Amish Promises (31 page)

 29 

B
efore leaving, Charlie called his buddy Ron, who'd served with them in Iraq as a chaplain. He asked him to go over and check out his house for a blue van. Fifteen minutes later, Ron called back and said he didn't see one. “Let me know when you find him,” he added. “I can help.”

Charlie decided to head out anyway. He'd get a shower and pack a bag. And maybe Joel would still show up. If not, he'd make more phone calls, starting with the state police.

He hadn't expected the van to be at his house, but it was. First relief flooded through him. Then fear. He'd locked Joel's gun in his safe—but that didn't mean Joel hadn't figured a way to break the lock.

He bolted from his truck around to the back of the house, but he slowed as he came through the door, saying, “Hey, Joel.”

No one answered. Charlie hurried through the kitchen.

Joel sat on the couch, slumped to the side, his eyes closed. Fear surged through Charlie. What if he'd grabbed his meds on the way out of the house and had overdosed?

Joel opened one eye.

Relief flooded through Charlie. “You okay?”

Joel yawned. “Tired.”

“Why didn't you answer your phone?”

Joel held up both hands. “I don't have it.”

Charlie downplayed his concern, choosing his words carefully. “We've been a little worried.”

Joel shook his head. “I didn't know what else to do.” His eyes were red and watery. “I burned the house down. I almost killed my family. After everything Shani's done for me, I couldn't even help her get out the door. And I can't help her”—he shuddered—“with the baby.”

He put his head in his hands.

Charlie sat down on the couch beside him and started to put his arm around him, but Joel jerked away. “God,” he moaned. “It should have been me instead of Samuel. Why didn't you pull him out? You should have left me for that second blast.”

“Don't,” Charlie said.

Joel grabbed his cane, pushed himself up, and started toward the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I have no idea,” Joel said, grabbing the doorknob.

“Stop.”

Joel turned. “Are you going to make me?”

Charlie wanted to say,
I'll take your sorry Hinaendt down.
But he didn't. He took a deep breath. “How about a nap? Here on the couch.” If Joel didn't agree, he'd have to take his keys.

Joel, his back to the door, slumped against it. “If I stay, will you go back and see what Shani needs?”

“No,” Charlie said. “But I'll take you down so you can see what your wife needs. And your sons.”

Joel slid to the floor, wincing as he tried to straighten his leg out. “I can't face them,” he said. “Not yet. Come back for me tomorrow. I'll go then. I promise.”

Charlie'd had enough psych training and experience to know Joel wasn't doing well. There was no way he could leave him, but
Charlie nodded, just to get him to stay. “You can crash in the spare bedroom. And shower, if you want. I'll grab some sweats for you to wear.”

Joel exhaled. “I'll sleep first.” He had to be in a lot of pain.

Charlie extended his hand. Joel took it and pushed up on his cane with his other hand, placing his weight on his good leg. Charlie pulled his buddy up and then directed him down the hall to the spare bedroom, grabbing some ibuprofen and following behind.

“Go back to Lancaster,” Joel said. “Tell Shani I'm sorry. Don't hang around here because of me.”

“Sure thing,” Charlie said. “I'll get the sweats for you.”

He noted the safe was intact when he went into his room for the sweat pants. Once Joel was settled, Charlie went back into the living room, collapsed on the couch, and called Ron.

After he explained what had happened, he asked for Ron's advice.

“You should go back,” Ron said. “I'll come over and stay with Joel until he wakes up. Then I'll take him to my place.” Ron was in his late forties, married, kids out of the house. “We can figure out the rest tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Charlie said. “I owe you.”

Ron chuckled. “I'm doing this for Joel, not you. We'll get him through this.”

Charlie called Shani next and explained what was going on. She thought having Ron involved was a good idea. Charlie could hear her take a deep breath on the other end of the line. “Would you leave him a note and tell him to call me when he wakes up?”

“Will do,” Charlie said.

He showered and packed his bag while he waited for Ron. As soon as the chaplain arrived, Charlie headed out the door, but as he reached his truck his phone rang.
Eve.

“I couldn't sleep,” she said. “Did you find him?”

After a quick update he said he was on his way.

“Drive carefully,” she said. “You have to be exhausted. I'll be praying for you.”

“Denki.” It had been so long since he knew he was in someone's prayers.

By the time he reached Lancaster County the roads were drying somewhat. When he reached the Lehman house, Eve hurried out carrying a basket. “We've been watching for you,” she said as he jumped down from the truck. “Don't come in. The sooner you go see Shani and the baby the sooner you can get to Monika's and to bed.”

She handed him the basket as Zane, dressed in an Amish shirt, pants, and suspenders, opened the passenger door and climbed into the truck.

“I made you sandwiches,” Eve said. “And Monika's address is on the piece of paper.”

“Denki,” he said, wanting desperately to give her a hug.

