Anne Douglas (29 page)

‘Oh, quite so,’ Brett agreed. ‘He mustn’t think of coming back until he’s really well.’

‘Really well,’ Shona echoed.

Strolling through Morningside, looking at the shops, Brett laughed shortly. ‘Did you hear her?’ he asked. ‘Mrs MacNay? “We’ve told him he mustn’t rush back”? Does he look like rushing back? He’s already been off for months!’

‘He has been dangerously ill, Brett. Something like that must take its toll.’

‘Oh, I know.’ Brett flashed a sudden smile. ‘Suits me, anyway, if he takes his time. I’m not complaining over my improved salary!’

‘You’re certainly spending it,’ Shona remarked. ‘You’ve bought some beautiful clothes lately.’

‘Only in the sales. I thought you’d be pleased.’

‘Even in the sales, Logie’s shirts are not cheap, and then there was that linen jacket and the dressing gown.’

‘It pays to buy the best, Shona. Cheap stuff doesn’t last.’ He took her arm. ‘What I’d really like is to buy you an evening dress. I saw a gorgeous one – emerald green, the latest style – and well marked down, but I didn’t dare to buy it without you. Would you let me buy you a dress, anyway?’

‘Brett, it’s a lovely idea, but quite unnecessary. I don’t need an evening dress, and if I did, Cassie could make me one for a fraction of what the shops charge. When would I wear one, though? That’s the thing.’

‘I thought we could start going to dinner dances. We’ve never been dancing, have we? I’m not keen on dance halls and don’t suppose you are. But the hotel dances are different, and we could have a good meal into the bargain. What do you say?’

‘Brett, I don’t know. I’ve never thought about going anywhere like that.’ Shona hesitated. ‘I daresay it’d be very nice, but—’

‘But what?’

‘I don’t know – I just feel everything’s so unsettled between us, I can’t get worked up about dancing.’

‘Oh, poor Shona!’ In the middle of the street, Brett took her into his arms. ‘I’m sorry – I really am. I know you want things to be cut and dried, and I do too, but it’s difficult at present, as I’ve tried to explain. Why not let’s just enjoy what we have and see how things work out? I do love you, you know, and if you’ll let me kiss you here, I’ll make you believe it.’

She smiled and let him kiss her, even if frosty-faced shoppers were staring, then they linked arms and made their way to a tram stop, putting aside for yet another day all that had to be decided.

Summer never seemed to last long. Just as people grew used to long days and short nights, smelling flowers, seeing trees in full leaf, wearing light clothes – no vests, no woollen stockings – along came the winds of autumn and everything changed. September wasn’t too bad, could be golden, even if the evenings grew darker and darker, but October – oh, yes, the year was in decline then, when you felt the first real cold seep into your bones and fires were lit, smoke hit the skies, and ‘Auld Reekie’ was back to normal.

Everything seemed normal, too, at Maybel’s in George Street and in Morningside. Business was good, Fraser was cheerful and Brett working hard, still covering for Mr MacNay, balancing his tasks, he told Shona, like a juggler keeping balls in the air. There was no hint of change, no harbinger of trouble, until one afternoon in late October Brett sought out Shona to ask her to come to his flat that evening.

‘But we said we wouldn’t meet tonight,’ she exclaimed. ‘I’ve a load of chores to do at home. Why d’you want to see me?’

‘Something’s cropped up – no need to worry.’

He smiled easily, but there was a look in his eyes she hadn’t seen before. A kind of wariness, or maybe defensiveness – she couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but a small alarm suddenly began to ring in her head.

‘All right, what time shall I come?’

‘Oh – after your tea with Mrs Gow. Thanks, Shona.’

Without saying more he returned to his office, leaving her to look after him with a puzzled look that gradually became one of apprehension.

It was already dark by the time she reached his flat and rang the bell, which he answered immediately. He had changed from his work suit into a sweater and flannels and at first seemed as usual – relaxed, welcoming. After he’d taken her coat and they’d briefly kissed, however, she began to sense that he was more on edge than she’d ever seen him and felt herself tightening in response.

‘Heavens, why only one light in here?’ she cried, looking round the living room that was full of shadows. ‘Have you been sitting in the dark?’

‘Hadn’t noticed.’ He snapped on another table lamp and put coal on his fire which had not yet begun to burn brightly. ‘I’ve been thinking, that’s all.’

‘And smoking.’ Looking at his ashtray filled with stubs, Shona sank into a chair. ‘Brett, what’s wrong? Why did you want to see me?’

