All This Time (11 page)

Chapter
Nineteen

“Oh
honey, are you sure you can’t stay a little longer?” Gran asks, stacking our
dinner plates beside the sink for me to wash.

“I
want to, you know that, but I have plans for the weekend that sort of involves
work,” I remind her again. I really wish that I didn’t have to leave either.
Going back to my life in Canton and being Decks date for a family wedding isn’t
exactly something that tops the list of my favorite things to do on a holiday
weekend, but I am excited about finally getting aligned with a member deep
inside the X’kapz tight nit core group. Hopefully I will catch a break and
obtain enough concrete evidence that I can turn over to my captain and blow
their nefarious dealings to kingdom come, ending a reign of national terrorism
brought on by drug dealers and gun runners throughout the southeast.

Yeah,
that’s a little melodramatic, but hey, a girl can dream
.

“I
suppose you’re right.” She smiles sweetly, but I can see how disappointed she
is with me heading back early. “Here, this is the last of it.” She hands me the
large turkey serving platter and scoots over to the coffee grinder. “I’ll make
some coffee and you will sit with me for a bit before you pack up and leave me again.
We haven’t had a girl chat in ages.”

Besides
Kris, my Gran is the closest girlfriend I have. That may sound totally
pathetic, but I don’t trust easily. Plus, she’s brilliant and her advice is
absolutely priceless to me, albeit sometimes it can be a little kooky. I
cherish every conversation we’ve had, but I can tell from the sparkle in her
eye that she has something specific that she wants to discuss.

“Fat
free half and half or would you like to be a rebel tonight and join me in
splurging with a dash of Italian Cream? It turns your coffee into a decadent
dessert.” She grins while shaking the hell out of the bottle of liquid
goodness.

Covering
my hand over where my heart lies in my chest, I gasp. “What the hell, Gran?
After watching me glutton myself on your fabulous meal, how can you ask me such
things?” I smirk, “Make it two splashes.”

“I
wish Kris would have visited with you. How is she?” Gran asks, taking our
coffees out to the sun room with me following behind with a dish of pecan pie.
She glances over her shoulder and chuckles when she spots my second helping of
dessert.

“She’s
great, although she works too much. I feel horrible that she agrees to overtime
every chance she can get just to help cover her half of the utilities. I offer
every month to pay more than my share, but she’s dead set on making it a fair
split down the middle.” I sigh, sitting down on one end of the large sofa while
Gran curls up on the other side.

Gran
sips her coffee deliberating my words for a moment and then says, “Single women
like to be in control. It makes them feel empowered to know they are doing it
independently. Kris is a good girl, raised by a family with high standards and
respectable morals. Don’t deprive her of something that she is clearly
passionate about. It would kill you if someone took away your rights to provide
for yourself. I seem to recall not too long ago how a certain someone was way
too stubborn to let her grandparents pay for college.” Oh, she knows this topic
always gets me riled up.

“Gran,
I get it. But I just couldn’t let you do it after turning down your generous
offer to join the company. Besides, you know that my dad would have never let
me accept money either.” I stare out the window, watching the last of the sun’s
rays streaking across the darkening southern sky. Talking about my dad isn’t my
preferred topic during family get-togethers. Notice how neither he nor my
mother is here celebrating with the family.

“Honey,
let me tell you something about your father,” Gran starts, pulling my free hand
into hers. “When the time came, he chose his path. Now, the reasons he did are
his own, and you are entitled to the same options. You know we will love and
support you no matter what you do. I couldn’t be more proud of the woman you’ve
become, Samantha.” Her eyes glisten as she continues. “The first moment I laid
eyes on you, I knew you would do special things, great things.” She smiles
dotingly and emphasizes her feelings again, “Very important things. Did I ever
tell you that I had a visit from an angel in the early morning hours the day
you were born?”

“What?”
I chuckle, not believing that my sweet and normally sane grandmother just
confessed something so ridiculous, “An angel? Are you sure you weren’t dreaming
instead?”

“Well,
hell yes I was dreaming. How else do you think angels visit us?”

“Oh,”
is all I can come back with while I think about how maybe she’s on to something
with this theory.

“As
I was saying, a beautiful woman who looked like an angel came to me in my
dreams. She spoke softly and slowly, but I still couldn’t understand most of
what she was trying to relay to me.” I twitch an eyebrow up curious as to where
this crazy story is leading. “What I remember specifically about the vision of
the angel is that she looked exactly as you do now.”

“Really?”
I stifle a giggle, but she can see it. “So was she
the future me visiting you in a dream the day before I was born?”

She
swats my hand playfully. “Hush up girl and listen to me.” I nod, pretending to
lock my lips and toss away the key. She blesses me with an enormously dramatic
eye roll. “That ‘future you’ was happier than any person I’ve ever seen. She
had this amazing glow about her, that’s what made me believe she was an angel.
The words that she kept repeating slowly began to form into a language that I
could understand, yet I had to strain to hear them. When she realized I was
catching on she paused and then told me that everything that I know isn’t what
is
and everything that is to come will come with pain.”

