All She Ever Wanted (26 page)

Natalie drew in a deep breath as she looked out the window that would take her onto the roof. She could see that at one time the window had been nailed shut, but at some point in the last ten years, the window had been opened, and it opened easily now. Could she do it? Could she climb out onto that roof where Emily had taken her last breath? Not yet.

Her stomach churning, Natalie looked away from the window, focusing instead on the room in which she was standing. Two sorority girls shared this room now. There were colorful bedspreads on the twin beds, stuffed animals and fluffy pillows, posters on the walls, and laptop computers on the desks. She wondered if these girls had any idea that one night a young woman, just like themselves, had gone out on the roof to gaze at the stars and had ended up dead.

Closing her eyes, she told herself to forget about the present and go back in time. She needed to see the room as it had once been, not as it was now. She needed to force herself to remember everything about that night.

There had been a quilt on Emily's bed, made by her great-grandmother. Her stuffed animals had included tigers in various shapes and sizes. Emily had placed a poster of the magician David Copperfield on the wall over her bed. She'd also had a picture of Cole and her parents on the desk and another one on her dresser. Natalie could see the photographs in her mind, the happy Parish family, not a care in the world.

How she'd loved them, not just Cole but all of them. They'd filled a need in her heart for family— for people to care about her. And Cole ... he had completely swept her off her feet. He'd made her dream again. He'd made her want more from life than just basic survival. He'd shown her how to let loose, how to have fun, how to be herself. She'd loved him—passionately, with every fiber of her being. It was the first and only time she'd given her heart completely. And all she'd known how to do was hang on ... That's why she'd begged Emily to get Cole to come to the party. But what had happened next?

She tried desperately to remember. The sights and sounds of that night trickled back into her mind. She could hear the laughter, the music, the sounds of people talking. The downstairs was packed with kids. She could barely make it through the living room and up the stairs. But she had to go upstairs. She needed to find Emily.

Something wet splashed on her hand. She looked down at her soda can, realizing it was almost empty, and it wasn't soda she was drinking, it was vodka. They'd poured the soda out in the upstairs bathroom. The vodka was supposed to make her feel happier. The other kids all got happy when they drank. Her mom certainly had a better time when she was drunk—so why didn't Natalie feel better? Why was she still so sad? Maybe she needed more to drink.

Upstairs. She'd just go upstairs, find Emily, get a refill, and when Cole came, she'd be the ultimate party girl. He'd forget she'd ever told him she loved him. It would be the way it used to be.

Her sense of desperation grew as she climbed the stairs. It was never going to be the way it used to be.

When she entered the room, she saw Emily sitting on the bed. She wore a short, black cocktail dress. Her legs were bare, her feet encased in high, strappy black sandals. And her toenails were a hot red, the same as her fingernails. They'd painted their nails red the night before at Madison's insistence that they shouldn't go into initiation without a little flash of color. Emily's head lifted as Natalie came into the room. Her long brown hair fell in waves against her face and down to her shoulders. There was guilt in her big brown eyes and sadness, too. In fact, she looked like she'd been crying. Before Natalie could ask her why, her gaze drifted to the pills in Emily's hand.

"What are you doing? Where did you get those?" Natalie asked.

"I need to take something to help me stay up tonight. After the party I have to study. I'm going to fail English. My tutor -- I can't see him anymore. He can't help me. I'm in so much trouble, Natalie. I need these pills. Everyone takes them. They're safe."

"They're not good for you. They could hurt you. Who gave them to you? Was it Madison?"

"No, it was Drew. He said everyone takes them. He used to take them himself. They're safe."

"You don't know that," Natalie countered. "It's different for everyone." She tried to think of all the reasons why Emily shouldn't take the pills, but her mind was fuzzy, and her mouth wasn't working right.

"I don't care. I've made such a mess of things, Natalie. I'm in love. I did something stupid. I'm so embarrassed."

Natalie didn't know what Emily was talking about. "What did you do?"

"I fell in love with a married man. A professor."

"Oh, my God! Who? When?" Natalie stumbled as she moved toward Emily.

