Annie's Truth (Touch of Grace) (40 page)

He eyed them with suspicion but nodded. “Okay then.” He lumbered away but looked back once.

“Do you think he believed me?” Katie asked with concern in her voice.

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Elsie wasn’t sure what to do. She only knew that now that they hadn’t told him, it became a lie, a secret. Elsie didn’t want the burden of either.

“I don’t want to upset him or Mamm. Nothing really happened anyway.” Katie shrugged.

“It would have if we hadn’t gotten away from them. They had something bad on their minds.” Elsie frowned at her. “It was embarrassing what those boys said. What if someone thinks we invited the attention?”

“They would know better than that,” Katie scoffed. “And they didn’t have a chance to do anything with the way you ran off so quickly.”

But Elsie wasn’t so sure. Katie liked attention—especially when a young man smiled her way.

“Well, I guess it’s done.” Elsie tried to put it out of her mind, hoping as they walked to the house that they had made the right decision not to tell anyone.

And she prayed it wouldn’t happen again.

 Chapter One 

E
LSIE BLINKED, OPENED
her eyes, and looked out the window. Darkness hung in the morning sky. The storm clouds moved slowly, turning like smoke in the wind. Her heart beat against her chest as she remembered where she was.

They had moved from Virginia a year before, when young men in their large community had needed land of their own. A parcel size sufficient to make a living was becoming harder to come by in the areas up north. Here in Texas her family had more land than they could manage, but as Elsie soon learned, they were not welcomed by some of the locals.

She sat up in bed and looked at the endless rows of golden wheat fields as soft rain hit the windowpane. There would be no outside chores today. Knowing she would have her two siblings in tow made her tired, and then she felt ashamed for the thought. When was the last time she’d felt like herself? She knew but tried to forget. Elsie drew in a breath. The four walls around her seemed to close in, suffocating her thoughts. It was her sister’s birthday, but not a day to celebrate. Katie wasn’t there.

Forcing herself to get ready for the day was becoming less painful. At first even the simplest tasks had seemed pointless and irritated her. Opening the closet door, she studied her black dress and white apron. They were wrinkled, needing a good pressing. There were only a few of Katie’s clothes left in the closet. Elsie thought of packing them up and putting them away in the attic with Katie’s other belongings, but she didn’t. She left them there to see each morning and night, as if she needed something to hold on to, to feel her sister’s presence.

At times she felt Katie was right there with her, even imagined what they might say or do. She wondered what Katie was doing now. Where was she? Elsie also thought of Jake. Her stomach boiled with anger and hurt. She didn’t know which of them she resented more. The absence of one was painful enough, but both?

“Elsie, are you awake?” Her mamm came in the room abruptly.

Without looking she knew her mamm’s hands rested on her hips, her blue eyes sharp and blonde hair in a tight bun. She didn’t want to discuss the significance of the day but turned to face her anyway.

“Sizing up the weather. There is plenty of work to be done indoors as well.” Elsie’s chipper voice didn’t fool even her, and she didn’t think it would fool her mamm either.

“I’m sure your daed can find you something to do.” Elsie felt her mamm’s stare.

Elsie laid her clothes on the bed, smoothed her black dress, and then smiled at her mamm. “I don’t want to leave you with the boys.”

“I’ll manage.” Her scrutinizing stare made Elsie turn away. “Today will be hard.”

Elsie stiffened her lower lip. She wanted to talk about it, yet didn’t. Birthdays were not usually celebrated in any elaborate way in the community. Elsie wondered whether Katie and Jake were celebrating her day together right now as she was thinking of them.

“It’ll get better. She’ll come home.” Mamm shifted forward and rubbed her hand along Elsie’s arm. “Soon, it will be your birthday. Twenty—that’s a special one.”

Her mamm’s certainty hadn’t waned over the last couple of months since Katie had left. Elsie wasn’t as confident of her sister’s return, but then she knew more than her mamm did about why Katie left them. Telling anyone now would only add more shame and suspicion to Katie. She hoped it was only a one-time incident and vowed to be careful if she had to leave the house alone. If it weren’t for Elsie’s friend Rachel, Katie’s absence would have been even harder. But Rachel had four brothers and her father to tend to and had little time for conversation or consolation.

The five-year-old twins, Aaron and Abe, flew into the room freshly scrubbed, bringing the clean smell of soap with them. Her fair-haired brothers came to a halt when Mamm stepped in front of them. “Slow down, you two. Save your energy for your chores.” She caught them both and gave them a tender hug until they wiggled free from her embrace.

“I’m starving.” Aaron scrunched up his freckled nose and held his stomach for affect.

“I’m hungrier.” Abe frowned, his heavy cheeks held taut by a scowl.

“You two set the table, please.” Mamm patted each of them on the bottom as they headed for the stairs. Abe glanced at Elsie. “Are you coming down?”

“I’m right behind you.” Elsie smiled at him before turning to her mamm. “Are you sure about that?”

“What, Elsie?” Mamm’s brow furrowed.

“About it getting better.” Elsie didn’t look her in the eyes. She didn’t want to put pressure on her to lie only to make her feel hopeful. She wanted to see them both again, to scold then hug Katie and to ask Jake how he could turn on her so abruptly, so coldly. “And that she will come home.”