Gran
glances away, sighs heavily and then says, “She said that I need to tell you to
keep pushing. No matter what the cost you will receive everything your heart
desires, but it will come with a hefty price tag. Of course none of it made
sense to me at the time, but after our little debate over your living
arrangements, I realize that is exactly who you are. You don’t crumble under
pressure, even with that heavy burden your father puts upon you and with that
hellish job of yours, you never do anything easily. It will be the same for you
when you fall in love.” She lifts her gigantic coffee cup to her lips taking a
big gulp.
Gran practically funnels the liquid caffeine all day long.

Briefly
distracted by her daily coffee quota, I play catch-up and shudder visibly
thinking about what her dream might mean. What will my hefty price tag involve?
Could it all relate back to what I’m currently involved with or is it something
different altogether? Damn Gran and her silly dreams.

“Honey,”
Gran calls smirking roguishly, dragging me back to the land of the living.
“Where did you go? You were looking directly at me, but not responding when I
asked you a question.”

“Oh,
I’m sorry Gran. I was just sorting through your story. What was your question?”

“I
asked if you’ve fallen in love.” I stare at her now completely aware of what
she’s asking and wonder why in the hell she would throw that out at me.

“Uh,
Gran…” I narrow my eyes at her and wait for the punch line. She doesn’t budge.
“Fallen in love? What on earth would make you ask me that?”

She
shrugs one shoulder casually. “Well, that was the other part of the angel’s
message.” She continues, leaning forward and placing her cup on the small table
in front of us, “She said that it all begins when your heart is whole. Love is
the only thing that completes the heart. I wanted to know if you’ve found your
other half yet.”

“No,”
I shake my head adamantly emphasizing my abhorrence to that useless emotion.
“As much as I enjoy your stories Gran, I know for a fact there isn’t a man out
there who could be my other half. And if there is such a creature roaming this
world, I don’t know if I could stand him.” I chuckle, but she remains
completely impassive with my rebelliousness when it comes to this topic.

“Dearest,
of course
he’s out there
and you will know it the moment you lay eyes on
him. There’s no loud boom of fireworks or a chorus of angels singing from the
heavens, but you will feel a draw to him unlike anything you’ve ever
experienced. It’s undeniable, and no one will ever make you feel it except for
the
one
.”

My
eyes grow wide remembering how drawn my body is to Blues every time I’m around
him. I recover quickly by pretending an eyelash is in my eye, and drop my
shocked expression just as fast.
It’s not Blues. It can’t be Blues.
Nothing
about our relationship will convince me that he is my other half. It’s not like
we are romantically involved and even if we were he is the bad guy, a good cop
turned rouge after getting busted stealing from a shipment of drugs, resulting
with him getting kicked off the force. I could never be with someone who
supports destroying other people’s lives. Besides his vile career choices, he
was recently removed from the singles market by one of the nastiest bitches
I’ve ever been up against, confirming that I am definitely not his type. No,
there’s no way in hell Blues is who Gran could be talking about. He will never
be
the one
, ever.

“I
fought the uncontrollable draw to Mac originally too,” Gran whispers through a
brilliant smile, “Clearly, you see what good that did me.”

Chapter
Twenty

Saturday
I spend time getting pampered with Natalie in preparation for my date with
Decks at his cousin’s wedding tonight. We swipe Wise’s credit card so many
times, I’m afraid we will scrape off the raised numbers soon. As much as I
struggle with their lifestyle choice, I’m finding it easy to really like them
and their little munchkins.

Sipping
on my second glass of complimentary champagne after our amazing facials and
pedicures, I glance over at Natalie, her face tilted upward toward the ceiling
and eyes closed, discerning her completely serene expression.

“Where
are you?” I ask, giggling as she pierces me with a strange look. “What?”

“I
was fantasizing about Jude in New Orleans. You’ve reminded me enough about our
trip that I’m actually getting really excited about going to a damn football
game.”

“Ah,
well I’m sure the players aren’t going to be the only ones getting tackled that
weekend. I think Wise has some of that in store for you in the bedroom.”

“Do
you know that the last time Jude and I went on a trip alone was when we were
living in Baltimore?” I shake my head and watch as sadness moves into her deep
hazel eyes.

“You
okay, Natalie?”

“I’m
sorry. I shouldn’t bring it up, but I haven’t had a girlfriend in ages and I
haven’t ever talked to anyone about our life before…” She trails off, wiping
away a stray tear that slowly slips down her cheek.

“Hey,”
I reach out and touch her arm, “You know that you can tell me anything you
want. I’ll keep it between us.” She stares at me hard for a moment before
nodding her head. Glancing around the crowded spa she sighs heavily. “Let’s get
out of here. How does a small snack sound?”

