All I've Never Wanted (39 page)

“I know the other night you said you never liked me.” The sadness deepened, making my own heart hurt. “Not even as a friend. And I know there are probably lots of other boys out there who want to be with you.” Roman swallowed. “But I guess I’m just here because, um, well, I would like it if you could at least consider me whenever, you know, you feel like you’re ready to date.”

I just stared at him, unable to comprehend what he was saying. No way. My pulse roared in my ears, and my face felt hot and prickly. I wouldn’t be surprised if I had a heart attack right then and there.

“I know I’m not exactly the ideal boyfriend,” Roman added quickly. “But I can try to change, you know? And you don’t have to answer me now. Just take some time to think about it, or you know, even date other people. If you want.” His voice cracked a bit at “other people.”

“So let me get this straight.” I had trouble getting the words out. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

Roman nodded, staring at my forehead like it was the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen.

Holy crap. Was he serious? I wanted him to be serious, more than anything else in the world, but how could I be sure he wasn’t just playing some sick, twisted game with me? I wouldn’t put it past him. He wasn’t even acting like himself right now.

“What about Solange?”

He frowned. “What about her?”

“Aren’t you together?” I asked bitterly, thinking about their kiss at homecoming.

“No, we were never together.”

“You certainly looked like you were at homecoming,” I said rather nastily, all the hurt I felt that night rushing back and making my heart ache painfully at the memory.

Roman looked embarrassed. “I only did that to make you jealous,” he said quietly.

“Right. That makes so much sense,” I said sarcastically.

He glared at me a bit, looking more like the Roman I knew. “What else did you want me to do? I wasn’t going to sit there by myself like an idiot while you were having so much fun with
Carlo.”

I shook my head. “Roman. I don’t want to play any more mind games with you, ok? You have no reason to want me as your girlfriend or to make me jealous, so just—just stop with all this. The flowers, the chocolate, I don’t want any more gifts.”

I thought I heard him murmur something that sounded suspiciously like “Too late,” but it was in such a low voice I couldn’t be sure.

Roman ran a hand through his hair as he stared hard at me. “I'm not playing mind games. I wish—" He stopped, then sighed. "Can I ask you something? That night in Hawaii, in our suite. Was it all just ‘practice’ for you, or did you feel something?”

I felt myself turn white. No. There was no way. He couldn’t know. A strange buzzing sound filled my ears while my stomach clenched uncomfortably. It was all I could do to not slam the door in his face and run up the stairs to lock myself in the safety of my room.

Yeah, that wouldn’t be suspicious at all.

“N-no,” I stuttered, nearly choking on the words. I am such a bad liar.

Roman’s eyebrows drew together, and his eyes darkened so much they were almost black. “No?”

I shook my head frantically, but my hands were trembling, and I was sure he noticed.

“No.” This time sounded more confident than before.

“That’s a shame,” he murmured, as he took a step towards me.

I automatically stepped back, not liking the look on his face. There was fierce determination there, but also something else. Roman he grabbed my wrists and held me still as he closed the distance between us until—well, until there was no distance between us.

“What are you doing?” I squeaked, panicking. My wrists burned under his touch, and I could feel the impending heart attack looming ever closer on the horizon. “My—my parents are here, you know.”

“I don’t care.” Roman’s jaw was tense, and his whole body seemed to be emitting a strange sizzling heat that enveloped me like a blanket. He was so close...“You don’t seem to understand what I’m trying to tell you, so I’m just going to have to show you.”

Show me? What was that supposed to mean?

I didn’t have a chance to ask, because at that moment, Roman crashed his lips down on mine, causing my knees to buckle and strange colored lights to explode behind my eyes.

And that was when I knew my life would never be the same again.

CHAPTER 24

I stood there, frozen, while the colored lights which I soon recognized to be fireworks continued to explode in the background, and my knees continued to tremble like they had suddenly turned into Jell-O or something.

Holy crap. I’ve imagined what it would be like to kiss Roman so many times that it felt surreal for it to be
actually
happening.

Of course, this was about a million times better than my imagination.

Roman seemed to have taken my not moving away as encouragement, because he deepened the kiss, causing my heart to splutter and my knees to give out.

I yelped in alarm, breaking away and grabbing his arms just before I collapsed in a heap on the ground.

“Whoa.” He grasped my wrists and hauled me back into a standing position. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” I muttered, humiliated. I stared at him. “What was that?” My voice was barely above a whisper.