She stepped away.

He climbed back into the truck. As he backed it around, Zane asked, “So what's with you and Eve?”

“What do you mean?”

“It's like you're in love or something.”

Charlie cringed.

“Lila thinks so too,” Zane said. “Her Dat hasn't been happy with you for a long time. He's just being nice right now because of the baby and the fire and everything.”

“Is that so?” Hopefully it was more than that.

Zane nodded.

“Well,” Charlie said, “I'll take any kindness I can get from Tim Lehman.” As he turned onto the highway, he said, “Nice getup you have on.”

Zane looped his fingers through the suspenders. “Lucky for me, Daniel's been growing too. It's his newest pair of pants. Eve made them.”

“You gonna wear those to school on Monday?”

“Yep.” Zane grinned. “For the fashion statement of the year.”
He brushed his long bangs back. “I should get a haircut first though.”

“Definitely,” Charlie said. “I can do it tonight. I'll borrow a bowl from Monika.”

Zane laughed. Charlie would need to take him clothes shopping soon. Shani would need a few things too. He sighed. And so would Joel, although he needed a whole lot more than new clothes.

Fear gripped his chest, but then he remembered Eve was praying and he exhaled, relaxing his grip on the steering wheel as best he could.

 30 

S
hani scooted up in her hospital bed as Zane, followed by Charlie, hurried into her room. It was obvious how exhausted they both were, but Zane grinned from ear to ear as he touched the top of the baby's head. Shani eased the baby into Zane's arms, and he sat on the edge of the bed, gazing down at his little brother.

Charlie stifled a yawn but then grinned at Shani and her two boys. Of course Joel was the one who got to sleep. Her patience was running thin. Charlie wouldn't understand how badly Joel had let her down.

Maybe Joel was easing into being gone for good. First he'd stay at Charlie's. Then maybe he'd go farther. He had Army buddies scattered all over the States. Someone would take him in and help him get on his feet.

After a half-hour visit, Zane started yawning too, and Shani sent them both off to Monika's, thankful for her friend's generosity. “Come back in the morning,” she said.

They all needed a good rest, but she slept fitfully. During the baby's four a.m. feeding, she felt lonelier than she ever had in her entire life. She'd been twenty when Zane was born; Joel had been twenty-three. They were young, true, but so happy.

Tears slipped down her face as she burped the baby. Who would have thought her marriage would come to this? When her mother had left all those years ago, her father had seemed to take everything in stride. He'd been so matter of fact, telling Shani it had nothing to do with her, that both he and her mother loved her very much, that sometimes adults stopped getting along and it was better for everyone—including their children—for them not to live together. Then he'd had the foresight to send her to her grandparents to be loved and cared for, for a time of healing.

At first her mother had moved into an apartment in downtown Seattle with her new boyfriend, the neighbor man she'd left with. But a year later, they broke up and she moved to California. A few months later she remarried. By the time Shani was in high school she'd stopped going down to visit. Her mother did come for her wedding—and cried—but it was pretty obvious they weren't tears of joy. Maybe they were tears of guilt. Or fear for Shani.

As Shani edged to the side of the hospital bed and lowered the baby back into his crib, she couldn't stop the tears. Once Baby Boy Beck was settled, she scooted back down in the bed, positioning her head on the pillow and then wiping her face with the sheet.

She wouldn't beg Joel to come back home. She'd already begged him to get help, over and over. If he didn't care enough to make their marriage work, she wasn't going to force him. She'd been doing everything herself anyway. The only difference was she wouldn't have to put up with his moping around.

A couple hours later, just after she finished eating breakfast, her dad called. She'd left a message for him soon after getting to the hospital and had been surprised when he hadn't gotten back to her right away. They agreed that since he already had a plane ticket to come out to Lancaster County in three weeks, long after the baby had been due, he'd just stick to that plan. He didn't seem too worried about the house, just thankful that they were all okay and that it was insured.

She didn't tell him Joel had fled to Philly, but before he hung up he said, “I regret not saying more last time I was out. I was worried
about you, but I should have also told you I wished I would have handled things differently when your mother left.”

“How's that, Dad?” He'd been so calm. She remembered him handling it perfectly.

“I was trying to be brave—for you. But I should have been honest. It was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through.”

Shani swallowed hard, peering into the crib at the baby.

“I wasn't honest with your mother, either, and I think if I had been, she might have come home. Looking back, I think we could have worked things out.”

“But she left,” Shani said.
With another man.

“She was depressed,” her father said. “At the time I didn't understand. I thought she was purposeful about it. I didn't consider that she was ill and that starting a relationship with someone else made her feel better, at least for a short time. Not that what she did wasn't horrible—it was. It's just that it took me a long time to acknowledge her pain.” He paused a moment and then said, “Give Joel more time. He's been through a lot.”

She suppressed a sob.

