Always Yesterday (11 page)

“What do you mean?” Though she attempted to sound nonchalant, the shocked expression she wore spoke volumes.

“He doesn’t come through for everybody. That’s all I’m saying.”

Delanie paused and seemed to choose her words with care. “Maybe it looks that way—”

“No, Delanie, it
is
that way.”

❧

Her heart actually hurt as he slung unfounded accusations of her loving heavenly Father. She sent up a quick prayer, asking God to heal his hurt and disillusionment. Should she argue God’s cause or simply agree to disagree? “I’m sorry you feel that way, but if you’d just get to know Him, you’d discover He’s a good and loving God.”

“How good is a God who ignores the pleas of a twelve-year-old boy, begging for his brother’s life? How good is a God who allows that same kid’s mother to leave the day after his brother’s funeral? How good is a God who lets some doctor cut open a fifteen-year-old girl, steal her baby, and leave her in a back alley to bleed to death?” His jaw and fists were clenched, and his eyes glistened with tears he seemed determined to keep at bay. And his intense pain became hers.

This morning he’d comforted her, and this afternoon her prayer was to do the same for him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. “I’m sorry, Eli. So sorry.” At first he remained stiff, arms at his side, but finally he hugged her back. His silent tears ran down his face, and she felt them drop onto her head.

I love this man, and he hates my Lord.
Delanie wept for him, for Brandi, and for the “them” that could never be. Eli held her for a long time.

When Eli took her home late that evening, he rechecked her apartment. On his way out the door, he kissed her cheek. “Thanks for everything. See ya Monday.”

Locking the door behind him, she wondered what he’d thought of the youth center as it filled up with teens earlier this evening. He’d shot pool with some of the guys and even listened attentively when a couple of ex–gang members shared their testimonies. She prayed for a seed to be planted.

❧

Eli planned to spend his entire Saturday with his junior high buddies. It had been two long weeks since they’d had more than fifteen minutes together. When he awoke to the sound and smell of rain, he felt cheated.

He padded around his now noticeably dingy apartment for a couple of hours, doing chores and fixing his dad and him some breakfast. They shared idle conversation over a cup of coffee and scrambled eggs. Then Eli switched gears.

“Dad, have you thought any more about trying another rehab?” Just looking at his dad made Eli’s heart ache. He seemed much older than his fifty-five years. A life wasted. Alcohol was his drug of choice so he could stop feeling.

“I’ve tried. Why waste the money? I am what I am.” His bloodshot eyes held deep sadness.

“No, Dad, this isn’t who you are. I remember—”

“That man is gone. He died a long time ago.” His dad rose and headed into the living room, switching on the tube and effectively ending any further conversation.

The boys showed up one by one. By eleven o’clock, seven middle schoolers, his dad, and he were sharing one plaid couch, a matching easy chair, and most of the floor space, all attempting to focus on a football game playing on a TV the size of an old record album.

The youth center popped into his head for about the tenth time. It had to be better than this, but he knew if he took them once, they’d want to go back all the time. Was he willing to listen to the God-thing for their sakes?
Ah. . .why not? It would beat this scenario.

Eli instructed the boys to go tell their moms they’d be with him the rest of the day. He’d have them home by nine and would escort them to their doors.

Their excitement was worth his personal discomfort.
Hope I don’t live to regret this day.

Arriving at the center, his brood nearly charged the door. Once inside, they headed in fifty directions. They were like kids turned loose in a candy store.

He searched the room for Delanie, a little embarrassed to be there after his uncharacteristic emotional tirade yesterday. He spotted her over by the tables and chairs near the kitchen, talking to a rookie he’d seen at the station a couple of times.

Her gaze connected with his, and she sent a welcoming smile his way. His heart did a little dance, and a moment later she headed toward him.

“Hey, you, I’m so glad you came. Did you bring the guys?”

“Seven of them.”

About that time Oscar and Miguel approached. “Hi, Delanie,” they said in unison. Both wore face-splitting grins, and admiration was written all over their boyish faces.

Delanie welcomed them. “If you’ll excuse us,” she said to Eli, “I have two important guests I’d like to show around and introduce to a few people.” She made their day. Lately, just seeing her made his. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the unwelcome thought.

Eli saw her dad playing foosball, Sarge standing over near the video games, and her brother Frank Jr. playing a board game at the far end of the room. Several other cops were scattered around the room, and they all wore bright green T-shirts that said “C
OPS-
N
-
K
IDZ
” in huge letters on their backs. Delanie carried one and was headed toward him.

“Where are Oscar and Miguel?”

“I lost them in the media room. The Star Wars trilogy is playing today.”

“We won’t see them again for hours.” He reached for the lime green shirt. “Where can I help?” Eli glanced around, but all of the areas appeared well monitored.

Delanie scrunched her nose. “How good of a sport are you?”

“Depends. Why?”

“We’re short in the kitchen today. Two people called in sick.”

Eli groaned. “The kitchen? You mean no video games, no
Star Wars
?”

“That’s what I mean. You in or not?”

“I suppose.” He let out a long sigh as if the assignment was more than he could bear. Then he winked. “I take it I’m supposed to put this on?” He held up the bright shirt.

“Yeah, makes it easy for the kids to spot a leader if they need one.”

“Green’s
not
my color,” he joked, heading for the restroom to change. “I’ll meet you in the kitchen in five.”

The place was bright and cheery, and even with all of the commotion and noise, Eli sensed a peace there. And Delanie. . . Things were changing between them. He’d lost his hostile edge. It felt as if they were on the cusp of friendship. He hadn’t had a friend in a very long time.

