Anytime Soon (26 page)

“A gentleman doesn't tell,” he said, still grinning.

“You had better tell me,” I said firmly.

“She wants me to ride down to Southern California with her, to meet her parents,” he said triumphantly.

“Her parents? You guys have only been out twice,” I reminded him.

“Hey. When you got it, you got it. And apparently I have it, because she wants me to meet her parents.”

“Wow!” I exclaimed. I had to admit that Travis did “have it.” For the right woman, he was a catch.

“So, now all I have to do is lose seventy pounds before we go,” he joked.

“When are you guys going?” I asked.

“In two weeks,” he replied.

I laughed.

“It's not funny,” he said.

“You look fine, Travis.”

Travis and I chatted for another hour before he left. He was in such a good mood that I didn't want to burden him about my phone call from Ava, even though it was still heavy on my mind. As soon as he left, I got in my car. I hadn't planned to go home, but the conversation with Ava worried me.

So I drove home, not knowing what I would find there. When I walked in the house, I went to the kitchen, but Mom wasn't there. I knew she was home, because I had seen her car in the driveway. I went to her room and found her lying in bed, watching TV, which was something I hadn't seen her do since I was a kid. Her skin was pale, and her eyes were puffy.

“Hey,” I greeted her.

She managed a wan smile. “Hey,” she said as enthusiastically as she could. She sat up and hugged me. “You hungry?”

I nodded.

She got out of bed. “You keeping that apartment clean?” she asked as she put on her robe.

“Of course.”

“Are those kids respecting you?”

“Some of them are older than I am, Mom. They're very respectful, though.”

She smiled. “I guess I forgot about that.”

When we got down to the kitchen, she sat at the table for a minute, and then she got up to fix me a plate.

“Mom, are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. I've just been a little tired lately, but I'm fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I'm sure. I'm just going through the change.” She placed a bowl of spaghetti in front of me and sat down. “Wait a minute . . .

What are you doing up here on a weekday?”

“I got in my car, started driving, and ended up here,” I laughed.

“Uh-oh! What's wrong? When you start driving, something's always wrong.”

“Nothing serious, Mom. I have a few things to consider, that's all.”

“Okay. You have to go to work tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I'm leaving in a few minutes. I wanna make sure you're okay.” My hands grasped hers for a moment. Her skin felt fragile and cool.

“I'm fine,” she shrugged. “Don't worry about me. You eat this food and get back on the road before it gets too late.”

She stayed in the kitchen with me while I ate. When it was time for me to go, she hugged me tightly and went back upstairs.

Roscoe was asleep in his chair with the TV blasting. I kissed him on the cheek, which woke him up.

“Hey, I thought I heard your voice,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“Just came to check on everybody,” I explained.

“Aw,” he said, “everybody's fine.”

“Yeah?” I said. “Is Mom okay? She looks tired.”

“Well, it's funny you should say that. I've been thinking the same thing.”

“Has she been going to work?”

“Yeah, she's been going to work. Comes home and goes straight to bed, though. Same way she did when Andrew died.”

“We need to get her to the doctor, Roscoe.”

“Well, she's already been going to the doctor, apparently. She won't tell me what's going on, though. Marie came over and talked to her, too.”

“How did that go?” I asked.

“Your mama put her out,” he laughed. “That didn't stop Marie, though. She comes by here and calls every day. Said she won't stop until Anita goes to the doctor. Marie thinks Anita needs some hormone supplements or something. I don't know about all that woman stuff.”

“Okay, keep me posted,” I said.

He got up and hugged me.

“I will,” he said. “But don't worry about us. You just do your work. You know what they say: A man who don't work, don't eat.”

“Right,” I agreed.

On the long drive back, I thought about whether or not I should teach at the extension in the fall. Travis had decided that he wanted to go to medical school, and he had been accepted at Duke, so I wouldn't have my friend out there with me anymore. This was going to be a hard decision.

When I got back to my apartment, I sat down and looked through my picture albums. I had six photo albums, which started from middle school. I looked at a photo of Sophie, Catie, and me at our eighth-grade field trip to Great America. The picture had been snapped just after we'd gone on the log ride. We were all skinny back then, and Catie already looked self-assured. Sophie and Catie's ancestral genetics allowed their hair to tolerate the log ride and go easily into a ponytail. But my tribe was from Zimbabwe. Once my hair got wet, nothing could fix it but a hot comb and some pressing oil.

Glancing around my spotless apartment, I had to smile.

Mom would be so proud.

I thought about how she looked when I saw her earlier that day.

I need to be home. I can't be at the extension this fall.

The next week was slow. Due to exams, there were no classes, and Travis spent most of his time with Faye. I was happy for him, but jealous at the same time. He was my friend first! At the end of the week, I told Professor Klein that I couldn't teach at the extension in the fall, due to my mother's being ill.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said, certain that I wanted to help Mom.

“If you need a little more time to decide, let me know,” he offered. “The students, staff, and other faculty all raved about you. Your curriculum was outstanding. I was very impressed.”

“Thank you,” I said, delighted at the compliment. “But I feel I need to be closer to home right now.”

I didn't realize how right my intuition was. Soon after I spoke to the professor, Ava called.

“You have a few minutes?” she asked.

“Of course. What's up?”

“Carmen called Mom. She said Sophie bolted from the program, and they haven't heard from her. Mom found out that the only reason Sophie went into the program in the first place is because Carmen and Terry had given her an ultimatum. They cut Sophie's allowance off.”

“How long has she been missing?” I heard what Ava said but I still couldn't believe it. I had just spoken with Sophie and she seemed fine; like she was ready to move forward with her life and leave the past behind. I read her all wrong.

