Almost Always: A Love Unexpected Novel (12 page)

Seventeen

We stayed away from the beach the next day and were taking a day trip to Carcassonne. The medieval city had not been on my whirlwind tour backpacking around Europe and I was delighted to have the chance to see it. I was a little disappointed when Taishi pulled the
Landaulet
onto an expressway.

"It's almost sixty miles to Carcassonne," Kason explained when I told him I had hoped for a country drive. "Depending on the time, perhaps we can drive back on the secondary roads. Meanwhile, relax and enjoy the sky above us and this baby's sweet ride."

He wasn't exaggerating about the car. Inside, it was as quiet as a tomb, even with the open roof. I wondered what kind of engineering genius it took to manage that feat. We sipped on
café au lait
and watched the French countryside speed past the windows.

"It's so beautiful here," I sighed. "Everything looks like it came out of a postcard. I mean, I love New York, but here it seems everything has been around for hundreds and hundreds of years."

"That's because it has. My mother used to say that France was not given nearly the credit it should have been in history. She said the Greeks and the Romans took all the credit and the Gauls were treated by scholars like some abandoned step-child."

"Did your family travel when you were a child?" I saw an opening and I took it. Kason was a master at avoiding any sort of conversation that would enlighten me about his past. If the quiet morning ride under the clear blue September sky was loosening his tongue, I wasn't about to miss the chance to untie it.

He leaned back and stretched his long legs out in front of him. The vehicle gave even him room to spare. "My mother loved to travel. My father hated it. Still does, I believe. Every summer when school was out, we would spend as much time globe-trotting as she could manage."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Oh, yes. My mother was a wonderful teacher. In another life, she could have been a great educator. As it was, I was her only student. She was so brilliant at helping me see the world through her more knowledgeable eyes. I ate it up. Of course, I think I would have been happy touring a landfill if my mother took me there."

"You were lucky to have that time with her. My Mom was great, but there wasn't much time for just her and me. I guess that's why I'm sort of making up for it now. I'm glad I'm the youngest. I've finally got her to myself."

"That's part of why traveling was so special to me. I didn't have to share her with my father. We had wonderful days, but once he came home from work, most of the energy in the house went into keeping him happy. Never an easy task."

"Was he cruel to you?"

"Not unless you consider being incredibly cold a form of cruelty. He could be caustic, too, when he chose."

And you have certainly inherited that ability, Kason
. "That's sad. My dad is a lot of things, but cold isn't one of them."

"My mother made up as best she could. The trips were part of that."

"My family never traveled any further than the Jersey Shore. Not exactly an exotic vacation destination. My mother envied me when I scraped together enough nickels and dimes to backpack through Europe."

"If I ever had children, I would show them the world."

I wondered if I should censor my next question. But I didn't. "Do you want to have children, Kason?"

He surprised me by taking his time before giving me a thoughtful answer. "Children seem to be the greatest risk of all in life. I often wonder if my mother would have chosen to have me if she had had a crystal ball."

"How can you say that? She obviously adored you!"

"Yes and then she left me with a man who couldn't . . . who wouldn't . . . I just wonder if she had known how it all was going to end up, if she would have brought me into the world."

"And how has it ended up? You're a hugely successful man who seems to live a rather full life."

"Is that how I appear to you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact it is. Okay, so there's a strange dark side to you. I mean, this whole 'no expectations thing' of yours has to come from somewhere. I'm guessing it stems from losing your mother at such a tender age."

The shadow that darkened Kason's face frightened me. I knew I had overstepped. "Is it impossible for you to remember the
one
thing I have asked of you? If I want psychoanalysis, I can afford the best. Amateur hour isn't my style when it comes to healing my
delicate damaged soul
." He spit the last three words out with so much sarcasm and venom that I winced.

He leaned back against the headrest and closed his eyes. It was a pretty clear message. The conversation was over.

