Angel Fever (35 page)

A
S
I
WALKED BACK TO
the waiting room, my stomach tightened with anticipation.
Alex, can I talk to you?
Nina could wait a few minutes. All I wanted was to get Alex someplace private and feel his arms around me again – press my face against his warm neck and never let him go.

When I entered the waiting room, my brow creased: his blue plastic chair was empty. Nina sat looking through a different magazine. I perched beside her and then twisted around in my seat, glancing at the restroom.

“Where’s Alex?” I said.

Nina had tossed the magazine aside and was reaching for her coat. “He left.”

My heart stopped. “What?” I said blankly.

She nodded at a pair of empty seats nearby. “He got a ride with those guys; they said they’d drop him off in Pawntucket so he could get his truck. He said to tell you goodbye.”

She saw my expression then and stared at me, flustered. “Willow, the way he said it, I thought you knew. He made it sound like something you’d agreed on.”

Once I know you’re all right, I’ll leave.
Suddenly the world was crashing in on me. “How long ago?” I gasped.

“I don’t know, maybe five minutes?”

I’d grabbed up my parka and was running before she finished talking. I darted around a crowd of people as they came in the entrance, heard someone give a startled cry. Nina was shouting behind me. “Willow!
Wait!
”

The cold air hit me as I shot through the doors. I pounded down the sidewalk, not stopping until I reached the parking lot. I craned up on my tiptoes, longing for my angel. I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Alex!” I shouted. My voice echoed over the half-empty lot. “
Alex!
”

Nina caught up with me, panting. “Willow, what—”

Where was the truck? I spotted it and started running again; as I reached it, I whirled towards Nina. “The keys, did he give you the keys?”

She handed them over, and I lunged into the driver’s seat. “Get in!” I cried. A second later we were screeching away from the parking lot.

“Willow, what is
wrong
?” Nina said loudly.

What’s wrong is that I can’t scan for him any more. If he leaves, I won’t be able to find him – and he’ll think that’s what I wanted.
I couldn’t say the words. I knew Seb wouldn’t be able to find him either; it took such a deep, multi-layered bond.

I clutched the wheel hard. “I just – I’ve got to find Alex.”

I almost cried in frustration as we reached the main gates and got caught in a traffic jam: a river of glittering metal. It looked as if every car in Schenectady was leaving at the same time. People were carrying their belongings, heading out in droves on foot – it was like the refugees that Alex and I had once seen heading for Denver Eden in reverse.

“How many of them do you think are sick?” asked Nina in a soft voice. Over half an hour had passed.

“A lot,” I said shortly as we crept forward. “But at least their minds are clear, and they’ll get treatment now, once things are a little more normal again.”

She looked at me. “Do you really think the world will
ever
be normal again?”

“Not really,” I admitted. My hands felt clammy; I wiped them on my jeans. “I guess we’ll have to…find a new normality.”

Finally,
finally
, we drove through the gates. I got off the traffic-laden highway as soon as I could, taking a country road that was the scenic route. Nina set her jaw and reached for the strap on the ceiling.

“Good – now burn rubber,” she said.

“Believe me, I plan to,” I said as we whistled around a curve. I swung the wheel hard to avoid a pothole.
Alex, I don’t want to lose you – not again.

When we finally reached Pawntucket, I plunged into its damaged streets; they were all empty. Alex’s truck had been parked in front of the elementary school – near the front door, with its bright construction-paper decorations.

My chest was clenched as I turned into the school’s parking lot. The words were part prayer, part hope:
Please, Alex – please.

His truck was gone.

“No!” I gasped.

“Try the town square – maybe he’s there,” Nina said urgently.

When we reached it, I lurched to a stop in front of Drake’s Diner and jumped out. I couldn’t see Alex’s blue truck anywhere. The square was full of people, though, all gathered in front of the town hall. Someone was bashing out “We Are the Champions” on a guitar; raucous singing filled the air.

“Is Alex here?” I cried, as Jonah came running over and we got out.

He looked surprised and shook his head. “No, he came and said goodbye about twenty minutes ago.”

The world stopped. Somehow I got the words out. “Do you…do you know where he went?”

“No, he didn’t say.” I could tell how much Jonah wished he had a different answer. “I’m really sorry.”

