Arizona Embrace (39 page)

Yet, despite the weight of sadness, she felt like a young girl coming home after a long journey. She’d never missed the house until now, but now she wondered how she could have ever been content to live anywhere else.

The formal parlor, dining room, her father’s office, and the kitchen looked like they always had. It was almost like she had never left.

The stair runner was more frayed and worn than she remembered. Maybe it was her imagination, but even the stair rail seemed to have been worn a little thinner. It wasn’t her imagination that all the windows were in desperate need of a good cleaning. It was surprising any light got in at all. She doubted they had been touched since her father died.

Her father’s room looked just the same as it always had, except that Trinity’s things could be seen decorating the room. He was just as neat at home as he was on the trail. Everything appeared to have a precise place and to be in that place. Since she doubted Ward had ever straightened anything except a harness in his whole life, she assumed Trinity had done it.

Apparently he never left anything to chance. He had probably never lost anything in his life. No wonder he had been able to come up with the money to buy this ranch. There wasn’t any gold in the world smart enough to hide from a man this organized.

She looked in the other bedrooms. A curtain here or there had been changed. Blankets, quilts, and bedspreads were new, but the furniture was the same.

She stepped into her old sitting room. It had been a luxury for a sixteen-year-old girl to have her own sitting room, but there had been so many rooms that her father had insisted. She had spent many happy hours here, planning her future, planning her wedding, looking forward to the fruitful years as a wife, mother, and lover.

She opened the door to her old room. It was empty, as empty as her dreams. All her furniture had gone with her to Blazer’s Tumbling T. The Judge had wanted her to be surrounded by familiar things. He had wanted her to be happy. He had wanted her to look forward to her marriage.

Now he wanted her dead.

Victoria closed the door. She would sleep in one of the guest rooms. It didn’t matter which. The less she was reminded of the loss of her dreams, the better.

Trinity brought up the saddlebags containing her clothes.

“Where do you want these?”

“Is anyone using the bedroom above the norm parlor?”

“No.”

“Then I’ll take that room.”

“The empty bedroom was yours?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to your furniture?”

“I took it with me when I got married.”

“Did you take the china and silverware, too?”

“No. Daddy sold it. He liked the Judge’s much better.”

She didn’t even get to choose her own china and silverware, Trinity thought. They probably hadn’t let her choose her linens either.

“I’m afraid there’s not much here to make you comfortable. I wasn’t here long before …”

“Before you went after me.”

Trinity nodded.

“It’s just as well. A person ought to live in a house for a while before he tries to furnish it. He needs to have time to discover its character.”

“I thought the house was supposed to take its character from the owner.”

“Most houses do, but not this one.”

This place has brought ruin to a lot of people.”

“I think all men who suffer ruin have the seed within them long before it comes to flower. If a man doesn’t want to be ruined, he won’t be.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because of you.”

Trinity looked nonplussed.

“Who had more reason to fail than you did? Who tried harder man you to fail? Yet it wasn’t in you. You wanted to quit. You just didn’t know how. You even tried to give away a herd of prize cattle and couldn’t do it. You’ll make something of this ranch just as you’ll gentle that stallion.’’

Trinity didn’t know what to say. He’d never had anyone show much faith in him. Most of the time, people said he was the luckiest man in the world to still be alive. Otherwise how would he have brought in eighteen wanted men and not gotten himself killed. Of course, they said the same thing when he found gold, though he’d never made anything but modest strikes. He only had enough gold to buy the ranch because he never drank it up, gambled it away, or spent it on women.

But in all these years, Victoria was the first person to see his success as anything but an accident.

“You may think differently when you take a look in the kitchen. There’s hardly anything fit to eat, and it’s too far to go to town.”

“We have our supplies left.”

They’re not fit to serve at a table.”

“Maybe not, but I’d rather eat bacon and beans than go without supper.”

“I think we can do a little better than that if you can figure out how to handle that stove.”

“Is that big blue stove still here?” Victoria asked, remembering the many times she had helped their Spanish cook prepare meals.

“It’s the biggest monster I’ve ever seen.”

Take everything to the kitchen. While Ward catches you up on what’s been going on while you were away, I’ll see about fixing dinner. Then I want a bath. Can I get someone to put a tub on the stove and fill it with water? It can heat while I cook. There used to be a copper bath upstairs. Do you know what happened to it?”

“No, but I’ll find out.”

Victoria had happy memories of this kitchen. Blue and white dominated the room, from the everyday china to the enameled finish of the stove to the oil cloth that covered the work table to the cloth which lined the shelves. There was even blue and white in the coarse rugs which covered the wooden floor. The sun had long ago bleached the irises from the curtains, but she could still see traces of the blue floral pattern. But the best part about the kitchen was the four huge windows which let in the outside world. Even in winter, they made her feel like a part of the vast open spaces.

By the time Victoria had gotten the fire going and started frying the bacon, Trinity had returned with a large tub which covered most of the stove top. Using the pump at
the
back steps, he proceeded to bring in bucket after bucket of water until it was full to the brim.

“Weird found the bathtub. Somebody has been using it as a water trough. He’s washing it now?’

Victoria quelled a shiver of disgust.

“Make sure he scrubs it out real good.”

Trinity grinned. “He will.”

“I hope he means to eat with us.”

“He won’t be here. I’m sending him to town. We need supplies if you’re to stay here. The trip takes two days even with a couple of packhorses. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow night to impress him with your cooking.”

