ARC: Essence (21 page)

PART THREE:

TAFT POINT

CHAPTER THIRTY

There was blood everywhere. In my eyes, in my hair, across the front seat of the Jeep, where Ryder held me while Trey jammed the accelerator into gear.

I don’t remember most of the ride back to the Valley. I don’t remember anything at all, really, except the chill of the wind and the sticky, warm way my blood clotted against my clothes and skin.

Then the darkness of the Ahwahnee parking lot. The frantic way Trey and Adrian scrubbed blood from the vinyl as Ryder carried me up to his bedroom. The prick of the needle and the drip of a stolen IV bag. Or was that a stolen blood bag?

I remember hearing words I didn’t recognize. Things like “intracranial bleeding” and “hematoma”. And then I remember arguing.

Was that Jett pacing in front of the window, shouting about the emergency room? It was hard to make her out in the rising morning sunlight. But there was someone big beside her, and I guessed that had to be Cody.

Before I could be sure, they both disappeared. Or maybe I just blacked out from the pain. It’s hard to tell. I remember Ryder holding me, kissing my forehead and saying he’d take me to Rex if I wanted him to. But I didn’t want him to, and the look of relief that flooded his face when I said so showed me he was thankful for that.

I remember him saying I shouldn’t fall asleep, but then I remember sleeping. Or not sleeping. Maybe just drifting aimlessly, like those gelatinous spots on the insides of your eyelids.

One time, I woke up – or didn’t wake up – to find flowers by the bed. Another time, I felt a strange tightness tugging the skin of my forehead. That’s when I realized Ryder – or someone – had stitched my wound closed. I could feel the parallel lines of sutures edging across my temple like train tracks.

I’m not sure how much time passed. Maybe hours. Maybe days. But at some point, Ryder told me I could sleep without fear of a concussion. So I did. For a long, dark, period of blackness – almost as horrible and constricting as the tunnel had been.

I awoke to a gentle rapping against Ryder’s bedroom door.

I was hunched into such a tight ball that Javi almost didn’t see me when he entered. There was a moment of him staring at the bed, eyes unfocused, as he tried to decide what I was. Then his gaze must have fallen on me, because his expression darkened, and he took a hurried step backward. His cleaning supplies banged with a clatter against the wall behind him.

He would have left completely, but I called out to him – so turned around and twisted up inside that I think I just needed a familiar face. Although Javi and I had stopped being friends, my heart still yearned for the easy, quiet support he’d offered those first few days after our arrival.

That’s what I think my motivation was, anyway. Either way, he was sitting by my side before I knew it. His eyes were wide and filled with panic as he surveyed what I’d later find out were my blackened eye and swollen, rigid temple wound.

“Did he do this to you?”

The question was so absurd that I almost laughed, but there wasn’t a trace of humor in Javi’s eyes. Instead, he looked enraged, like lightning in a bottle.

“He did, didn’t he? Motherfucker
hit
you.”

Before I could stop him, he was on his feet. His fists were clenched, and he was about to destroy the black and white photograph of that shirtless man highlining when I finally managed to croak, “No, Javi. Stop. It wasn’t Ryder.”

“Then who was it? Trey? That little shit Adrian?”

“No. It wasn’t anybody. It was a rock. I was ziplining, and… Javi, I’m fine. It’s nothing, really.”

“Nothing? Is that what Ryder calls the caved-in side of your face?”

“It’s not caved in.” I reached to inspect my cheekbone.

“When did this happen? What did Rex say?”

“Rex…” I tried to shake my head, but I didn’t even have to. Javi already sensed my answer.

“Rex doesn’t know. Can’t know for some reason. Is that right?”

If I expected him to be angry, I was wrong. He didn’t look mad at all; his features just crumbled until he looked more scared than I’d ever seen him. “Autumn,” he whispered. “Why did Ryder tell you not to talk to Rex?”

My words seemed to have a mind of their own. “He didn’t. But we stole gas from Camp Four. Snuck in late last night – or maybe two nights ago.”

“You went inside Camp Four?” Javi’s eyes widened. “No, actually, scratch that. I don’t care if you went inside Camp Four or not. I just want to know why you think stealing gas means you shouldn’t get medical treatment.”

