Angel of Redemption (74 page)

I drive slowly, trying to calm down again before
I have to face my girl. When I get to the house, Kayla’s outside. She’s wearing
short, white shorts and is bent over, picking weeds. I look around and see an
old man sitting on his porch across the street, drinking a beer. His eyes are
trained on Kayla. A couple houses down, a teenage boy seems to be washing the
same spot on his car over and over again. He glances up and upon meeting my
eyes, moves quickly to the other side.

I slam my car door, getting her attention, and
she stands up. She’s covered in dirt from her knees down. It’s under her
fingernails and smudged across her face. Her hair is pulled up but is all
messy. She looks incredibly sexy.

“Oh, good. You’re just in time to mow the lawn,”
she greets.

“Goodie,” I say flatly. “You know, you’re giving
the neighbors quite a show.” I wrap my arms around her waist and dip her back
so I can kiss her sweaty neck.

“Jealous?” she asks, her voice teasing.

“A little.” I pull her back up and give her tail
a nice, firm squeeze.
“This ass is mine.”

She laughs lightly and wiggles out of my grasp. I
frown.

“You’ve just made that perfectly clear. Thank
you. Come on. I need to get this stuff done before it rains.”

We spend the entire afternoon doing yard work
before finally moving inside just as the first raindrops begin to fall. If I
thought we were done, though, I was wrong. After doing three loads of laundry,
changing the sheets, vacuuming, and disinfecting every possible surface, I’m
beginning to think she’s avoiding talking to me.

“Are we gonna talk?” I ask, pulling a beer out of
the fridge as Kayla chops peppers and onions to make a chicken stir-fry.

“Yes,” she answers as though she were waiting for
me to ask. I lean against the counter next to her.

“What’s going on?”

She stops what she’s doing and turns to face me.
“I don’t want you to freak out.”

I take another swig of beer, ignoring the fact
that my heart is thundering in my ears. The possibilities of what she’s going
to say are killing me. “Okay.”

“Uh
… I… Um… I don’t know why this is so
hard.”

“Are you pregnant?” I blurt out. Kayla looks at me
blankly.

“No. Jesus. No.” She frowns. “You thought I was
pregnant?”

“I don’t know what I thought. You sent me this
cryptic text last night telling me we needed to talk and today you’ve been
doing everything but.”

She moves to stand in front of me, blowing out a
huge breath of air. “I had a really long talk with Karen last night. About us.
I’ve never had a mother to talk about relationships with and when you said you
wanted more, it made me think. And this is probably the worst possible way I
could ever do this, but every time I get ready to, I chicken out, so it’s
better that I just say it.”

“For fuck’s sake, Kayla. If you don’t want to be
with me anymore, just fucking tell me,” I snap. “I’m a big boy. I can handle
it. Trust me.”

Her mouth gapes. Her lower lip is trembling
slightly. “That’s not what I was going to say,
” she says. “I want to be
with you.”

“Then what’s the matter?” I groan.

“Uh
…” She looks down.

“Kayla!”

“I’m in love with you.
” The words are soft
and unsure. I wasn’t expecting that. I have no idea what to say. I’m stunned
into silence. “I have been for awhile, but I was afraid you would end things if
you knew. I knew you weren’t ready.”

I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know that I would ever
be ready. Before Kayla, Steph was the only girl to ever say those words to me
and look how that ended.

“I don’t want to lose you, but I can’t not say it
anymore.”

But
…

“I love you, Dean.”

But
…

“And I don’t expect you to say it back or feel
the same. That’s perfectly fine. I know you’ve been through a lot. I’m just
begging you not to leave like before because you make me happy, and I don’t
know what I’d do without you.”

But the look on her face
—in her
eyes—this is different. She’s not Steph, and I’m not that naïve teenage
boy anymore. And I think I love her, too. But the words won’t come out of my
mouth.

“Please say something.” Her eyes are glassy, and
I realize that I’ve been standing here staring at her like a dickhead since she
started talking. I shake my head to clear it. The last thing either of us needs
is for me to speak without thinking like I usually do.

I pull her to me and wrap her in my arms. I take
a few deep breaths. “I told you, sweetheart. I
’m not going anywhere.”

Kayla

I wish I could say that
all my fears and anxiety disappear the moment he wraps his arms around me, but
I can’t. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that Dean is a complicated
individual. He seems to be okay with my declaration, but I still worry. His
heart beating hard in his chest tells me he’s more scared than he’s admitting.

“I know you did. I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” he asks, confusion
evident in his voice.

“I don’t know,” I whimper, my mouth pressed
against his chest. We stand there for a few more minutes before we’re
interrupted by the sound of his stomach growling loudly. “Dinner.” I chuckle.

I pull away and feel Dean’s hand on my upper arm,
just above my elbow. His eyes linger on my face. No, he didn
’t say it
back, but I feel it when he looks at me like this. And for now, that’s all I
need.

