American Indian Trickster Tales (Myths and Legends) (17 page)

“I shall get him by the balls and by the buttocks,” vowed Coyote. “I shall get him at the part with which he kills people.”

They painted themselves for war. They sang their death song and made medicine.

In the meantime, the Monster Skunk came walking. He met a person on his path trembling with fear. “What are you afraid of?” Skunk Monster asked this person.

“I am afraid of Monster Skunk when he farts.” Monster Skunk turned around and farted this person high into the sky, and then dropped him to his death.

Monster Skunk walked on and met another man. The man was scared. “What are you scared of?” asked Monster Skunk.

“I am afraid of Monster Skunk when he shits.” Monster Skunk turned around and suffocated the man under a mountain of shit.

Monster Skunk walked on. He met a third person, whose teeth were chattering with fright. “What are you afraid of?” asked Monster Skunk.

“I am afraid of Monster Skunk when he sprays his fluid.” Monster Skunk turned around and drowned him in his fluid.

Monster Skunk went on. A woman saw him. Monster Skunk ran after her. The woman threw her awl case behind her, crying: “Awl case, stand up! Turn into a mighty forest!” And it did, but Monster Skunk farted it out of the way.

A woman threw her whetstone behind her, crying: “Whetstone, become a big mountain, a mountain as slippery as you are. The whetstone turned itself into a slippery mountain, but Monster Skunk farted it away, too.

A woman threw her basket behind her, crying: “Basket, become a thick hedge.” The basket became a thick hedge. Monster Skunk dissolved it with his fluid.

A woman threw her water bag behind her, crying: “Water bag, become a great river.” The water bag turned itself into a big river. The Monster Skunk swallowed it up. He caught up with the woman and farted her to pieces. Then he went on.

A grandmother and her granddaughter saw him coming. “Quick,” said the grandmother, “lie down and play dead.”

The Skunk Monster found them. “I wonder what killed these two?” said the Monster. He turned the old woman over. He saw her vagina. “Ah,” he said, “this is the wound that killed her. It must have been made by a big, flat knife. Let’s see whether she has been dead for a long time.” He stuck two of his fingers into the old woman’s vagina. He smelled them. He said: “This one is already rotting.” He then stuck two fingers into the granddaughter’s vagina and smelled them, saying: “Ah, this one has not been dead for long. This one is still fresh. But it does not matter. Dead is dead, and I don’t eat dead things.” He walked on. This old woman and her granddaughter were lucky.

The Monster Skunk then came to the place where Bobcat and Coyote had hidden themselves to ambush him. As he went by, they jumped out of their hiding places. Bobcat sprang for Monster’s throat and fastened his fangs upon it. Coyote seized Monster Skunk’s buttocks and fastened her teeth upon his balls. So they struggled. They bit and clawed but could not harm Monster Skunk. Coyote was clever. She got hold of a large, round rock. She stuffed it up Monster Skunk’s anus. She stopped him up. His farts could not come out. Nothing could come out. His belly swelled up to a tremendous size until at last Monster Skunk was blown apart by his own farts. The big stink filled the whole country. After it abated, the people held a big feast. Coyote was given the best parts.

 

Coyote found a burro. He came a little off the side of the road with it. He took some of the money and stuck it under the tail of the burro, in the anus. Every time Coyote hit him on the small of the back with a stick, the burro had to let one of the pieces of money drop.

Some people came along. They asked Coyote what he was doing.

“Oh, I’m here to show you something. This burro defecates nothing but money. Every time I hit him with this stick, nothing but money comes out.” He did it for them and they were surprised.

They wanted to buy the burro, so he sold the burro. He made a good trade and got money and goods for it.

These people went one way and Coyote went another. Then those people hit the burro with sticks. At first a few pieces of money fell out, but soon it was all used up and nothing more came out. Then the burro started to defecate. They saw that he did it the same way as any other burro. These people moved off with their burro.

Coyote went out to hunt. He went to Road-earth and there was Puakauuna (a ratlike animal) sleeping there. Coyote said to him, “Grandchild, you are fat and pretty!” Puakauuna was afraid of Coyote and did not say anything when Coyote spoke to him. Coyote said, “Why don’t you speak?”

And the little Puakauuna said, “Wait! Wait, grandfather, listen to what the people who live way below are saying.”

“What, grandchild?” said Coyote.

“Now, grandfather, I will tell you what they are saying below. They are saying, ‘All who have been urinating and defecating on the road or on top of the stones anywhere in the world are going to die.’ ”

Coyote was scared and said, “It’s too much! Grandchild, you must not tell; just a little while ago I urinated and defecated in the road. You must not tell.” He jumped and ran away. And he never came back there.

Puakauuna said, “Coyote always gets scared at any little thing. And he won’t come back and I shall live well.”

{
Lipan Apache
}

Coyote went on. Along the path he saw some rose hips. They looked red and ripe. “Oh, they might be good to eat!” he thought.

The rose hips said among themselves, “We’d better tell him we are not fit to eat.”

He stopped there and said, “How sweet you look. I wonder whether you are good to eat.”

“No, we are not good to eat at all.”

“What will happen if someone eats you?”

“Oh, if anyone eats us, he will have to break wind so hard that it will toss him up into the sky.”

“Well, I just want to try one,” said Coyote. He picked one and ate it. The berries nudged each other. “Oh, you are sweet,” he said. He ate another and another until he was full. He gathered them by the handful. They didn’t nudge each other anymore.

He started to sing:

He had had enough. They all nudged each other when he had gone a little distance away.

They began to work on his insides. He ran for a tree and hung on. He went off like a horse. He had to do this again and again.

Far away in the flats he saw a black thing moving. He went out there. He saw what it was. There were two people looking around on the ground. They were two crows. He stopped there. He said, “You two fellows must have killed a good fat buffalo.”

“Yes, our children were hungry. So we killed this buffalo. We are butchering it.”

“Well, leave your work. We’ll play a little game first.”

“No, let us alone.”

He insisted. Finally they asked, “Well, what is this game?”

“Let us see who can defecate over this buffalo.”

“No, that’s a dirty thing. We don’t do anything like that over the game we kill, over the things we eat.”

“Oh, only a little will get on it, perhaps.”

He kept begging and they finally gave in. They wanted him to do it first. But he said, “No, you do it first.”

The first crow tried. He jumped and defecated. It went only a little way, about halfway across.

But Coyote said, “That’s pretty good. I don’t think I can do that well.” The other crow tried it then and did no better. Now it was Coyote’s turn. He whirled around and bent down. It came out red and went straight across.

They had agreed that the one whose excrement went all the way over could have all the meat. Coyote had won all the meat. They had agreed because they thought no one could do it. The crows begged him to leave a little fat in the eye sockets, a little meat between the ribs, and some on the joints.

Coyote went back home with the meat. The two crows were there blaming each other. That has all been carried on to this day. If two are going along somewhere and meet someone going the other way, this fellow will persuade them to change their plans. Then they do something unwise, for they do not think it over. And it has a meaning in a different way. Some are not honest in playing games and trick others. One must watch out for these people, for they start trouble.

Before these two crows parted, they said, “Now our children will go hungry because we were fooled.” And that’s the way it is today. People spend their money foolishly and their children go around badly clothed and ill fed. Today some Indians do not listen to the advice of an older brother or a parent and gamble and drink and get into trouble.