All I've Never Wanted (36 page)

I wasn't going to be naive enough to think he could change. A leopard can't change its spots. I couldn’t even trust Roman enough to tell him how I felt.

But that's ok. It might take some time, but I would get over him. I had to.

*              *              *

“You’re an idiot.” Adriana stated this matter-of-factly as she took a dainty bite of the Orchids’ crab cake she’d ordered from room service, her hair looking more silver than gold under the moonlight.

Roman scowled, glaring at his so-called friend as she continued to enjoy her dinner. The two of them were standing on the Royal Suite’s balcony, while the others were inside sleeping or tending to Maya. None of them had gotten much sleep last night.

Maya. His chest squeezed painfully as he thought about that giant purple-and-black bruise on her jaw, the one he was responsible for. He barely remembered anything that happened after he accidentally hit her yesterday. He just remembered screams, and Oliver yelling at him, and then everyone had rushed over to her while he just stood there, still in shock.

His friends had ripped him a new one, that he did remember. Even Zack. Hell, even if they hadn’t, he would’ve done it himself. Roman had done a lot of things in his life, but he would never purposely hit a girl. But he’d just been so angry last night, watching that stupid British pretty boy kiss her, and he hadn’t been thinking straight.

Actually, he never seemed to think straight whenever he was around her.

“So, are you going to say anything or did you call me out here to watch me eat?” Adriana asked, setting down her fork and leaning back in her seat to stare at him questioningly.

“I don’t know.” Roman ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He had no idea what he was feeling, but it wasn’t good. It was just a tight, nauseous feeling that seemed to have taken over his entire body, and nothing he did or said could make it go away. “I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know!” He slammed his fist down on the railing, barely noticing the pain that radiated up his arm as a result. “I can’t believe I hit her.” He was speaking more to himself than Adriana. “She probably hates me now.”

“Probably.”

He whipped his head around. “You’re not helping.”

Adriana threw her hands up in the air. “What the hell do you want me to do, Roman? I don’t have superpowers, you know. I tried so hard to help you guys, I really did, but you’re both too stubborn for your own good. Especially you. I thought it was working for a while, but you and your stupid jealous male pride had to go and ruin it all.”

Roman just stared at her, the nauseous feeling growing. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Adriana’s lips thinned. “You know what? Forget I said anything. I don’t think you really deserve her. She should be with someone who actually has two brain cells to rub together. Someone like Carlo.”

Roman’s hands clenched into fists. The mere sound of Carlo’s name right now put him on edge. Why was everyone so
obsessed
with him?

“You should stop talking right now,” he said through gritted teeth. “They’re just friends.”

“Friends can turn into more.” Adriana crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you so upset? Does the idea of Maya and Carlo together upset you? Maybe it won’t be Carlo. Maybe it’ll be someone else, like Oliver.” She shrugged. “They’d make a cute couple. She probably enjoyed that kiss.”

“Shut up!” Roman snapped, the nausea mixing with rage as the memory of Maya and Oliver kissing came flooding back.

“Why should I?” Adriana snapped back. “Seriously, you need to get
over
yourself and open your eyes before it’s too late. If it isn’t already,” she added rather acidly. With that, she pushed back her chair and stormed inside, closing the sliding door with a
bang
behind her.

Roman barely heard it. A lump seemed to have formed in his throat as her words echoed in his head.
If it isn’t already, if it isn’t already, if it isn’t already.
The words got louder each time until they were all he could hear.

The image of Maya and Oliver kissing faded, only to be replaced with the memories from that morning. The way she’d instantly backed away when he reached out to her, and the way she turned her back to him before asking him to leave, politely, like he was just some stranger she couldn’t care less about.

Whenever they’d argued in the past, Maya had always been hot-tempered and emotional, but that morning, her attitude had been cold, almost detached. It was like she just didn’t care anymore.

Roman’s stomach dropped as realization swept over him. The thought that she didn’t care enough anymore to even hate him terrified him more than anything else in the world, because somehow, against all odds, he’d fallen in love with Maya Lindberg.

He swallowed hard as he leaned heavily against the railing, the epiphany shocking him so much he barely had enough energy to stand. He couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to figure it out. All the signs had been there; he’d just been too stubborn to acknowledge them.

But did Maya even like him back? Roman had no idea. He had to give it a shot though.

He just hoped Adriana was wrong for once and that it wasn’t already too late.

*              *              *

I sank back into the sofa of the Tevasco guesthouse’s living room, absentmindedly shoving handfuls of caramel popcorn in my mouth as I watched a
Gilmore Girls
rerun on TV.

It was the only thing I’d done all day. When I got home from school, I showered, changed, then plunked myself in front of the TV with a year’s worth of cavity-creating, waistline-expanding, sugar-coma-inducing snacks.

Yes, I know. I’m in a funk, and a pretty terrible one at that.

The Perrys’ birthday weekend had started off great, but ended with a spectacular crash. After Roman left the room, I’d just stayed in bed until it was time for us to return to Valesca, ordering room service and writing down every single thing I disliked about him on the hotel napkins.

