An Unyielding Desire (After The End Book 2) (13 page)

Halfway through the meal, Lia excused herself from the table. Tony stood up, tossed down his napkin, and glared at Mina. “Look what you’ve done. She’s so upset she can’t even eat.”

“Boo
hoo,” said Mina.

“What is wrong with you? How could you attack your sister?” Tony scowled. “Just because some animal hurt you doesn’t give you the right to start acting the same way.”

Mina’s mouth dropped open, and the room got quiet. “Your slut wife hit me first, Tony. Maybe she’s not the angel you think she is.”

“She tells me a different story. She was trying to protect you from a huge mistake, and you yelled at her before hitting her.” His gaze slid briefly to Shane. “I told her she should talk to your parents.”

“Enough.” Janie’s booming voice made everyone flinch. “I’ll not have our holiday meal ruined this way. You all sit down, shut up, and eat.”

“Sorry, ma’am, but I’ve lost my appetite.” Tony walked away from the table, clearly intent on checking on Lia.

Mina was starting to feel about two inches high. Lia had provoked her response, but it was immature to hit her back, just as it was immature to sit screaming at the table with her family surrounding her. “Excuse me.” She pushed away from the table. “I’m not feeling well either.” Without waiting for a reply, she left the table, escaping to her room. She caught Coop’s gaze on the way out of the room, and it hurt when he looked away without a shred of emotion. Knowing she had told him not to wait for her didn’t help her feel any better about losing his support and friendship.

*****

Shane slipped into her room earlier than usual, and she was actually mildly comforted by his presence, especially when he pulled her into a tight embrace and didn’t push for an explanation. Finally, after several minutes, he asked, “What was that all about at dinner?”

“Lia saw you leave my ro
om this morning. It escalated to fisticuffs,” she said with a slight attempt at humor.

His hands tightened on her arms. “Do you want me to talk to her?”

Mina shook her head. “No. I can fight my own battles.”

“I like fighting for you. It’s my job to take care of you.” He pulled her gently onto her back so he could lean over her. His expression was serious when he said, “I’ll always take care of you and our kids.”

Mina felt a niggle of guilt. She still didn’t want to give him a child, but she was starting to feel bad about deceiving him that it was a possibility every month. Mina had no intention of stopping her contraceptive tea, but she was actually toying with the idea of confessing to him that she didn’t want a baby right now. She couldn’t imagine ever wanting one with Shane, but she could just omit that part.

She didn’t resist when he straddled her, leaning down to kiss her. Her body responded in a familiar way, and a lot of the emotional angst had faded over the months. Sex wasn’t something she anticipated with him, but she could endure it now, and even enjoy the physical aspects more often than not. It worried her to feel that way, to know she had accepted her circumstances instead of continuing to resist. Mina knew she’d allowed herself to be conditioned, and that the woman she’d once been was horrified by what she’d let him mold her into, but it was easier not to fight.

The notion of spending the rest of her life this way still terrified her, and she took that as an encouraging sign. If and when she gave in without protest to that thought, it would be time to panic. If she was still capable of doing so by then.

After they were spent, Shane pulled her against him, trapping her to his body with an arm over her waist and a leg over her thighs. It was familiar, if a bit suffocating, and she had learned to adapt to the way he liked to sleep. The day had left her drained, and she found sleep coming easily, where many nights she lay trapped in his arms, wrestling with her inner demons.

Mina had almost slipped over the edge when he kissed her forehead and whispered, “I love you, Mina.”

“Love you too,” she said softly, too tired to open her eyes. As she sank deeper toward sleep, what she’d said penetrated her brain, and her eyes snapped open. Her heart surged in her chest, and panic made her shudder. It had to be cultural conditioning that had prompted her reply. It was automatic. Someone said they loved you, and you said it in return. It started as babies, when parents encouraged offspring to say, “Love you,” so she couldn’t be faulted for uttering the typical response.

