ARC: Essence (19 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

So that’s how it began. The running around, I mean. Although Ryder and I weren’t really
running around
, because that would imply we were doing something wrong. And we weren’t. We were simply disregarding Rex’s rules, and we had every intention of telling him when the time was right.

As for Maria… Well, here’s the thing. I should have felt sorry for Maria – and I kind of actually did – but mostly, I just resented the fact that she had come here and put us in this position in the first place. We were perfectly happy without her. And even though Rex’s decision hadn’t been based on Maria’s arrival, it coincided just closely enough that I began to lump the two together.

I know what Ryder and I were doing was secretive, but truthfully, I didn’t even feel bad about it. Instead, I kind of enjoyed the secret, private knowledge that no matter what Maria did – no matter how beautiful or flirtatious she was, or how hard she tried to get Ryder to notice her – it would still be
my
hand he held on late-night meadow walks. It would be
my
lips he kissed by cover of moonlight.

Giving Maria a hard time actually became one of my favorite pastimes. I never said anything without being provoked, and I never said anything she could have pinned on me, but I made sure to let her know in an offhanded sort of way that she wasn’t as amazing as she thought she was.

In my defense, she made it incredibly easy. After my comments at Church Bowl, she made a concerted effort to appear more athletic any time she was around Ryder. She also began wearing fewer and fewer clothes.

Hems became hitched, and she started taking in her blouses until they were nearly skintight. She looked great – she really did – but I would have never given her the satisfaction of hearing that. Instead, I simply rolled my eyes any time she approached, and I pushed myself even harder on the slackline.

Ryder noticed. Although he made it very clear that he didn’t appreciate the unfriendly way I was treating her, he also marveled at my intense focus on the line.

By Thursday of the next week, I was easily crossing one hundred feet without falling. I didn’t even lose my focus when Trey and Adrian moved our route to the base of Yosemite Falls. The churning, dark water below me didn’t scare me any more than the soft grass of Church Bowl had.

Before we knew it, it was the beginning of July. The realization that Rex’s first wave of research would be completed in less than a month sent a jolt of energy coursing through the Community. Everyone began buzzing, and everyone seemed on edge – electrified, maybe, by the thought that we would soon begin shifting focus.

Rex and Daniel assured everyone that the Community would continue to function as normal. “We are a family,” he insisted during one of his Ahwahnee back-porch rallies. “Many of you will remain in Yosemite Valley after August, caring for our land and crops like always. The rest of you – primarily those who are no longer minors – may be drawn upon to help us with our endeavors in San Francisco.”

Daniel added, “Once we have finished compiling our study’s initial findings, we will call upon many of you to become prophets. You will be asked to return to the city, and you will be asked to dismantle the Centrist Movement’s lies. But fear not, for although you will be faced with criticism, contention and even threats against your safety, you will carry something with you that is far stronger than anything Cedar can conceive. You will carry the truth.”

Rex and Daniel’s speech left me dizzy and elated – as always – but the thought that I might be asked to return to my family sent my mind into overdrive. I was obviously still a minor, so I probably wouldn’t be in the first wave. But maybe after that… If I
were
called to become a prophet, what would it be like?

I had only been gone for a couple of months, but I had experienced so many changes – both internally and externally – that I felt like the Movement had been seven lifetimes ago. The realization that so little time had actually passed was staggering.

Was it really only mid-May when Jett and I charged off the train platform, traveling coats billowing behind us?

The granite walls of the Valley, the gushing water of Yosemite and Vernal Falls, and the carved faces of Half Dome and Church Bowl… These icons colored my reality now, and the shining metal high-rises and Centrist meditation robes seemed faded a little. They had swirled away somewhere to a place in my subconscious where it was easy to imagine they had ceased to exist. They were darkened slightly, and empty, like the broken-down carousels and crumbling buildings of Golden Gate Park.

I thought of Aunt Marie and my mother. I missed them – of course I missed them – but ever since I had settled into my routine here, I had barely thought of them. Gone were the nights where I rubbed my Centrist pendant and prayed that my mother would forgive me; gone were the mornings I glanced sideways out of my cot and expected to see Marie coming inside to greet me.

Marie would understand, I had told myself all those early mornings when I’d first arrived. She had practically told me to leave the Movement herself.