A couple of minutes later, he joined Delanie in the kitchen. She introduced him to her mother and her sister-in-law, Sunnie. After everyone was served hot dogs, hamburgers, french fries, and baked beans, Chief Cooper said it was his turn to share the message.

Someone dragged out a little mock stage that put him a couple of feet higher, along with a metal music stand. “I hate standing on this thing.” He hooked a little mic on the neck of his T-shirt and clipped the box to the back of his jeans. “But it makes it easier for everybody to see me, and it makes me feel taller.” He picked up the metal stand and moved it all the way to the edge. “I don’t need this thing. I’m not going to use any notes,” he informed the guy who’d carried it out.

This was the part Eli dreaded, where they’d try to cram Jesus down everyone’s throat. He searched for an escape route, but there was none to be had.
I wonder how they’ll try to guilt us all into this.

Chapter 9

I want to speak on the sovereignty of God,” Chief Cooper began. “Being a cop, I have to tell you I often wonder, why do bad things happen to good people? And I also question, why do good things happen to bad people? Doesn’t make much sense to me—does it to you?”

None at all,
Eli agreed.

“I see the single mother working two jobs just so her kids can eat and live in a rat-infested apartment complex. Meanwhile, the drug lord resides across town in a mansion with servants and enough money to buy anything he could ever want. Where’s God? Where’s fair?”

Eli noted that all of his brood sat together in a clump at one table. They were in front of him, so he couldn’t see their faces, but they, like everyone in the room, were still and attentive. That said a lot for Chief Cooper’s speaking skills.

“I don’t know about you, but that used to bug me—a lot—until I settled the whole thing with God through studying His Word. I’ll tell you what I discovered. . . .”

Eli realized Delanie must have mentioned the “Where was God?” questions Eli had shouted at her yesterday; otherwise, why would her dad broach the subject?
Should have known not to trust her.
He glanced over at her, but her attention was solely on her dad, admiration highlighting her expression.

Eli refocused on Chief Cooper.

“God did create a perfect world for us to live in. The whole account is in the early part of the book of Genesis—if you care to, read it yourself later. There was no sickness, no death, no sorrow, no shame. Then Adam and Eve disobeyed God, choosing to consume the fruit He’d told them to leave alone. How many times do we do the exact opposite of what a parent or teacher asks? I know I had that tendency, especially when I was younger.

“But by sinning, disobeying, doing wrong, Adam and Eve ushered evil into the perfect world God provided. Along with their action came sickness, death, and every form of wickedness. So now because of man’s choices, not because of God’s lack of provision, we live in a fallen and imperfect world.”

Chief Cooper moved around as he spoke, looking into each face. “With cancer, killing—the list goes on and on. But the Bible says it’s temporary. Do you know why?”

Some nodded yes, some no. Eli knew why. Jesus. He’d gone to church as a kid, even asked Jesus into his heart. But if a
loving
God didn’t care about a twelve-year-old boy, Eli didn’t need Him. Anger surged through him.

“If God gave His very own, one and only Son to die in your place, there’s nothing He wouldn’t do for you. Absolutely nothing.”

Except save my brother’s life. Make my mother stay when I needed her so much.
Eli swallowed, trying to dislodge the lump in his throat.

“Now I’m certain some of you are doubting my words. I see it on your faces. You’re thinking,
If what the chief is saying is true, why did my grandpa die or my parents divorce or my mom get beat up?
I guarantee you, none of that is God’s will, but every man, woman, and child on the planet has a free will. Each person chooses for himself what his actions and reactions will be. Like the law of gravity—if you drop something from a second-story window, it will splat to the ground. God could override that law of nature but doesn’t. You touch a hot stove—you will get burned.”

You take too many drugs—you die.

“Bad things happen. Not because God wills them, but because we or other people choose them.”

Ronny chose to take more drugs than was medically possible for him to survive. Maybe it wasn’t God’s fault.
The thought was new to him. He felt the words chiseling away inside his chest, chipping down the walls he’d placed around his heart. Chief Cooper asked everyone to bow his or her head; then he said a prayer, but Eli didn’t hear. He was too busy with his own.
God, if You’re real, and if what Chief Cooper says is true, show me. Please show me.

Eli wanted to believe, wanted what he saw in Delanie. Was it possible?

He and his posse headed outside after the message to shoot some hoops. The rain had stopped, though it was still cloudy and windy. Several other guys joined them. Eli avoided Delanie the rest of the day, lest she want to play twenty questions about her dad’s talk.

At eight he rounded up his crew, and they said good-bye. Amid their protests they loaded into the van and headed toward home. Once the van was rolling, Oscar asked, “Hey, Eli, what you thinkin’ ’bout that Jesus dude?”

He’d been thinking a lot about Him all afternoon but wasn’t sure what to say to the boy. Eli’s head was mixed up; he didn’t want to confuse the kid, as well.

“He sounds like a good guy.”

“You ever heard of Him before?” one of the boys in the very back hollered.

“ ’Course,” Miguel answered. “My grandma has pictures of Him in her house. We go to Mass.”

“You heard of Him, Eli?” Oscar asked.

“Yeah, I went to Sunday school as a kid.”

Eli listened but didn’t say much. What
was
he thinking about that Jesus dude? He had no idea, but for the first time in almost twenty years, he was thinking about Him. He wished he could go home and ask his dad, but he rarely saw him. He spent about twelve hours a day at the bar and the rest sleeping it off. Sometimes, like now, Eli ached for someone to talk to. They used to go to church as a family. Why did they quit, and what did his dad believe about God?