I stood frozen in the weak winter sunshine. Twenty minutes. Oh god, I’d been so close! He could have gone in any direction, and I had no idea which one he’d choose. He was miles away now…thinking it was what I wanted.

I was too late.

Nina squeezed my arm as I stood there speechless. From the town hall lawn, loud singing was still going on. Someone had started banging on an upturned garbage can; the sound pounded at my skull.

Finally Nina cleared her throat. “Do you want to go join the party? You deserve it, Willow.”

I’d never cared less about celebrating. I shook my head dully. “No. Maybe later.”

Nina looked as if she was racking her brains to think of something to cheer me up. “Okay, well…I’ll just go get us some Cokes or something. There’s a whole stash we’ve been saving.”

I managed a smile. “Thanks. That would be nice.”

As Nina headed off towards the square, Jonah stayed beside me, propping himself against the truck. “Is Seb okay?” he asked.

I nodded. “He’ll be fine.”

We stood watching the party. A few people had started a snowball fight, laughing and shouting. “So…what will you do now?” Jonah said, glancing at me.

I had no idea. Remembering that serene moment when I’d gazed over the Wyoming plains, I knew that I didn’t
need
Alex…but I wanted him so badly it hurt.

Even if I love you, I might as well hate you, because that’s what it feels like!
I shut my eyes, wincing at the memory. I might be fine on my own, but I wouldn’t find peace again. How could I, when Alex thought I hated him?

And someday, I guessed he’d fall in love with someone else.

The thought brought so much pain that the celebratory scene in front of me seemed to dim at the edges. “I don’t know,” I answered Jonah finally. “I, um – I guess I’ll stay in Pawntucket, for a while at least. It’ll take a lot of work to get things back the way they were. What about you?”

Jonah’s eyes were on Nina as she returned. “Yeah, I’m staying too,” he said quietly. “This is my home now.”

Even through my sadness, I thought how strange it was: the way the threads of life can weave destinies together like a spider’s web. My brief meeting with Jonah two years ago had brought him here, to my best friend.

“Here, fresh from the snow,” Nina said when she reached us, pressing an icy can into my hand.

A whoop of laughter; Scott Mason lurched past with Rachel on his shoulders. “Hey, Willow!” he cried, reversing quickly. He and Rachel both went silent; Scott held out his hand to me, suddenly serious and inarticulate. “Thank you so much,” he said fervently. “You are a
hero,
you know that?”

Suddenly I knew that, no matter whatever else happened to me, I did not want a lifetime of people looking at me the way the two of them were.

“That’s okay,” I said as I shook his hand. “But it wasn’t me, actually.”

Scott blinked. “It wasn’t?”

“No. I was just there when it happened. Maybe I was a catalyst or something, but…the angels’ time here was just finished, I guess.”

“Oh,” he said, looking bewildered.

“Well, at least they’re gone,” Rachel put in. After a pause, she added, “Too bad Alex couldn’t stay for the party. He was incredible during the fight.”

Scott glared up at her, jiggling her legs. “Yeah, could you have
been
any more obvious?” He put on a falsetto voice. “‘Ooh, Alex, are you sure you can’t stay?’”

I’d been leaning against the truck; now I jerked upright. “Wait – you saw Alex?”

Scott shrugged. “Yeah, on his way out of town. He asked us for directions.”

Suddenly my heart was racing. “Where to?”

He looked taken aback by the urgency in my voice. “Route 16.”

I caught my breath; my gaze met Nina’s.

“Go!” she cried, grabbing the Coke from me and shoving me towards the truck. Because she knew as well as I did what was down that road.

I must have set new speed records as I drove out of Pawntucket; two years earlier I’d have been pulled over before I even reached the town limits. On Route 16, winter-bare trees flashed past.

Please,
I thought.
Please.

I slowed down at the brown-and-white sign:
MURRAY PARK
. My heart pounded as I took the turn.

At first glance the parking lot was empty, and my soul withered inside me. And then I saw it: a blue 4 × 4 sitting in the far corner. Suddenly I was trembling almost too hard to park. I rested my forehead against my fists on the steering wheel for a second. When I looked up, the truck was still there.

It was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

I got out and walked quickly up the hiking trail. When I got to the clearing, I could see the willow tree – and a boy standing beside it. His hands were in his back pockets, his dark hair rumpled by the wind as he looked up at the tree’s branches.