Emily's eyes narrowed in disappointment. "You're drunk, aren't you?"

"I just had a couple shots of vodka."

"Natalie, what are you doing to yourself? This isn't you."

"I'm fine. I'm just a little buzzed. I'm happy. Is Cole coming? Did you call him?"

"Yes, I called him. He's not coming to the party, Natalie. Or if he does, he might be really late. He doesn't want you to wait for him. I'm sorry."

"You don't want us together, do you?" Natalie accused. "You're trying to break us up."

"How can you say that? You're like my sister." Emily's eyes filled with hurt.

Natalie didn't care. She was hurt, too. "But you won't help me get him back. And I have to get him back. I don't even know why I lost him. I love him, Emily. I need him."

"You have to let go, Natalie. Cole is .,. Cole is dating someone else in San Francisco."

"What!" She felt like she'd been stabbed in the heart, and she put a hand to her chest to see if she way bleeding.

"Her name is Cynthia, and her parents are friends of my parents. That's why he didn't come down last weekend." Emily stretched out a hand to Natalie, but Natalie jumped back from her.

"You're lying."

"I'm not lying. I don't want you to get hurt, but I'm afraid Cole will hurt you. He doesn't stick to one person. He's not ready for commitment. You have to forget him."

"I can't do that. I told him I loved him. And you want me to forget him? I can't forget him. I won't believe he's seeing someone else." She turned to the door. She had to get away from Emily. She needed another drink. Her glass was empty.

She ran out of the room, heading down the hall for Madison's room. Madison was talking to Drew. Natalie didn't want to see them. She slipped into Jody's room instead. The senior was known to have a stash of Johnnie Walker in her closet. And Natalie was in luck. The bottle was half full. She poured herself one shot, then another until she couldn't feel anything anymore.

Within a few minutes she was convinced that Emily had made the whole thing up. Cole wasn't cheating on her. He wouldn't do that. She got up and went down the hall, determined to talk to Emily again. As she neared the door, she heard a high-pitched scream. She wasn't sure where it had come from, but it sounded awful, so awful she felt like she was going to be sick. She stumbled toward the bathroom, managing to get there just before she threw up.

Natalie's eyes flew open as the truth hit her in the face. She'd heard Emily scream, but she didn't know what had happened. She'd run into the bathroom, where Madison had found her a short while later. Maybe if she'd run into this room instead of the bathroom, she would have known if Emily had been alone or with someone. It was frustrating to come this close and still not have the answers she wanted.

With a sigh, she knew there was only one thing left to do. She had to go out on the roof. She had to finish this. She had to stand where Emily had stood. At the very least, she could say good-bye.

She climbed out onto the flat roof, noting the guardrail that had been installed around the perimeter of the flat deck. She walked toward the edge, but stopping far enough away that she couldn't see over it—to the ground below. She wasn't ready to look there yet. Drawing in a deep breath, she wondered about Emily's reason for coming out here that night. She'd been upset obviously. And it was quiet out here. Even now there was a sense of isolation, a feeling that what went on here would never be known by anyone else.

Emily must have come out on the roof to be alone, to think, or maybe even to cry ... about the man she'd fallen in love with. Who had it been? She thought for a moment and realized the answer was right in front of her.

"You know, don't you?"

The voice swung her head around, and she was shocked to find she wasn't the only one on the roof.

"You know I was out here with Emily that night. I knew that as soon as you came back here you'd remember."

"You?" Natalie questioned in shock. "You were with Emily?" Everything suddenly clicked into place.

Cole drove like a maniac to the sorority house. All he could think about was Drew ... a man who would balk at nothing to get what he wanted. "If he hurts Natalie, I swear to God I'll kill him."

"I'll help you," Dylan said grimly. "If he had something to do with Emily's death, he will pay."

Cole hit the steering wheel with his fist as they were stopped by a red light. "Dammit all. I can't lose Natalie, too. There are things I need to tell her."

"Like the fact that you still love her."

"Something like that." He floored the gas pedal as the fight turned green. A moment later he pulled up in front of the sorority house and jumped out of the car. The front door was open. Laura stood in the foyer talking to Drew. Cole came to an abrupt halt when he saw them. "Where's Natalie?"

