Always Conall (Bitterroot #2) (10 page)

“Jeff, wait—” I started.

“What the fuck are you doing, Sage?” he snarled down at me.

“You need to mellow out, buddy,” Conall’s ominously steady voice sounded just over my shoulder.

“Don’t tell me what to do,
buddy
,” Jeff spat back. Kian had followed him, placing a firm hold on Jeff’s shoulder. As though he could hold back the tide of anger emanating from Jeff. “You were just kissing my fucking girlfriend.”

I tried to interject. “Jeff, there’s stuff you don’t know.”

“Seriously, Sage,” he raged back down at me, “you don’t even know this guy.”

Kian spoke from behind Jeff, firm and calming. “Dude, she does though.”

“Who the fuck is he? I’ve never even seen this cocksucker before tonight!”

“He’s Mattie’s dad, Jeff.” My voice rushed out in a breathless burst.

Stunned, Jeff went slack, recoiling from me. “Your kid?”

I nodded in response. “I didn’t mean to kiss him. I don’t really know why I did, but… shit…” My voice faltered as I tried to come up with some reason for my actions.

I didn’t have a single one.

Brynn appeared in the still open doorway behind Kian, who murmured at her over his shoulder. “Babe, get these two out of here. I
’m gonna stay here and have a chat with Conall.”

“Come on, Sage. Let’s go,” Brynn said cautiously, grasping my hand and wrapping an arm around Jeff’s tense form. “Let’s get out of here.”

Conall’s hand came to rest at my shoulder possessively, and the warm, rich scent of my arousal on his fingertips teased my senses. For a split second, I couldn’t breathe. A wash of yearning flushed through me, shaking me to the core. Just for a second. Then, gathering what was left of my wits, I slowly exhaled and deliberately removed his hold on me, looking back at him intently to convey the determined nature of my action. As I turned to Jeff, he gave a disgusted snarl and headed down the hallway. Brynn took my arm and pulled me towards the exit after him.

Sage

The smoky air seemed especially strong as Brynn guided me outside, trailing Jeff. I was almost relieved that it was out in the open. He didn’t call a lot when he was out on the road. We didn’t really have that kind of relationship. But knowing Conall was back had been eating at my conscience. I should have just told him over the phone, but it seemed like such a weird thing. Something I should tell him in person.

Things weren’t really going the way I had anticipated, though. I hadn’t figured on Conall kissing me. Or that I’d completely come apart in his arms. Or Jeff seeing it all happen.

Conall’s kiss.

Goosebumps rose on my skin as I thought of it. I could still taste the hint of whiskey. My lips tingled as I could almost feel the brush of his, ghost-like. It was like phantom-kiss syndrome or some shit. I could still feel his fingertips sliding along the edge of my panties, just before they stroked me so deeply inside. I could feel the hardness of his body, of his cock, pressing against me and lighting me on fire.

And, oh my God.
Conall’s words.

He had thought of me after all.
When he was with countless other women. That thought, that image of him with all those girls over the years, made me cringe. I was jealous to the point that the vodka roiled in my gut threatening to come back up, yet strangely thrilled and almost vindicated that he’d been thinking of me.

Holy fuck
, I was a wreck.

My inebriated mind could even see the lack of logic in my way of thinking. I was strangely happy that he
’d been thinking of me while he fucked other people.
What kind of wacked out person thinks shit like that?

I stopped short as Brynn halted right before me and jolted me from my jumbled thoughts. Looking up, I focused on Jeff glaring at me in accusation.

“You should have fucking told me, Sage,” he growled.

“I know,” I agreed quietly. He was right. That much was clear to me now. Brynn’s arm came around my shoulder to steady my weaving body. I hadn’t realized how liquored up I really was until I had the support of her beside me.

“So are you sleeping with him?”

“No—”

“Because,” he interrupted angrily, “I really didn’t see this coming.”

“I didn’t really see this coming either, Jeff. He just… was here.” I swallowed hard. “We’re not… I mean, we haven
’t been… that was the first time I’ve touched him in five years.”

He skeptically raised an eyebrow.
“Really?”

“Well, yeah…” My cloudy mind thought back. “Well, I guess I hugged him when he first got here, but… it was very innocent—”

“That kiss I just walked in on was
not
innocent, Sage,” he cut me off. “So don’t even try to tell me it was. He was all but fucking you in the men’s room.”

Oh my
God, and I had wanted him to.

My voice rose with exasperation. “I don’t know what that kiss was, Jeff. It just… happened. And I was going to tell you he was
back. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I haven’t been running around behind your back.”

“Well, what the hell—”

“What the fuck are we even doing, Jeff? Why are we even together? We never do anything that doesn’t revolve around drinking or sex. I don’t even know what to call us. We’ve never actually gone on a date. And you’ve never
once
even asked to meet my kid.”

“I’m not dating your kid!”

“But, in the long run, we’re a package deal. If things were serious, she’d be a part of your life. Can you honestly say you want that?”

“Does her dad? Because where the fuck has he been?”

I took a deep, calming breath before I continued. “There’s more to it than appears. It’s truly a fucked up situation, but right now we are talking about you and I. This was never gonna go anywhere. And I think you know that.”

He crossed his arms over his chest as he looked defensively at me.

“Jeff, you don’t have the responsibilities I do. And I don’t think you want them, do you?”

He looked away at that.

Which was a pretty good indicator that I was right.

So I continued on. “That’s why it took me so long to go out with you in the first place. Because, as fun as you are and as great as it’s been to cut loose with you sometimes, I do have a
massive
responsibility. And I can’t fuck it up.” My voice softened as genuine remorse over my behavior hit me. “I shouldn’t have waited to tell you he was here. You didn’t deserve that. And I’m really sorry about that shit in the men’s room. Because you really,
really
didn’t deserve that. But I think it’s best if you and I… stop.”