As I approached, Alex turned at the sound of my footsteps. His eyes widened in a flash of blue-grey. I stopped short as our gazes met, my mouth dry.

I saw him swallow. “I just…wanted to see it,” he said finally, nodding at the tree.

“I’m glad,” I said as I started to cry. “I mean, I really, really cannot tell you how glad I am.”

I took another step towards him, and then I was running. Alex met me halfway and caught me up hard in his arms.

For a long time we just held each other. I clung to him, my face tight against his neck as I drank in his familiar scent – the feel of his arms around me. Finally he stroked my hair back with both hands. Without speaking, he started pressing slow kisses over my face, brushing away the tears.

His warm mouth caressed its way over my cheeks, my lips. “I thought I’d never see you again,” I whispered, closing my eyes. “That years would pass – that you’d fall in love with someone else…”

Alex stopped and stared at me. “Are you crazy?” He sounded almost angry. “There will never be anyone else for me, Willow. Never. If you hadn’t come after me, I’d have come back here in a few weeks – I’d have begged you on my knees.”

I reached up and gripped both his hands. He rested his forehead against mine; we stood with our heads bowed. The willow tree stirred as the wind whispered around us.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Alex, I was just so angry and confused…”

“I know,” he said. “I deserved it. Don’t apologize.”

And somehow that was all that needed to be said.

We drew apart a little, gazing at each other. I slowly felt a smile spread across my face. I just stood there, smiling. I couldn’t stop.

Finally I cleared my throat. “You know, there’s something I have to do,” I told him gravely – and I took his head in my hands and kissed him, gliding my fingers through his dark hair.

By the fourth kiss, he was grinning. “Wait, are you sure you definitely want me back? You seem kind of indecisive.”

I could feel myself grinning too. “Don’t talk,” I said. “Just kiss.”

M
Y MOTHER
’
S BURIAL TOOK PLACE
five days later. It was the day after we’d buried the Pawntucket fighters, in the same old cemetery outside of town. I’d always liked it there – it was so quiet. Some of the headstones in the cemetery had mellowed with age, and in the summer the oak trees cast a dappled shade.

There weren’t many of us present. Alex and me. Nina and Jonah. A few others. Seb wasn’t: he’d left to go after Meghan. We’d spoken to the Idaho AKs on the shortwave by then – Meghan was heading to Tulsa to see her family. Seb hadn’t been in contact with her yet. He said you couldn’t tell a girl you loved her over the radio. I closed my eyes briefly, wishing him luck as hard as I could.

Aunt Jo wasn’t at the funeral either. Now that the angels were gone, she seemed much more bitter, and had stayed on at the lakeside cabin. I hoped that she could find peace.

I hoped we all could.

My grandparents were buried in the cemetery; they’d died before I was born. As everyone said a few words at my mother’s graveside, I found myself studying their double headstone with its stark black letters. In a strange way it was comforting – as if they’d take care of her.

I was the last to speak. I hadn’t planned what I was going to say. But I talked about how Mom used to play the guitar when I was little. How hard she’d tried to be there for me as she grew sicker, and how often she’d failed. How amazing it had been whenever she opened her eyes and really saw me.

“Mom, I wouldn’t have traded you for anything,” I finished softly. “So much of me is you. Thank you.”

“You okay?” whispered Alex, as I went and stood beside him again.

I nodded, leaning against him as he put his arm around me. “Yeah,” I murmured. “I really am.”

I held his hand tightly as they lowered Mom’s coffin into the cold ground. I’d dreaded this moment all my life, but now that it had come, it was impossible to feel too sad.

Mom was finally free.

In the spring, Alex and I went back to our cabin in the Sierra Nevadas.

What we’d planned as a one-month break stretched seamlessly into two. Neither of us could get enough now of simply lying on the grass, listening to the wind in the pines. Or sitting up for hours talking. Or taking our sleeping bags outside and sleeping under the stars, our bare limbs entwined.

Slowly, I was getting used to having the angel part of me so diminished. There were days when I thought it would have been easier if she’d just vanished. But then, touching her shining presence, I knew I’d rather have this little bit than nothing at all. And being at the cabin, with its total peace, was healing.

Being with Alex was healing.

One day in June, we were lying on the grass, soaking up the sun. All Alex had on was a pair of shorts; his eyes were closed, his hands folded on his tanned stomach.

