Alone (8 page)

Just before five, a nurse came around to
advise visiting hours were over and Serenity should let Jackson get
some rest. Serenity was only too eager to have an excuse to
leave.

She leaned down to kiss Jackson on the
cheek but, before she had the chance, he reached out and grabbed
her face between his thumb and forefinger. Squeezing her cheeks
painfully, Jackson forced her mouth against his.

Serenity held her breath while he kissed
her, not wanting to smell the old alcohol and potato chips on his
breath. Finally, he let her go.

“
Just wanted to make sure you
won’t forget me,” he said, smacking her on the rear as she made her
exit.

“
I could never forget you,”
she said, her voice cold. And she walked away.

Chapter Seven

Serenity walked out of the hospital and
found Sebastian sitting on a low wall in the ambulance
bay.

He sat with his arms resting on his
knees, his foot bothering an old cigarette butt on the tarmac. A
smile broke out on her face. He wasn’t yet aware of her presence
and she drank in the sight of him. He was dressed in a light grey
suit and a strand of his dark hair fell over his forehead. Even in
the failing light, he took her breath away and for the thousandth
time she wondered what the hell he saw in her.

The ever present guilt reared its ugly
head. How could she look at another man when her husband lay in a
hospital bed in the building behind her?

T
he guilt didn’t stop her from
approaching.

“
No appearing in bedrooms today?”
she said as she walked up to him. “No more doorways to disappear
through?”

He glanced up with a grin, the low
light catching in his green eyes. “No, thought I would travel the
old fashioned way today and catch the bus.”

She laughed; a foreign sound for her. “Why
do I find it hard to picture you on public transit?”

“
Okay, I lied. I
walked.”

Jackson’s presence in the ward behind
burned into her back. Knowing he might look out of a window or walk
out at any moment to find her talking to Sebastian terrified her.
She wanted to get away from the hospital.

Suddenly, she realized she could do
just that. She could leave with Sebastian and no one would be any
wiser.

A sense of freedom washed over her.
She always had to report to Jackson exactly where she was and when
she’d be back. The lack of restrictions almost overwhelmed her and
her head spun as though she were drunk from it.

She could do whatever she
wanted.

What if he calls you at
home?

The thought struck fear
into her heart, but
she refused to let the possibility drag her down. If he asked where
she’d been she would think of something; she’d been vacuuming and
hadn’t heard the phone ringing. For once in her life, Serenity
decided she didn’t care. He would probably beat her when he got
home anyway, just to make up for the couple of days he had missed.
She couldn’t escape from that.

Sebastian must have seen her face
pale. “Are you all right?”

She shook herself, pushing away any
thoughts of Jackson.

“
Yes, I’m fine,” she said,
looking up at him. “Are you here visiting your mysterious friend
again, because visiting times are over?”

He grinned. “No. I came to see
you.”

She couldn’t help the buzz of excitement
coursing through her.

“
Can we go somewhere,” she
said, her joy at having him with her overwhelming any shyness.
“Somewhere special to me?”

“
I’d like that. Where are we
going?”

“
You’ll have to wait and
see.”

He stood and swept his hand forward.
“Lead the way.”

They walked from the hospital grounds
together, leaving the sirens and the sickness behind. With each
step taking her further from Jackson, Serenity’s heart lifted a
little more. She kept checking for Sebastian beside her, that he
hadn’t disappeared on her again or she wasn’t hallucinating the
whole thing.

They strolled side by side, their
fingers touching, and the backs of their hands brushing
together.

The walk was long but neither of them
minded. As the late afternoon bled into evening and the last of the
light fell out of the sky, they headed down through the suburbs,
toward the ocean. Serenity didn’t feel the ache in her legs from
the long walk. The pain in her back, which normally gave her such
trouble, had all but disappeared.

They headed down a hill; the expensive
houses of Santa Monica framed them on both sides of the wide
street. A soft glow lit the houses as families went about their
evening routines. Above them, street lamps flickered to
life.

Finally, a view of the sea rewarded their
long walk. The ocean stretched out ahead, a black expanse of water
punctuated by the occasional light from a ship or small sailing
boat in the distance. The white sand of the empty beach glowed
under the moonlight.

Ahead stood the pier, each side lit with a
myriad of colored light bulbs suspended from wires. On the right
side, restaurants served the tourists. Beside them an arcade house,
with its ten-cent slots and flashing fruit machines beckoned the
sightseers. A children’s carousel with colorful elephants instead
of horses, went around and around. Beside the carousel, a stand
sold popcorn and cotton candy, the sweet aroma drifting over,
tempting them in.

Serenity knew the far end of the pier had
been closed off while reinforcements were carried out on the
struts. Her old company had won the tender for the work and she was
disappointed she wouldn’t be able to see the job through to the
end. In a few days, the rest of the pier would be closed off and as
far as Serenity knew, it would remain closed for the rest of the
winter.

She hoped her dismissal wouldn’t spoil her
feelings about this place. She hated that something bad was now
linked to the one place she had always felt good.

“
Come on,” she said,
suddenly excited. “I can never resist the smell.”

Serenity grabbed his hand. The coolness of
his skin raced through her fingers and up through her palm as she
pulled him along eagerly. Distracted by the place she loved, she
barely noticed his frigid temperature. Sebastian laughed as she
dragged behind her.

She pulled him up to the stand, the tangy,
savory scent of hot dogs and mustard making her stomach rumble but
she only wanted one thing from the stand.

