Almost Like Being in Love (16 page)

Those Couples in Love

Cheek to Cheek

It Only Takes a Moment

I Get a Kick Out of You

Chances Are

They Say It’s Wonderful

Embraceable You

Almost Like Being in Love

FROM THE JOURNAL OF

Travis Puckett

$38 FOR FISH?! Are these people out of their fucking minds?! What do they put in the cream sauce— plutonium? And get this: $9 for verre d’eau. Know what that means in English? Glass of water! “Our orchestra is pleased to welcome those couples in love.” Yeah? For $38, you’d better blow me.

I can’t believe they played that song. Out of eighteen million songs they could have picked, they had to play that one. This was an ambush.

I’d barely had time to finish a $14 dinner roll and take Julian’s hand to keep him from cruising Apollo at the next table when the ass-kissing orchestra chose that moment to ruin my life with “Almost Like Being in Love.” Twenty years I’ve gotten away without hearing it. Twenty! And now I know why. It was like the prince kissing Snow White—when I woke up, Julian had evaporated, the ring was still on my finger, and I couldn’t even taste the $25 bowl of soup.

Craig.

Craig with the crinkly eyes and Craig who invented the single dimple and Craig who called me Smerko and Craig who taught me about cookie fights and Craig who never laughed at my popcorn and Craig who found a thousand other ways to say “I love you” without using any words. And we let it slip away from us. Just like that. Why do they entrust youth to kids?!

Somebody ought to kick my ass. How bright do you have to be?

TRAVIS PUCKETT’S BOYFRIEND CHECKLIST

Name: Craig McKenna

Duration: 20 years

Occupation: I don’t know Where we met: Brigadoon

BEGINNER LEVEL

Can say “I love you”

Isn’t hiding another boyfriend

Thinks kissing is sexy

Has a glowy smile

Is at least marginally sensitive

Will probably remember my name the next morning

INTERMEDIATE LEVEL

Can say “I love you” without my saying it first