And Able (26 page)

“W
 
hat we’ve got is better than love.”

“What the hell are you talking about, better than love?” Nitro demanded incredulously.

“I can’t love her.”

“Why not?” Nitro asked.

“If you don’t, you have no business marrying her,” Wolf said.

He didn’t want to deal with Wolf’s assertion, so he focused on Nitro’s question. “I promised Elena that I would never love another woman as I loved her.”

Nitro shook his head. “Whatever pseudo promises you made to each other in the first flush of love don’t carry weight now. I’m sure you meant it when you said it, but neither of you realized she would die and you would have the rest of your life to lead alone.”

“I didn’t make the promise to her when she was alive.”

“What did you do, make an oath on her grave?” Wolf asked.

“You could put it like that.”

“But that’s stupid. You didn’t owe it to her to spend the rest of your life without love just because she died before you did.”

“I owed it to her because it’s my fault she died.”

“Bullshit,” Nitro snapped. “Elena chose to stay in a volatile situation for the sake of her belief in her cause.”

“I was supposed to go back for her, but I got sent out on another mission before I could and she was killed because of it.”

“You had no choice, but she did,” Wolf said with certainty. “She had connections. She could have gotten herself out of the country a lot sooner than she tried to, but she didn’t. She put her cause above you, not the other way around.”

Claire had said the same thing, or at least part of it.

Hotwire sighed, coming to terms with a truth he’d hidden from because it had hurt too much to deal with at the time. Elena’s duty had come before him, and he hadn’t wanted to face that because it meant she hadn’t loved him as much as he loved her. After all, he’d begged her to leave her country against the express orders of his superiors.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t feel the same way about Claire as I did about Elena.”

“How is it different?” Wolf asked.

“For one thing, I’ve got about zero self-control when it comes to making love with her. I want her all the time and I can’t shut it off even when we’re working on the case.”

“That’s not a bad thing. I feel the same way about Josette.”

“I didn’t say it was bad. In fact, I told Claire it was better.”

“That’s what you mean by better than love?” Wolf asked.

“Yes, and you know, when I’m with her, I feel at peace with myself, not like I’m always trying to prove that I’m worthy of her affection. It feels good.”

Nitro and Wolf both gave him strange looks, and then Nitro asked, “What else?”

“The idea of her being pregnant with my baby is the biggest mental turn-on I’ve ever known. With Elena, I wanted all of her to myself. Neither of us wanted to have kids right away.”

“You think you don’t love Claire because you want her to have your baby?”

“Not like I loved Elena. There’s nothing selfish in what I feel for Claire. I want her to be mine, but most of all, I want her to be happy.”

“And let me guess…” Wolf said. “Claire isn’t perfect, but you don’t want her to be because you like her just the way she is?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

“I feel that way about Lise.”

“Do you miss her right now, even though you only saw her a few hours ago and you’re going to see her again pretty soon?” Nitro asked.

“Damn right,” Hotwire said.

Both men looked at him as if expecting him to say something. “What?” he finally demanded.

“Just what do you call these feelings you have for Claire?” Wolf demanded.

“Do they have to have a name?”

“They don’t have to, but they do,” Nitro said.

“What? It’s not merely lust because as much as I want her, I like her, too.”

“Are you really that stupid?” Nitro asked with a frown.

“There are none so blind as those who will not see,” Wolf added with a smirk Hotwire wouldn’t mind wiping off his face with a fist if he wasn’t driving a car.

“You two are both starting to get on my nerves. I need your help figuring out how to convince Claire to marry me, and you’re busy mocking me.”

“Why don’t you try telling her you love her?” Wolf asked.

“I told you—”

“More than you’ve ever loved any other woman,” Nitro added, rolling right over Hotwire’s denial.

And suddenly he could see his blind stupidity in glaring Technicolor. Oh, hell. He did love Claire and he should have seen it ages ago, but he’d hidden from that truth as effectively as he’d hidden from the reality of his relationship with Elena. But instead of pain at the realization, he felt an overwhelming sense of rightness.

“I’m head over heels in love with Claire Sharp.”

Wolf laughed. “Smart man.”

“Finally, that computer brain of yours came up with the right equation,” Nitro said, a genuine smile warming his usually taciturn features.

“Well, hell…now I’m going to have to convince Claire.”

“It shouldn’t be too hard. She loves you, too.”

“That’s what she said, but I told her I didn’t love her. I don’t think she’s going to be a pushover to convince.”

“But you can do it.”

Of that Hotwire had no doubt and he was pretty sure he knew just the way to go about it.

Exhausted from shopping, Claire flopped down on the sofa in the living room. “I didn’t know buying a few clothes could be such a marathon sport.”

Eleanor laughed from her seat at the other end of the couch. “Mama and I have closed down more malls than you can shake a stick at.”

“Well, there’s no sense making the long drive into Savannah unless you plan to utilize your time wisely while there,” Felicia said.

Josette laughed. “That’s one way of looking at it. I suppose Claire and I are lucky you two didn’t decide to close the malls down today.”

“Well, you’ll pardon me for saying so, but it was obvious neither of you were used to the rigors of marathon shopping.”

Claire laughed at that. She was in pretty good shape, but Josette was more physically fit than any other woman Claire had ever known. Only Felicia was right—neither of them had been up to the other women’s weight shopping.

“I’ve got to say that I’ve been on easier twenty-mile marches through the jungle than shopping with the two of you,” Josette said.

“Now, this sounds intriguing,” Lise said from the doorway.

The other women greeted her with a warm welcome.

“Are you done writing for the day?” Claire asked.

Lise nodded, yawning behind her hand. “Yes. One more minute in front of my keyboard and my mind is going to melt.”