***

"Kason! Look at that!" I couldn't help myself. When we approached Carcassonne, the sight of the towers, the ramparts, and just the hugeness of the ancient relic overwhelmed me. Kason seemed more than happy to rouse himself from his (pretend) nap and get us back onto safe, neutral ground. He could turn on a dime that much I knew. The icy mood was gone. If I still felt the sting of his words, that was clearly going to be my problem and mine alone.

"It's amazing, isn't it? It was restored in the 1800's and the whole process was quite controversial. Carcassonne is the largest surviving walled city of its kind. I, for one, don't mind if Viollet-le-Duc took a few liberties in the nineteenth century."

I leaned toward the window, angling for a better look. Kason picked up the intercom mike and told Taishi to pull over onto the shoulder. "You really need to take it all in before we go inside the city. Appreciating it from a distance is critical."

We stood on a small hill overlooking the arched bridge over the Aude River. The sun brushed that peculiar golden light over the landscape that makes everything seem like a painting. I looked over at Kason, his profile strong and masculine against the backdrop of the green countryside. A wave of gold-brown hair caught in the slight breeze and fluttered behind his ear. I wanted to touch him again. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for trying to pry open the lockbox that held his pain. But I really wasn't sorry. I was only sorry that he had reacted the way he did.

I couldn't compartmentalize like he could. How was it possible for a man to be so intimate and so distant at the same time? How could he touch me, caress me, worship me and care for me and still shut down completely when I tried to get past his rigid barriers? When I sighed, he took it as a reaction to the stunning sight in front of us.

"I've always thought this place should have been the inspiration for Oz. But in reality, the legend is that this is the city that inspired 'Sleeping Beauty'." He took my hand and shot me the look I'd come to think of as "kid in a candy shop". It was the look that told me he was about to bestow an exquisite discovery and he couldn't wait. For the moment, and not for the last time, I would choose to push my misgivings aside in favor of his gifts.

Carcassonne defied my wildest expectations. I'd seen all sorts of castles and ruins in Europe, but never anything so well preserved, so real. I wouldn't have been surprised to see a band of knights in armor ride through one of the cobbled streets on massive steeds decked out in royal colors. It looked almost like a movie set and Kason informed me that it had in fact been used as a backdrop for
Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves
in the 90's.

Although it would have been impossible to furnish and decorate the entire walled city as it would have been at its glory, it was marvelous to see the relics, tapestries and ordinary stuff that might have belonged to the people who once lived there.

Kason followed me as I almost skipped around the old city. It was a delightful place and I wanted him to know how much I was enjoying it. I took his hand in mine as we strolled along the ramparts and looked out over the escarpment that ended at the Aude River.

"Thank you for bringing me here. I had no idea it would be this amazing."

"There are over fifty towers at Carcassone. See those two over there?" he asked pointing to a far corner of the city. "That's where Mom and I stayed when we were here. It was during July and she knew about the annual event when the city is set ablaze with fireworks. The view from our rooms in the tower was something I'll never forget."

I tried to think of some comment to make that was appropriate and neutral. I didn't want to get too 'personal' and sour the mood of a fantastic experience as I had in the car. "It sounds like your mother planned your trips so a kid could get the most out of them."

"She did. That she did." He steered me toward a shop that sold hand milled soaps and colognes all infused with local herbs and flower essences. "Let's put a basket together for Marjorie. Any woman would love these products . . . " He began to pile all sorts of different bottles and boxes in the shopping basket to put together a collection for my mother. It was thoughtful and poignant; almost as if in giving my mother a gift, he could honor the memory of his.

Eighteen

I was never aware of Taishi as a bodyguard. He didn't shadow us the way you see celebrities or politicians covered by burly men in sunglasses with wires behind their ears. When we had gone to the beach, he had disappeared all together. While we were strolling through the streets, building and squares of Carcassone, I glimpsed him once or twice nearby. He didn't seem to be paying particular attention to us and I was quite sure none but the most expert eyes would have connected him with us.

