And Yesterday Is Gone (42 page)

I
opened my eyes to the light. Where was I? That thought found its way through my foggy brain. My mind whirled around. I sought safety in the darkness. My eyes closed and shut out the reality.

Slowly I regained consciousness as I heard, from far away, the sound of voices. It couldn't be Juan, could it? Then his hands were on my face and he was calling my name.

“Steve, Steve, wake up.”

Opening my eyes to Juan's tear-streaked face. I knew I was home.

It seemed seconds later that Rica's arms tenderly, carefully wrapped around me. She was kissing me and crying softly as I drifted back to sleep.

Dr. O'Connor spoke with a huge smile on his face. “His vital signs are all right where they should be. He's doing better than I expected.”

As I opened my eyes to the morning sun, I heard the click-click of high-heeled shoes and turned my head to see two beautiful girls: Daddy's Babe in the lead, then Sarita, who were followed by my equally lovely wife.

Bringing up the rear was my tall son, who was nearing his twenty- first birthday. He bent over to hug me and grinned. “Pop, you looked better the last time I saw you. Have you been sick?”

But he couldn't quite bring it off. When he straightened, his cheeks were wet, as were mine.

Rica had her arms around as much of me as was possible and stifled her sobs in my pillow.

Each girl held a hand.

We were afloat in a sea of tears. Tears of gratefulness and joy.

“You shouldn't have so many visitors—you're recuperating,” admonished a nurse.

“So many? Never, never can I have too many of the people I love and who love me back.”

When Dr. O'Connor came in later, I mumbled through my bandages. “Would you get in touch with Dr. Myers and tell him the party is still on? Since this is where he worked for years, I'm sure they will have his address.”

“Of course. He was a very respected doctor here. Sorry I never got to meet him.”

I liked this Irish doctor. He was with me often, sometimes to talk, to visit, even though my hearing was gone in one ear. Gradually, I noticed that a lot of his visits coincided with those of Juan's. It was then that I became just an audience.

Sis, Ma and Charles flew through the door, and once the hysterics were over, my helpless condition did not shield me from Sis' assessment of my previous intelligence. Her stringent comments were accompanied by Charles' laughter and Ma's remonstrative, “Now, Sis, now, Sis—Sis!”

The bandages on my body were being removed one by one as the wounds healed. I always kept them covered because I couldn't bear to look at them myself. The foot remained in a cast. I was told that I would always walk with a limp. When I complained that the bandages on my head looked as though I was wearing a turban, the nurse replied tartly, “At least you've got a head to put in on.” I concluded she was right.

More and more I was aware of the restrained courtship happening almost at my door. Juan had never shown interest in any of the suitors who had tried their luck. This was different.

Dr. Teddy came by one day and got right to the point.

“Steve, it is you who must cut the cord. You have always been his only love. He is tortured by the decision he must make. I know he hasn't committed himself to Dr. O'Connor, but I also know he is deeply in love—as I'm sure you've seen. You must break the cord.

“I know you love him and this is his chance for the happiness that you and I both have.”

The thought occurred to me that I should have figured that out myself.

Dr. Teddy continued. “Have you and Rica ever had a honeymoon? Now is the time. Take the kids; travel is an education. Did I tell you I have retired? Sara and I are going to Paris—for starters. Let's give Juan some room. I'll wager he will be honeymooning when we get back.”

She leaned over and kissed me on my bandaged forehead. “We love you, too, Steve. You'll always be family to us.”

I was shocked, honored and humbled. I'd never known Dr. Teddy to kiss anyone but Sara.

Later that evening, with visiting hours almost over, Juan and Rica came to visit. Rica looked so lovely that she took my breath away.

Sis had come over earlier to say a tearful goodbye. She was lonesome for her kids and Tim. She said she was leaving me in good hands. Dr. Teddy took her to the plane. Ma stayed a few days longer.

Rica laughed a little and said, “Well, I guess Ma's been converted.”

“To what?” I asked.

“You'd never guess,” she answered. “Well, we were just talking and sipping tea. Then she got really quiet and said, ‘You and Steve are so fortunate to have such wonderful friends. Steve could never have a truer friend than Juan. They are like brothers. And those women are as concerned about Steve as though he were their son.'

