Amish Circle Letters II: The Second Circle of Letters (30 page)

At that, the adults laughed aloud and Anna smiled at her daughter.

The conversation shifted to new topics and the warmth of the room grew as bright as the light from the kerosene lanterns. Katie bit into her slice of bread and sighed, happy to be home and knowing that, no matter what anyone ever said, home was the best, if not the only, place to be.

Shortly after the meal was over and dessert served, Steve quietly excused himself, walking around the table to whisper to Mimi that they needed to return home. It was milking time. When he said the words in her ear, he noticed that she cringed. He only hoped no one else witnessed her reaction.

“Leaving already, then?” Elias said, standing up to shake his son’s hand.

“Milking time.”

Elias placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder and lowered his voice as he turned to walk his son toward the door. “I’m thinking it’s about that time you start weaning those cows on a regular 12 hour schedule.” He nodded toward Mimi. “The extra money ain’t worth it, not now that you’re a family man.”

Steve stopped walking. Her subdued nature during the meal had bothered him. Several times, his gaze had wandered across the table to watch his
fraa
. She barely ate anything, merely sitting there pushing at her food with her fork. When Lizzie asked her straight out if she was feeling poorly, Mimi didn’t seem to hear her at first, despite Lizzie’s loud, booming voice that seemed to carry through the air. When Lizzie repeated her question, the room became quiet and even Steve called her name, embarrassed that Mimi’s catatonic state was more than obvious to all of the adults in the gathering.

What he hadn’t counted on was his
daed
actually taking him aside to discuss the matter with him.

“We all noticed the change in her over the past few weeks,” Elias continued, his voice low so that others couldn’t overhear. “Your erratic schedule…why, changing to more of a routine might be the best Christmas gift you could give your
fraa.
”

Was it that simple? There was a knowing look, however, on his face. It dawned on Steve that, even with the distraction from Katie’s accident, not a lot went unnoticed by his parents. In all of his life, Steve couldn’t recall even one single occasion when his
daed
had offered unsolicited advice. Certainly, his parents must have noticed and discussed the situation for his
daed
to come forward in such a manner.

Steve frowned.

Elias lifted his shoulders and shrugged. “Not my business, of course. Mayhaps you might just consider it, though.”

Feeling ashamed, Steve glanced over his shoulder at Mimi. How could he not have seen what was so taxing on his beloved
fraa
? How had he missed the signs? And to have his own father point out what was, in hindsight, so obvious? He avoided looking at him when he nodded his head and replied, “I will,
Daed
, I will.”

In silence they walked home. The air felt crisp and cold, the hint of snow slowly slipping onto its edge. He breathed in deeply, enjoying the way that the cold clung to his lungs. Unlike many other farmers, Steve always found winter to be refreshing. However, he tried to look at it with a new set of eyes: Mimi’s.

All of her life, she had lived in a comfortable home with a regular routine. When she awoke in the morning, the sun was already rising. There was no need for her to arise before the sky lit up red, then turning to orange and eventually blue. Breakfast was served at the same time every morning and so was supper in the evening. During the day, she worked at the store with her parents, free to leave if she needed to run an errand. Her weekends were always free to visit or work at the market. Indeed, prior to marriage, her life
was
truly much simpler.

“Mimi,” he said, reaching out to take her hand. The gesture must have startled her for she jumped when his fingers entwined with hers. “I’ve been thinking…”

In the blue glow of dusk, he saw her glance at him, but she remained silent. A weight of unspoken expectation hung between them.

“
Ja, vell
,” he continued, gently squeezing her hand just enough to keep her attention. “Mayhaps it might be best if I try to regulate the dairy milking to a twelve-hour schedule.” He thought he saw her catch her breath. “I mean, with us being married and all, we have more family things to do and the other schedule, the ten hour one, is a bit tough on routine, don’t you think?”

“Oh!” The word, so simple and breathless, said it all.

He stopped walking and turned toward her. The hopeful look on her face caused his heart to beat faster. How had he missed something so small; yet something that had caused so much pain? He reached up and touched her cheek. “That would help a bit, wouldn’t it?”

She leaned her cheek against his palm and shut her eyes. As he watched, he thought he could actually see the weight lifted from her shoulders. “
Ja
, Steve,” she whispered. “That sure would help some.”

He tilted her chin so that he could stare  down into her shadow-kissed face. He thought he saw a tear glisten in the corner of her eye and he wiped it away with his finger. “I’m sorry, Mimi. I didn’t see what it was doing to you. That milking schedule,” he said. “With so much change in your life, I can imagine that it only added to the stress. But I want you to know something, Mimi Fisher…” He waited until she lifted her eyes and looked directly at him. “Whatever it takes, we will get through this together. You hear me?”