Except she knew that wasn’t the entirety of the matter. Mina knew she didn’t love Shane, but she definitely didn’t hate him any longer either. Sex and emotion had gotten all twisted up inside her, leaving her a muddled mess. She no longer knew how she felt, or even how she should feel. Had he really changed enough that she could consider forgiving him and maybe being happy with their arrangement? It was improbable to fathom doing so, but not impossible. Not even as unthinkable as it would have been weeks ago, let alone that first day in the chicken coop.

How could she adapt to a future with a brutal rapist? Were any of Shane’s new behaviors true changes, or were they simply a reward given to her for her
compliance in acquiescing to his demands? It hurt her head trying to figure it out. She closed her eyes, trying to chase the elusive sleep that had been so close just moments before. Shane had already started snoring softly, and she envied the easy rest of someone who knew exactly what they wanted and didn’t hesitate to pursue it. She might have been envious of his confidence if she hadn’t detested the methods he used to obtain what he desired.

*****

Three mornings later, all hell broke loose in the kitchen. Mina had just come downstairs and was about to brew her morning cup of contraceptive tea when Lia stomped in. At first, she assumed her sister was after her again and prepared herself for the coming confrontation. To her surprise, she marched straight past Mina to Emme.

Mina watched with interest as Lia shoved a plastic stick at Emme. “Look at this
! How the hell did this happen, Emme?”

Mina realized it was a pregnancy test, and her stomach dropped at the implication.
Emme’s contraceptive tea had failed her sister.

Emme looked annoyed. “It’s herbal contraceptive, not birth control pills, Lia. You always have a higher chance of getting pregnant when you rely on natural instead of chemical methods.”

Lia shook her head. “No, you screwed up the last batch. It tastes different. You did something wrong.”

Mina looked at the tea she had just put in her cup, realizing it was a darker color.
It didn’t taste as bitter either.

Emme frowned as she came over to lift the lid off the canister. Scooping up a handful of herbs, she sifted through them with her fingers, her scowl deepening. When she put the herbs on her tongue, she looked angry. “This is just mint.”

“What?” asked Mina. “What does that mean?”

“Mint is only one of the herbs I put in here. It has mild birth control properties, but isn’t the powerhouse that pennyroyal is. There’s no pennyroyal or ginger at all.” Emme looked upset and confused. “It’s like someone dumped the tea I made and just put in mint leaves.” Without another word, she went upstairs, returning a few minutes later looking even more upset. “I’m almost out of mint. I had a big bag that I dried at the end of summer, but it’s nearly gone.”

“You’re saying someone sabotaged our contraceptive tea?” asked Lia.

Emme shrugged. “It sounds crazy, but yes, that appears to be what happened.”

Anger welled in Mina. “That bastard.”

Emme touched her shoulder. “What?”

“He found out. Somehow, he discovered I was thwarting his demands for a baby, and he switched the tea.” Panic pushed up inside her, and she frantically calculated where she was in her cycle. Her stomach dipped when she realized she was at her most fertile—and had been last night when he’d taken her so gently, followed by his confession of love. Love. What a load of crap. He didn’t love her if he could force her to have a baby she didn’t want. He hadn’t changed at all. She was still only a means to an end for him.

Emme looked confused, and Lia just look enraged. “This is your fault.”

“Yours,” Mina responded heatedly. “If you weren’t a lying, cheating whore, he wouldn’t have looked twice at me. He already told me that. It’s your fault I’m mixed up in the mess.”

Emme was obviously bewildered. “What are you two talking about? Who?”

“Shane,” Mina and Lia said simultaneously.

“She’s been fucking him for who knows how long,” said Lia, with an air of telling on her sibling.

“After you fucked him first and had his child.” Mina whirled away from Lia. “Let’s stop. This isn’t productive. We have to figure out what to do.”

“I don’t want it,” said Lia. “I love Tony and Ty, but the idea of having another baby in the current world isn’t something I want.”

