Anne of Ingleside (20 page)

Nan went away quite crushed, though she hadn’t the least glimmering what Jem meant, and Jem scowled at the embers of the smouldering sunset. Dogs were barking all over the Glen. The Jenkins down the road were out calling theirs… all of them took turns at it… everyone, even the Jenkins tribe could have a dog… everyone but him. Life stretched before him like a desert where there would be no dogs.

Anne came and sat down on a lower step, carefully not looking at him. Jem
felt
her sympathy.

‘Motherest,’ he said in a choked voice, ‘
why
wouldn’t Bruno love me when I loved him so much? Am I… do you think I am the kind of boy dogs don’t like?’

‘No, darling. Remember how Gyp loved you. It was just that Bruno had only so much love to give… and he had given it all. There are dogs like that… one-man dogs.’

‘Anyhow, Bruno and Roddy are happy,’ said Jem with grim satisfaction, as he bent over and kissed the top of Mother’s smooth, ripply head. ‘But I’ll never have another dog.’

Anne thought this would pass; he had felt the same when Gyppy died. But it did not. The iron had bitten deeply into Jem’s soul. Dogs were to come and go at Ingleside… dogs that belonged just to the family, and were nice dogs, whom Jem petted and played with as the others did. But there was to be no ‘Jem’s dog’ until a certain ‘Little Dog Monday’ was to take possession of his heart and love him with a devotion passing Bruno’s love, a devotion that was to make history in the Glen. But that was still many a long year away; and a very lonely boy climbed into Jem’s bed that night.

‘I wish I was a girl,’ he thought fiercely, ‘so’s I could cry
and
cry!’

Nan and Di were going to school. They started the last week in August. ‘Will we know
everything
by night, Mummy?’ asked Di solemnly the first morning. Now, in early September, Anne and Susan had got used to it, and even took pleasure in seeing the two mites trip off every morning, so tiny and carefree and neat, thinking going to school quite an adventure. They always took an apple in their basket for teacher and they wore frocks of pink and blue ruffled gingham. Since they did not look in the least alike, they were never dressed alike. Diana, with her red hair, could not wear pink, but it suited Nan, who was much the prettier of the Ingleside twins. She had brown eyes, brown hair, and a lovely complexion, of which she was quite aware even at seven. A certain starriness had gone to the fashioning of her. She held her head proudly, with her little saucy chin a wee bit in evidence, and so was already thought rather ‘stuck-up’.

‘She’ll imitate all her mother’s tricks and poses,’ said Mrs Alice Davies. ‘She has all her airs and graces already, if you ask me.’

The twins were dissimilar in more than looks. Di, in spite of her physical resemblance to her mother, was very much her father’s child, so far as disposition and qualities went. She had the beginnings of his practical bent, his plain common sense, his twinkling sense of humour. Nan had inherited in full her mother’s gift of imagination and was already making life interesting for herself in her own way. For example, she had had no end of excitement this summer making bargains with God, the gist of the matter being, ‘If you’ll do such-and-such a thing I’ll do such-and-such a thing.’

All the Ingleside children had been started in life with the old classic, ‘Now I lay me’… then promoted to ‘Our Father’… then encouraged to make their own small petitions also in whatever language they chose. What gave Nan the idea that God might be induced to grant her petitions by promises of good behaviour or displays of fortitude would be hard to say. Perhaps a certain rather young and pretty Sunday School teacher was indirectly responsible for it by her frequent admonitions that if they were not good girls God would not do this or that for them. It was easy to turn this idea inside out and come to the conclusion that if you
were
this or that,
did
this or that, you had a right to expect that God would do the things you wanted. Nan’s first ‘bargain’ in the spring had been so successful that it outweighed some failures and she had gone on all summer. Nobody knew of it, not even Di. Nan hugged her secret and took to praying at sundry times and in divers places, instead of only at night. Di did not approve of this and said so.

‘Don’t mix God up with
everything
,’ she told Nan severely. ‘You make Him too
common
.’

Anne, overhearing this, said, ‘God
is
in everything, dear. He is the friend who is always near us to give strength and courage. And Nan is quite right in praying to Him when and where she wants to.’ Though, if Anne had known the truth about her small daughter’s devotions, she would have been rather horrified.

