All The Little Moments (22 page)

“Okay. Now. The important part: can I hide this
from Sally?”

“How bad is
the bump?”

“Size of
an egg.”

Anna grimaced. “Poor Ella.
Probably not.”

“Shit.”

“Shush. Your daughter will hear you. You don’t want to corrupt her as well as give her permanent
brain damage.”

“Brain damage!”

“Jake. Calm. I’m teasing. She’s fine. Besides, she totally rolled off the changing table when she was a baby, and Sally called me in the same state. You two can be on even
ground now.”

“She did?”

“She did. And a million other parents have done what you two have done. You’re
doing fine.”

“Sometimes I have no idea what
I’m doing.”

Anna laughed wryly, “I think that’s how all
parents feel.”

“You ever going to join
the ranks?”

“Christ, no, Jake. When we were kids, you were the one who dragged my cabbage patch doll to feed at the table while Mum dragged me from
the mud.”

“I played in the mud, too. And it’s not my fault Andy
liked potato.”

“You are a very strange
person, Brother.”

“Back at you. Now go
to sleep.”

“Thank God.”

“Hey, and thanks,
Doctor Foster.”

“You know, one day you’ll have to stop saying that like it’s a joke. I’m an
actual doctor.”

“Never in my
eyes, kid.”

“Said the
child breaker.”

“I
hate you.”

“Go away, I’m very busy
and important.”

They both hung
up laughing.

In the dim light, Anna could see dust floating in the air. Besides a slight musty smell, it appeared like it always had. Her throat ached as she
looked around.

Ella turned her head and stared with wide eyes. “It smells
like Mummy.”

A lingering whiff of perfume Anna hadn’t noticed at first registered. “Wanna sleep in
their bed?”

Ella blinked, looking around. She nodded. “I’d sleep in the middle, when I was sick. Daddy called me his hot
water bottle.”

Anna took in a deep breath and stepped through
the doorway.

Nothing happened.

She didn’t really expect anything to; maybe she’d just hoped something would. Entering this room had been built up into something, into a symbol of
their avoidance.

As gently as she could manage with the uncomfortable weight of a child, Anna put Ella on the bed, Ella clinging to her shirt. Climbing on next to Ella, they slipped under the sheets. Ella sighed as she wriggled backwards. Wrapping her arms around her, Anna pulled
her close.

They lay quietly. Not a lot of dust had gathered in these two months after all. She had really built this up in
her mind.

Ella’s little voice cut through the semidarkness. “I miss the way Mummy knew when I was having a nightmare and would come into my room and scoop
me up.”

Anna rested her chin on top of Ella’s head, the little girl completely folded into her front. Ella’s voice was almost contemplative, a tone Anna thought must be rare in someone
her age.

“I miss the way your mummy laughed with me after we’d put you rascals
to bed.”

“I miss how Daddy’s cheek felt in the morning when he’d cuddle me,
all scratchy.”

Anna smiled softly at that. “I miss how your daddy always knew what I
was thinking.”

“‘Cause you two were
like twins?”

“Exactly.”

“I miss how Daddy made eggs. His eggs
were yum.”

“I miss how your mummy would choose me awesome presents but let your daddy take
the credit.”

“I miss how Mummy was always
at home.”

“I miss your dad’s
stupid jokes.”

“Daddy had
good jokes.”

“Hey Ella, what do you get hanging
from trees?”

“What?”

“Sore arms.”

Ella let out a little squawk of laughter. “Was that my
dad’s joke?”

“It was
his favourite.”

“See? Funny.”

Anna could feel the smug little grin that came off
her niece.

“Let’s agree to disagree, Ella Bella.” Anna pulled her in closer. “I miss how your mummy and I used to
go shopping.”

“I miss
Mummy’s cuddles.”

“I miss your
daddy’s hugs.”

“Me, too.”

They played that for who knew how long, before Toby’s cry cut in. Anna sat up and looked down at Ella, whose face was flushed as she blinked sleepy eyes
at Anna.

“Are you okay here while I
get Toby?”

Ella nodded,
burrowing down.

Anna slipped out and went to
Toby’s room.

The little boy stood up, clinging to the cot rail. The heat coming off him was palpable before she even touched him. Anna pulled him into a cuddle, his tiny limbs wrapping around her, then stripped him of the onesie, leaving him in a nappy and vest. After checking his temperature, she found the baby paracetamol. A few gulps of water, and
he quietened.

Cradling him to her front, she cupped his head to her chest and quietly padded down the hallway to Jake and Sally’s room, leaving the door open to let in the soft
hallway light.

Engulfed in the middle of the king-sized bed, Ella
blinked owlishly.

“Ella Bella, what are
you wearing?”

Ella looked down at the jumper that was swimming on her. “This is Daddy’s
military jumper.”

Anna slipped into bed next to Ella and sat cross-legged with Toby still wrapped around her. She rubbed his back and kept her voice light. “Where
was it?”