She
sighs again, “You only have two hours before Decks picks you up. It can wait
for another day.”

“No,”
I demand, picking up our purses, handing hers over and slinging mine over my
shoulder. “We’re going downstairs to Annabelle’s Sweets and splitting some
frozen custard. No arguing, move your ass.”

Taking
a seat by the window, Natalie digs into our cup of heaven while I fish around
in my purse for a tissue. The moment we sat down in the empty dessert shop she
started spilling everything, including incessant tears.

“So
after Jude’s dad died he decided to move us away from everyone. I wasn’t sure
about leaving behind my family, but he just couldn’t be around all the eyes
staring at him with pity.”

“What
happened to his father?” I ask, handing her a paper hankie.

She
wipes her nose and mumbles around the tissue, “He worked for the secret service
in D.C. Jude was really proud of him and…” She pauses, glances out the window
briefly, and then looks back. I can tell that she’s struggling with revealing
everything from their past. She sighs more. “He wanted to follow in his dad’s
footsteps. He planned to work for homeland security.” My mouth hangs open, and
she smiles for the first time since leaving the spa, and it’s all because of
the shocked look on my face. I thought he was in engineering.
I’m so
confused
. “He dreamed of being a police officer when he was a kid. In
college he decided on national protection. We were married right out of high
school and I got pregnant with Dean almost immediately. About six months before
he graduated from college his dad died in the line of duty.”

“Oh
god, Natalie I’m so sorry.” I clutch her hand tenderly.

“Yeah,
they were very close.” She sniffs. “Jude’s mom died when he was a kid so it was
just the two of them for the longest time. About a month later he received a
call from the head of the department offering him a job. Instead of accepting
it he came to me with the idea of coming to Georgia. I wasn’t sure what we
would do for money or a place to live, but he begged me to trust him to
provide, so I did.” She grins, a wistful look moves across her face as she glances
out the window again. “Angel, it was almost like fate led us here. Jude found
our home online and it was perfect. I wasn’t sure how he planned on paying for
it, but I never once questioned him. Within a week of moving in Jude met Decks
and he started working for him almost immediately. Of course at first I wasn’t
sure how happy he would be selling cars for a living, but he convinced me that
we were worth the sacrifice. And now I have you, too.”

Talk
about information overload, my mind is totally chaotic right now. Hearing how
Wise was on a path to becoming a law enforcement officer before being blown
away with his dad getting killed while on duty, I am shocked and troubled by
his downfall. But then when Natalie revealed that he has her completely snowed
with this car salesman job, I can no longer hide my hatred.

“Are
you
happy?” I snap. She jerks her head, looking at me strangely, like
I’ve offended their choices, and I wince at my harsh tone. “I mean you had to
leave behind all of your friends and family. Has he acknowledged how much
you’ve
sacrificed?”

“It
may sound weird to you, but I believe that it’s all worked out for the best. I
know that the kids and I are Jude’s priority, and he will do whatever it takes to
prove it.” I grunt thinking that this is the biggest load of crap I’ve ever
heard.

She
nods when she sees my unconvinced look and explains further, “Do I miss our
life before? Yes. Would I rather have it over being with my husband and
children here? No. We all have sacrifices that we must endure, Angel. I don’t
believe mine are any more important than his.”

Suddenly,
I am all keyed up and wishing that Wise was here with us so I could slap some
sense into him. What kind of man leaves a life of defending and protecting,
only to fall right into one that puts his family in direct line of the horrible
dangers he is supposed to keep them from? Seriously, I couldn’t be more
disappointed in one person than I am with her husband at this very moment.

“Angel,
please don’t say a word to Jude,” she begs, standing from her seat and pulling
her purse strap over her shoulder. “He despises his old life and made me
promise to never speak about it to anyone here. I hate betraying him by telling
you, but I needed to get it off my chest. You are the first person that I’ve
gotten close to in all this time.” I sigh softly feeling like I’ve let her down
already, and I haven’t even uttered a word about their secret past.

Something
nudges my brain about how odd all of this sounds. But then again, I keep just
as many secrets from the people in this world so I guess I can understand some
of his concern. Getting close to Decks has me a little on edge just thinking
about him discovering my hidden life.

Wait!
Could Wise be undercover? Is that why he demands that Natalie doesn’t reveal
their past to anyone? It would explain a lot if he is, and oh my god if it
turns out to be true, I would feel better about his involvement with the
Kennedy’s. The heaviness lifts from my chest as we get into her car, heading
back to her house. I know Russ warned me not to speak to anyone about my cover,
but I just feel like I need to know Wise’s truth. If he’s undercover then that
could explain the tender warning he gave me after my first date with Decks. Dammit
all to hell, I’m freaking confused and torn about how to handle it all.