Ancient Ties (33 page)

Mellona had been the courageous one. Marek had always been a coward.

Marek’s eyes, swimming with tears, caught Leonidas’ gaze.

Regret. Fear that it was too late for them. Grief at the wasted time.

“I don’t deserve you,” Marek whispered. He felt himself shaking. He’d made this boy pay for what wasn’t his fault.

Leonidas’ young face, a blend of Mellona’s features and his, was so heartbreakingly beautiful.

“Thank you for coming here,” Marek continued to whisper.

Depleted of emotion and weak, he couldn’t seem to raise his voice. “Thank you for having the courage that I haven’t.”

The water was still around them. Leonidas’ chest barely rose and fell with his breathing. Now that he was here, Marek couldn’t take his eyes off him. His son, his life. He wanted to make up for all they’d missed.

Leonidas raised his hand absently to push at the water.

Marek reached for it, touched the tips of Leonidas’ fingers.

Fingers gripped, palms met. They stared into each other’s eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’ve made so many mistakes. Can you forgive me?”

Leonidas didn’t answer. Couldn’t speak. Marek, his father, was apologizing. It was more than he ever could have hoped for.

All he wanted in this life was for his father to accept him. He barely dared to breathe for fear this was a dream. His father’s big hand clasping his was very real.

Mission River, Iowa

Janney slumped down into the corner of the brown leather couch in Dora’s office, plumping the throw pillow. “Now he’s invading my daytimes, too. Judy mentioned a new teacher who was a soldier, and all I can think about is my dream man.” Janney rubbed her forehead and swept her fingers through her hair. “I just panicked.”

“Does your dream man have a name?”

Smiling, embarrassed, Janney said, “Yes. Marek.” She felt silly saying the name out loud. Wherever she came up with a name like that, she had no idea. “Do you think I’m crazy for making this guy up?”

“You’re not crazy, Janney. You want something in your life, and you created this man to fill the bill.” Dora prodded gently, “Tell me about Marek.”

“Marek Benin Verus. I don’t know where the name came from. It just popped into my brain,” Janney said defensively.

“You know,” she added, “I can’t see his face. I knew the first minute I saw him that I was attracted to him, and he was

interested in me, too, but I just can’t see his face anymore.” She rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger looking up bleakly at Dora. “I mean this was all in my dreams. Oh, God, what’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing is wrong with you. Military men seem to be prominent in your life. Tell me about your father.”

“Do you think this all has something to do with my dad?”

Janney searched Dora’s face for some sign that she wasn’t in danger of being committed to a mental hospital.

“How old were you when he died?”

Janney pulled in a sharp breath. She’d always shied away from that word—died. “He went away when I was twelve.”

That’s how she always put it. He went away. “I came home from school one day, and he was packing. My mother was hysterical.

Crying in the bathroom. Dad barely looked at me.” Janney choked on those words. “Mom kept screaming, ‘You don’t have to go. Let someone else go.’” The memories came rushing back to her now, as if it was yesterday.

“It has to be me, Georgia.”

“But what about us? Me and Janney?” Georgia Forrester sobbed.

Janney stood in the doorway between them; terrified to hear her
mother shriek like this. Where was Dad going?

“Georgia, you know I have to go. I’m one of the few people who
understand what’s going on down there.”

The snap of the locks on his briefcase cracked in Janney’s ears like
firecrackers.

“But it’s a war! They’re killing people.”

“Sssh.”

He finally glanced at the young girl. He must have known all
along that she was there.

“Don’t scare Janney.”

Then he hugged her, and whispered, “Take care of your mother. I’ll
be back in a couple weeks. I love you, baby.”

He kissed her hair, then her cheek.

“I can’t believe how grown up you are now. My little baby has
grown up.”

By this time, she had joined her mother in crying. Through a veil
of tears, she watched her mom and dad embrace and kiss each other. It
was the saddest, most romantic thing she’d ever seen. Just like in the old
movies she watched with her mother.

“I didn’t find out until years later, years after that horrible funeral when my mother went to pieces and had to be sedated, that he’d gone to Peru on some sort of secret mission for the Army. He’d been in the Special Forces in Viet Nam and had done business in Peru so they asked him to do something—I don’t know what he could have done—to help stop some guerrilla war.” Janney stared into a blank wall in Dora’s office.