“I know it will, that she will, and we’ll be a family again.” Mamm’s touch to Elsie’s shoulder warmed her. She would try to hold the same good hope that her mamm had and even more so the forgiveness she already gave Katie. “You’re a strong young woman. You have so much ahead of you, and Gideon—”

Elsie held up a hand, tired of her parents’ references to him. He was perfect—that’s why she couldn’t be around him. She was tainted with bitterness, unlike Gideon, who never seemed to make a mistake or say a wrong word. Three years her senior, he was more mature and grounded.

“If not him, then at least let someone in.” Mamm waited for a reply, but Elsie couldn’t tell what she’d been through, not until sister returned and was there with her to share what they knew.

Mamm turned and walked down the squeaky wooden stairs and sighed. “I wish I knew what went on in that head of yours.”

Elsie merely smiled and then slipped her shoes on and made her way to the kitchen to help with the morning meal of pancakes, eggs, and toast.

Her daed had been up before dawn tending to the morning milking and was ready to eat. He lumbered in, ducking under the doorway, and rubbed his calloused hands together. “There’s a chill in the air.” He tapped each of the boys on the head and put his arm around Mamm’s waist as he inspected the scrambled eggs. “Smells like it’ll taste
gut
to me.” His customary comment still made her smile. When he turned to Elsie, he tapped her on the nose and sat next to her. “How’s my girl this morning?”

Since Katie’s departure she was the only girl in the house, and Elsie had to admit she liked the extra attention. She knew he meant more than his regular greeting due to the importance of the day and was pleased to realize she honestly felt a small sense of peace. “It’s going to be a
gut
day.” She sounded more like her mamm than herself, but it was a heartfelt answer.

Elsie walked across the spotless white kitchen and took four plates off the shelf, then walked to the matchbox that hung on the wall and lit an oil lantern. She placed the lamp on the large counter in the middle of the room before plucking some of the spices hanging by the window.

After they ate, Mamm went to a shelf by the back door, gathered dirty clothes, and placed them in a laundry basket. Today they would do a week’s worth of laundry, come rain or shine. Monday was wash day, even if they had to set up a clothesline in the house. Daed had purchased a wooden washing wringer from Marlin, who lived in their community, which helped the process along.

The boys sat at the spindle table their daed had made and ate quickly so they could see the baby birds. The chicks were new entertainment for them until the next animal was born, which made them very busy come springtime.

Aaron stopped at the door. “Can you help me with my carving today, Daed?”

“Jah, son. I have a whittling knife just your size.” He grinned.

Elsie put away the last of the dishes and turned toward her father as he walked to the door. “What do you need me to do today, Daed?”

He stopped with his hand on the door handle. “Axle on the wagon. I need one of the Fisher boys to come fix it for me.” As Daed ran a hand over his dark, short hair, he studied Elsie’s face. Trying not to stare, he added a smile.

Elsie’s heart pounded. Mamm stared at her daed as if he didn’t know what he was saying. Elsie asked the question both she and her mamm were wondering about. “You mean go to the Fishers’ house?”

Daed opened the door. “Only if you’re up to it, Elsie.”

Elsie thought of every reason she could say no. The memories of her time there with Jake would be painful. Their families had hardly spoken since Jake and Katie had left. The awkwardness of being with the Fishers would make it difficult to go through the emotions that would arise. She had avoided them, not knowing what to say, and with no forgiveness in her heart for her sister or Jake. But she couldn’t stay away forever.

Elsie also didn’t feel comfortable walking alone along the countryside. Since she and Katie had a run-in with those young English men, Elsie had made a point of staying put on the farm or having someone with her. She often wished she’d confided in her parents before. As more time passed, the lie seemed to grow, making the telling harder.

Elsie didn’t know if she was physically up for the walk. She hadn’t felt well all morning, and the temperature had changed abruptly into a warm, muggy day, giving her excuses not to go. Elsie knew her family worried about her adjusting. Maybe this was one way to show them she was. Even more, she needed to see for herself.

“Okay, I’ll go.” She stood tall but didn’t look into their eyes. She was too close to changing her mind.

Mamm stared at Daed as if she didn’t approve. Her lips parted, but she remained silent. Daed avoided her gaze, an act of willpower to avoid both of their stares. “
Gut
girl.” He nodded and walked out the door. Elsie followed, but her mamm stopped her.

“Elsie, you don’t have to go.” Mamm took her hand.

“It’s okay. They’re our neighbors, and I’ve been to their house since…they left, remember? I’ll be all right.” Elsie had to believe it herself before she could convince her mamm.

Mamm nodded. “Jah, you did well at their place during the barn raising.” Mamm looked at her with hope in her eyes.

She didn’t need to know the pain Elsie had felt that day. She’d been fine on the front lawn and preparing the food, but she couldn’t go up to the porch where she and Jake had spent so much time together. And seeing the Fishers with their three boys left a big hole where Jake had been. Being the oldest, he assisted his father not only with their blacksmith trade but also with caring for his brother, Calvin, who was developmentally delayed.

She let out a breath. “It’ll be
gut
for me and make Daed feel better.”

Mamm nodded. “Okay, then.” She patted Elsie’s cheek and kissed her on the forehead and then caught up to Daed. “Solomon.”

“Jah, Meredith.” He stopped but didn’t look back.

Elsie heard his reluctant reply but turned away when they began to talk in hushed tones. Not wanting to be a burden, she walked on, but with each step her breathing increased and her skin crawled.

Going to the Fishers’ was an emotional toil, but seeing the Englishers again gave her nightmares.