Roman stared at me in disbelief. “You still have to ask?”

I swallowed. “I just—I don’t understand.” Even though I did. I just couldn’t believe it.

He sighed, looking pained. “Fine. Maya, I’m just going to be straight-up honest with you, ok? I—“ He hesitated, then continued. “I like you.
Like
like you. Even though you don’t like me back.” He swallowed. “But you could, right? If you just give me a chance. I’ll make it all up to you, I promise. I really will.”

“I need to sit down,” I said faintly, sinking down on the armrest of a nearby sofa while he stared nervously at me.

It was all starting to sink in. Roman Fiori liked me.
Me.
Maya Lindberg, the girl who, up until two months ago, most Valescans didn’t even know existed. I actually believed he was telling the truth now. I mean, he is not the type of person who would humble himself like that just for a joke.

Still, it was hard for me to wrap my head around it. After I caught my father cheating, I’d all but given up on love in real life. The whole rich boy falling for poor girl cliché? That only happened in books and movies, but here it was, happening to me.

“Maya?” Roman’s eyes searched my face. “Can you say something, please? Even if it’s ‘I hate you.’ I just need to know.”

And as I sat there, staring at him, taking in the tousled dark hair that was always a bit messy, the violet eyes whose intensity could set a room—or a girl—on fire, and the lean, sculpted face that usually wore an arrogant or disdainful expression but which seemed so vulnerable now, I knew what I had to do.

Still in a bit of a daze, I slowly walked over to where he was standing, and I could see the nervousness increase on his face. At the same time, there was a spark of hope in his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my own nerves.
Are you sure this is what you want to do?
a voice whispered in my head.

One look at Roman’s face gave me my answer.

Yes.

And then I slapped him. Not a hard slap, mind you, but it was still, you know, a slap. Plus, the room was so silent the sound actually reverberated.

Roman stared at me in shock.

“I hate you,” I said, my voice trembling slightly.

And just like that, that small hopeful spark died right then and there. “Oh,” Roman said, his voice cracking. He looked like he wanted to cry. “I guess—I guess that’s it then. I’m sorry for wasting your time,” he mumbled, turning to leave.

“Wait.” I stopped him. “I’m not finished.”

He stared at me, confused.

“Don’t you want to know
why
I hate you?”

Roman didn’t look at me. “Not really,” he muttered.

I continued anyway. “I hate you because yes, you have been a major jerk to me. But you know what? I hate you even more because you were a jerk to me even when you knew you liked me! I hate you for not seeming to care, I hate you for not telling me earlier and making me cry, I hate you for kissing Solange, I hate you for putting me through all of that!” I was nearly crying by this point as I pounded a fist against his chest, trying to vent all of my pent-up frustration. “You’re such an idiot!”

By the time I was finished, I was almost out of breath. I fully expected my parents to come running into the room any minute now, but they didn’t.

Roman, I could tell, was absolutely stunned, because he didn’t say a single word. Instead, he just wrapped his arms around me. At first, his touch was hesitant, like he was afraid I was going to pull away or slap him again, but when I didn’t, he grew more confident, pulling me close to his chest. He remained silent, just holding me, and I had a sudden flashback to the night I ran into his room and held him just like he was holding me now.

I closed my eyes, pressing my cheek against the soft cotton of his T-shirt and inhaling that intoxicating woodsy scent of his. Without even thinking, I wrapped my arms around his waist. It just felt so right, being there in his arms, and I didn’t want to think about anything else, not the past, not the future—I just wanted to enjoy the moment.

But like everything else in life, it couldn’t last forever, so when my breathing had steadied and I’d gotten my emotions (relatively) under control, I pulled back, chilliness replacing the warmth of his arms.

Roman examined my face, his own inscrutable. “So, uh, what does that mean?” he asked rather nervously.

I couldn’t help it. I started laughing at his utter cluelessness, so for once I actually followed his lead, grabbed his face, and kissed him.

This time was even better than the first, because now that I’d gotten all of that off my chest, I could actually
enjoy
it. The softness of his lips against mine, the slightly minty taste of his mouth, the softness of his hair as I ran my hand through it, and the undeniable thrill that fizzled through me when Roman finally got over his shock and started kissing me back.

He kept one arm firmly wrapped around my waist while the other cupped the back of my head so he could kiss me harder, and if he hadn’t been holding me, I’m pretty sure I would’ve floated right off the ground.

Yep. This was definitely the best idea I’ve ever had.