Her face twisted, ravaged by pain and loss. “Ed was an insurance man. It was unlikely that the Army would need him for anything.”

“Humph,” Janney scoffed. “I guess it doesn’t take the Army to get a man to leave me. Ed left anyway. Well, I don’t care. I don’t need anyone.” Janney sank back on the couch, leaning her head back and stared at the ceiling.

“And this man, Marek, in your dreams, he left, too?”

“Yes. Humph,” Janney made the sound in her throat again.

“Even in my dreams, no one stays with me. He was going to leave. I left first.” She looked at Dora, her eyes moist.

“You don’t think you’re worthy of being loved?”

“Well, does it look like it?” Janney snapped. “Even in my subconscious dream life, the man chooses to leave me. My dad said he’d come back. And he never did.” Janney felt empty, like she was in a big bubble. No one could get near her. A false calm settled over her. “If you don’t care, nothing can hurt you.”

“Is that the message you want to take away today?”

“It’s the message that is.”

“Janney, think about that for our next session. Are you really as alone as you think?”

“He’s the nicest man,” Judy gushed as she sat in Janney’s kitchen munching on chocolates that she’d received as an early Christmas gift from one of her students. It was Saturday

afternoon and the beautiful snow had started to melt and turn the streets to that ugly gray slush.

“Is this all you can talk about, Judy? Are you sure you’re not interested in him yourself?”

“I don’t know why you won’t meet him at least, Jan. Ben Marrick. He’s smart, a real gentleman. He knows how to talk to women, not just flirting but actual conversation. He knows a ton of stuff about ancient Roman history. You could talk about your trip. Didn’t you go to Bath and see the Roman ruins? He teaches a night course at the college on ancient civilizations.”

Oh, God. That name.
Janney struggled to keep her mind on Judy’s ramblings.
Roman history.
She drew her knees up to her chest. She needed something to hug, to hang on to.

“Janney, what happened over there?” Judy spoke gently and placed her hand on Janney’s cold fingers. “Did someone hurt you? You haven’t been the same since you came home.”

Janney buried her face in her knees. She couldn’t tell Judy about the dreams, couldn’t even tell her best friend. They were all she had of him. Even talking to Dora, analyzing them, took him further away from her. “Nothing bad happened, Jude. I had a wonderful time.”

Janney had looked forward to talking to Dora but now that she was here in her office, she just wanted all her sadness to go away. At Dora’s prompting, Janney said, “Judy wants to fix me up with this new man at work, Ben, the new fifth grade teacher.

I haven’t even met him yet, I’ve been avoiding it.”

“Why are you avoiding him?”

“I don’t know. She says he’s really nice, good-looking, smart. He teaches ancient civilization at night school,” Janney said quietly. “That’s just a little too coincidental, don’t you think?”

“Why do you say that? Wouldn’t he be interesting to talk to?” “I don’t want to talk to another man about…about… It would hurt too much.” Janney’s eyes filled with tears, “I was in

love with him, probably still am. Obviously, I still am since I’m here talking to you about him. Christ, I’m in love with a man who only exists in my imagination. If that’s not crazy, I don’t know what is.” Janney bolted up and strode to the window. “We looked at the stars and the moon. I told him men walked on the moon. He understood it, was excited about it. It wasn’t just sex, he loved me,” she cried plaintively.

“Of course he loved you. Why wouldn’t he?”

“What are you wearing, Janney? I hope something tight and short.” Judy sat in her favorite spot at Janney’s kitchen table.

“God, Judy.” Judy never gave up. “I’m wearing my black long-sleeved jersey.” They were discussing the upcoming school staff Christmas party set for Saturday night at the River Inn.

“Janney, if I had your figure, I’d show it off.”

“Well, the dress isn’t tight but it’s clingy. Is that good enough for you? I won’t be able to eat a thing for two days beforehand.” Janney put the creamer down. Maybe she shouldn’t use so much anyway.

“Okay, but let’s find some really high-heeled strappy sandals to show off your legs.”

“Uh, no, Jude. Black pumps.”

Judy shook her head no.

“Okay, okay, high-heeled pumps. God, I’m not some Barbie doll to dress up for Ken’s benefit.”

