Alpha Girl (16 page)

‘Don’t you … want me?’ I asked.

‘It’s not a question of whether I-’ He paused to collect his thoughts. ‘I don’t think you understand the position I’m in. I have betrayed your trust. You deserve someone your own age-’

‘Don’t give me that bullshit,’ I snapped.

‘I just meant-’

‘I care about you,’ I said slowly and clearly. ‘I like you. I want you.’

He stared at me. ‘We cannot do this, and I’m putting an end to it before I hurt you.’

‘You’re hurting me
now
,’ I said, pointing at my chest as though it might rip open at any moment.

‘I’m no good for you, Rose. I’m too old, and too poor-’

‘I don’t give a damn how old you are, or if you wear second hand clothes and your car is falling apart,’ I said, my voice rising. ‘I want
you
!’

‘You’re just a confused school girl-’

‘I’m not confused!’ I said, the anger growing inside me. I had to control my temper when I was so close to
that
day. ‘I’ve felt a pull towards you from day one, and I know you’ve felt it too. You said so yourself.’

‘I was mistaken,’ he said. I could hear the lie in his voice. ‘I’m a fool, infatuated by the idea of – of-’

He was trying to convince me that it had all been in his head, but I wasn’t an idiot.

‘So that’s it?’ I said, my chest painfully tight. ‘You tell me you want to kiss me, and then a few days later you suddenly don’t want me anymore?’

‘I should never have said it. I’m sorry I confused you. It’s
wrong
.’

‘Because you’re my teacher?’ I asked.

‘You’re
seventeen
,’ he said with emphasis. ‘It’s dangerous.
I’m
dangerous.’

‘I can look after myself,’ I said. I too could be described as dangerous.

‘Please, Rose,’ Mr. Stone was begging now. ‘I can’t do this.’

‘Fine,’ I said, tears now brimming my eyes. ‘I won’t bother you again. I just want one last thing and then I’ll drop the whole thing.’

‘What’s that?’ he asked.

‘Kiss me,’ I said, a tear sliding down my cheek.

‘No,’ he shook his head.

‘
Kiss me
,’ I demanded.

‘I can’t,’ he croaked weakly.

I leaned towards Mr. Stone in the hopes it might slacken his resolve. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but I had to try. I wanted him, and I wanted him to
need
me.

Mr. Stone’s hand cupped my face, and I could see myself reflected in his deep green eyes. He brushed his thumb along my cheek, wiping away the tear.

‘Why are you torturing me?’ he breathed.

A whimper escaped me as he closed the distance between us, brushing his lips ever so slightly against my own. He was soft, and gentle as he caressed my face. I placed my hand on his chest and curled my fingers around his shirt.

It was over too soon, and he pulled away while my eyes were closed, and my lips were parted. I hung in the no-mans-land between us, waiting for his lips to return to mine, but they didn’t.

Mr. Stone cleared his throat. ‘We should … we should get going.’

On the drive home it felt like my soul had been fractured into a thousand tiny pieces.

I was in love with my teacher, Mr. Stone, and I couldn’t have him. I knew it was love. What else could be so painful?

When we pulled up in front of my house, Mr. Stone spoke to me in a robotic voice.

‘Don’t come by my house during the week, okay? I won’t be home.’

And with that, I was dismissed.

Wednesday – 0 days to go

I couldn’t visit Tom, even if I’d wanted to. I was sick again, but this time it was different. On the day of my illness there was no one to be found in my household. My mother and father were out, and had not left a note saying where they were. Not only that, but their cell-phones had been switched off too, so I couldn’t reach them.

The hour of my episode was drawing nearer; I could feel it. I was drenched in a cold sweat, and my very bones felt like they were on fire.

I should have reminded them of the date.

No. How could they forget such a thing?
I argued back and forth with myself, delirious with fever.

Maybe they’d be home in time, before it happened. If they didn’t … who would restrain me?

It had happened once before, when I was twelve. My parents didn’t come home the night of my affliction and I was alone throughout the entire ordeal. I was loose.

Overcome with fever, and crawling out of my skin, I’d escaped onto the streets. I don’t remember any of it, of course. I never do. 

The next morning I’d been found covered in dirt in the woods, several miles from home.

How could they allow it to happen again?

Sure, my parents were often away, but never at this time.

The sun was setting and I could barely stand up straight. I staggered into the basement where my makeshift bedroom was. I tried, and failed to chain myself to the bedposts like my mother and father did. It was hopeless. I managed to shackle my ankles, but could not restrain my own hands. Each restraint required the use of two hands.

I needed help.

Thinking quickly, I slipped my belt off and put my wrists into the loop. I pulled the long end with my teeth until it was painfully tight. It wasn’t completely secure but it would have to do.

The pain surged and I cried in agony. My very skin was on fire. Bile forced it’s way up my throat and I vomited on myself. My flesh rippled, and the hairs on my arms stood on end. I checked my watch and saw that it was two minutes until sundown.

It was beginning.

Crack! Crack! Crack!

Every bone in my body was breaking, and then fusing back together. I howled in pain, but my cries went unheard in the soundproof basement.

Soon, the screams would no longer be human.

The monster was taking over.

Thursday – 29 days to go

The winter sun shone weakly upon my skin. At first, I was confused as to why I was looking up at the bare forest trees, but the memory of the previous night came flooding back all too soon.

My body was stiff and ached, yet the pain was nothing compared to the cold. I tried to sit up but my head was throbbing. I groaned and rolled onto my side. From here I could observe some of my environment.

I was most certainly in a forest, but I couldn’t be sure where I was exactly. The woods covered miles upon miles of ground. It was very easy to become lost in the Halfway woods.

A fine layer of frost covered the soggy leaf-strewn ground that I lay upon. Mulch and dirt coated my body like a second skin.

I looked down to discover that I was completely naked apart the leaves and other miscellaneous debris that clung to me.

I sat up with a groan; everything ached.  My messy hair was long enough to cover my breasts, but I needn’t worry about being seen; I was completely alone.

This was both a good and bad thing. I could be miles from home, and I was freezing, and naked.

Running a hand through my hair, I pulled leaves and twigs out of it. I couldn’t imagine what I must look like.

Getting to my feet, my muscles burned as if I’d run a marathon, which I reminded myself, I probably had.

I had no memory of the previous night as usual, but my body was feeling the after-effects. It was the second time I’d broken loose during an episode.