Emme bit her lip, nodding. “I understand that, but you also need to know herbs can be imprecise. They might or might not work. They can be dangerous. Sometimes, you bleed too much. Other times, you might have an incomplete miscarriage, which can lead to septicemia. That’s practically a death sentence in the current conditions, without easy access to full-spectrum antibiotics.”

Lia’s
mouth curved into a stubborn line. “I don’t care. I’m willing to risk it.”

Mina shook her head when Emme glanced at her, already knowing she was
n’t willing to risk her life to avoid having a child. There might not even be a child, though the odds were high.

Feeling trapped, she shrugged on her jacket and ran out of the house. Snow had fallen overnight, and it slowed her a bit, but didn’t stop her from jogging. Mina wanted to outrun everything, and her feet carried her toward the stable. She was half-cocked to jump on Lady and ride away when she entered the stable. Mina drew to a halt at the sight of Coop shoveling manure, bare from the waist up even in the cold weather.

He looked up, his expression changing to one of displeasure at the sight of her. “You’d better run along, Mina. You don’t want to give me the wrong idea.”

A glimmer of hope came to her. Panic was clouding her logical thinking, and she couldn’t sort out all the reasons why she shouldn’t follow her first impulse. She ignored his words and walked
nearer, seeing his eyes widen, and the way he gulped, when she stopped close to him. “Coop, if I asked you for something, would you do it? No questions asked?”

He swallowed again. “Maybe. Depends on what you asked.”

Her hands shook as she slipped off her coat. “Would you have sex with me right now?”

His eyes went big with his surprise. “That’s a pretty big fucking request, since you told me to take a hike weeks ago.”
             

“Please.”

“What changed your mind?”

Mina shook her head. “I can’t explain. I can’t tell you what’s going on, or even promise more than just the next hour or two in your arms. If you can’t live with that, I understand.”

He dropped the shovel, his hands clamping around her arms. “You’re the most frustrating woman I’ve ever met. Come closer, run away, come closer…fuck, Mina. What do you expect from me?”

“More than I should.” She licked her lips, conscious of his eyes following her tongue. “I know what I’m asking. I know it isn’t fair, but I’m
not taking it back. Do you want to have sex?”

“No, but I want to make love.” He pulled her closer, his mouth devouring hers in a deep kiss. Mina responded with equal fervor after a moment’s hesitation. For just a second, she had seen Shane’s face in the back of her mind, and it had made her shiver with fear. If he found out what she was doing, she knew he would go crazy. She and Coop would both be in danger. She pushed aside her fear, determined to have this moment with Coop, and to at least introduce the possibility o
f Shane not fathering her child if she was pregnant.

Her conscience
twinged at using the man holding her that way, but she ignored the uncomfortable ping and focused on touching Coop. It was cold in the stables, and he took time to spread a horse blanket on a pile of hay before they lay down. Mina’s hands shook as she fumbled with his belt buckle and zipper. His hands were strong and steady as he pushed up her sweater and removed her bra.

Mina gasped quietly when he cupped her breasts, his palms rubbing against her nipples with enough pressure to make her back arch. “I want you so much,” she whispered, before kissing him again. She kept the kiss long and slow, punctuated by her moans as he tugged her nipples lightly before massaging them with small circles of his palms.

“Me too. I’ve been dying for this, Mina.” Coop moved his mouth to nibble down her neck, finding the spot that always made her head spin with pleasure, and she buried her hand in his hair to pull him closer. Only the possibility of him leaving a hickey that Shane would see later had her diverting his head, bringing his mouth back to hers.

Soon enough, he strayed again, this time his mouth seeking her breasts. Mina arched her back to allow freer access as he dipped his head to taste her. His tongue teased her rigid peak, hardening it almost to the point of pain. He kept the other breast cradled in his hand, still rubbing the nipple in concert with the motion of his mouth.

Mina let her hands glide over the muscles of his chest and back, loving the sensation of his smooth skin under her slightly calloused fingertips. “You feel better than I imagined.”