All That Glitters (38 page)

Both Nat and the green dress suddenly go very still.

Oh my God.

What is
wrong
with me? Why isn’t there a draft box in my head to save statements like that before I say them? We were doing
so well.

“What?” Nat says sharply, all signs of giggling now gone. “What did you just say?”

“Uh.” I stare past my best friend’s left ear for a few seconds, brain now scrabbling desperately. “Liver and onion, that’s what India and I call ourselves. We’re all like,
Hey, Liver and Onion! How you doing, Liver and Onion?
” I cough. “It’s an … umm … Leeds thing.”

Sorry, Leeds.

In April 2005, a pond in Hamburg made international news when toads started exploding for no apparent reason. Judging by the colour my best friend’s face is now turning, exactly the same thing is about to start happening here.

I bend down quickly and pick up the cardboard box of fun.

“Liv and Ananya? Did you just say your new
gang
is
Olivia and Ananya?
”

“Well …” I’m sidestepping out of the room now like a nervous morris dancer. “It’s not a
gang
exactly, Nat
.
That was a bit of an overstatement. It’s more like an … informal group. A good thesaurus might say it was a squad, or a troop or even a—”

And Nat promptly goes BANG.

act: the toads didn’t explode for no reason at all.

Everyone just
thought
they did.

Eventually a top amphibian expert, Franz Mutschmann, realised crows had pecked out and eaten their livers, leaving the toads to explode from their own protective swelling.

Which is a bit disgusting, so I’m sorry about that.

Although it’s worth noting that maybe the collective noun is a
murder of crows
for a reason.

What I’m trying to say is: Nat’s not exploding inexplicably. It might look to the untrained eye like she is, but I am an expert on Natalie Grey and I understand it perfectly.

It’s only ten steps to the bedroom door.

If I can use this cardboard box as a protective shield there’s a remote chance of getting out of here without being blown to shreds first.

“ANANYA AND LIV?” Nat yells as I quickly trundle towards the exit. “YOUR NEW BEST FRIENDS ARE ANANYA PEREZ AND OLIVIA WEBB?”

“Girls?” her mum calls up the stairs. “Keep it down or take it into the attic.”

“Alexa’s
henchmen
?” Nat hisses in a lower voice.

“They’re not her henchmen any more,” I try to explain, shuffling another step. “Actually, they’re on my side now.”

“Why would you
want
them on your side? They’re
horrible
. And I don’t know who this ‘India’ girl is, but if she’s hanging about with them I guarantee she’s just as bad, if not worse. She probably
wants
something from you. Are you doing her homework for her, or something?”

My cheeks are getting hot and my stomach feels like I’ve been eating aeroplane again. “That’s a terrible thing to say, Nat. You don’t know them.”

“I totally
do
, Harriet. They’ve been cheerleading behind Alexa for the last eleven years. Sneaking around, yes sir, no sir, three muppets full, sir. Next you’ll be telling me
she’s
coming to your party too.”

There’s a short silence.

“Alexa really wanted to come,” I say defensively, taking another step towards the door. “She told me she did, she said we could have a clean start and—”

“
No
,” Nat says, eyes widening. “Oh my God, you have
got
to be kidding me. This isn’t what I … It wasn’t in the … Have you forgotten
everything they did
?”

“Of course not.” My cheeks are getting hotter and hotter. “But they’re all sorry, Nat. I’m sure they are. We were only children – everyone should get a second chance and people
change
, don’t they? I mean,
I
have so—”

“No, they
don’t.
” Nat grabs the edge of the cardboard box closest to her and tugs it, hard. “When are you going to learn this lesson, Harriet?
People don’t change.
You’re not having a party with them
.
No. Nu-uh. I
forbid
it.”

I try not to think about Ananya turning on Jasper earlier – she was just worried about me, she didn’t mean it – as something in my chest starts to burn.

I can hear Alexa’s voice again:
You think things are going to change? You think things are going to be different now?

Has everything I’ve done been for
nothing
?

“You
forbid
it?” I tug the box back. “I’m sorry, are you the entirety of the British legal system?”

“Don’t be so incredibly naive, Harriet.” Nat tugs on the box again. “They’re
using
you. A total
idiot
could see that.”

My chest burns a little bit more.