“Hey, have we figured out yet if I’m an older woman or not?” I said drowsily. I was lying beside him, my head against his.

He grinned and made a lunge for me; I gave a laughing shriek as he pulled me on top of him. “I think you’re just two weeks younger than me now,” he said, nuzzling at my neck. “You’re catching up.”

“I’ve done all the catching up I’m ever doing.” I drew a blade of grass across his perfect mouth. “You are
not
going into another dimension again. Ever.”

“Oh no! How am I going to live, now that you’ve squelched my dream?”

“You’ll manage.”

There was a vibration in my shorts pocket as my cell went off. I hardly ever remembered to charge it up here – we had an extension that ran off the truck’s battery. I slid off Alex and pulled the phone out. A message from Seb:

We leave tomorrow. Can’t believe it’s really happening. Text me and let me know you’re alive. xx

I showed the text to Alex; he grinned. “Hey, so they’re really doing it.”

“Yep,” I said, smiling at the screen. “They’re really doing it.”

It had been weeks after Seb left before I found out what happened with him and Meghan. Finally I’d received a letter in Pawntucket from him that had gone on for pages about his journey. I’d scanned it impatiently, knowing he’d done this to torture me.

It ended:
Then I got to Tulsa. Well, I think that’s all for now. I will write again soon, and you must write to me too. I hope you and Alex are both well. Love, Seb.

“What?!” I yelped. “Oh, Seb, you are in so much trouble—” And then I saw his postscript, in tiny letters…and a grin burst across my face.

Meggie said yes. I didn’t know I could be this happy.

Seb had been busy these last few months, though. He’d never been able to get the street girl he’d once saved out of his mind – or, I suspected, the street child he’d once been himself. Now he was about to head back down to Mexico; he planned to start a centre to help street kids who’d been left even more destitute by the quakes.

And Meghan was going with him.

I texted back:

Alive and well. So excited for you both,
querido.
You’re going to do a wonderful job. xx

I glanced at Alex as I put my phone away. “He’s making me feel incredibly lazy, you know. He’s been setting this up for months.”

“Lazy’s good – for now, anyway.” Alex laced his fingers through mine. “God, Willow, if anyone deserves a break, you do.”

I gazed out at the unchanging mountains. And for the hundredth time, I was glad that no one was aware of what I’d done. Even with Jonah’s broadcast, all most people knew was that after the earthquakes, humanity had started spontaneously marshalling – and then the angels had “perished”.

After the battle, Alex and I had stayed on in Pawntucket for a few months, helping to rebuild. The work was long and hard, but after a while the town square didn’t have that defeated look any more. It made me smile every time I saw it.

People everywhere had been doing the same thing: tearing down the trappings of the Edens, fixing roads, clearing away the ruins. The Denver Church of Angels had been razed to the ground. Now, a few months on, there was electricity again, phone service, the internet. But already the world felt like a very different place, though it was too soon yet to tell what direction it was heading in.

And – I guess inevitably – there was also the small, continued existence of the Church of Angels. Even now that everyone knew the truth…some people couldn’t bear to give up the beautiful creatures who’d ensnared us.

Thinking of the angels now, just a dimension away, I knew their fate was in their own hands. Paschar’s vision was right: I was the one who could have destroyed them.

I’d just tried to choose a better way.

“Are you sorry?” I asked softly, turning to look at Alex. “I mean, not that the angels are gone, just…everything’s so different now. Especially for you. You trained your whole life for something, and now it’s over with.”

Alex was still lying on his back. He shrugged, eyes half closed. “Yeah, it’s weird. But I’ll figure something out. Maybe I’ll start a bungee-jumping business.”

He could if he wanted to – now that everything was over with, Alex had been able to access his old bank account, with the funds he’d received for being an AK for years. We wouldn’t be hurting for money anytime soon.

“I could definitely get into bungee jumping.” I flopped down and crossed my arms on his bare chest. “Hey, if the CIA starts back up, you could always work for them again.”

He opened his eyes and studied me with a slight smile. “Are you sure you’re not as psychic as you used to be?” he said finally.

I blinked; I’d only been kidding. “You mean you’ve
heard
from them? But when?”