Nan had said one night in May, ‘If You’ll make my tooth grow in before Amy Taylor’s party next week, dear God, I’ll take every dose of castor oil Susan gives me without a bit of fuss.’

The very next day the tooth, whose absence had made such an unsightly and too prolonged gap in Nan’s pretty mouth, had appeared and by the day of the party was fully through. What more certain sign could you want than that?

Nan kept her side of the compact faithfully, and Susan was amazed and delighted whenever she administered castor oil after that. Nan took it without a grimace or protest, though she sometimes wished she had set a time-limit… say three months.

God did not always respond. But when she asked Him to send her a special button for her button-string… collecting buttons had broken out everywhere among the Glen small girls like the measles… assuring Him that if He did she would never make a fuss when Susan set the chipped plate for her, the button came the very next day, Susan having found one on an old dress in the attic. A beautiful red button set with tiny diamonds, or what Nan believed to be diamonds. She was the envy of all because of that elegant button, and when Di refused the chipped plate that night Nan said virtuously, ‘Give it to me, Susan. I’ll
always
take it after this,’ Susan thought she was angelically unselfish and said so. Whereupon Nan both looked and felt smug. She got a fine day for the Sunday School picnic, when everyone predicted rain the night before, by promising to brush her teeth every morning without being told. Her lost ring was restored on the condition that she kept her finger-nails scrupulously clean; and when Walter handed over his picture of a flying angel which Nan had long coveted she ate the fat with the lean uncomplainingly at dinner thereafter. When, however, she asked God to make her battered and patched Teddy Bear young again, promising to keep her bureau drawer tidy, something struck a snag. Teddy did not grow young, though Nan looked for the miracle anxiously every morning and wished God would hurry. Finally, she resigned herself to Teddy’s age. After all, he was a nice old bear and it would be awfully hard to keep that bureau drawer tidy. When Dad brought her home a new Teddy Bear she didn’t really like it, and, though with sundry misgivings of her small conscience, decided she need not take any special pains with the bureau drawer. Her faith returned when, having prayed that the missing eye of her china cat would be restored, the eye was in its place next morning, though somewhat askew, giving the cat a rather cross-eyed aspect. Susan had found it when sweeping and stuck it in with glue, but Nan did not know this and cheerfully carried out her promise of walking fourteen times around the barn on all fours.

What good walking fourteen times around the barn on all fours could do God or anybody else Nan did not stop to consider. But she hated doing it… the boys were always wanting her and Di to pretend they were some kind of animals in Rainbow Valley… and perhaps there was some vague thought in her budding mind that penance might be pleasing to the mysterious Being who gave or withheld at pleasure. At any rate, she thought out several weird stunts that summer, causing Susan to wonder frequently where on earth children got the notions they did.

‘Why do you suppose, Mrs Doctor dear, that Nan must go twice around the living-room every day without walking on the floor?’

‘Without walking on the floor! How does she manage it, Susan?’

‘By jumping from one piece of furniture to the other, including the fender. She slipped on that yesterday, and pitched head-first into the coal-scuttle. Mrs Doctor dear, do you suppose she needs a dose of worm medicine?’

That year was always referred to in the Ingleside chronicles as the one in which Dad
almost
had pneumonia and Mother
had
it. One night, Anne, who already had a nasty cold, went with Gilbert to a party in Charlottetown… wearing a new and very becoming dress and Jem’s string of pearls. She looked so well in it that all the children who had come in to see her before she left thought it was wonderful to have a mother you could be proud of.

‘Such a nice swishy petticoat,’ sighed Nan. ‘When I grow up will I have tafty petticoats like that, Mummy?’

‘I doubt if girls will be wearing petticoats at all by that time,’ said Dad. ‘I’ll backwater, Anne, and admit that dress is a stunner even if I didn’t approve of the sequins. Now, don’t try to vamp me, woman. I’ve paid you all the compliments I’m going to tonight. Remember what we read in the
Medical Journal
today, “Life is nothing more than delicately balanced organic chemistry,” and let it make you humble and modest. Sequins, indeed! Taffeta petticoat, forsooth. We’re nothing but a “fortuitous concatenation of atoms”. The great Dr Von Bemburg says so.’

‘Don’t quote that horrible Von Bemburg to me. He must have had a bad case of chronic indigestion.
He
may be a concatenation of atoms, but
I
am not.’