“Using me for
what
? And I’m naive for thinking people might actually just
like
me? I’m an idiot for believing I’m worth spending time with?”

“That is not what I …”

“So you’re allowed new friends and a new boyfriend and a new life, and I just have to sit on my own for the next two years, is that it?”

“Why are you being like this?” Nat frowns. “Is this really about Nick? Because if it is …”

And – with an enormous eruption – the burn in my chest comes roaring out of me like a volcano.

“
This is not about Nick!
” I yell at the top of my voice. “Everything in the world is not about Nick! HE IS GONE AND HE IS NOT COMING BACK. This is about
me
, Nat.
Me!
My story is not over just because
he’s not here
.”

Nat blinks, but it’s all still bursting out like lava in one steady, bubbling stream. “And I’m trying as hard as I possibly can to move forward, and now you’re taking it all away from me! You’re
ruining
it!”

“Harriet! How can you even
think
I …”

But I’ve been holding on to this for too long now and there’s nowhere left inside me to keep it all.

“You
left
, Nat.” My chin is starting to wobble and I tug on the box more sharply. “Don’t you understand that? You
left me on my own.
You chose college, then you chose Theo, and now you’re always busy and you’re never around and
what was I supposed to do
?”

I tug the box again.

“But Harriet I only said I was busy because—”

“And you know what?” The flames are rising up: into my cheeks and flicking between my eyebrows. “Maybe I’m
glad
you’re gone. Maybe I’m
glad
you’re not around. Maybe this is what we both needed, because maybe
you’re
the one who’s been holding me back in the first place.”

Nat goes very still. “
What?
”

I want to stop. I need to stop.

But the lava is hurtling down the mountain. It’s burning everything and everyone who gets in its way, and there isn’t a single thing inside me that can halt it.

“My life is better without you in it, Nat. I’m more confident. I have friends. People
like
me. I’ve moved on. Maybe this is what’s supposed to happen. I mean, it’s not as if we have anything in common any more anyway.”

The colour suddenly drains from Nat’s face, as if somebody’s pulled some kind of plug inside her. She stares at me in silence for a few seconds, then her eyes get very bright and very hard.

“Right,” she hisses, tugging hard at the box. “I’ve heard enough. This isn’t yours – let go.”

“No.” I tug back. “It’s not yours either.
You
let go.”

“Let GO.”

“
You
let go.”

“YOU.”

“
You.
”

“HARRIET. LET. GO. OF. THE. BLOODY. BOX.”

And – with one almighty rip – we both tug on NAT AND HARRIET’S WORLD OF FUN at exactly the same time and it splits right down the middle.

Exploding on to the floor between us.

e stare at the mess for a few seconds in silence.

Scrabble tiles and Monopoly hotels have gone everywhere. Face paints have smashed into pieces. Deflated balloons with little eyes and mouths have rolled under the bed and a tail from an old donkey is lying on top of my foot.

Organs have been spilt: there’s a kidney and pancreas from an old game of Operation still rocking back and forward slightly on the floorboards.

Old blue glitter is spread across the rug.

Then – with astonishing speed – Nat bends down and sweeps it all up into her arms. The Maglev train in Shanghai is the fastest train in the world, but at this moment I feel like Nat could probably beat it.

She runs towards the door.

“Don’t!” I shout after her, because I know exactly what she’s going to do and if she does I don’t know how we’re going to fix it. “DO. NOT. DO. THIS!”

But Nat does it anyway.

Without a word, she runs to the bathroom and lobs every house, every chess piece, every card, every paint, straight into the toilet.

Then she pulls the chain.

Slowly at first, and then with increasing speed, eleven years start to disappear in front of us.

Every late-night giggle. Every shared nose snort.

Hours and hours of
Cinderella
and
Shrek.
Hundreds of soda floats and pizzas and muffins.

Years and years of hiding under a duvet together, with a torch, so we could stay up a little later. Doing whatever we could to make the night last longer. To spend a bit more time together: just the two of us.

All spinning and turning until they’ve totally vanished.

Gone.

“There,” Nat snaps, facing me coldly. “
Now
we don’t have anything in common any more.”

We stare at each other, shoulders heaving up and down.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come to my party after all,” I say finally. “I think maybe we need some space.”

“I agree,” Nat hisses, face completely white. “After all, I wouldn’t want to
hold you back
any more than I have already.”