Paying the man behind the counter, she
turned back to Sebastian.

“
It doesn’t even look like
food,” she laughed, holding up the large plastic bag. “More like
house insulation!”

He looked at her with a mixture of
amusement and curiosity. Serenity fished a piece of candy floss
from the bag and put the sweet in her mouth, suddenly
self-conscious.

The pink spun sugar dissolved like
sugary sand, melting from cotton wool into nothing but an
overwhelming sweetness.

It was the taste of childhood, of the
times she remembered being happy.

“
Here,” she said, holding some of
the cotton candy up to his mouth. The fluffy pink turned dark and
hard around her fingers. He shook his head and gently pushed her
hand away.

“
No, thanks. I’m not a fan
of sweet things.”

“
Oh, right,” she said, faintly
embarrassed, and popped the candy between her lips.

“
So why do you like the pier
so much?” he asked.

She feigned shock. “What do you mean?
Isn’t it obvious?”

He shrugged.

“
Okay, okay,” she continued.
“How can you not be happy here? Everything about the place is aimed
at making people happy.”

This was what she told him. The truth was,
she found escapism in the bright lights, the tourists, fake
frivolity. The structure of the pier spoke to her with the way it
jutted out from the land, suspended over the water. She felt the
same, not quite joined to the rest of the real world, never
actually heading anywhere.

“
And you were happy here
once?” he asked her.

“
Yes, I was.”

They walked toward the end of the
pier, to where a tall wire enclosure had been erected, fencing them
off from the reinforcements. They stood together in front of the
wire, peering through at the huge machinery—flat-bed trucks,
borers, cement mixers—all brought in for the job.

“
This is as far as we can go,”
she said. In her heart Serenity knew she wasn’t just talking about
the barrier. Whatever was happening between them, it couldn’t go
anywhere. If she tried to leave Jackson, he would kill her. She
knew people existed; organizations who thought they would be able
to protect her, but they were wrong. They didn’t know Jackson, how
he fooled people. He seemed harmless. No one would ever believe
what he did to her and his charm would be the key to finding her
again. He would smooth talk some unsuspecting person and they would
point her right out to him. It was the ‘lost little boy’ act he
pulled off so well; everyone assumed he was harmless.

She sighed and Sebastian reached out to
take her hand. The contact almost stopped her heart. Serenity
stared at his hand on hers, his pale skin against her own and
wished she could find a way to join him to her forever.

“
Everything will be all
right,” he said quietly. “All you have to do is make the decision
to change what you don’t like about your life.”

She shook her head and a little well of
indignant anger bubbled up inside her. Easy for him to say such
things, he wasn’t living her life. She forced herself to pull her
hand free of his.

“
You have no idea what
you’re talking about,” she said. “You don’t understand what it’s
like to be in my position.”

“
You’re right, I don’t. But I’ve
had some hard times myself, and I know you can’t always rely on
someone else to change your life. You need to find the strength
inside yourself to do what you think is right.”

“
Don’t we find our strength from
the people we love?” she asked, looking up at him, her eyes
imploring. “If we’re alone, what is the point in having strength
for ourselves? If our lives are devoid of love, what’s the point in
continuing on?”

He reached out and tucked a stray lock
of her hair behind her ear. His hand stayed on her face, fingers
lightly touching just below her cheekbone.

“
We keep going because of
the possibility,” he told her gently. “Even when things are at
their worst, there is always the chance things will
change.”

Mustering the last of her courage,
Serenity reached up and put her hand on top of his, pressing his
palm against her cheek. She closed her eyes, committing to memory
how it felt to be touched with nothing but tenderness. He wrapped
his other arm around her waist and pulled her close, their bodies
pressed together. Serenity let her head fall against the solid wall
of Sebastian’s chest and together they watched the lights of Santa
Monica pier while she tried hard not to cry.

“
Let me take you home,” he
said.

She nodded her answer against him.
Though she didn’t want to go back, the worry that Jackson might be
calling the house haunted her. Together, they walked back up the
pier. A number of cabs waited at the end and Sebastian walked up to
the first one, opening the back door for her.

“
I don’t have money for a
cab,” she said, feeling foolish.

“
Don’t be silly. I’ll
pay.”

She climbed in, relieved she wouldn’t have
to attempt the long walk back or catch a bus. This way, she would
be home in twenty minutes or so. Sebastian slid in beside her.
Serenity hesitated and then slipped her hand into his.
Instinctively, they moved together, her head rested on his
shoulder, his head rested on top of hers.

The driver glanced at them in the rear
view mirror and asked where they wanted to go. Serenity gave him
her address.

When they pulled up
outside,
darkness shrouded the duplex. Common sense told Serenity
that Jackson lay in a bed at the hospital, but she couldn’t help
thinking he’d been calling home to find she wasn’t there and now
lay in wait for her in the dark. She tried to formulate excuses
about where she’d been but nothing even remotely plausible came to
mind.

“
Don’t get out,” Serenity
told Sebastian.

She trembled beside him.

“
It’s okay,” he told her.
“He’s not there. He’s at the hospital.”

“
How do you
know?”

“
I just do. If you’re
frightened, let me come in with you.”

She shook her head. “No. Maybe this time
he wouldn’t hurt me. I’m sure he’s too much of a coward to confront
another man but he would pledge his life to catching me and making
me pay. You can’t protect me all the time, Sebastian. I wouldn’t
let you waste your life doing that.”