“Well, you’re just in time for some tea.”

As Brett’s mother spoke, a young woman who worked for the family carried a tray with glasses and a large pitcher of sweet tea into the room. When each of the women had a glass of the refreshing beverage in hand, she left.

Lise sipped hers with a look of bliss on her face. “I love southern sweetened iced tea. They just don’t make it the same anywhere else.”

“Of course not,” Felicia said complacently.

“It’s yummy, all right, but I keep expecting to be offered a mint julep,” Josette said with a smile.

“We’ll have them after dinner, if you like,” Felicia said.

Josette smiled, but Eleanor fixed Claire with her steady regard. “The more time I spend with you, the more convinced I become that you and my brother are meant for each other.”

“I concur,” Felicia said.

“I’ve thought so for a long time,” Josette said smugly.

Claire frowned at her. “You of all people should know why we aren’t.”

Josette had to know about Elena. Besides, Claire hadn’t told the whole story of her childhood to Josette, but she’d told her ex-roommate enough that the other woman should realize Claire could never fit into Brett’s family.

“Why is that?” Lise asked, and then blushed. “I’m always doing that, asking whatever pops into my mind without thinking if it’s something I should do first.”

“It’s all right,” Claire said. “I don’t mind, but you know Brett is still in love with his dead fiancée, and then there’s the fact that my background just doesn’t fit with his.”

“What do you mean by that?” Felicia asked.

“My dad committed suicide when he lost his job and we were faced with bankruptcy.”

“Your poor mother,” Felicia sighed.

“Yes, well, she didn’t exactly rise to the occasion. She became an alcoholic and died of liver cancer almost four years ago. We had a lot of trouble with the cops when I was growing up…mom was not a happy drunk.”

Felicia shook her head. “You had a difficult childhood, but you can’t think Brett cares about where you come from.”

“I was more concerned about how you would react to it…or Eleanor, being an elected official and all.”

“Oh, pooh. You’re the epitome of the American dream, Claire. You lifted yourself out of an ugly situation and have created a different life for yourself. I’m impressed, and anyone who isn’t can vote for the competition.”

Josette laughed. “I like that. You know, I didn’t know all of that, but it explains some things that used to confuse me. One thing I want to know, though…how did you take care of your mom for so many years without learning a thing about how to cook?”

Claire burst out laughing. “Believe it or not, Mom was mostly a raw-vegetable-and-fruit vegan. We never ate meat and nothing got cooked except rice and potatoes. I don’t know how she ever justified the distilled grains in alcohol to herself, but she was fanatical about food. I learned to bake potatoes in the microwave and we had a rice cooker there at the last. But my real problem in the kitchen is the fact that I’m too easily distracted by what’s going on in my head.”

“Well, that explains it,” Josette said.

“I can understand that,” Lise added with a rueful smile.

Claire smiled at all of them, but focused on Eleanor. “Brett said you’d react this way to my past.”

“He knows me well,” his sister said, sounding pleased.

“He doesn’t understand you all are proud of him, though. He feels like he’s on the outside of your family sometimes, I think.”

“You can help him to see differently, can’t you, Claire?” Felicia asked. “He made his choices and he made a good life for himself, one to be proud of, but sometimes it takes an outsider to break through barriers built in the past.”

“You think I have that much influence with him?”

“I’m certain of it.”

“I’m sure you’re wrong about Elena, too. He isn’t in love with a ghost, but a flesh-and-blood woman,” Eleanor said with a significant look at Claire.

The men returned after dinner, and Claire was glad to hear that Brett had turned the information about the politician over to Ethan and the case would now be handled through official channels. She wasn’t so glad to hear that Brett planned to keep her out of the way until the perp was brought in.

“But I have to get back to work. They won’t hold my job open indefinitely.”

“Now that you’re done with school, it’s time for you to move on to a job more commensurate with your skills anyway, sugar.”

“That’s just it. I’ve got to start looking for one.” She wasn’t as enamored of the idea of going overseas, or disappearing to another state now…the freedom she’d thought she wanted didn’t seem nearly as alluring as trying to make her relationship with Brett work.

“You already have one if you’ll take it.”

She looked at him warily, wondering if they were talking marriage again. She saw that as slightly more than a mere job.

“With our company.”

“But you’ve already got Josette working for you. You don’t need me, too.”

“I need you, all right, but so does the company. Josie is good with a computer, but you are incredible.”

“He’s right, Claire, you are,” Josette said from her chair on the long veranda along the back of the mansion. She didn’t sound in the least offended that Brett had judged Claire’s abilities superior to hers. “Besides, I’m not done with school yet and I don’t want to work until I am. Even then, it’s likely I’ll help Daniel with his architectural design business rather than work for Hotwire and Wolf…”

“I thought we already had this settled,” Wolf added.

“But I…”

“It sounds like a wonderful opportunity,” Brett’s father said. “Anything my son is involved in is going to be a success, and that means this would be the beginning of a really good career for you.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Daddy.”

“Anytime, son. I guess it’s no secret I’m very proud of the man you’ve become.”

Brett stared, his mouth opening and shutting. “I think you really mean that.”

“Of course I do.”

“Thank you.”

Claire felt happy tears prick her eyes and she blinked at them. Lise wasn’t so reticent. She swiped at wetness on her cheeks. “That’s so sweet.”

Wolf laughed. “Pregnant women and their hormone-driven emotions.”

Lise smacked his arm and got pulled into his lap with a brief kiss for her trouble.

Eleanor and her family had left right after dinner, so it was just the former mercenaries, their wives, her, Brett, and his parents.

They chatted late into the night, while fireflies danced just beyond the veranda, until everyone agreed it was time to go to bed.