He helps me finish cooking dinner, and we eat
without talking much. This is what we do when things get a little too intense.
It’ll pass, I know that
—and it does. Afterward, I change into a
pair of sleep shorts and a tank top. We settle in on the couch and put on a
movie. I’m not really paying attention to it because Dean’s fingertips are
trailing up and down my leg, leaving gooseflesh in their wake. He looks down
with a cheeky grin.

“Are you cold?”

“No.” I shake my head from side to side. “I’m
actually very warm.”

His tongue darts out to wet his lower lip, and I
feel myself beginning to ache in all the right places. His eyes dart up to mine
as his hand moves higher.

“Why don’t you come a little closer?” he says in
the rich, seductive voice I know all too well.

“Why?” I ask coyly.

“Because I want you to.”

“Aw,” I tease. “You
want
?” He
growls and, with cat-like reflexes, grabs me and pulls me into his lap. I
adjust myself so that I’m straddling him. “You don’t play fair.”

“We’ve established that.” He smirks and takes my
lower lip between his teeth. His hands roam over my bare legs, under my shorts,
and his nails rake across my bottom. My bare bottom. He stops and pulls back. I
grin as innocently as I can. “Neither do you, apparently.” He puts his mouth on
my neck. My skin is flaming hot now. He sucks a little harder than he needs to.

I arch my back slightly, pushing my breasts
toward his face. Partly because I don’t want a huge purple hickey on my neck,
and partly because I want his attention a little lower. He obliges, and his
kisses trail across my collarbone and down, over the fabric of my shirt. My
nipples are hard and he grazes them gently through the cotton with his teeth.
His hands are on my lower body, caressing every inch of available skin while I
rock into him. We both know we’re not going to have sex on the couch,
especially since we’re waiting for Claire to get home, but touching and feeling
each other is just what we need.

We make out for half the movie before slowing it
down. Eventually, I climb off him and end up lying down, my head in his lap,
his hands trailing through my hair. I doze off and on until we hear a car in
the driveway. I sit up, but five minutes later, Claire still hasn’t come in.

“Maybe it wasn’t them,” I say, standing up. Dean
pulls me back.

“It was them. I don’t think you want to look out
that window right now.”

“Why?” I ask, my mind befuddled with exhaustion.

“If you and I were younger and you still lived
with your parents and I’d brought you home from a date on my birthday, what
would we be doing out in the car right now?” I take a moment to consider what
he’s saying.

“Oh! Shit!” I jump up, but he doesn’t let me get
far.

“Kayla,” he chuckles. “Relax.”

“Relax?”

“Yeah, relax. I was kidding. They’re not going at
it in your driveway, there
’s—”

At that moment, the door opens and Claire comes
in.

“Hi,” she says happily. I look over at Dean, and
he winks at me.

“
Not enough
time,
” he mouths. I backhand him in the chest, and he snickers.

“Hi,” I return. “Did you have fun?”

She bites her lip and nods. “Yes. I like Logan’s
friends better than mine.”

“Ironic, isn’t it?” I snort. “Have you eaten?”

She nods. “We got pizza at the bowling alley. I’m
going to bed. I’m so tired.”

“Okay. Sleep tight, sweetie.”

She starts to walk away and then stops. “Kayla?”

“Hmm?”

“Thanks. For everything.”

I smile at her. “You’re welcome. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Good night, Dean.” She
teasingly sings this last part. Dean grins, letting out an amused breath
through his nose.

“
Night.”

When she’s gone, Dean puts his arm around me. I
lean my head into his shoulder and thread my fingers through his. I feel his
lips on the top of my head. We watch the rest of the movie. All I really want
to do is climb into bed and wrap myself up in Dean, but he stays firmly planted
on the couch. I don’t think he’s paying attention to the movie, either, though.
When I glance up at him, his eyes are fixed and glazed over, like he’s thinking
really hard. When the credits begin to roll, I stand up.

“I need to take a shower,” I tell him.

“Okay,” he says without getting up. I sigh. He’s
in his own little world. I suppose I need to leave him there until he’s ready
to come out on his own. I worry I’ve set him back by admitting my feelings, but
I can’t find it in myself to regret it.

I was nearly in tears last night when Karen
called. After Andy called to tell me that the state had taken temporary
guardianship of Claire, he also informed me that there were no charges pending
against Richard for domestic violence involving my mom. She hadn’t pressed
charges. And worse, Richard had
made immediate bail. He was going to get
away with it. I choked back the emotion the best I could, but I failed, and she
caught me.

We arrive at Karen’s and, after giving me a
hug, she moves to greet Claire but pulls back.

“What on God’s green earth happened to you?” she
gasps, looking at my little sister. Claire averts her eyes. “Oh, honey, I didn’t
mean it like that.”

“It’s okay,” Claire murmurs.

Karen looks over at me, but all I can give her is
a tight-lipped half smile.

“Let’s go sit down,” she suggests. “Brian’s at
the liquor store, but he should be home soon. Can I get you anything?”

Claire asks for some water, and I offer to get it
to give them a little time alone. I take my time, cleaning up where I can and
flipping through some of Karen’s cooking magazines. Just as I run out of
distractions, my dad wal
ks in through the door from the garage, carrying
a brown paper bag.