But she had also told me nothing mattered to her more than my mother and me, so I wondered if maybe she
did
resent my leaving. She understood I came here for Brady, right? Had she told my mother that?

Brady. The thought of my little brother sent crippling pain through me. I was here for Brady – was supposed to be, anyway – but I realized with a flash that I hadn’t even thought of him as often lately.

I touched the pocket where I always kept his stuffed lion. This had to change. This was the month I was going to do everything possible to become the person I was supposed to be.

I would push myself as hard as possible, and I would be the first to volunteer to go home when Rex asked. When I got there, I would show my family Rex’s findings, and they would understand I left because I wanted to prove they didn’t need to live their lives in fear. No one did.

But… then what?

I realized the end of the Essence theory wasn’t exactly straightforward. And even though Rex and Daniel assured us we would be armed with the truth when we returned to the city, the meditation masters would likely be angry. And Cedar might not appreciate our message one bit.

I was so worked up that I wasn’t even asleep when someone rapped on my tent sometime around midnight. It was Ryder, but his face didn’t have the sleepy, contented expression it usually did when he came for a late-night visit. Instead, he seemed wide awake, and his voice was energized when he said, “Get up, Red. We’re going on an adventure.”

“We are?”

“Yep. The boys are getting ready, and it’s gonna be awesome. We’re gonna zipline through the tunnel in the pitch black. No one’s ever done it at night, so it’s gonna be epic.”

“Zipline through the tunnel? What tunnel? What are you talking about?”

“The Wawona Tunnel. A relic from the park’s heyday. Just outside the Valley, on a broken-down road that used to lead to the giant sequoia trees. Almost a mile long, and half collapsed from the Great Quake. One end got lifted when the ground shifted, a sweet descent from one side to the other.”

“What are we going to do in it?”

“The boys and I rigged up a zipline string through it last summer, but we’ve never done it in the dark before. Are you in?”

“I don’t know. What’s a zipline?”

He laughed. “A long line with a harness hung from it. You strap in, hold onto the handlebars and take off. Feels like flying, only faster.”

I thought of the black claustrophobia I was sure I’d feel inside a tunnel, but Ryder cocked his head and said, “You know I’ll always catch you, right?”

I nodded. And then we were off.

Cody, Jett, Adrian and I assembled near the Ahwahnee’s back porch as Ryder paced, frantic and excited as usual. I was about to celebrate Maria’s absence when she and Trey appeared from the darkness behind us.

“About time,” Ryder said. “About to die of old age out here.”

My heart swelled at the sight of Maria with Trey. They weren’t holding hands or acting particularly romantic, but they were together, and that was definitely a good sign.

“So here’s the deal,” Ryder said, falling into step in front of us. “We need to stop by Camp Four first. My old man doesn’t get pissed about much, but he would definitely get pissed about this, so you guys better be quiet once we get there.” He glanced over his shoulder. “The gas shipment just arrived, so I think we should help ourselves to some.”

My heart dropped as Trey whistled. “Jackpot,” he said.

“You want to steal gas from Camp Four? But I thought no one was allowed inside.” The voice was Maria’s. As much as I hated to admit it, I was glad she’d asked.

“Most people aren’t.” He jangled a key. “But I’m not ‘most people’. And my old man gave me a spare.”

Maria swallowed. “But… You really want to sneak in and steal gas?”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “A little. Just enough to get to the tunnel and back before sunrise.”

“But isn’t gas rationed? Won’t Rex get pissed?”

“Not if we’re sneaky about it.” He lit a cigarette and winked. “You’re not scared, are you, Ria?”

Her face colored. “Of course not.”

I took the opportunity to speak up. “Sounds like a great plan, Ryder. I’m in.”

“Knew I could count on you, Red.” Ryder slipped an arm around my shoulder, and I risked a sideways glance at Maria. She was smoldering.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t in,” she insisted, rushing forward to walk on his other side. “I was just asking. You know, I stole a car back in the city once. Made it all the way to Sausalito before Cedar’s goons found me.”

“Great. Maybe we can rely on your stealth at Camp Four, then.”

I felt my eyebrows draw together, but I stopped my frown before Maria could notice. “Sounds good,” I said. “Ria, you can make sure the coast is clear while Ryder and I get the gas.”