“Under Mummy’s pillow. She wore it whenever Daddy went away.” Ella wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s like a hug from both
of them.”

Ella said it simply, but Anna felt the words tug
at her.

She lay down on her side, Toby wiggling to cuddle into her front. Reaching her hand out, she wrapped her arms around both
the kids.

The three of them drifted off. Ella didn’t wake calling out and Toby
slept through.

Anna didn’t take her hands off either of them
all night.

“You’re kind
of addictive.”

Lips pressed against the back of Anna’s neck and an arm wrapped around her middle. She’d been staring vaguely at a spare computer in the surgery lounge, and then suddenly, the bliss of Lane
enveloped her.

“You should join a support group.” Anna smirked to herself, pretending to keep her eyes on the screen as Lane’s chin rested on her shoulder, her front pressed tight to Anna’s back. Surely it wasn’t normal to feel like turning and pushing someone against the wall and yet feel so settled and at peace all at the
same time?

Lane’s eyes sparkled. “Anna Addicts Anonymous. I can get Jenny
to join.”

A laugh puffed out of Anna even as she rolled
her eyes.

Lane turned to nuzzle her neck, smiling against the skin. “Laugh all you want, that intern has an insane crush
on you.”

Turning, eye to eye with Lane, lips barely apart from hers, Anna said, “Too bad I’m only interested in
emergency nurses.”

Lane’s mouth dropped open. “I knew you were
seeing Tess!”

With a delighted giggle, she pressed her lips
to Lane’s.

“How are the
kids feeling?”

Anna shrugged. Even though the room was empty, she stepped back to put some space between them before they got too comfortable. “Better. It was a
short-lived bug.”

“Ella happy to have a day off
school yesterday?”

Anna nodded, leading them out of the room and down a hallway to the elevator. “She was. She and Toby were mostly better by the morning but I figured I shouldn’t share their bug around. Apparently it’s sweeping through the day care, so we’ll
blame them.”

“Good idea. Enjoy your lazy
morning yesterday?”

Anna let out an exasperated breath. After the night she’d had, she had started late to ease the kids up slowly before dropping them with
her mother.

“Actually, yes. It was delightful. Someone lovely had left a coffee on my desk when I
got in.”

Lane widened her eyes, pressing the up button on the lift. “Who could that
have been?”

When the doors opened, Lane led the way in. The second the doors started to close, Anna pushed her against the back
wall. “You?”

Wrapping her arms around Anna, Lane grinned. “It’s no fun if
you guess.”

Anna melted into Lane—it had been days since she had gotten to. First, the day from hell, and then yesterday had seen Lane swamped in Emergency all day. Their session on the couch had been almost a
week ago.

Anna could fade into their kisses forever. The feel of Lane’s tongue against her lip brought out a groan. She pressed harder against Lane, whose hand entwined in Anna’s hair, fingers pressing into
her scalp.

The lift slowed to a stop, and Anna stepped backwards, turning on the spot as the doors opened—as innocent as if they’d been in the position the
whole time.

Kym kept a straight face, eying them with raised eyebrows before she turned and pressed the button
she wanted.

Anna bit her lip as she felt Lane’s shoulders shaking with badly-hidden mirth.

“And I’m supposed to believe you two weren’t just going at it like horny
high schoolers?”

“Anyone else would have believed it.” There was a pout in
Lane’s voice.

“Anna’s face is bright red and your shirt, Lane—” She turned, flicking her eyes down and then back to Lane’s face, “is unbuttoned
almost completely.”

Anna hid a smug grin as Lane’s indignant voice sounded out. “Holy shit, Anna, how fast do you move
your hands?”

Lane had
no idea.

“I bet Lane would love to know
how fast.”

She and Lane gaped at Kym, who feigned confusion. “What? That was funny.”

Leaving Lane to do up her buttons and laugh at Kym, Anna slipped out of
the elevator.

There were nights like two nights ago, where everything felt impossible, and days like today, where she felt a peace settle over her as her life seemed to calm. She didn’t know what it was about the other night with the kids, but, as she lay wrapped with them in a room she had avoided at all costs, she had wondered where they would be now if she wasn’t doing this. And when they had woken up in the morning, things had felt different. There was still a constant ache in her stomach, but now it was being pushed out by something
much stronger.

She might sometimes wonder what she was doing, but never why she was
doing it.

And then there was Lane. Lane made everything a little bit better. And that alone was a little
bit scary.

The rest of her day was spent in consults, and, at three o’clock, almost on the dot, an eruption of pagers occurred around her. Anna looked down at hers, scrolling through the abnormally long message it presented. As the surrounding surgeons, doctors, and anaesthetists read through their messages, she watched their expressions—mirrors of the one that must be on her own face. Their boss, looking longingly at the late lunch he wouldn’t get to finish now, called out, “Okay, listen up. This is an emergency coming through. A truck has T-boned a school bus, causing a huge pileup on the freeway. We have multiple traumas on the way—we’re in for the
night, guys.”