Alex sat up, carrying me with him. “A few days ago, when we drove down for supplies. They’d gotten my cell number somehow. It was when you went to the drugstore, remember? My phone went off, and it was them.”

“Oh,” I said faintly. I could guess what was coming next.

Alex’s toned stomach was creased as he sat leaning forward, running a blade of grass between his fingers. “The thing is…they’re starting up a paranormal intruder division. They want me to run it.”

The words echoed inside me. The whole time we’d been up here together, I’d been imagining us having a quiet, peaceful life from now on – the thought of it being taken away before it had barely begun made me want to cry.

“So…I guess that would pay a lot,” I said at last.

“Yeah, it sounded like they’d give me a blank cheque if I wanted it.”

I cleared my throat. “And – it’s what you love, right? I mean, it’s what you’ve done your whole life; it’s part of who you are. I totally understand that.”

Alex looked up in surprise. “Willow, I told them no.”

“You…really?”

“Yeah, of course.” He snorted and tossed the grass aside. “It’s just so typical of those guys. When there was an actual paranormal intrusion, Dad struggled to get
any
funding – and now that there’s no intrusion whatsoever, they’re throwing money at it.”

I hated mentioning this, though knew I had to. “But Alex, won’t you get bored eventually if you’re not doing something exciting? I mean, you could probably do whatever you wanted for the CIA. Hunt terrorists or fight crime or—”

“Willow, no,” Alex interrupted softly. He put his hand on my cheek. “Listen to me,” he said. “I have been worrying about saving the world since I was five years old. I never had a choice, and that was okay – it was just what had to be done. But now the world’s finally getting back on track; it doesn’t need me any more. That means I can do—” He stopped, shaking his head with a sudden grin.

“Anything,” he said.

All at once the sun shining down seemed even brighter. “You really don’t want the CIA job?” I asked.

Alex looked like he was trying not to laugh. “What gave it away? Anyway, what about you? The CIA would snap you up in a second, if they knew what you’d done.”

I smiled and stretched my legs out. “I think I’ll pass.”

We sat basking in the sunshine. A hawk was circling high overhead; the only other movement was the clouds drifting across the sky.

“You know what I’d really like to do?” Alex’s blue-grey eyes had turned thoughtful.

I’d just started to brush the grass from his warm back. “No, what?”

“I’d like to travel.”

I stopped mid-motion and glanced at him in surprise. “Is there even a single state you haven’t seen?”

Alex nodded, leaning back on his hands as he gazed out at the mountains. “All of them. I was always on the hunt before – I never got a chance to just enjoy any of it. I’d like to see the country again and…” He shrugged, looking a little embarrassed. “Well, see exactly what it is we’ve saved.”

I began to smile as I imagined it. I swiped the rest of the grass from his back and then slowly caressed his spine.

“You know what?” I said. “I like the sound of that. A lot.”

Alex’s gaze flew to mine. “Really? You want to?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I think I do. We can take the truck and go all over.”

He cupped his hand behind my neck and kissed me softly, then pulled me onto his lap with a grin. “Nah, let’s get a couple of motorcycles. I’ll teach you to ride, and you can be a biker chick. You are going to look seriously hot in leather.”

I laughed and twined my arms around his neck. “Okay, deal. But you’re not allowed to have one of those big biker beards, so don’t even think about it.”

“I can’t have a beard?”

“No. Definitely not.”

“Hmm. We may have to negotiate this one.” Alex took a strand of my hair and tickled it across my face. For as long as I’d known Alex, he’d looked so much older than his age – weighed down with responsibility for the whole world.

Now his stormy eyes were simply…happy.

For a moment, as the breeze whispered, I thought of my mother. Alex’s family. Sam. Everyone who’d fallen in battle; the groups we’d sent out; Alex’s old friends who’d died years before.

And I knew that this was what we’d all been fighting for: the freedom to find joy in the world, now that we still had a world to enjoy.

My heart felt almost too full for speech. I touched Alex’s face, tracing the dark arch of one eyebrow, and finally cleared my throat. “So how’s this for a plan? We’ll spend a few more weeks up here, then hit the road for a while. Then after that…just be together.”

He took my hand and turned it over. Slowly, he kissed my palm; my pulse skipped at the feel of his summer-warm lips. Below, the mountains shone like a new dawn.

“Who said you’re not as psychic any more?” Alex said softly. “You just read my mind.”