It began to be a game with me—spotting him—but I certainly didn't let on to Kason. When we chose a café for lunch, we sat at a street-side table and although I subtly scanned the crowd for our stealthy guard, I couldn't pick him out. It was only after Kason had paid the bill and we headed out to find a particular exhibit that I noticed Taishi casually examining some flowers at a vendor's cart. 

After several more sightings, I saw that he kept a particular distance from us in a thin crowd, but moved closer when we were in the midst of a denser group of people. He was methodical, consistent and very subtle.

"If Taishi wanted to hide himself completely from you, he could." Kason surprised me by catching me at my game.

"Oh . . . I didn't mean . . . I was just . . . " It embarrassed me to get caught, for some odd reason.

"It's okay, a bodyguard takes some getting used to. I know at the beginning, I was constantly checking to see where he was. Now, it seems natural, like Taishi is a part of the landscape of my life."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Can I stop you?" he asked, but he was smiling so I ventured on.

"Why a bodyguard? Does everyone with your kind of . . . wealth, need a bodyguard?"

"Most people with 'my kind of wealth' feel some need to protect themselves. I'm a target in many ways. Scammers—"

"You're too smart for that," I cut him off.

He grinned. "Okay, maybe not scammers, but just plain thieves or people desperate for some financial help can be a nuisance. And, then there's kidnappers."

"Kidnappers? In the U.S. or here, in France? I mean, I can understand if you're traveling to the Middle East or Africa, but . . . "

"You don't have to be in a third world country, evil is everywhere. Human cankers." He sighed heavily. "If I tell you a story, can you leave it alone?"

"Leave it alone?"

"Yes, can you just listen and let it sink in but not question me about it?"

I wanted to hear what he had to say. I agreed.

"Years ago, not long after I made some truly outstanding investment hits, I decided to celebrate by taking a trip with some of the people who'd made that success possible." He rubbed his forehead as if the memory pained him.

"We went to a ski resort in Northern Italy. There were a couple of characters hanging around who seemed out of place, but I wasn't as suspicious then as I am now. One night at the bar, one of the guys struck up a conversation with me. Back then, I was so full of myself and proud of 'making it' that I didn't hold anything back."

Not like you do now. Now you're a master at holding back
. . .
at least when it comes to some things.

"So, as they say in the movies, I was 'marked'. When my friend and I went out the next day to do some cross-country, the two guys also went. They followed us, but at a distance that didn't raise any alarms. We stopped for a rest in one of the stations on the trail." He swallowed hard and ran a hand through his hair. "When we came out of the shelter, we were jumped. There was a scuffle at the edge of the trail. All four of us were rolling around in a ball. When the railing gave way, I was the only one who hung on. I grabbed the cable after it snapped and watched the two attackers and my friend fall. I was still hanging on when an avalanche slid past me and buried the valley where they landed. None of the bodies were ever recovered."

I watched him stare off into the distance, knowing he had told me half a story. Of course he was talking about his 'friend' Elsa. Who else could it be? But the rules of the game were the rules of the game.

"I don't know what they were after. All I know is that it wasn't a simple case of trying to steal my watch. I suspect they were planning to kidnap me, or perhaps my friend. There may have been someone waiting to take me away who disappeared when things went south." He put his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. The sound of him sucking a heavy breath through his nose filled the space around us.

"I do know that by being stupid and casual about personal safety I lost one of the finest people I've ever known."

"I'm so sorry, Kason." I took his hand and squeezed it. "You've had a lot of loss for a young man. That's got to be tough."

He pulled himself to his full tall height and shook his shoulders. "Well, I've survived," he said matter-of-factly. "The whole point of the story is that I learned the value of having someone like Taishi around." We came to a magnificent church. "Here's St. Nazarius' Basilica. It's one of the highlights. You'll want to give this your complete attention."

No, I want to give
you
my complete attention. I want you to finish the story! I didn't want a lesson in the importance of personal security; I wanted some insight into you!