"She's upstairs, I think," Laura replied. "Why? What's wrong?"

"You did it, didn't you?" Cole demanded, drilling Drew with a furious glare.

Drew took a step back, his eyes wary. "What are you talking about?"

"You pushed Emily off the roof. You were afraid she'd tell someone you sold her drugs."

"You sold Emily drugs?" Laura asked in amazement.

For a brief second Drew looked like a cornered dog. Then he threw back his shoulders. "You have no proof of that, Parish."

"I don't need proof to beat the crap out of you. Everyone knows you were here that night. You talked to Emily. Even your wife knows that much."

"I do know that," Laura said. "Why did you go into Emily's room, Drew?"

"I was looking for something."

"Maybe this?" Cole asked, holding up Emily's journal. "Did you think Emily wrote about your drug deals in her journal?"

"Where did you get that?" Drew made a grab for the book, but Cole held it out of reach.

"It doesn't matter where I got it," Cole said. "What did you do to Emily?"

"Nothing."

"Drew, you have to tell us," Laura pleaded. "Whatever happened, we have to know. Otherwise, this will never end."

"I didn't hurt Emily," Drew said sharply.

"Then why did you go to her room that night?"

"You want to know why? Fine. I went to Emily's room to look for the journal. I heard Madison joking with Emily one day that she could probably blackmail people with her journal, and I got to thinking that maybe she'd written something in there about me. I didn't get a chance to look for it, because Emily was in the room, talking on the phone to someone, so I left. I'm sure someone saw Emily after me. Maybe Madison."

"Madison?" Dylan asked. "Madison was with Emily that night?"

"I don't know for sure," Drew said, "but—"

"Shit!" Dylan swore.

Cole sent Dylan a curious look. "What's wrong?"

"Madison said she loved me when we were in college, that she was angry that I never paid any attention to her; I was always too busy with Emily."

Cole connected the dots and suddenly there was a new picture, one he hadn't considered. "Where's Madison now?"

"She left us a while ago to follow Diane, Professor Martin's wife," Laura explained, looking confused and troubled. "What's going on? You don't think Madison had anything to do with Emily's fall, do you?"

Cole took the stairs two at a time. He had to get to Natalie before Madison did.

"You pushed Emily off the roof," Natalie said, staring at the woman in front of her. Everything suddenly made so much sense.

"It was an accident. She slipped."

"That's what you wanted us to think."

"That's what everyone did think. You certainly couldn't remember anything. But your memory has come back, hasn't it? I knew it would. I knew you'd remember seeing me run out of Emily's room right after she screamed. I had an explanation all ready. I kept waiting for the questions to come. But they never did."

Natalie stared at the woman she'd thought she'd known. Had she seen her run out of Emily's room? She blinked, remembering that dizzy, nauseous feeling as she turned toward the bathroom, her stomach churning. A flash of red had caught her eye, then disappeared. "I didn't remember until now," she said. "You shouldn't have told me."

Uncertainty flashed in the woman's eyes as she realized her mistake. "You won't tell anyone. I won't let you."

"How will you stop me? I'm not going to slip off this roof the way Emily did."

"No, she's not," Cole interrupted, as he came through the window.

Natalie was shocked by his appearance but relieved to see him, and was even happier when Dylan, Drew, and finally Laura followed him.

The woman between them suddenly realized she was cornered. "It was an accident," she said, putting up a hand. "A stupid accident. No one can prove otherwise."

"I can—Diane," Madison said, as she climbed out onto the roof. "And so can your husband. Come on out here, Professor Martin."

Natalie's jaw dropped as the man they'd spent the past week searching for came through the window. Professor Martin looked nothing like Garrett Malone. The beard was gone, as were the thick glasses and the long hair. He was pale with a crew cut and ordinary brown eyes.

"Tell them what you told me," Madison ordered, nudging the professor's arm.

Greg Martin was staring at his wife in disbelief. "Did they just say that you pushed Emily off the roof? How is that possible?"