Always Me (2 page)

“I try to forget.” I put the phone on speakerphone and placed it on my dresser. This day always left me feeling numb. Empty.

“I’m so sorry, Tori. Listen, when can I stop by? I’d really like to see you and my man.”

I smiled. “How about tomorrow?”

“Sure. Sounds perfect. Mind if I bring the goons with me?”

My heart jumped. “No, not at all.”

“So, I’ll bring beer, food, and the boys. It’ll be fun, okay?” Keisha said, cheerfully, interrupting my thoughts.

I smiled lightly. “I’m looking forward to it.” I was. It’d been way too long since I had seen any of them. Talking on the computer or phone just wasn’t the same. I disconnected the call and scrubbed a hand down my face.

Brett, Keisha’s brother, and I had become close over the last couple of years. Even though he was a dick in the beginning, he’d made up for that. We’d gone out on dates and kissed a couple of times, but nothing serious. I wouldn’t sleep with him.

He wasn’t Sebastian. There was no spark. No intense burning desire that I had felt for Sebastian the moment I saw him.

Brett was hesitant. He played it safe where Sebastian took what he wanted, when he wanted it I could never say no to him. Not that I ever would have. He knew that, too.

From the first kiss to the first time we had sex, he was controlling, and I loved every minute of it. My body stirred from those heated memories.

So many questions had been left unanswered. Garrith was an FBI agent, and he wouldn’t tell me anything, no matter how I demanded it. Maybe it was to protect me. The not knowing was what killed me. Made me feel lost.

I walked to my window, and grabbing the curtains, I paused. It was late. Something was off. Wind rustled the trees, and the swings on the swing set moved back and forth. Chills ran up my spine, and uneasiness settled in the pit of my belly.

The security lights came on, making me jump. My heart raced and then slowed when I saw a raccoon scurry across my backyard. I laughed to myself and shook my head.

“Get a grip, Tori.” God, I had issues. When would I stop being so scared?

My stomach dropped into my feet and my throat went dry.

“What the hell?” Cold sweat ran down my back as I watched a large man come out of the shadows. He was huge and gave off a powerful air.

My mouth opened and closed. No sound whatsoever came out. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t move. I was frozen in that very spot. He had a hood up over his head and was dressed all in black. I could feel his eyes boring into mine. I’d seen him before. Didn’t know when, but I knew I had. Was I dreaming? Was my mind playing tricks on me?

I turned, ran out of my room, and headed down the stairs. I slowed my steps, heading into the kitchen and unlocked the patio door. I slowly opened the door, cool night air washing over my skin as my chest rose and fell with my ragged breaths. I reached beside me and flipped on the backyard light. I took a step outside as my eyes searched the small yard that was surrounded by trees. I frowned, confused when disappointment fluttered in me at the fact that I couldn’t find him anywhere.

He was gone.

Chapter 2

My body hummed as a warm palm caressed my hip. The fingers moved higher under my T-shirt, over my back, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their path. Hot lips kissed the back of my neck as a hand moved my hair off of my nape.

Moaning, I arched under the soft touch. I needed more. My skin felt alive like never before. I tried opening my eyes but I was too tired. Shutting off all of my senses except for touch, I reveled in the way the hands felt on my body.

My T-shirt was pushed to my waist, and hands massaged, kneaded my naked ass. “More,” I whispered.

Fingers moved down to my core, spreading the wetness of my body over my opening and my clit before penetrating me. A large body loomed above me, kneeling between my spread legs. The fingers continued to pump in and out of me, leaving me breathless. Panting for more. I needed it. To be touched like that. It had been too long. Way too long.

I stretched my arms under my pillow and cried out as the fingers sped up, leaving me aching, wanting.

The sound of a zipper being lowered erupted around me, and my body tingled in anticipation. The fingers thrust hard in and out of me and then stopped before disappearing. Almost whimpering at the loss, I waited and jumped when a cock teased my core. “Please,” I begged.

The cock then pushed into me in a hard thrust, filling me completely. It moved in and out of me, going as deep as possible before pulling out. Each time it slammed back into me I gasped and cried out at the almost painful impact.

