All Things Lost (42 page)
Authors: Josh Aterovis
“Wow, it really is an inferno in there,” I gasped.
Micah laughed.
“I see you survived and even made it back out with the same one you went in with,” Carmen commented, a puff of cigarette smoke punctuating every word.
“Very funny, Carmen.
You know, you should be on stage instead of at the door.”
“At my age?
Honey, I'm just happy to not have varicose veins. You two kids have fun now, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.”
“That leaves us a lot of room.”
“You know it.”
As we walked to the car, I asked Micah about Carmen.
“What did you mean earlier when you said no one knew what her day job is?”
Micah laughed again, “It's all a big mystery around the Inferno. Everyone knows that Carmen isn't her real name, but nobody knows who she is. In fact, Carmen isn't even really a woman.” I felt my eyes fly open wide and Micah chuckled at my expression. “Yeah, if you knew what Carmen did during the day you'd be even more surprised.”
“Tell me!”
“Nope, sorry.
I made her a promise.”
“How'd you find out?”
“By accident.
Well, actually, just by being observant. I thought I recognized her. I did some digging and it turned out I was right.” He unlocked the car and opened my door for me again. I could really get used to this.
“Now my curiosity is killing me,” I whined once we were both buckled in and on the road.
“Sorry, I forgot you're as nosy as I am. Tell you what, promise to go out with me again sometime and I'll tell you on our second date.”
“You are good at blackmail, aren't you? It's a deal.”
Micah grinned. “Great!”
“For the record, I would have gone out with you again without the extortion.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I've had a really great night.”
He looked over at me and smiled. “Good. I'm glad. I have too. I don't want it to end.”
“Me either.”
“You want to see my place before I take you home?”
“I'd love to. Where do you live?”
“Well, it's a little out of the way, but it's not a big deal. Do you have to be home at any certain time?”
I made a face. “I'm 18, Micah. I don't have a curfew.”
“Hey, I had a curfew until I moved out. If my parents had their way I'd still have one.”
“Nah, Adam's pretty cool about things like that. He trusts me. I'll just call him from your house.”
“It's an apartment and that's cool that you and Adam have that kind of relationship.”
“Adam's the best. I don't know what I would have done without him, where I'd be.”
“Let's not get too bogged down,” he said lightly. He deftly turned the conversation to music as he handed me his CD holder and told me to pick one. He had eclectic tastes, everything from Billie Holiday to Guns N Roses. I put in Madonna's new album and we talked music until we pulled into the parking lot of his apartment. It was just down the road from where Will and Aidan used to live. Unlike their renovated warehouse, though, Micah's building was modern-not more than a couple years old from the looks of it; lot's of dark glass and concrete.
We rode the elevator up to his floor in silence as I began to rethink this move. Was it really such a good idea to be going to Micah's apartment? He'd been nothing but a perfect gentleman all night but we would be alone. What if he tried something? Then again, would I really mind if he did? I really liked him. He'd even managed to keep me from thinking about Asher all night. I had to lose my virginity eventually, why not let it be with Micah?
The elevator stopped and Micah stepped out and unlocked his door. I followed him in and looked around while he turned lights on and picked up a couple stray glasses that had been left out around the living room.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked as he backed away towards the kitchen area, which was separated from the rest of the room by a bleached wood bar.
“What were you drinking at the Inferno?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I meant something more along the lines of a root beer or something.”
I shrugged. “Whatever you have will be fine.”
He smiled and turned around. I continued looking over the room. It was tastefully arranged with black leather furniture with art deco accents. Several objects d'art looked to be original pieces that I knew cost quite a bit. The walls were decorated with vintage movie posters framed in thin black frames. The room ended with floor to ceiling glass windows with a sliding door that led to a balcony set in the center. I made my way over to the door and looked out at the view.
“Nice, isn't it?” Micah said from close behind me. I jumped slightly and he smiled as he placed a glass in my hand. He reached around me and unlocked the door and slid it back.
“Go on out.
I'll be right there.”
I did as he suggested and walked out onto the balcony. It was a beautiful night, not too humid and on the cool side for a summer night in
Soft music suddenly filled the air and I recognized the sultry tones of Billie Holiday. I knew her voice and music right away since she was my mom's favorite singer and Adam and Steve had a collection of her recordings. Micah appeared at my side.
“Care to dance?” he asked softly.
I looked at him and smiled. “We haven't danced enough for one night?”
“This will be a little different.” He pulled me away from the railing and took the glass from my hand, setting it on the table there. Then he drew me in close, slid his arms around my waist and started swaying to the music. I melted into him, slipping my arms around his neck and nestling my face into his shoulder. We fit perfectly. We stood there for awhile on his balcony, dancing in a slow circle under the stars.
“I really have enjoyed being with you tonight, Killian,” he whispered into my hair.