She nodded her head as another tear trickled down her cheek. Only this time, he suspected, it wasn’t necessarily a tear of sorrow. As if reading his mind, she gave him a soft smile. “
Danke
, Steve.”

He pulled her into his arms, hugging her close to him. Her head rested on his shoulder and he saw the vapor of her breath linger in the cold air. After a few long moments, he pulled back and kissed her forehead. “It’s cold out, Mimi,” he said. “Let’s get you home,
ja
?”

Together, walking side by side, they hurried through the increasing darkness to cross the street and return to their farm, sharing a new sense of calm and understanding. Steve took a deep breath as he let her into their small house, knowing that the advice from his
daed
was more than just about the awkward milking schedule: it was about a husband’s obligation to consider others’ needs, especially his
fraa’s,
before his own.  It was an important lesson for Steve and something he would have to consider more in the future.

Epilogue

Miriam sat down at the table, the kerosene lantern casting a soft glow over the contents of the package. It had arrived two days earlier, but she hadn’t opened it. Instead, she had set it aside after bringing it into the house. It sat on the desk for one day before she moved it to the bedroom. Finally, tonight, after hesitating for so long, she retrieved the package and, after fixing herself a cup of nice warm tea, proceeded to open it.

Her hesitation came from knowing how much had happened since she started this particular  circle of letters. She almost didn’t want to read all the letters within the envelope. Each one told a story, a story of faith and hope, love and dreams. But hope and dreams sometimes broke between one letter and the next. Indeed, it often was what the letters didn’t say that hung heavy upon her heart.

With the new year upon them, Miriam pondered whether or not to start another circle of letters. She knew that by the time the letters would come full circle, there would be both good news as well as bad ones contained in the package. There would definitely be one or two new babies to welcome into the family. That would bring her much joy. She also suspected there would be some very bad news along the way.

Still, she felt a strong thread of connection with her family as she flipped over one of the envelopes, running a letter opener along the top seam. The ripping noise cut through the silence in the room and she took a deep breath as she reached inside to extract its contents but was stopped in the middle of her gesture by Elias’ inquiry:

“Reading your letters?”

She looked up and smiled at her husband. “
Ja
, that I am.”

He walked over to her and placed his hand upon her shoulder, glancing down at the stack of letters. “We just saw everyone the other weekend.”

Miriam scowled at him. “I know that, Elias. But this is different.” She skipped one of the letters, which was her own, and picked up the second one in the pile. It was written in Rachel’s handwriting. “It’s a story, you see. A story between me and my
dochders
.”

Elias leaned down and kissed the top of her head, his lips landing partially on her prayer
kapp
. “As long as it makes you happy,” he said.

“It does.”

“I imagine you’re going to do another one, then?” He didn’t wait for her answer as he stretched his arms and yawned. “
Ja vell
, you read your letters and I’m going to bed.
That
makes me happy. Sleep.”

She laughed at him and he smiled, his eyes catching the light from the lantern. “I’ll be in momentarily. I just want to see what the girls wrote.”

He shuffled into the bedroom and, once the door closed behind him, she returned her attention to the papers in her hand. With a deep breath, she slowly started to read Rachel’s letter.

Dear Family,

I awoke early this morning and am sitting in the darkness of my kitchen. My heart swells with joy for the happiness of our dear bruder, Steve. Yesterday
’s celebration was very special for me. It was so wonderful to see such joy on all the faces. But it was also a celebration of life, one that I found especially meaningful now that my own husband has gone through his first treatment for the cancer.

I know that by the time Mamm reads my letter, this mailing will have come to a full circle and we will see whether or not the treatment will help. But regardless, I know that it is God’s will, in His infinite wisdom to make that ultimate decision…

Glossary of Pennsylvania Dutch

Ach vell                           
An expression similar to
Oh Well

Aendi
                                          Aunt

Ausbund
                           
Amish hymnal

Boppli
             
                            Baby

Bruder
                                         
Brother

Buwe
                                          Boy

Daed
                                          Father

Danke
                                         
Thank you

Englische
                           
Non-Amish people

Englischer
                           
A non-Amish person

Ferhoodled
                            Confused

Fraa
                                          Wife

G’may
                                         
Church district

Grossdaadi
                            Grandfather

Grossdaadihaus
             
Small house attached to the main house

Grossmammi
                           
Grandmother

Gut
             
                            Good

Gut mariye
                           
Good morning

Gut nochmidawk
             
Good afternoon

Ja
                                          Yes

Kinner
                                         
Children

Kum esse
                           
Come here

Leddich
                           
Unmarried

Loblieb
                           
A special hymn sung during church

Mamm
                                         
Mother

Nee
                                          No

Onkel
                                          Uncle

Ordnung
                           
Unwritten rules that govern the g’may

Rumschpringe
                           
Period of “fun” time for youths

Schwester
                            Sister

Wie gehts
?
                           
What’s going on?