I can’t say for sure that things will end up the way I want them to in the end, but I honestly couldn’t hide my feelings anymore. I'm sick of playing it safe. Besides, what was life without a little risk? 

I’m not sure how long the kiss went on for, and I was surprised neither my mom nor my dad had interrupted yet. It probably would’ve went on for quite a while longer, had a small yelp not made its way through the fogginess of my mind.

“What was that?” I pulled away, breathing heavily.

“I don’t know.” Roman stared at my mouth, obviously wanting to continue where we off.

Someone—or rather
something
—yelped again, drawing my gaze to the box on my doorstep. I’d been so caught up in, er, other things that I hadn’t even noticed it earlier.

My heart sped up in excitement. No freakin’ way. Was that what I
think
it is?

“I think it came from that box.” I pointed shakily at the object in question. “Roman? You didn’t happen to have, uh, bought me another gift, did you?”

“Oh, that.” Roman stared at the box like he’d just noticed it himself. “Well…yeah. I wasn’t expecting you to give in before you saw.”

I frowned. “Who says I gave in?” I huffed, though I wasn’t really angry.

He just gave me that slow, languorous smirk of his, and I melted a bit. Ok, so I gave in just a
little.

“Here.” Roman picked up the shaking box and handed it to me. “Open it.”

I held my breath, slowly opening it and hoping it was—

A puppy. “Oh my god!” I squealed, when I saw the tiny brown-and-white puppy staring up at me, a neglected expression on its face. It obviously didn’t like being stuffed and forgotten inside a box for so long. “You are so cute!”

I picked it up, marveling at the silkiness of its fur, as its neglected expression morphed into a happy one. It let out a happy bark and licked my face with its little pink tongue.

“I thought you’d like it.” There was a small smile on Roman’s face. “I just picked it up this morning.”

I hugged the puppy to my chest, swallowing hard. “It’s for me?”

“Well, yeah.” Roman wrinkled his nose a bit. “I’m not a huge fan of animals.”

At that, the puppy’s ears perked up, and he growled menacingly at Roman. I giggled. Even when he growled he was cute.

“Although…” Roman kept his eyes on mine. “You can only keep it on one condition.”

“Which is?” I squeaked.

“I want you to tell me the truth. Be as honest with me as I was with you. Do you like me?”

All the air whooshed out of my lungs, making me feel like I was free-falling. I took a deep breath, absentmindedly stroking the puppy to calm my nerves. “Yes,” I whispered. “I’ve liked you for a while now.”

And just like that, Roman’s eyes lit up. He smiled. Actually smiled. It wasn’t a smirk, and there was no condescension or disdain behind it. It was just a normal, happy smile, but on him, it was devastating, like the sun finally coming out after a long, angry storm.

He closed the distance between us with two long strides, the look in his eyes taking my breath away. Again. For the first time ever, it was completely open, sincere, and vulnerable, and I could see everything he was feeling. Honestly, though, I didn’t even need to look at him to know, because I was feeling the exact same thing.

“I guess there’s one thing left to do,” he murmured.

“What’s that?” I asked a bit shakily.

Roman stared at me, like he couldn’t quite believe he was there. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

I half-laughed and half-cried. “After all that, you still have to ask? Yes!”

I was just about to throw my arms around him when I realized I was still holding the puppy. Roman seemed to notice at the same time, so he compensated by wrapping his arms around me instead, drawing me into another kiss until the puppy let out an indignant yelp.

“Jeez. He’s just as feisty as his owner,” he said dryly, shaking his head at the animal.

“We should give him a name.” I frowned. What was a good name?

“Feisty,” Roman said blandly.

I rolled my eyes. “That’s a dumb name.” I smirked as the dog tried to nip at his fingers. “I don’t think he likes you very much.”

“He’ll come to his senses soon,” Roman bragged, giving me a sly look. “Much like someone else I know.”

I blushed. “Whatever. But be serious. What should—oh, I know!” I snapped my fingers as a thought hit me. “Let’s name him Mickey!”

I giggled at the look on his face.

“Seriously?” Roman glowered at me, obviously remembering the time my grandmother chased him out of the house with a broom because he’d been wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt.

“Yep,” I chirped. “It’s fitting. Right, Mickey?” I cooed.

Mickey let out a loud, happy bark, snuggling closer to me.

“Fine. But put Mickey down.”

“Why?” I clutched him tighter to his chest.

“Just do it. Pay a little more attention to your new boyfriend, why don’t you?” Roman actually pouted.