“I don't know. Mom couldn't remember that much detail. I think Mom's sick. Did you see her? Roscoe told me that you came by. Did he tell you she hasn't been to work in three days?”

“No, he didn't.”

“Well she hasn't. I don't know what's going on, Ny. Something's wrong.”

“I'm coming home in a few weeks,” I said quickly.

“I didn't call you to have you rush home. I just thought you should know.”

“No, it's the end of the semester. I had decided to come home anyway.”

I had surprised even myself when I started making preparations to go home the very next day. I asked Octavia to come down and help me move out of my apartment.

She was good at packing and organizing, but that wasn't my primary reason for calling her. I needed her company. I didn't have a lot of stuff, because most of the furniture came with the apartment.

Octavia kept telling me how nice the place was. “And it's rent-free, you said?”

“Yep,” I said.

“And
why
are you leaving, again?”

“I need to be home. There's a lot going on, and my family and friends need me.”

“Oh,” she said. “Where's your friend you told me so much about?”

“Travis? He's in L.A. with his girlfriend. He went down to meet her parents.”

“They're serious now?”

“Seems like it.”

“Didn't you say he was gonna be a doctor or something?”

“Yeah, he got accepted into Duke Medical School.”

“Oh, you might have to hook me up.”

I laughed. “I don't think Travis is your type. What happened to the fireman?”

“I'm just kidding. We still see each other. I like him a lot.”

“Really?”

“Yes, girl.” She giggled.

I was a little sad that Travis wasn't around to say goodbye.

“One more time,” she said. “Why are you leaving this job?”

“I'm worried about my Mom. She's not well.” I dropped down hard on the sofa while she packed my CDs. “I feel guilty being here while my family's struggling. They need me.”

“You're only a short drive away. You don't think you can be there for your family and be here for your career, too? I haven't known you for very long, but all I've ever seen you do is be there for your family and friends. Canceling plans because your girlfriend needs a ride. Leaving work early because your aunt is having problems at home. You have a good heart; but long term, you can't be happy like that.”

She disappeared with a box out to her car, then returned to dispense more advice. “For example, Morris takes good care of Malik. I appreciate that. I could choose to do nothing and live off of that, because it certainly is enough. But instead I want to live my life the way I've always planned it, to the fullest. That means saying no sometimes. Like my mama wants to come and live with me, but I'm not letting her. I don't want cigarette smoke and drama around my kid every day. I don't have patience for that. There comes a time when you have to put yourself first, girl. This is a good opportunity. When you get home, what are you gonna do?” She pointed a manicured finger at me.

“Look for a job,” I said morosely.

“You already have a job.” She lowered her voice. “Think about it. These opportunities don't come along every day, girl.”

She started fussing about me not putting the CDs back in their covers, but I zoned it out. She had put more important things on my mind. I already knew that my friends and family were overwhelming. But I had never thought of myself as the kind of person who always put other folks first. It was clear from what Octavia said that I often did put myself last. When someone needed me, I was going to be there, and I didn't expect anything in return. Now, after finding a job I liked, which had a lot of responsibility, a furnished apartment, and nice incentives to pursue a graduate degree, I was turning it down. I thought my family couldn't take care of my mother without me at home.

I remember my mom saying once to me, “How in the world do you go to college smart and come out stupid?” I decided that the reason was that in college, it had rubbed off on me that it was okay to live however you wanted. There were no boundaries; everything could be questioned. I kept hearing students talk about life being what you make it, and about living life to the fullest. No talk of God. No talk of the consequences for sinning. But my mom believed in strict boundaries, and at home, it was not okay to say whatever you wanted or to wear whatever you wanted. And it was not okay to sleep with someone else's husband.

SIXTEEN

Y
ou can know somebody for an entire lifetime and yet stop knowing them in an instant. Sophie finally called me back. I had been worried sick about her since I heard she had run off from rehab. At first, I didn't recognize her voice. She asked me to meet her at the lake. She could have asked me to meet her on the moon, and I would have booked a spacecraft. I really needed to see her so I could know if she was okay. I hurried to the lake, fully expecting to have to wait for her. I was shocked to see her there waiting for me. She was sitting on a swing. She looked up and flashed a weak smile.

She looked like a completely different person. It wasn't just her emaciated features and dark lips. Nor was it the unkempt eyebrows and broken-out skin. It was the cigarette in her hand and the tired look in her eyes. She used to hate cigarettes; she said she hated the lingering smell.

Although the person in front of me looked like a stranger, she was my childhood friend, and I loved her. I hugged her as tight as I could. Through the confusion, frustration, and even the secondhand smoke, I held on to her. I fought tears, hoping and praying there was something better for her. Her frizzy curls framed her face beneath a multicolored cashmere skullie.

“How are you, Sophie?” I asked, wiping stray hairs off her cheek.

“I'm okay,” she replied.

“Your hair's getting so long!” I turned her around a little and saw that it hung to the middle of her back.

She hardly ever lets her hair get that long.

“I know. I need to cut it,” she said simply.

I sat down on the swing next to hers, looking straight ahead, unsure what to say to the stranger who had on the cutest riding boots I'd ever seen in my life.

“Love the boots,” I said.

“I knew you would,” she said, finally giving me what seemed to be a genuine smile.

“You smell like an ashtray,” I said.

“I know that, too. I hate it. I keep smoking because I know I'll eventually hate it enough to stop.”

“How long have you been smoking?” I asked.

“Don't know.”

She sucked in her cheeks all the way when she inhaled, as if she wanted to draw all the carcinogens into her lungs that she could possibly get in one puff.

“Have you seen or talked to your parents?” I knew this was an untimely question, but so was everything else.

She didn't say anything.