Amelia's story (16 page)

I looked around and asked
,
“
Wh
at’s happened, is it my brother and sisters? What’s happened to them?” They told me to sit down and the Social Worker started talking first, she said my mother had made a complaint to the po
lice regards her husband Kieran.

I said
,
“
W
hat does that have to do with me
?
” The Social Worker went on to explain that my mother had made claims that Kieran had sexually abused me. This came like a bolt of light
n
ing straight through me. I tried to convince them that she was wrong, nothing like that had happened to me,
and
I would certainly know if it had. However
,
they said we still need
ed
to go through with an internal examination. That same day I had to go through the awful experience of my first internal.
It was painful and humiliating and
I cried the whole time. There was a member of staff present throughout the whole process
,
as well as my Social Worker.

Following the examination they concluded that I had not been sexually abused recently, like mother had claimed. My mother’s probation officer paid her a visit a
nd asked her about these claims.
M
y mother said no such thing had happened and she retracted her story. She was just angry at her husband and wanted to get back at him. I could not believe she made me suffer like that just to score a point in the
ir
endless battles. I was humiliated beyond belief
,
and she was the reason
once
again. I was made to feel so small and worthless
;
I had never felt so ashamed in my whole life.
It wasn’t enough for her that she had removed any chance I had at a normal life, but she wanted to take my innocence away too. She knew what I would have to go through following her complaint and that I would have to suffer the humiliation of a thorough internal examination at just twelve years old.
I will never forget that long journey up the A5 from Shropshire to Wales
.
I was more
frightened than I had ever been.
I had heard terrible s
tories about Bryn Tyn.
It was set in the middle of
nowhere, and
it was a
three-mile walk to the nearest shop.
Bryn Tyn was set in acres and acres of land surrounded by woodland. It was owned by a man called Jack Aston
,
who also owned
four other children’s homes—
three of them were scattered around
N
orth Wales
,
and the fourth one was situated near Shifnal in Shropshire. Nothing but fields could be seen for miles. It was
apparently strict beyond belief
and housed up to a hundred children at any one time. In short
,
I could not
have
be
en
sent to a worse place. Schooling took place on the premises
in porta-cabins,
and we were taught by teachers who
each worked part time, giving
their own time up for free. Bryn Tyn was a law unto
itself
and abided by the laws set by Jack Aston, the owner of the Bryn Tyn community.
As we were getting nearer to the childre
n’s home there was a large blue-and-
white sign indicating a
turning on the left to Bryn Tyn.
A
fter we had taken that left, there was a dusty track that led to the exceptionally long driveway, leading finally to Bryn Tyn Hall.
Nothing could be seen at all, just acres and acres of vast countryside.

It looked huge
,
unlike
anywhere I had ever been before
and I was petrified. It looked so intimidating; the sheer size of the place took my breath away. It was
just as people had described to me and it was set in acres of its own land.
N
othing could be seen for miles, and my first thought was how on earth
does a person escape from here?
I was filled with dread
,
and like so many times before on approaching a new home
,
the tears just fell from my eyes.
My Social Worker parked her car in the staff car park, and we both got out and walked to the reception area. We were asked to sit down while someone sent for the head of Brixton House.
I was nervously looking around;
I could see a group of boys playing football, and there were a couple of Jamaican girls peering through the window taking a curious peek at the new arrival. As Mr
.
Walsh entered the room he sai
d a brief hello,
and then addressed my Social Worker
.
He
said,
“
I believe you will be here until you
’
r
e sixteen
years old
,
so the best thing I would do if I was you would be to just try an
d make the best of the place.
I
t
’
s not so bad once you get used it
.”
There were three sections to Bryn Tyn Hall: Brixton House, Lindasfarne
U
nit, and Ainsley
Unit
. I was placed in Brixton House
, the largest of all the units. This was where all newbies
were sent to start with. Lindasfarne was the young boys unit, and Ainsley House was for the older children who had earned a scheme called “trust
.” O
nce you earned your “trust” you earned the right to have your own room in Ainsley unit. That would be a long time away for me.