“I can get the gas,” she said. “I’d love to. Sounds fun, actually.”

Ryder stopped us before we could get carried away. “Two beautiful girls fighting to spend time with me? Doesn’t get much better than that, does it?” He squeezed my shoulder, and the pressure was just shy of uncomfortable. “Thank you, ladies; I know you’re up for the challenge. But I actually think I’ll take Trey and Adrian in with me, and Cody can stand watch around the wall’s perimeter. You ladies shouldn’t dirty up your hands.”

I shrugged and played nonchalant, but I couldn’t stop my smirk when I noticed Maria was still watching me. I hadn’t won, but she certainly hadn’t, either.

“You don’t have to be such an asshole all the time.”

The voice was Jett’s. We were sitting side by side outside the high stone walls of Camp Four. I was flicking pine needles, and Maria was sitting twenty feet or so from us – all alone except for the bread she was tentatively eating while we waited for the boys’ return.

“What are you talking about?”

Things between Jett and me had been tense ever since she’d returned from the city. Although we had never mentioned it, our shared history with Ryder now weighed down the air around us. It was thick and oppressive as smoke, and it constricted my lungs more and more the harder I tried to ignore it.

“Maria. You don’t always have to be such an asshole to her. She’s actually pretty nice if you’d just give her a chance.”

“She’s not.” I flicked another pine needle. “She’s
not
nice, and I don’t want to give her a chance. I already know I don’t like her.”

“She can’t help how she feels about Ryder, you know. She doesn’t even know you guys are dating.”

“I know that.”

“So why don’t you just tell her and get it over with? We all know; what’s the difference if one more person finds out?”

“I…” The truth is, I had never considered the question. I had just taken Ryder’s words at face value. “Ryder doesn’t want Rex to know, OK? He says it will ruin everything.”

“You really think Maria’s gonna tattle to Rex?”

I frowned. Instead of answering her question, I posed another. “Why didn’t you ever tell me you and Ryder dated? Don’t you think that’s something I should have known when I got here?”

Jett’s eyes widened. She regarded me for a moment, and then she shrugged. “What’s to tell? Ryder treated me like shit and then moved on and forgot about me. Didn’t seem like a good conversation starter.”

“Yeah, but… You saw me with him. You knew I liked him, and you probably thought he’d hurt me, too. Why didn’t you warn me?”

“Autumn, I don’t pretend to know what’s going on in other people’s lives. You seemed happy with Ryder, and he seemed like maybe he’d changed, too. Don’t you think people deserve second chances?”

“Yeah, but do you feel that way now?”

“What?”

“Do you feel that way now? About Ryder? Do you feel like he’s changed, or do you think this whole sneaking-around thing is just another of his tricks?”

Jett regarded me again, and the look of hopelessness that clouded her expression told me everything I needed to know. “You don’t,” I finished. “You don’t think he’s changed, and you think I’m an idiot for believing he has.”

Her expression softened. “That’s not what I’m saying, Autumn. I just wish he wouldn’t make you feel like the ‘other woman’ all the time. If he likes you, he should act like it. He shouldn’t make you watch him flirt with Maria, and he certainly shouldn’t make you sneak around and meet him in the middle of the night.”

She sighed. “And he should stand up to that asshole father of his. I don’t know how you feel about Rex, Autumn, but I don’t trust him. And I don’t think he always has Ryder’s best interests at heart. Or any of our best interests, really.”

“What?”

She sighed. “I don’t believe in Essence drain anymore. Haven’t for a long time. But I
do
believe in responsible choices. And being here for two years has taught me that just because you
can
do something doesn’t mean you should.” She began tracing lines in the dirt with her finger. “Look at what happened to Shayla. I have no doubt her Essence was perfectly intact when she took that fall last month, but are you really surprised she fell? That’s what happens when you decide to walk over a dangerous creek at night.”

I swallowed. “But Shayla’s… a legend.”

Jett frowned. “You know what? Maybe you aren’t ready to hear this yet. That’s fine – it really is – but file it away somewhere, OK? In case you ever need it.”

She glanced at Maria and then pulled herself to her feet. “I’m going to see if Ria wants some company.” She started to leave, and then she added, “Autumn, truly, if I can give you one piece of advice: please don’t lose yourself in all this. It’s not worth it.”