“I don’t need medical treatment.” I motioned to my temple. “Already got it. I should be back to normal in a few days.”

“And then what? You’re back on the Taft Point thing?”

“Yeah.” I felt defiance creeping into my voice. “Back on the Taft Point thing. Gonna do it for my baby brother. What are you gonna do?”

He sensed my creeping distance. Rising from the bed, he said, “Not gonna do any dumb shit, if that’s what you’re asking. Not gonna risk my neck so Rex can tick my name off a little higher on his list. Don’t really care what that man has to say about me, to tell you the truth.”

He turned to go. “I’m not gonna tell Rex what happened to you, but I could. And I will if I don’t see you getting better.” He paused. “But this is bullshit, Autumn. Just so you know. I don’t like who they’ve made you become.”

Javi’s words were off-putting, but he was obviously overreacting. So was Jett. After her initial visit to Ryder’s bedroom, she didn’t come back to see me once. Not to say “hi”, not to visit, not even to make sure I was OK.

Cody lingered around some, but even he disappeared after the first couple of days. Said it was too hard to juggle what Jett needed and what I wanted.

I guess wanting company was too much for either of them to handle.

So I was left in Ryder’s bedroom with the occasional company of Adrian or Trey. The boys read books and played board games with me, and they taught me twentieth-century staples like checkers and poker. Ryder preferred chess, but its endless rules and slow movements bored me, so he quickly gave up on playing games with me at all.

Instead, we sat and talked, took naps and looked at old picture books. Within a few days, I was even able to walk around the room a little. Although I was struck by a peculiar sense of vertigo any time I tried to stand for too long, Ryder assured me my dizziness and headaches would soon fade.

“You whacked your head pretty good,” he said one afternoon. “Lucky you didn’t get
really
hurt. But dizziness happens all the time after head injuries, and hey, your stitches look great.”

I ran my fingers over the sutures, and I smiled when he playfully whacked my hand away. “Don’t touch,” he said. “Tomorrow will be a week. We should probably wait one more day, then we’ll take them out on Sunday.”

I realized with a pang that my next appointment with Rex was tomorrow, but Ryder stopped me with a smile. “Don’t worry. You’re covered. Ran into him this morning and told him you’ve been hiking the High Country near Half Dome all week. Won’t expect you back down until Monday or Tuesday.”

“And my head? How will we explain that?”

“Trail medicine. Slipped on a rock or something and had to bandage yourself up. Lucky for you, you sewed the quilts back home.”

I touched my wound again. “Think he’ll believe that?”

“Of course. If your readings plateau too much after the fall, you can always just say you holed yourself up and waited to feel better before you came back to the Valley.”

His expression became serious as he came to sit beside me. “Hey, just so you know… I think you’re amazing, Red. And I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the fact that you’re willing to cover our tracks like this.” He smoothed a lock of hair from my forehead. “Your safety is the most important thing to me, so the fact that you trust me enough to take care of you…”

He frowned. “That’s Jett’s deal, you know. She thinks I should have taken you to my old man right away, but Jett doesn’t get me like you do. She doesn’t understand that I’ve been training under my father my entire life.” He attempted a smile. “You want stitches? I’ll give you stitches. Want medicine? I know exactly how much you should take. It’s like having your own private doctor, you know?”

I nodded. “I trust you, Ryder.”

“And I said I’d always catch you, right?” He grinned and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “Meant it, you know.”

When I turned sideways to intercept his lips, he started. “Red,” he said. “What are you doing? You don’t feel well…”

But I did. Suddenly, the throbbing in my head was silenced by the thrumming of my heart. My pulse quickened, and an ache slid down my belly at the thought of him taking care of me. He’d been selfless, and he’d worried about my safety more than anything.

He wanted me now. Although his desire was tempered slightly by his hesitation, I could feel the wanting. It was just below the surface, coiled like a spring, and it sent his body shuddering when I ran my fingers along the edge of his collarbone.

“Ryder,” I whispered. “I want…”

He nodded. Pinning my hands to the pillow, he murmured, “Yeah, I want that, too.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

I was back on my feet early the next week. The scabs from my stitches were nearly hidden by my hair, and my black eye had faded to a sickly, greenish yellow. The discoloration wasn’t even noticeable if you didn’t stare at it for too long.