Victoria didn’t have any thoughts to spare for her cooking. All she could think of was she and Trinity were going to be in the house alone for a whole night.

Dinner was tense, but it had nothing to do with the food or its preparation. The tension between them was even greater when Trinity helped her wash up. Now, as they sat in the stuffy, formal parlor, waiting to go to bed, it was worse than ever.

He sat across from her, uncomfortable on one of her mother’s family’s high backed sofas. He seemed very ill-at-ease in this setting of polished wood, velvet and candlelight. Even his clothes seemed slightly out of place.

Victoria’s entire being concentrated on Trinity. Her skin felt so hypersensitive she was aware of each piece of her clothing, the texture of the material, how it swathed her body, the points of contact. Her nerves were strung tightly.

“I’ll have to leave for Uvalde as soon as Ward gets back if I’m to meet Ben on time,” Trinity said.

“When will you be back?” Why did he want to get away from her? He had spent the entire afternoon with Ward. He didn’t come in until supper was on the table. Now he couldn’t wait to leave for Uvalde.

“In a couple of days, I hope. It’ll depend on how long it takes me to find Gillet. You don’t have to be afraid the sheriff will find you. Ward can take care of you just as well as I can. As long as you don’t go into town, nobody will ever know you’re here. And if anything should happen, go to town and make the sheriff put you in jail. You’ll be safe there until I get back.”

“I’m not worried about that.” She wanted to ask him why he found it so difficult to be close to her. She had tried during dinner. She had tried again as they washed dishes. She was trying now, but she couldn’t get the words to pass her lips.

“If he’s alive, I’ll bring him back. I promise.’’

She wasn’t even worried about Chalk. She had come to take it for granted Trinity would find him. She hadn’t been afraid of hanging for some time now, probably not since that night in Ben’s cabin. Something more important consumed her thoughts. What petrified her, what made her feel absolutely terrified, was the fear Trinity would disappear as soon as the threat to her life was lifted and she would never see him again.

She knew in her heart she could never love anyone else. No one else could ignite a fire in her merely by coming into the room. If he left her, she would always be alone no matter where she might be.

Knowing she would soon be free to go anywhere she liked should have made her happy. She should have been filled with plans and dreams for the future. Yet here she sat dreading the day she would be free. Then there would be no reason for Trinity to keep her with him, to protect her, to think of her all the time.

She didn’t think she could stand that. For years she had lived in limbo, not knowing what life had to offer but knowing she couldn’t take advantage of it if she had. Now she knew, and she had tasted just enough to know she couldn’t live without it.

She had to know what kept Trinity away from her. She had to do everything in her power to change it.

“I know you’ll bring Chalk back. I guess I’ve been taking that for granted.”

“Even if I can’t, your uncle is sure to find enough evidence to make the governor ask for a new trial.”

“I know. For the first time in five years, I’m not afraid any more.”

Not afraid of hanging, that is
. If he left, she wouldn’t have much to live for anyway.

“What are you going to do? Go back to Arizona?”

“What do you mean?” His question caught her off balance.

“Once you’re free. You don’t have any relatives here. I just assumed you’d go back to Arizona to live with your uncle.”

“I wouldn’t feel comfortable there, not with Buc.”

“I guess you should go back to Alabama. You’d have a better chance of finding a husband there. You certainly can’t stay here.”

Victoria’s gaze flew to Trinity’s face. Was he making it plain he wanted her out of his house as soon as possible? He looked as nervous and uncomfortable as she felt. Was she so terrible he couldn’t even spend one evening alone with her? Could a man be physically attracted to her and yet be repulsed at the same time?

“Why not?”

“I don’t mean this house. I mean you can’t live in Bandera, stay there as an unmarried woman. I suppose you could live with Judge Blazer, after all you are his daughter-in-law—”

“He’d never let me inside his house, not unless you find out who murdered Jeb. Besides, I don’t want to go back there. It would remind me too much of the mistake I made.”

She had given him a perfect opening.
Why didn’t he say something? If he likes the at all, why can’t he say so?

“Don’t plan the rest of your life just to avoid thinking of the mistakes you made.”

“Is that what you would do?”

“It doesn’t matter what I do.”

“Why does it matter for me then?”

“You’re a woman. You can’t stay here without protection. There’s always somebody like Red Beard around.”

“I’ll hire men to guard me.”

“I forgot you were rich,” Trinity said. He made it sound like something bad. “You can do anything you want.”

He avoided her eyes. He squirmed in his seat. She was clearly making him miserable. She ought to let him make his escape, but she couldn’t. She had to try once more.

“What do you think I ought to do?”

She couldn’t understand his look. He looked like he wanted her so bad he could jump out of his skin, yet he seemed to be moving farther and farther away from her. She wouldn’t be surprised to find he had actually backed his chair several feet across the room since they sat down.

“I think you ought to go back to Arizona. Or Alabama. You can’t stay in Bandera.”

Wky? Because I’ll be only a day’s ride from you?

He stood up. “It’s time I went to bed. It’s a long way to Uvalde.”

Suddenly she couldn’t stand it any longer. Her pride didn’t matter, not if she were going to lose the only thing she wanted. She had to know.

“What’s wrong with me?”

Chapter Twenty-one

“What’s wrong with you?” he repeated, perplexed. “I don’t understand.”

“Ever since that night in Ben’s cabin you’ve stayed as far away from me as you can. Now you can’t wait to leave for Uvalde. I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes.”