“It’s Ben, not Ken, and he’ll be knocked out by you.”

“You haven’t been talking about me to him, have you? Oh, Judy, you have. Cripes, I’m so embarrassed. He probably won’t like me at all. I think I’ll just have a headache or something.”

“Nothing doing, kiddo. You’re going to the party, and you’re going to have a great time.”

“Well, how’re you going to introduce me? As the woman who’s been avoiding you for weeks?”

“You’ve been avoiding him, Janney?” Judy asked suspiciously.

Shoot, that just slipped out.

Janney wouldn’t meet Judy’s gaze. “No, of course not.”
Not
really.
“Our paths just haven’t crossed. I’ve been busy. If he’s so wonderful, maybe he’s met someone. Maybe he’ll bring a date.”

Even as Janney said this, she felt an odd little possessive hurt.

“Oh, he’s not. I asked him. He’s looking forward to meeting you.”

“He said that? What have you said about me? I’m certainly no Nicole Kidman.”

“Oh, and sexy underwear, too. Black, sexy, sheer underwear.” Judy was obviously not finished with her.

“Oh, Dora, Judy’s really set me up this time. I’m supposed to meet this guy tonight, actually. Ben. Judy’s really excited. I’m glad someone is. I just want to curl up with my dreams.”

“Why are you afraid to meet this man?”

“I don’t want to meet anyone. I’m not interested. This is all just in Judy’s head that we’d be perfect together.”

“Are you afraid a real man won’t measure up to your dream man, Marek?”

“Maybe.”

“Because what you’ve built up in your mind is the perfect man.”

“Yes, yes, I know.”

“Until he deserted you. But did he really desert you?”

“Yes, he was going to. I don’t want to give anyone else a chance to love me and leave me. I can figure out the psychology of this. Now, I’m embarrassed. Judy’s built me up with this guy.

I won’t measure up”

“Maybe he won’t measure up to you, Janney.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

Cocktail hour. Janney’s feet, in her higher-than-usual heels, already hurt. Trying to pretend a vivaciousness she didn’t feel, she had a couple quick glasses of wine and no munchies. Oh, she was on fire all right, waving her hands expressively, laughing at the principal’s jokes, nervously twisting the stem of her wine glass.

A movement at the doorway of the lounge caught her eye.

Judy, Walt, and a man. She stared. Then looked down at the horrid multi-hued, multi-patterned carpet. Took a short, sharp breath, her heart in her throat. She noticed that her hand shook.

Her gaze dragged back up to the man. Blinking, then squinting, she couldn’t believe her eyes. His suit morphed into a costume.

A tunic. A knee length tunic. How in the world would she know what this man’s knees looked like?
Cute knees, though.

Janney stood very still. The sounds of the party melted away. She was in an entirely different room, an entirely different time.

Oh, I am going crazy.

She’d known it ever since she’d come back from England.

Oh, God, they’re coming this way.

The costume dissolved and formed back into a suit. A suit that couldn’t disguise the powerful body beneath.

How would I know what kind of body he has? I must have seen him
at school and not realized who he was. That’s why he looks so familiar.

Yes, that’s it.

She looked down at the glass in her hand but decided not to take a drink just now. Surely, everyone could hear her pounding

heart. Judy sure had done a number on her, getting her all keyed up like this. Trying to catch up on the conversation, she smiled vacantly as Judy and her two men joined their group.

“Everyone, you know Ben. Ben, everyone. Except I don’t think you’ve met Janney Forrester. Janney, this is Ben Marrick.”

Judy performed the introduction triumphantly, a self-satisfied smirk on her face.

Janney tried to hold her smile but wasn’t sure she was successful. She nodded hello.

God, everyone’s watching.
He held out his hand. She had to be polite and shake it. Warm, dry, and firm. Not soft. This man obviously worked with his hands. She blushed. The lounge and all the people in it melted away.

Ben smiled. He continued to hold her hand.

Dismayed by the feeling of déjà vu, she mentally shook her head. It was still there. Reality and fantasy—waking and dreaming—all coming together. He was still there. With a sense of inevitability, Janney slid her gaze up to his brown eyes, crinkled at the edges from his smile, and held her breath as they stared into each other’s eyes.