“I've enjoyed being with you too,” I said back. My voice was somewhat muffled by his shoulder.
He pulled back slightly and raised a hand tenderly to my face. He stroked my cheek for a minute then ever so gently raised my chin. His eyes looked into mine, seeking permission. In answer, I leaned in and brought my lips to his. The kiss started out soft as the touch of a feather, but things heated up quickly. I don't know how long we stood there, just kissing, but suddenly I knew what I wanted to do. I broke away and looked deep into his eyes.
“Can I stay tonight?”
Chapter 24
Micah stood there for a second staring into my face. I tried to read his thoughts but his eyes revealed nothing. He stepped away and then slowly backed up until his legs hit the couch, where he sat down with a thud.
“What's wrong?” I asked, panic rising in my throat like the taste of bile. I asked but I was pretty sure I already knew. I'd blown it, pushed too hard, too fast, and now he thought I was some sort of slut.
“It's just…” he started but I cut him off.
“Don't. You don't have to explain it. That was stupid. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry. Maybe I'd better just leave.”
“Killian, don't be sorry. It wasn't stupid. You don't know how much I want you to stay the night.”
“Then…what's the problem?”
“I don't know. I mean I do know; it's just...”
“What?”
“Killian, you're different, special. You seem so…as if everything was your first time.”
I sighed and sat down on a chair across the room. “It is.”
“What do you mean? I thought you had a boyfriend for a long time.”
“I did. We dated for over a year and a half, but I've known him all my life. He was my best friend. We never really went on a “date” date. We never went through that whole getting to know each other process like we've been doing. It's not the same at all. This is so…incredible. I mean we never even…” I looked down at the floor, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Never even what?”
“We never even made love.”
“You…you didn't…you mean…you're…”
“I'm a virgin.”
“And you wanted me…”
I forced myself to look him in the eyes. “Yes.”
“Oh wow. Oh wow. That's a big deal, Killian.”
“I know.”
“I mean, it should be really special and all.”
“Tonight has been special.”
“I didn't mean-tonight was special, very special. But, excuse me for being crude, but I don't just want to be the guy who took your cherry.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to be more than that. I like you, Killian; I mean I really like you, a lot. I've liked you since the first time we met and I've liked you more and more ever since. And after tonight…I could fall in love with you very easily.”
“I like you too,” I told him softly. “I think maybe I could fall in love with you too.”
“Ok, then, you
see
what I mean?”
“No.”
It was his turn to sigh. “I would be so honored to be your first, but when it happens, if it happens, I want it to be so incredibly special. I don't want it to be on a first date while you're half buzzing.”
“I'm not-”
“What if you wake up tomorrow and you regret it? It could ruin any chance for anything between us. As much as I want you, and trust me, I do want you; I'm not willing to risk that.”
I stared at him for a minute as what he was saying sunk it. “You do want me?”
He laughed. “Who wouldn't want you? You're absolutely beautiful, you're brilliant, you're fun,
sexy
, sweet, funny…shall I go on?”
“No,” I said weakly. He stood up and crossed the room, kneeling in front of me. He cupped my face in both hands and looked me straight in the eyes. This time it was easy to read what was in them.
“Killian, you're the most amazing guy I've ever met. I've never met anyone like you. I…I want to date you, I want to get to know you better, I want to spend time with you. And then, maybe then, I'll sleep with you, but only if it feels right.”
“But I thought…”
“You thought all gay guys were giant
horndogs
that would hump anything that offered?” He smiled.
“I didn't say that,” I giggled.
“But that's what you were thinking. Don't buy into the stereotypes, Killian. I thought you were smarter than that. Not all gay guys are like that, you're not like that; I can tell. Oh, there are more than a few like that, and maybe I used to be like that, but I've learned the hard way that you can't build anything real on just sex.”
“Adam always says you need a solid foundation to start with. What did you mean you learned the hard way?”
“I'll tell you about it sometime.”
“What's wrong with right now?”
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, then smiled. “Ok, but let's move to the couch. It's more comfortable than sitting on my knees on the floor.”
I laughed and we transferred to the couch, me on one end and Micah on the other, our feet touching in the middle.
“I've never told anyone outside my family and my counselor. If I'm going to tell you now, then I need to be able to go through the whole thing without being interrupted, ok?” I nodded and he took a deep breath and began to talk. “I guess I started realizing I was different when I was about 13. All the other guys were going crazy about girls and all I ever thought about was my best friend Justin. I knew I was gay but I was scared to death to tell anybody. One day I was trying to get Justin to take his clothes off in our back yard. I was always trying to get him naked somehow; I don't even remember what excuse I was using that time. I didn't think we were where we could be seen or heard, but anyway Justin got mad at me and said he was sick of me trying to get his clothes off and he left in a huff. I can't really blame him.