That’s what I told myself, anyway, as I strode toward my chores in the stables. Ryder told me Cody had picked up my slack, so I carried a handful of wildflowers as a token of my appreciation.

Ryder said bouquets were usually only given to girls, but I couldn’t think of anything else Cody might want. And he liked flowers. At least I hoped he did. But really, I just wanted
something
to give him. Something to cut the tension he undoubtedly felt around me. Because Jett was pissed. Or so I heard. And I knew that must be awkward for him.

I had tried to find Jett that morning as well, but she was nowhere to be seen. Ryder told me she’d been spending time with Kadence lately, and I couldn’t quite bring myself to approach the meditation tents. I was sure Javi had already told Kadence my story.

I kicked myself for letting Javi know about the gasoline and Camp Four. I blamed the painkillers and the stress, but that didn’t take away the fact that I’d tattled. I hoped my indiscretion wouldn’t come back to haunt me.

My headaches had faded, but I was still struck by occasional bouts of vertigo. The dizziness seemed to correspond with certain head positions – like if I bent down to fix my shoes or if I bolted too quickly from sitting to standing. I did my best to avoid these movements, and I religiously took the painkillers Ryder pilfered every afternoon from the clinic.

He’d done a beautiful job with my stitches. Each suture was perfectly aligned with the next, and they formed a tiny row of parallel ridges when he removed them. He said the lines would fade in time, but part of me wished they wouldn’t. They were proof I’d faced my fear in the tunnel and emerged to fight another day.

The first of August now loomed less than three weeks away. I hadn’t attempted to slackline again yet, so I knew I needed to push myself to make up for lost time.

Ryder, Trey and Adrian were already practicing with safety lines at Taft Point, and from what I heard, Maria wasn’t far behind. She hadn’t made the transition from slacklining to highlining just yet, but she supposedly hiked up there to support them every chance she got. Trey said she was really starting to conquer our route over the base of Yosemite Falls.

“Gets one hundred feet easily now,” he reported to me one evening. “Even gets all the way back sometimes.”

I like to think Maria’s progress wasn’t the catalyst that sent me back into the real world, but maybe it was. All my goals – proving myself for Brady, pleasing Ryder and Rex, disproving the Essence theory and preparing myself for my eventual return to the city… All these dreams had swirled together somehow, so now it was less about the why and more about the how.

My biggest concern this morning was how in the world I was going to walk Taft Point if I couldn’t even make it to Ryder’s window without fearing I’d fall down.

That’s where the mental toughness came in. And that’s why I’d refused Ryder’s help and insisted on climbing to the Balcony by myself that morning. Although the rock approach had left me queasy, the unobstructed views of the Valley had been a welcome relief when I finally washed the filth from my skin.

Now it was nearing 9 o’clock, and the stables were crowded as I began looking for Cody. It took a while to pick him out in the corral, but I finally found him refilling a water trough and chewing on a blade of straw. He looked every bit the cowboy.

“Autumn!” He rushed to the split rail fence when he saw me. “How are you feeling? Your eye looks so much better.”

I extended the bouquet. “Flowers,” I said. “For you. For pulling my weight around here this week.”

“Thank you.” The flowers looked strange in his bear-sized hands, but his expression was soft as he took them. “How are you feeling? Any headaches?”

“No. They faded a few days ago.”

I didn’t mention the vertigo, because I was suddenly aware of a strange, humming tension. Before I could put my finger on it, he placed his arm on my shoulder. “Autumn, have you talked to Kadence lately?”

“No. Is Kadence mad at me, too?”

He shook his head. “No. Just worried. And she wants you to know…” He cleared his throat and leaned forward slightly. “She’s leaving, Autumn. We all are.”

“Leaving? What are you leaving?”

“This. Everything.” He encompassed the Valley with one sweep of his hand. “We’re leaving Yosemite. Me, Jett, Kadence, Javi. A few others, too. We don’t like what’s been going on around here lately.”

“What are you talking about? You can’t just
leave
.”