How could the man tell me a story like that with the same emotion he was now investing in relating factoids about an ancient pile of stones? More importantly, how could this man be so utterly satisfying in some ways and so damn frustrating in others?

I'm afraid Kason's entire lecture on the fascinating history of the Basilica went in one ear and right out the other. It might be easy enough for him to switch gears and describe a church right after he'd given me the circumstances of his fiancé's death, but I was still somewhere out there in the snow looking for answers.

***

True to his word, Kason instructed Taishi to take a more leisurely route on the way back to the coast. The countryside was a mellow tapestry of vineyards, villages and farms all gilded with the late afternoon sun. Everything seemed ripe here, September's early song was rich and sweet in the peaks and valleys of the gentle rolling countryside.

We stopped in a village so that I could sample a wine that Kason told me was one of his special favorites. "The Languedoc region produces a ton of outstanding wines. We'd have to stay a month just to begin to try them all. But I wanted you to taste a
Blanquette de Limoux
."

I had gotten over the thousand things I'd never heard of, tasted or done and simply said, "Tell me . . . "

"The locals claim that their sparkling wine predates champagne. That's impossible to prove, but interesting anyway." He led me to a cool case and picked out a bottle. "You'll find it slightly sweet and a little cloudy. That's because the wine is left with the lees after the second fermentation—
Methode Ancestrale."

We paid for the wine and Kason uncorked it in the car where, naturally, there were a couple of cut crystal flutes sparkling in the little bar. It was different and delicious and I happily sipped on my glass as the miles rolled by.

The stop and start of the car when we reached Agde traffic woke me up. I'd fallen asleep with the lull of sparkling wine and a luxury ride. Drool was dribbling out of the side of my mouth and I quickly wiped it away, horrified. I did a quick check of the white leather for more.

Fortunately, Kason himself was asleep as well only he wasn't drooling. Of course
he
wasn't drooling. He was lying back against the seat, mouth closed, breathing slowly and silently through his perfect patrician nose. I watched the rise and fall of his chest and resisted the urge to put my hand on it so that I could feel the gentle motion of his muscles. He had on a moss-green silk shirt that flowed over his skin in a way that seemed uncommonly sensual for just a shirt. I had noticed during the day how the color picked up one of the many shades I saw in his forest eyes and, along with the khaki pants he'd chosen for our outing, just seemed to blend him into the landscape as if he had joined a painting.

By some happy coincidence, I had chosen a terra-cotta colored sundress from the assortment in 'my' closet and a pair of sensibly flat, but very pretty sandals that laced at the ankles. The wide straw hat I found on the top shelf of the closet was a perfect accent, its big scarf in shades of the same tawny clay, ochre and olive. We looked like we had purposely coordinated our outfits.

It took me a while to get used to how people turned their heads when Kason and I walked past. At first, I just figured it was because of his devastating good looks. But, after a while, I noticed that it wasn't just women who were looking at us. Men, women, old, young, singly or together, it seemed that something about us was worthy of a second glance. I understood a little bit more about that reaction as I pondered the lovely picture of us gliding through town in that cloud of a car.

Kason didn't wake until we pulled up to the dock where Royce's Risk gently swayed in her berth. Taishi handed the many packages we had accumulated during the day to the steward, Carlos. There was the gift basket for my mother all wrapped in yellow cellophane and adorned with a huge silk bow. I had made a futile effort to rein Kason in on the shopping, but there was no reasoning with the man. The very truthful argument that Marjorie would be embarrassed by such extravagance met with a snort and "she'll just have to get used to it".

Of course that hurled me right into a fantasy about what he really meant by that statement and effectively shut me up. Maybe he knew that's the effect it would have. It wasn't impossible that Kason knew exactly how much I invested in any mention he made of the future or any indication that we were a 'couple'. Maybe he knew that forbidden expectations were as good as a guarantee a girl like me would be obsessed with them.