The only problem was, every time I wrote down a con, a pro popped into my head. For example, I hated how arrogant he was, but then I would remember how nice he’d been after I found out my dad had been cheating on my mom. I would think about how bossy and overbearing he was, but then I would remember how vulnerable he looked the night of the blackout, like a little child. 

Soon, the things I technically should have disliked, like his stupid cocky smirk and his constant snarky comments, turned into pros, because honestly Roman wouldn’t be Roman without them.

I scowled. Getting over him was proving to be more difficult than I thought.

I jammed my hand into the bowl, eager for more sugar, but it was empty. Great. Just great.

I stood up grumpily and was about to walk to the kitchen to grab some more popcorn when the doorbell rang.

I stopped, frowning. Who could it possibly be? I knew Carlo wasn’t here. He was at some martial arts thing tonight. I hope it wasn’t Rico. He seriously creeped me out, even though he hadn’t done anything to me.

I pulled back the curtain next to the door, my stomach knotting up when I saw Roman standing there, an uncharacteristically nervous look on his face. 

I debated whether or not to pretend I wasn’t here, but it was too late. He already saw me.

I let the curtain drop and took a deep breath, grimacing when I saw my reflection in the hall mirror. Wow, I looked horrible. I had no makeup on, my hair was pulled up into a sloppy bun, and I there was some sugar stuck on my cheek.

Quickly wiping the sugar off with the back of my hand, I opened the door but kept my hand on the knob. My heart thudded painfully when I saw the bouquet of white roses in his hand. White roses were my favorite.

“Hey,” he finally said quietly, when it was clear I wouldn’t be speaking first.

“Hi.” I made my voice as cold as possible. “What are you doing here?”

I didn’t care if I sounded rude. Besides, I really was curious as to why he was here. He’d made no attempt to talk to me at all after our little encounter Saturday morning, which I was perfectly fine with. The less I saw and talked to him, the quicker I could get over him. 

“I, uh, just wanted to come by and give you these.” Roman thrust the flowers in my direction. “You know, as an apology.” His gaze landed on my jaw. “Does it still hurt?” he added softly.

I gripped the knob tighter, not making a move to take the flowers. “Yeah, it does,” I answered, giving the words double meaning.

Roman shifted his weight. I’ve never seen him look so nervous.

“I’m so sorry about Friday night. Really,” he said, his eyes searching my face.

I resisted the urge to bite my lip. It took all of my willpower to keep my blank expression intact. “It’s fine,” I said. “Apology accepted. Now we can just go back to the way things are supposed to be.”

He frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “It means we go back to the way they were before everything. You can go be the leader of the Scions, date supermodels, pick fights, whatever you want. And I go back to my life. It’ll be like we never even met.” 

Roman’s jaw tensed. “It doesn’t work like that, Maya.”

“Yes, it does,” I snapped. “Look, I was never cut out for your world, ok? I had a perfectly good, normal life until I got caught up in—in all this.” I gestured to my surroundings. “I just want things to go back to the way they used to be!”

“Oh, yeah? What about the twins? What about Parker? What about Carlo? Are you just going to ditch them like that?”

“I’m not ditching anyone,” I hissed. “I can still hang out with them. I just don’t want to hang out with
you.
We were never friends. We’ll never be friends. I don’t know why we should pretend otherwise.”

Roman swallowed hard. “So you’ve never liked me, at all. Not even as a friend.”  

Tears pricked the back of my eyes. I’ve always been a bad liar, but I sure as hell couldn’t tell him how I feel. If I did, he’d probably break my heart, rub it in my face, then go back to Solange so the two of them could laugh about how stupid and naïve I was.

“No.” My voice shook a little, but thankfully he didn’t seem to catch it. “As far as I’m concerned, you’ll always be the person who made my life a living hell here. I can’t even list all the things you’ve done to me, but don’t think for a second I can ever forgive you.”

Liar! You’re a liar!
a voice in my head screamed.

Shut up!
I mentally yelled back. What did the voice inside my head know anyway?

“Oh.” Roman’s voice was completely emotionless, but his chest heaved as though he couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. “Thanks for clearing that up for me. Don’t worry, I won’t be bothering you anymore.”

I pressed my lips together, trying not to let the tears spill over as he placed the flowers in front of the doorstep. “Do whatever you want with those,” he mumbled.

He started walking away, but stopped after a few steps and turned to look at me. His usually expressive eyes seemed dull and lifeless. “I really am sorry,” he added. “For everything.”

A ragged sob escaped my throat, and I quickly pressed my fist to my mouth, but he didn’t seem to have heard it, because he just kept walking until he finally disappeared around a corner.

I reached down to pick up the flowers with a trembling hand, my heart hurting so bad it was a wonder I could still breathe. I couldn’t shake the image of his face out of my head. Before he’d left, I could’ve sworn I saw real pain there, but it was probably just my imagination.