A warmth spread through me as an orgasm brewed from deep within. Electricity shot up my body…

***

I stirred awake just as the orgasm from my dream simmered, leaving me aching. But my dream lover never let me have an orgasm. The dreams weren’t fulfilling in any way. Always left me frustrated, wanting more. Needing more. I needed to invest in some battery operated boyfriends.

I lay there coated in sweat and remnants from my wonderful dream. My heart beat hard as I tried to remember who I was dreaming about. I never saw his face. He always took me from behind. Never spoke or made any noise. God, I needed to get laid.

Sebastian.

I rose from the bed and pulled open the curtains. My heart gave a start at remembering the man in my backyard from the night before. The sun shone brightly, and the wind had calmed down.

I stripped my sweat-soaked T-shirt off and headed to the washroom. It was definitely a cold shower kind of morning. I turned on the water and sighed as hot tears pricked at my eyes. I swallowed past the hard lump in my throat and stepped under the spray, letting the cool water wash away the memories of my dream. Maybe it could freeze my emotions. Make it so I wouldn’t hurt anymore.

Maybe it was time for me to move on with my life. Brett? The few dates that we had been on were wonderful. He was gorgeous, sweet and a fantastic kisser, but that was it. He didn’t affect me like Sebastian did. With Sebastian, one dark brooding stare and I was instantly mush.

My stomach twisted as guilt tore through me. I couldn’t take my relationship with Brett further. Not that I didn’t want to. I’d tried. No matter how hard I tried to get close to Brett, I couldn’t. Even though Sebastian was no longer alive, I felt like I was betraying him. I would want him happy. But the thought of him being with another woman made me want to throw up.

I finished my shower and stepped out of the tub, wrapping a towel around myself. When I opened the door, a large ball of fur came bounding in, practically tackling me. “Rooster, God, you’re going to kill me one of these days.” Stupid cat.

I shook my head at my cat’s obsession with water and walked into my bedroom. I headed to my closet and stopped when a tingle of unease spread over my skin. The hair at the back of my neck stood on end as my eyes darted around my bedroom. Nothing was amiss, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

A soft whimpering cry sounded from the baby monitor on my nightstand, and I smiled, the panic in my belly slowly melting away. I threw on sweat pants and a T-shirt and pulled my hair into a messy bun, getting ready to greet my early riser of a son.

I walked down the short hallway to Antonio’s room and opened the door. He was standing in his crib. His big brown eyes focused on mine, and he started jumping, a huge smile on his face.

“Good morning, baby. Sleep well?” I lifted him, kissed his forehead and walked over to his change table.

“Now, let’s see what kind of surprises you left for me this morning.” I tickled his chubby belly.

He giggled and squirmed, making me laugh.

I stripped off his dirty diaper and cleaned him up and then put a fresh one on him. He made a sound that reminded me of a sigh, like he was happy.

I picked him up off the table and handed him a toy car.

I reached up to turn off the light when something caught my eye. Frowning, I walked to the dresser and picked up a white piece of paper.

I grabbed it and walked out of the room, turning off the light. Antonio fussed in my arms, so I shoved it in my pocket.

“Baby, you are growing way too fast.” I shifted him on my hip and headed down the stairs.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs, the phone rang. “Hello?”

“Hi, baby.”

I smiled. “Hey, Mom. How are you?”

“I’m well. How are you?”

“I’m good.” I yawned and placed Antonio in his high chair.

“Didn’t sleep well?” she asked, concern filling her voice.

“I slept all right, but I kept having crazy dreams.” Visions of my dream lover popped into my head, making my skin heat.

“That’s unfortunate. What were they about?”

My cheeks heated. “I…I can’t remember.”

“Oh…well, if you do and need to talk about them, I’m here.”

“Thank you.”

“How’s my favorite grandbaby?”

I laughed. “He’s your only grandbaby.”

“Exactly. That’s why he’s my favorite,” she said.

My heart swelled. For Susan McLeod to have a favorite other than herself was something new. My mother and I weren’t close by any means, and we were trying to change that. The love that she had for my son made up for the lack of love she’d given me as a child. Since I had Antonio, she visited regularly, whether she called first or not.