“Hey, kiddo.” He smiles and sets down the bag,
the bottles inside clinking loudly.

“Hi, Dad. You have wine?”

He chuckles and pulls out a bottle of red. “Just
for you, honey. What
’s going on?”

I give my dad a brief summary of the situation
with Claire. He scowls, narrowing his eyes and gritting his teeth when I tell
him about Richard. “Has he been abusing your mother?” he bites out. I nod. “For
how long?”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly. “Claire said
at least a couple of years. I didn’t know, Dad, I swear.”

“It’s not your fault.” He puts his hand on my
shoulder. And then I watch his eyes darken as if something is suddenly
occurring to him. “Has he ever hit you?”

“He was an asshole, but he never actually hit me,
no.” My dad studi
es me intently, probably looking for any sign that I’m
lying. Luckily, I’m not.

“And Celia did nothing?” I sigh. Maybe I shouldn’t
have told him, but he was going to find out eventually. “Claire’s not going
back there, right?” he says firmly.

“I’m going to do everything I can to make sure
she doesn’t.”

My dad takes a long pull of his beer. “Good. Are
you sure you want to take this on? Teenage girls are a lot of work.
” He
smiles at me. I smile back.

“I’m sure. We’ll be fine.”

“Okay.” He nods. “If you need anything, you let
me know, okay?”

I hug him tightly. “I will, Daddy. Thank you.”

A couple minutes later, we make our way to the
living room. Karen is cradling a teary Claire in her arms, smoothing her hair
back and whispering comforting words. I hand Claire her water and
sit
down.

“So tell me about this Logan,” Karen says,
smiling. Claire’s cheeks flush pink. “Is he cute?” I laugh and watched as the
pink turns to red and creeps up to her ears.

She nods. “Yes.”

It takes a few minutes for Claire to open up, but
once she does, the words came pouring out. She talks about how sweet and
amazing Logan is. How he opens doors and is so polite. I gawk at her, wondering
if she
’s talking about the same smart-mouthed teenager I’ve been working
with for seven years.

I hold my tongue about Logan
’s situation.
I’m not going to take another chance at breaking confidentiality. Fortunately,
I don’t have to. Claire talks about how he’s opened up with her about his life
in foster care and how worried he is about not being able to take care of her
and the baby because he never had a father and doesn’t know what one is
supposed to do. Hearing this hits me harder than I would have expected.

“But he’s taken care of his little brother,
Matty, his whole life, and I keep telling him he’s going to be an amazing dad.
He doesn’t think so. He feels like he’s messed up with Matty, dragging him from
placement to placement. Now he’s at Wyatt House, which is a great place, but he
thinks he should have let Matty be adopted.
”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dad interrupts. “Wyatt
House?” He looks over at me. I shove my thumbnail into my mouth.

“They’re both still in my caseload. I can’t
really talk about it right now.”

“Both in your caseload?” My dad gapes.

“Yeah. Long story. Don’t ask, please.”

Karen doesn
’t look as surprised, so I
guess Claire told her how she and Logan met.

“Was I not supposed to say anything?” Claire
asks, wrinkling her nose.

“No. You’re fine. I just can’t say anything about
their case.”

“Oh. But I can talk about them?” I chuckle and
nod. “I’m supposed to meet Matty tomorrow,” Claire continues. “I think he’s
gonna hate me.”

“Why?” Karen asks.

Claire looks down at her glass of water and
shrugs. “I just think he will.”

My stepmother pu
ts her hand over my little
sister’s and smiles. “I think as long as you are yourself, he will love you.
Just like the rest of us.”

After dinner, Claire helps my dad clear away the
dishes.

“Karen, can I talk to you?” I ask before she has
a chance to get up.

“Sure, honey. What’s going on?”

“I need some advice.”

“Okay,” she says, folding her hands in front of
her. “Shoot.”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Okay, so, you know that Dean and I are, uh
…”

“A couple.”

“Yeah. Um, except, we haven’t really put a label
on what we are. We just
…are.” I shrug. “But the other night, he said he
wanted more.”

“And you don’t?”

“No, I do,
” I hurry out. Karen looks at me
in confusion. “Dean has a lot of baggage,” I sigh. “He got into some trouble
when he was a kid. Got sent to juvenile detention. When he got out, he made
some bad decisions.”

“We
’ve all made bad decisions, especially
as kids.”

“He got married.”

“Oh.”

“To a drug-addicted prostitute.”

“Ooooohhh.”

“Yeah. Well, she burned him badly and between
what he did as a kid and what his wife did to him, he’s really skittish about
relationships.”

“But he wants more.”

“He says he wants more, but I’m worried he just
said it because he thinks that’s what I wanted to hear.”

“Kayla, honey, you’re making my head spin.”

“I’m in love with him, Karen. But I’m afraid to
tell him because I think he’ll run. He’s run before when things started to get
serious. I would rather spend the rest of my life with him and never say the
words than say them and have to go through the pain of losing him.”

“Well,
” she breathes out. “Wow.”

“I know.”

“So, you don’t think he feels the same?”