In a few days thereafter Anne was a very sick ‘concatenation of atoms’ and Gilbert a very anxious one. Susan went about looking harassed and tried, the trained nurse came and went with an anxious face, and a nameless shadow suddenly swooped and spread and darkened at Ingleside. The children were not told of the seriousness of their mother’s illness, and even Jem did not realize it fully. But they all felt the chill and the fear and went softly and unhappily. For once there was no laughter in the maple grove and no games in Rainbow Valley. But the worst of all was that they were not allowed to see Mother. No Mother meeting them with smiles when they came home… no Mother slipping in to kiss them good night, no Mother to soothe and sympathize and understand, no Mother to laugh over jokes with… nobody ever laughed like Mother. It was far worse than when she was away, because then you knew she was coming back, and now you knew… just
nothing
. Nobody would tell you anything, they just put you off.

Nan came home from school very pale over something Amy Taylor had told her.

‘Susan, is Mother… Mother isn’t… she isn’t going to
die
, Susan?’

‘Of course not,’ said Susan, too sharply and quickly. Her hands trembled as she poured out Nan’s glass of milk. ‘Who has been talking to you?’

‘Amy. She said… oh, Susan, she said she thought Mother would make a sweet-looking corpse!’

‘Never you mind what she said, my pet. The Taylors have all waggling tongues. Your blessed mother is sick enough, but she is going to pull through and that you may tie to. Do you not know that your father is at the helm?’

‘God wouldn’t let Mother die, would He, Susan?’ asked a white-lipped Walter, looking at her with the grave intentness that made it very hard for Susan to utter her comforting lies. Susan was a badly frightened woman. The nurse had shaken her head that afternoon. The doctor had refused to come down to supper.

‘I suppose the Almighty knows what He’s about,’ muttered Susan as she washed the supper dishes… and broke three of them… but for the first time in her honest, simple life she doubted it.

Nan wandered unhappily around. Dad was sitting by the library table with his head in his hands. The nurse went in and Nan heard her say she thought the crisis would come that night.

‘What is a crisis?’ she asked Di.

‘I think it is what a butterfly hatches out of,’ said Di cautiously. ‘Let’s ask Jem.’

Jem knew, and told them before he went upstairs to shut himself in his room. Walter had disappeared… he was lying face downward under the White Lady in Rainbow Valley… and Susan had taken Shirley and Rilla off to bed.

Nan went out alone and sat down on the steps. Behind her in the house was a terrible, unaccustomed quiet. Before her the Glen was brimming with evening sunshine, but the long red road was misty with dust and the bent grasses in the harbour fields were burned white in the drought. It had not rained for weeks and the flowers drooped in the garden… the flowers Mother had loved.

Nan was thinking deeply. Now, if ever, was the time to bargain with God. What would she promise to do if He made Mother well? It must be something tremendous… something that would make it worth His while. Nan remembered what Dicky Drew had said to Stanley Reese in school one day: ‘I dare you to walk through the graveyard after night.’ Nan had shuddered at the time. How could
anybody
walk through the graveyard after night… how could anyone even
think
of it? Nan had a horror of the graveyard not a soul in Ingleside suspected. Amy Taylor had once told her it was full of dead people… ‘and they don’t always
stay
dead,’ said Amy darkly and mysteriously. Nan could hardly bring herself to walk past it alone in broad daylight.

Far away the trees on a misty golden hill were touching the sky. Nan had often thought if she could get to that hill she could touch the sky, too. God lived just on the other side of it… He might hear you better there. But she could not get to that hill… she must just do the best she could here at Ingleside.

She clasped her little sunburned paws and lifted her tearstained face to the sky.

‘Dear God,’ she whispered, ‘if you make Mother well I’ll
walk through the graveyard after night
. Oh, dear God,
please, please
. And if You do this I won’t bother You for ever so long again.’

It was life, not death, that came at the ghostliest hour of the night to Ingleside. The children, sleeping at last, must have felt even in their sleep that the Shadow had withdrawn as silently and swiftly as it had come. For when they woke, to a day dark with welcome rain, there was sunshine in their eyes. They hardly needed to be told the good news by a Susan who had grown ten years younger. The crisis was past and Mother was going to live.