“Yeah, we can. And we will. Soon. In the next few days. Jett got her hands on a map of the High Country; we’re gonna take some horses and trek up to Tuolumne Meadows. Shayla’s up there, you know. Once we have her…” He paused. “Autumn, there are tons of settlements on the East Side. Places like Mammoth Lakes and Bishop. We’re gonna start a life out there, escape this whole uprising thing and put Rex’s experiments behind us…”

“But, Cody…” I couldn’t believe half my friends were actually going to abandon me. Abandon
us
. Abandon Ryder and Rex and everything we’d ever worked for.

“But you can’t just leave,” I said again. “We only have three weeks left.”

“And then what? Strap on guns and charge back to the city? Or worse, strap on the
truth
and hope for the best?” He sighed. “I’ve had doubts about this uprising for a while. All of us have. But once we heard Rex’s plan and saw how things started shaking out…”

His voice dropped. “We’re just pawns, Autumn. All of us. We’re foot soldiers and guinea pigs, and Rex has become so blinded that he doesn’t even care if we get hurt. Instead, he sends us away to Tuolumne and hopes no one notices how screwed up we were when we left.”

“But we’re going to disprove the Essence theory! We’re going to free the Movement’s followers, and we’re going to spread the truth…”

Cody shook his head. “Don’t kid yourself, Autumn. This uprising isn’t about freeing the Centrists. Not really. It’s about punishing Cedar. It’s
always
been about punishing Cedar.”

“Well, Cedar’s a bad guy…”

“And Rex fell in love with him just like everybody else did.” Cody leaned closer. “Can’t you see? Rex would have done anything for him, would have followed him
anywhere.
So after he saw what he saw that night in the meditation rooms… He’s orchestrating this entire uprising to punish Cedar for turning his back on him fifteen years ago.”

“No, Cody, you’re wrong about that…”

“Am I? Then tell me, Autumn, where are all the Centrist spies Rex says are out to get him? Where’s the political movement, the uprising to stop Rex from telling the world what he knows?” He spat. “There aren’t spies, and there isn’t an uprising, because Cedar doesn’t give a shit about Rex. Never has. That’s why Rex won’t rest until he destroys him.”

“Cody…” I took a step backward. “That’s completely ridiculous. You… sound like a stiff right now. You sound like Kadence.”

“Maybe there are worse things than sounding like Kadence.” He reached for me across the split rail fence. “Autumn, can’t you see? You’re a pawn, too. Why else would Ryder have refused to take you to the clinic when you needed it? Ryder’s blinded just as much as Rex is. Scared to stand up to his father, scared to do anything except what Rex says. Bet he would have left you in the tunnel if he thought that’s what Rex wanted.”

Suddenly furious, I smacked the flowers from his hands. “Think what you want, Cody, but I know the truth. Ryder would never put
anything
before my best interests, not even Rex’s research.” I turned to leave. “Don’t think Rex would appreciate you stealing his horses, either. Maybe I should let him know what you’re planning.”

“Autumn, no.” In one quick movement, Cody bolted over the fence and grabbed me by both shoulders. “Autumn, you can’t say a word. Promise me you won’t.”

“No.” I struggled, and the movement sent pain shooting through my temples. “No, I
don’t
promise. Maybe you should have thought of that before you brought me into this.”

“Autumn, we’re leaving because we’re pissed at the way Rex and Ryder are treating
you.
The way they’re treating all of us. Don’t you think you deserve better than this?”

“I’m fine, thank you. More than fine, and I can’t believe you expect me to be OK with you walking out and abandoning everything we stand for…”

“Everything
who
stands for, Autumn? Ryder? Rex?”

“And me. And Trey. And Adrian. And everybody else. How can you be so ungrateful?”

“I’m not ungrateful. I’m just done with this.”

“I’m done, too. Let go of me, Cody; I swear I’ll scream if you don’t.”

“Autumn.” I don’t think I’ve ever seen panic cloud a person’s eyes as quickly as they clouded Cody’s. He glanced around frantically. “Autumn, I’m serious. I can’t let you go unless you promise you won’t tell…”

“Help! Help me!” I wrenched away from him. “Please, somebody help me! Somebody get him away from me!”

But then something twisted. And maybe that was Cody’s arm sliding around my neck. Because suddenly, I wasn’t screaming anymore. I was falling. And once again, I was surrounded by blackness.