He remained standing, gazing down at her, a cigarette still between his fingers. When he spoke his voice was hoarse, as though he had trouble getting the words out. ‘Shona, will you come with me to London?’

She stared up at him, her eyes widening. ‘London? What are you talking about? I mean – why?’

‘I have to go. Go somewhere, anyway. London would be best, to start with – we can do all the paperwork from there.’

‘What paperwork?’ She was bewildered. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Well, we’ll need visas of some sort, and you’ll need a passport.’ He gave a crooked smile and threw his cigarette into the fire. ‘And then there’s the special licence – for us to get married.’

‘Married!’

‘I couldn’t ask you before when I didn’t know how things would go for me. But now I know, don’t I?’ He sighed. ‘And you can make your own decision. Wouldn’t want to go to Australia without being married, would you?’

She sprang to her feet and putting her hands on his shoulders, shook him with all her strength. ‘Brett, will you stop it? Will you stop talking in riddles and tell me what’s going on? I think I deserve something better than nonsense about Australia!’

Slowly he drew her towards him and for some moments held her close, before seating himself in one of his armchairs and drawing her on to his knee. ‘I wish it was nonsense,’ he said quietly. ‘But it’s the only place I can think of to try. Like I said, I have to go somewhere. I can’t stay here, I can’t stay with Maybel’s. I might be arrested.’

Shona’s heart was beating so fast, her head throbbing so strongly, she felt almost sick, yet she knew she could not give in; she must look into the fine dark eyes fixed on hers and try to understand, try to make sense of what Brett was saying.

‘Arrested?’ she whispered. ‘Brett, what have you done?’

‘I’m an accountant, sweetheart, can’t you guess? I look after the books and – I’ve – well, I’ve been milking ’em. Falsifying the accounts is the correct term. Ever since Stuart went sick I’ve been playing around with all that lovely money.’ He laughed shortly. ‘Temptation was there – and I succumbed.’ He put his face against hers, he held her close, he would have caressed her but she leaped from his knee and stood looking into the fire, trembling so violently she had to hold her hands together to try to keep herself from collapsing.

‘I don’t believe it,’ she said several times. ‘I don’t believe you’d do something like that. No, you wouldn’t. You wouldn’t!’

‘I told you, I was tempted and I fell. Happens to a lot of guys like me. We know what to do and we do it. Then we regret it.’

‘But did you never think you’d be found out? One day Mr Kyle would be sure to send in auditors. It’s a routine thing, isn’t it? How could you hope to get away with it?’

‘There’ll be no need for auditors to find me out now,’ Brett said with a strange lightness. ‘We got word today that Stuart MacNay is recovered. He’s coming back to work on Monday and it won’t take him long to smell a rat, I can promise you. As soon as I heard the news, I knew I’d lost out.’

‘That was always going to happen, wasn’t it?’

‘No, because I thought I’d get enough notice to cover my tracks. It’s like in Toronto—’ He stopped, his cheekbones colouring, as Shona looked again into his eyes.

‘This has happened before?’ she asked quietly. ‘In Toronto? You didn’t want to come to Scotland to see the old country, did you? You were forced to come – you had to leave Canada?’

‘No, it wasn’t as bad as that. I failed to cover things up there and my employers found me out, but I was young and they decided not to prosecute. Just gave me the sack and told me not to try working in the same field again.’ Brett shook his head. ‘Of course, there was no reference, but I reckoned that people over here might not bother to check with Canada – it takes so damned long and, you see, I was right. Mr Kyle didn’t check. He accepted my forged reference on company paper and there I was – in.’

Suddenly Brett took Shona’s hands and swung her round to face him. ‘But I swear I’d no intention of fiddling the books again. It was just that – well, I knew I could, so in the end I did. Gave myself some extra cash to take you around, buy a few clothes—’

‘Oh, don’t, don’t!’ Shona put her hands over her face. ‘I thought all that spending was just extra salary, for being in charge.’ She lowered her hands and looked at him with huge sad eyes. ‘And you were going to buy me an evening dress? With someone else’s money?’

‘I know it sounds bad, but it was never, you know, deliberate.’ Brett put his hands on Shona’s shoulders. ‘And when you think how rotten the world is, so bloody unfair! Why should some folk be starving and others go swanning around in Rolls-Royces, buying whatever they want, not giving a damn?’