I was placed in
a dormitory with six other girls.
W
e were not allowed to keep our clothes in our bedrooms; we were assigned a locker where our clothes were kept in the main house
.
T
his locker room was run by two ladies
,
and if we ever needed a pair of knickers or socks
,
etc
.,
then we had to go to the locker room and sign them out under the supervision of the locker staff. This was something I was not used to at all; it puzzled me
and I just could not wrap
my head around it at all. We were never allowed to leave the grounds; it was an incredibly large place
,
bigger than anything I had ever seen.
There were children from all walks of life, child
ren from
Brixton in London,
and
Moss Side
in Manchester.
T
he children were all admit
ted for many different reasons, and
there were many children in care for the
ir own safety.
B
ut there were children who were sent to Bryn Tyn for arson, grievous bodily harm, the use of a weapon with intent, burglary, breaking and entering
. . .
the list goes on.

I was scared to death
,
as there were some frightening characters that I dared not look at directly for fear of reprisal. I was in the wrong place; this was a mistake
and
I did not belong
t
here. This was my gift from my mother? I decided as soon as it was physically possible I would make my escape.
I thought
if I just kept my head down for a while, they would not watch me so closely if they thought I had settled in
well.
T
hen maybe once the
ir
guard was down, I could make a break for it. The da
ys that followed were not easy;
it
was
nev
er easy being a new person wher
ever you are, but being a newbie in a
children’s home was hard. For a
while you became everyone’s target. You would be tested beyond belief, picked on, bullied; the few personal belongings that you treasured were stolen. It was very hard.
No matter how much you tried to keep your head down there were always those
people who just wouldn’t let you be.
T
here were too many bul
lies vying for top dog position;
I
was just one of the
ir
prey along with many others. I learn
ed
very early on that to survive
t
here I ne
eded to get strong and
stand my ground
,
or I was going to get swallowed up. Four more years I had to wait before my destiny would be i
n my own hands,
no one else’
s. I told myself that so often,
and
it was that very thought that kept me going.
The
first week was hard at Bryn Tyn.
I was lonely, I was a newbie (this is always hard)
,
and I had no friend
s.
I was stuck in the middle of nowhere
, which might
a
s well have been another planet,
and worst of all my siblings had been torn from my life
,
just like that, with no thought or care as to how it would affect all our lives in the future. Jenny and Susie I c
ould just about comprehend.
Y
es
,
they were right
. . .
it was far better that they were fostered than have to be
ar
the fate that Jake and I did, but to sever all contact between us still upset me. No
,
I will never
comprehend that decision at all;
it was beyond any normal reasoning as far as I could see.

Then there was Jake. N
ot only had we been separated
,
but ou
r contact had been severed also.
W
e had no information on each other
’s whereabouts, and
we were not giv
en
contact details of any kind. For goodness sake, we were family, brother and sister, lost l
ike so many in the care system. T
hey had taken our fundam
ental right away, our right to be brother and sister, and our right to contact one another. I could not bear to
think
about it.
This
was for the best
,
or at least that’s what the powers
that
be
had
told me
on a regular basis.
“
I
t will only unsettle the pair of you
,
”
w
e were told when
we each requested a phone call.

J
ust one little phone call was all I wanted, to speak to Jake
,
to ask him if he was ok
ay
, if he was coping, what was it lik
e where he was placed.
I just wanted to know such basic things
,
but this was denied. I just could not fathom a system that wanted to separate siblings like that, not to even allow them contact of any kind. What had w
e done so wrong to deserve this?
I asked myself that question every single day.
It was while
I was in Bryn Tyn that my
g
randmother passed away from rheumatoid arthritis
.
I was called into the office and
given
the te
rrible news.
T
his came as such a shock I really was not expecting it. After I had composed myself
,
my first question was
if
I could attend my
grandma’s funeral.
M
y question had already been anticipated
,
and my request was denied as they thought this could be unsettling for me. Again I was denied something so precious. I started feeling like life was not worth living,
and
though
ts of suicide entered my mind—
I just
did not see the point any more. The big fight just to survive and retain some basic human rights was just proving too much to cope with.
This m
ade Bryn Tyn even harder to bear
at times because I
had
never felt so alone in my life, and there was no one
around me who
cared much for how I was feeling either. I realized very early on that I need
ed to look after myself
and make it through each day. I decided to rise above my sadness. It was not too long before I started making a couple of friends
.
I gained the trust of two girls and they gained my trust in return.