“ ‘Yes,' I agreed, ‘we've known them for a very long time—around twenty-five years.'

“Then, of course, I couldn't resist a little jibe, knowing Ma's previous adamant beliefs.

“ ‘You know, of course, they are homosexual,' and waited for her reaction.

“She'd been giving this some thought; I could tell by her quick answer.

“She said, ‘There never was a better man than Juan and those women have lived together for forty-five years. Sara told me, and I believe these are her exact words, ‘…and I have loved her for longer.' Who can quarrel with that? The same God that judges them will judge me—judge not lest ye be judged.' ”

“That's my Ma,” I said. “God's in his ‘heaven and all's right with the world.' ”

Dr. O'Connor happened by. “Stopped to see how my patient is doing.”

We all chatted for a short while, then, kissing the hand I was holding, my words tumbled out.

“Rica, when I get out of here, let's you and I go on an extended honeymoon. We'll take the kids—travel is education. We can be gone for as long as we like. I'm sure I don't have a job anymore. Teddy and Sara are going to Paris. Why should they have all the fun?”

Rica giggled like a girl. “Quick, Doctor, I think Steve is having a relapse…” Then, turning to me, she asked, “Honest? And take the kids?”

“Sure, why not?”

She flung her arms about me and kissed me all over my face, bandages and all.

“Ireland. That's the place to go,” Dr. O'Connor suggested.

I looked at Juan's flushed face, and the emotions that chased themselves back and forth told me that, indeed, this was the time.

He stood. “Doctor, if the cafeteria is still open, let's have a cup of coffee. Excuse us.”

“Juan.” My voice stopped him at the door. “I wish for you, my brother, all the happiness your heart can hold.”

That night Juan's heart tuned out the world. There was only himself and Shaun.

With the morning light, Juan turned his head to see tangled covers thrown back. The fragrant aroma of coffee drifted in and with it came a happy whistle that echoed in his heart.

•  •  •

I was sitting up when J.W. blustered his way past the nurse. He took my hand and his face twisted to what I knew he intended to be a smile. He pulled out an old tattered handkerchief from somewhere and blew his nose so loudly that the nurse scowled. After a few aborted starts, he spoke.

“Well, you damn fool, I'll give you credit. You did make it home. I've got an opening for a copy boy. Do you think you could handle that?”

He released my hand as if surprised to find he was still holding it.

When he had gone, my own tears flowed; J.W. had said “I love you” in the only way he knew.

Then I blew my nose and the nurse said, “What is this? An epidemic?”

•  •  •

After two more weeks, the doctor reluctantly released me. I promised to take care and Rica guaranteed it. “Nothing strenuous,” she emphasized.

My hair had mostly covered the scars on my head, but a dimple still appeared in my forehead. I walked with a cane into our home that now rivaled Heaven.

Everyone was at my beck and call and at last, I was master of my domain. Rica and I had time for each other for long talks, cuddling in front of the fireplace when the kids were in school, and planning our future. But first our honeymoon.

A big plate of cookies one evening set the scene. The fireplace was a rosy glow.

Rica called, “Kids, it's a party—cookies and ice cream.”

She didn't need to call the girls twice and by the time Billy pried himself from his auto mechanic magazine, inroads had been made on the cookie plate.

Rica laid the maps and the travel folder on the coffee table, smoothed the wrinkles and gave the kids the news.

“We're all going on a three-month cruise.”

“When are we leaving?” asked Billy.

“Maybe they'll have a good-looking lifeguard for the pool.”

“Yeah,” said Billy, “and I hope it's female.”

“Now can I have a bikini?”

“Will we have a room with a view?”

The questions were endless, coming thick and fast.

Rica was as excited as the kids and I felt a very strong desire to cry. I asked myself why we'd never done this before.

Finally, it was bedtime. Apparently, though, it was not sleep time—we heard the muffled sounds of conversation and laughter from the girls.

Billy's muted voice on the phone could be heard—a voice that had started to change so long ago, and now sounded so…so adult. How quickly he had grown up.

The cane leaned beside the bed and watched without surprise as I kissed my wife goodnight. I didn't hear when she said, “nothing strenuous.” I'm half deaf, you know.