‘But you weren’t stealing to help folk starving,’ she cried, pulling herself away. ‘You were spending the money just the way the rich do – on things that don’t matter.’ Her voice thickened as tears gathered in her eyes and began to fall. ‘Brett, it’s no good. I can’t go with you to Australia – or anywhere. I just – can’t.’

‘You always said you loved me, Shona. Is this what you call love? Soon as I make a mistake you ditch me?’

‘I do love you, I do. How could I just stop? And I don’t want anything to happen to you – I mean, if you were arrested – went to prison, even – I’d no’ be able to stand it. But I couldn’t live like you do. Looking over your shoulder, moving on when you might be found out, spending money that’s no’ yours.’ Her voice trembled. ‘My folks had so little, Brett, no margin for anything, but they’d never,
never
take what wasn’t theirs.’

‘But were never tempted, I’m willing to bet. It’s easy to take the high road when you’re never put to the test.’

Shona was moving away, her head bent, her face averted. ‘Dad once found a pound note on the pavement in the village. It would’ve meant so much. A whole pound! But he took it to the police station and handed it in because he said it wasn’t his. Some time later – I forget how long – they told us we could keep it. It was . . . wonderful.’

‘Where are you going?’ Brett asked huskily. ‘You’re not leaving me now?’

‘There’s no point in staying.’ She looked back at him. ‘But don’t worry, I won’t say anything. I won’t tell them where you’ve gone.’

‘If you’re going home, I’ll drive you.’

‘I don’t want you to, I’ll be all right.’

He was moving swiftly into the hall, taking his coat from a cupboard. ‘I’m taking you home, Shona. Don’t try to stop me.’

Outside Mrs Gow’s house, where they had halted so many times before to say goodnight with kisses and hugs, they sat for some time in silence.

‘What will you do now?’ Shona asked at last.

‘Pack my things, get the car filled up, drive down to London tomorrow. I’ve already cancelled the lease on the flat and my rent’s paid in advance, so that’s OK. I’ll mail the keys to the landlord when I leave.’

‘Where will you stay in London? And what will you do with the car?’

‘I know a chap from home who’s living in London. He’ll put me up for a while and probably sell the car for me, too. Soon as I can make arrangements, I’ll get a passage on some small boat – not a liner – and make my way to Sydney, Adelaide – I don’t mind.’

‘And tomorrow,’ Shona asked fearfully. ‘What will you do about work? Leave a message or something?’

‘I’ll call in sick. Say I’ve got a sore throat.’ Brett grasped her hand. ‘You promise you won’t say anything? I’m dependent on you, Shona.’

‘I’ve already said I won’t say a word.’ She hesitated. ‘Except maybe to Cassie.’

‘Cassie? My God, why should you tell her? Shona, I don’t want you to tell her, or anyone. You promised!’

‘She loves you so much, Brett. I think she should know that you’ve gone.’

‘Cassie loves me?’ He groaned. ‘That sweet, pretty girl? And I only love you.’

Suddenly they held one another, kissing as they’d always done, gazing at each other in the darkness of the car, tears streaming down Shona’s cheeks and stinging Brett’s tragic eyes.

‘I’ll write to you,’ he gasped. ‘I’ll tell you where I am. Just in case . . . you change your mind.’

She shook her head, stumbling blindly from the car, running towards the house, never looking back. In case she did. In case she did change her mind.

Going in to work on Saturday morning was agony, even though everyone accepted Brett’s excuse of a sore throat for not appearing, and as he didn’t work on Saturday afternoons anyway there were no problems there. Yet Shona had somehow to conceal her own desolation at parting from him, as well as her fears for Monday when Stuart MacNay came back and still Brett would be absent. What could she say? Folk would be looking at her, expecting her to provide some explanation, which was just not possible.

She began to feel desperate to talk to someone and as she’d already decided to tell Cassie about Brett, arranged to meet her for a walk on Sunday. It would be better than staying in the house with Mrs Gow, for all Shona had told her was that her cousin had left for London, which at least gave her an excuse for her tears which Mrs Gow could accept. But, oh dear, her sympathy had made Shona feel so bad she’d just longed to escape, and was relieved at last to be out in the open air with Cassie.

They decided to walk by the Water of Leith, following its course as far as Stockbridge, where they sat on a bench and looked at each other. Until then they had said very little. Now, Cassie’s blue gaze rested wonderingly on Shona’s white face and reddened eyelids. ‘What’s up?’ she asked bluntly. ‘Have you and Brett had a row?’