With a twist of his mouth and a curt nod, he turned on his heel and left without a word.
Back into the bar.

“Fuck, do you think I should go after him,” I said as the fight left me and I sagged into Brynn. “Conall’s still in there.”

“Kian won’t let anything happen,” she calmly assured me. “Let’s just give it a few minutes. Let it play out.”

I stepped away and leaned up against the exterior brick wall of the bar, raising my eyes to the stars above, only faintly visible through the smoky atmosphere.

“So, you kissed him, huh?” she murmured.

My hands rose to cover my eyes.

“Oh God,” I moaned. “I did. And then some… Brynn, I don’t know what the hell is happening to me. I don’t have the faintest idea what to think about what he told me.”

She shot me an inquisitive expression through the dimly lit night.
“What did he say?”

“How he felt. All this time, I
never
knew how he felt. I just thought he saw me as Matt’s bratty little sister. Then everything went to shit and he left. But, yet, he didn’t want to come back. He just felt like he had to.”

“For you, though,” she quietly said.

I shook my head. “For Matt,” I said sadly. “I’m what kept him away.”

Conall

This was likely a long time coming. I knew now that this Kian guy wasn’t Sage’s boyfriend, but he obviously wasn’t going to let that stop him from trying to beat my ass.

“Do you have any idea how much I’d like to tear you apart?” His voice was calm, but cold. “You’ve been back for, what, a week and a half? And you’ve managed to turn her whole fucking world upside down.”

I gritted my teeth to hold back some smartass retort. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure I could take Kian. I was big, but he might have been just a little bigger. He was definitely taller, and there was a dangerous quality about him. But I was pissed as hell, a little drunk, and pretty certain I could put up one hell of a fight. And here he was talking to me like I was a kid, which pissed me off even more, and I bristled with the scathing tone to his voice.

Even though part of me knew he was right.

“Do you want her?” he asked.

My eyes narrowed at him. “Is that a trick question?”

He shrugged. “Just think carefully before you answer.”

I stared him down for a minute, finally relenting to speak when it occurred to me that he actually wasn’t just being a dick. He was watching out for Sage.

“For a long time,” I finally said, “she was the only person in the world who cared whether I lived or died. I took everything she gave me, and I fucked up her whole life in return.”

“But you came back. Why?”

“I didn’t intend to let her see me.” I swallowed hard. “I just wanted to make sure she was okay.”

Kian took a deep breath before he spoke again. “She is and she isn’t. It’s been rough for her, but she’s making it. She has to… for Mattie. You need to figure what you have to do. And, until you get that figured out, quit fucking with her head, man.”

Kian started back down the hallway towards the barroom. When he got to the end of the hall, he nodded and looked back at me. “Jeff’s by the bar. I suggest you make a wide arc on your way out the front door.”

“You’re kicking me out of the bar?”

“I’m making a suggestion. I don’t really give two fucks if you get your ass kicked. But I’m willing to bet Sage would. So, get your head out of your ass and start thinking about those around you for a change.”

Without another word, Kian headed towards the back exit.

Sage

Brynn drove me home in her car, Kian followed in mine. They helped my drunken ass into my apartment. I vaguely remembered
Brynn tucking me in and setting my alarm to go get Mattie in the morning.

I didn’t need the alarm. Even as liquored up as I had been, I woke up with the sun. Always did. My body’s internal clock knew that was the only peace and quiet I’d get until Mattie was asleep at night, so I rarely slept past five in the morning.

I lay there for a long time, just contemplating what had happened. The feel of Conall’s hands on my body. The words he had said. I wondered if he was telling the truth, or if it was the booze talking. At any rate, I knew he felt something. I just wasn’t sure if that was good or bad.

Feeling a little queasy, I climbed out of bed and grabbed a Diet Coke and some Ritz crackers to settle my stomach. I walked out onto my little patio, taking a long sip of the soda and munching my last couple crackers as the early morning sun cast an orange glow through the lightly smoky air.

After a long shower, it was time to head up to get Mattie, who I could hear chattering right through the door when I knocked. She gave a quick, sloppy goodbye kiss to her sitter and gathered up her My Little Pony sleeping bag. And her My Little Pony pillow. And her My Little Ponies themselves. Then she chattered my ear off all the way back to our apartment.

I heard my iPhone ringing as we walked through the door, and Mattie ran to grab it, trying to sound out the name that had appeared on the screen.

“Mommy, it’s C-Con—”

“Conall?”
I asked.

“Um… yup!” she smiled widely.

“Good job, monkey,” I said as I pressed the touchscreen with a shaky finger to take the call. “Why don’t you go put your stuff in your room, and we’ll make some pancakes or something.” I stepped back out on the patio as I brought the phone to my ear. “Hello?”

“Hey…” he said hesitantly.

For a second, my voice didn’t want to work. My mouth moved, but nothing came out. Finally, I managed to quietly say “Morning.”

“I wanted to apologize,” he began, “for last night.”

“What part? Kissing me, or just being a dick in general?”

“Um… both?”
He cleared his throat, and started again. “Anyway, tell your boyfriend I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I don’t really have one of those anymore. We sorta split the sheets last night.”

“Because of me?”

“It’s not that big of a deal. It wasn
’t really that serious, but you kinda knew that.” I exhaled slowly, filling an uncomfortable silence. It was only seconds, but painfully awkward. “So, anyway… is that it?”

“Well, I was wondering if we could maybe have dinner. Kinda like… friends. See if we can’t figure out some of this shit. I’ve been thinking about things a lot.”