this time I take it.

“This place belonged to my old man, he brought me and Eno up here for fishing weekends when we were kids.” He stops right before climbing up on the porch, I watch the memories from a happy past glaze his eyes. A genuine smile crosses his lips as he places his booted foot up on the rotted boards followed by the nostalgic second. I stand back and let him go through the memory alone but always on the ready to run to his side if he needs me.

He lifts his hand above his head to rest it on
the board holding the roof above exposing his perfectly shaped upper arm and tattoos, “He was probably the best thing that could have ever happened to two juvenile delinquents like Eno and me,’ he looks back at me, ‘and Mom too of course.”

“Oh
of course, a boy and his mother, now that is a relationship baffling many a scholar and fore longed woman.” My stupid attempt to lift the mood is only met with a slight smile from him.

His eyes turn thoughtful and zero in on me, ‘she would have loved you Avery, you remind me a lot of her.” My heart actually stops in my chest, ‘strong and bull headed.” His smirk brings my laughter to a boil.

“Oh really now,’ I have joined him on the porch and I am a little concerned about the validity of the boards under my feet. Pushing those worries to back of mind I look up into the deepest soulful black eyes and I tug at his tee shirt on either side of his waist.

“Oh yeah, would fucking argue with a fence post if she so saw the need and usually won.”
His smile is wide and loving as he looks down at me.

“She sounds like a wonderful
woman. I wish I could have met her.” I lean the top of my head into his chest and feel his raged breath ruffles my hair. Treading lightly I study his demeanor before asking my next question, ‘when did she pass?”

He drags in a long breath, ‘four years ago, my Dad two years before her.” He looks down and watches as his boot kicks the wood softly. I plant a light kiss on his turned down forehead. Looking up at me, he smiles and returns the kiss.

“Tell me about your mother, you have never talked about her.” He pushes me back by the shoulders so I have to look up at him.

My breath catches in my throat and I almost choke, to talk about my mother was always a taboo
subject in the Delany house, it infuriated me my father had been so dismissive of my mother’s memory. Feeling my tension Leo tries to back pedal.

“
Avery I am sorry, you don’t have to if you don’t want.” I see the guilt in his eyes for bringing up the topic but know I should share, he has and it is now my turn to bare my deep dark hurt.

I look up at him with a steely consternation, ‘no Leo I would love to talk about her, she was perfect,’ I back away and clasp my hands to my chest and spin around, ‘she woke up in the morning singing.” Turning a skeptical eye towards him
, I pause to judge his reaction to my outburst. He has leaned his back against one of the post and shoved his hands down into his jeans pockets his face is draped with a loving smile.

“Please continue Ms. Delany.”
His tone warm as he gestures with his hand at me.

Warmth
floods my heart that hasn’t been there in years, ‘she always had music on in the house and we would dance and laugh.” I stop as the impact of her loss finally hits me. It has been nearly eleven years but the pain is cascading over me like I just lost her yesterday, ‘my father would never let me listen to music in the house much less talk about her. After her death he took down all the family and candid photos my mother had hung with such pride of our family on the walls.” A sob escaped from my throat. I cross over to Leo’s waiting arms, ‘I think that is why I left when I had the chance, I couldn’t live in a world where the memory of my mother wasn’t allowed to exist.”

We stand silent for a long while just holding each other absorbing each other’s loss and pain hoping what we are offering is what the other needs, ‘I hated my father for just discarding her like he did, I think I still do.”

He backs me away, ‘Avery, I don’t think he discarded her.”

Stepping back offended, ‘are
you defending him?”

“
Yes, I think I can somewhat sympathize with him.” I have made the space between us larger.

Then it hits me, ‘because of
Serena?” A shock of remorseful jealousy rips through me.

“Yes
, we were not on the same level as your parents but we shared a house and a bed for three years.” Then a wave of regret for jumping on him hits me.

“Leo I am sorry I didn’t thin-“

“Avery don’t apologize,’ he takes me by the hand, ‘come on let me show you the rest,’ he stops and turns to me, ‘get ready to have your mind blown.” That is a funny statement because all the times I have been with him have left me teetering on the edge of insanity, aka mind has been blown frequently. So saying I am more than giddy to follow him through the door would be the understatement of the year.