“So when can I come see you?” she asked.

“Anytime. Keisha, Garrith, and Brett are coming over later today to hang out.” I grabbed a bottle for Antonio and placed it in the microwave.

“Oh…how is that Brett boy?”

I frowned and leaned against the counter. “Nothing is going on with him, Mom. We’re just friends.”

“Okay.”

“I’m serious.” Why did I feel like she didn’t believe me?

“Okay,” she repeated, a teasing lilt to her voice.

I huffed but smiled, enjoying this mother-daughter banter. “Wanna come over soon?”

“Sure.”

I said good-bye and disconnected the line.

The microwave dinged, and I grabbed the bottle, testing it before handing it to Antonio. His eyes went wide at the sight of food, and he smiled up at me. I leaned down and placed a kiss on his head.

As I gathered the items to make myself breakfast, I remembered the note in my pocket. I pulled it out and unfolded it. My stomach dropped at the words staring up at me from the piece of paper.

I told you I would find you, cochina.

My palms went sweaty as I stared at the words on the piece of paper. Nightmares from two years ago tore into my brain like a freight train. Hands ripping at me, kneading, massaging my body. Fingers touching me, invading me… Oh God.

Bile rose to my throat, and I made it to the sink just as I emptied my stomach. I turned on the water and washed down the contents of my belly. Too bad washing away my nightmares wasn’t that easy.

I turned around and saw Antonio looking at me. His eyes were wide as he held his bottle out in front of him in midair. He knew something was wrong. I could see it in his little face.

His bottom lip quivered, and just as he let out a wail, the smoke alarm went off.

“Shit.” I ran around the kitchen, turning off the stove and opening the windows to let the smoke out. My ears rang as the loud beeping of the alarm continued echoing off the walls. Antonio continued to scream as I tried clearing the smoke out from under the alarm. “It’s okay, baby,” I yelled over the noise.

I ran over to Antonio and picked him up, rocking him back and forth. I whispered soothingly while rubbing his back. “It’s okay, baby. Everything will be all right.” Was I trying to convince him or myself?

Chapter 3

Jose Alvarez found her. It took him two years, but he finally fucking found her. His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he watched the feds in the car down the street. He waved and laughed when they didn’t do anything. Fuckers. They were the law, and they couldn’t even find him.

He wished he could have seen the look on his
cochina
’s face when she read the note he had left for her. It would have been fucking epic to say the least.

The guy he’d hired to search her out finally came through when he called the other night with the happy news of where his
puta
was. It was about time, too. Jose was about to off the guy for doing such a shitty job. The guy was lucky. Very lucky.

Seeing Tori’s son lying in the crib had made his stomach twist. The boy looked so much like Sebastian Chelios it was sickening. From the black hair to the long eyelashes, it was like the kid came out of Sebastian’s ass.

He’d watched Tori as she lay in bed, curled under the covers, soft moans coming from her full lips. It made his skin hum. His body vibrated, begging for a release of any kind.

After Jose left Tori’s, he headed back to his car and drove to his motel. Knowing a certain someone was lurking about made his blood boil. He needed to hit something—or someone—and soon. He also needed to get fucking laid. The bulge in his pants lengthened at that thought.

When he originally saw his
cochina
, he was going to wake her up, talk with her. But seeing Sebastian’s eyes stare back at him nearly knocked him over. That fucker would always be around and be in the way.

Taking him in years ago, when Sebastian was just a child, had been smart on his part. He could get Sebastian to do things for him. Dirty things. Anything Jose needed, whether it be someone owing him money or drugs, Sebastian made sure he got it. But then things backfired. Like him growing a set. Poor, pathetic Sebastian…Jose had taught the asshole everything he knew and then some. The guy was homeless. He should be grateful for what Jose did for him, but no. He stole his woman from him instead and ran away.

Jose’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. He drove past his motel and ended up in front of a bar instead. He parked about a block away, reached into his jacket, and pulled out a small baggie. He dumped some powder onto the black dash and lined it up with the sharp edge of the bag. The white line of coke stared up at him. Begging to be inhaled. If he had a needle, he would just inject instead. Got him high quicker. But breathing it in would have to do.