Full of concern, her father asked, “Are you okay, honey?”

She told him then about Joel smoking and starting the fire. About him going to Philly without even holding the baby. “He's a mess,” she said.

“He'll get better,” her dad replied. “Give him time.”

Shani wanted to answer that she wasn't so sure. Instead she said, “I hope you're right.”

Later that morning Charlie showed up at the hospital with a new infant car seat, along with a couple of changes of clothes for Zane. He'd also purchased a pair of sweats and some long-sleeved T-shirts for Shani and two granny nightgowns. “Everything's pretty smoky back at the house,” he said. “I think it can all be cleaned, but it will take a while.”

Shani thanked him profusely. She didn't know what she would've done without Charlie.

Zane dubbed his new brother Bub Belly—which he insisted was Pennsylvania Dutch for
baby
—and held him while the nurse discharged Shani. Then Charlie drove everyone to Monika's house.

Shani didn't want to ask Charlie if he'd heard from Joel since returning to Lancaster, not in front of Zane. Her son had gone through enough in the last two days without worrying that his parents' marriage was in jeopardy. Then again, not having Joel around would eventually make him wonder anyway.

When Charlie stopped the truck as close to Monika's back door as he could, the woman ran out, calling out a greeting, followed by Jenny. Monika opened the back door of the cab, unfastened the car seat, pulled it from the truck, and led the way up her back stairs and then into her kitchen, cooing at the baby as she walked. Windows along the east side filled the room with light and the pale yellow walls brightened it even more. Eve had said that Deacon King had been a construction contractor. He'd done a great job on his own home.

Monika placed the car seat on the counter. “What name have you chosen?”

“Bub Belly,” Zane said.

“What?” Jenny asked.

Zane reddened. “Isn't that what you call a baby?”

“Oh,” Monika said. “You mean
Boppli
.”

Jenny laughed.

Monika smiled and said, “I like Bub Belly better than our word. As a nickname.” She turned toward Shani.

“Joel and I haven't decided yet.”

“Then Bub Belly it is,” Monika said.

Shani smiled. She wasn't big on nicknames, but they had to call him something other than Baby Boy Beck.

“I should get going,” Charlie said. He told them all good-bye, hugging each one, including Monika and the baby together. “I'll tell Joel to call when I see him,” he said to Shani.

She bit her lip and then nodded. Charlie had retrieved her cell from the house that morning—and she guessed he'd gotten Joel's too. He hadn't called the day before, but she knew they needed to talk. She just wasn't sure what she needed to say.

After Charlie left, Monika led her down the hall while Zane stayed in the kitchen with Jenny. The house was fairly new with hardwood floors, high ceilings, and wide molding. The bedroom had a double bed and a crib. Shani sank down on the bed. “I'm overwhelmed by your goodness,” she said to Monika.

“It's not my goodness,” she replied. “It's God's. I just had the foresight to save the crib I had with the girls in hopes of having grandchildren sooner rather than later.” She smiled. “I'll hold the baby while you get situated.”

“Thank you,” Shani said.

After settling Bub Belly in the crib, Shani lay down on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

Joel finally called the next afternoon. “Hey,” he said, his voice raw. “Are you okay?”

Frustration flooded over her. “I'm fine,” she said, aware of the tension in her voice. “How are you?”

“I don't blame you for being ticked.”

She didn't respond.

“To answer your question,” he said, “I'm not doing that great—but you knew that. Charlie agrees. He sent me off to the chaplain's house.”

Shani wanted to say something encouraging, but she couldn't force the words.

“The chaplain—Ron—made an appointment for me to see a therapist, on Tuesday.”

“He got you into the VA that soon?” She couldn't help the surprise in her voice.

“No. It's a civilian counselor.” He sighed.

“And you're going?”

“He's making me.”

When she didn't respond, he added, “You have every right to be mad, Shani. I could have lost all of you—and it would have been all my fault.”

“We need you, Joel,” she said, but her voice sounded hollow.

“Thanks,” he answered, but his word sounded insincere too. “I called the insurance company,” he said, changing the subject. “And then the cleaners. Next we need to get bids on the repairs.”

“Monika said Tim and Gideon cleaned out what they could and put up tarps. Eve said they're putting a demolition group together to go over on Friday and then a building crew to go over on Saturday.”

Joel didn't answer for a long moment. Finally he asked, “Why would Tim do that?”

“Apparently it's the way they're raised. To help.”

Joel whistled.

Frankly, she was surprised by Tim's generosity too. “I guess he's a good man deep down, even though he's so intimidating,” Shani said. “So are you and Charlie doing all right?”

“Yeah,” Joel said. “I know he was just trying to help. He said he'd give the gun back when the therapist says it's okay.” Then he said, “I should go.”

He hadn't asked about the baby. Or Zane. They needed to talk—about naming the baby, about the future. But it didn't seem to be the right time.