Arsenic for the Soul (27 page)

She choked on her tears as she
pictured the man she fell in love with.

She pressed the gun barrel under her
chin. She wished she never met Milo. She wished her heart wasn’t so
weak and longing. Maybe she was to blame for this irreversible
fate. She would have walked a different path in life had she never
stripped to finance her education.

She wished there was a way to undo all
of the sins so deeply embedded in her. She would also give anything
to have Camilla embrace her one last time before she put all of her
faith in this bullet.

A scream of torment gushed from her
lips.

Vivian didn’t want to attempt to
understand it anymore. She wanted to squeeze the trigger over and
over again until the world became a little quieter and blanker.
Everything that caused her pain needed to disappear.

Every voice in her head telling her
that she was worthless needed to shut up.

Each time she began to press down on
the trigger, she sobbed and let go.

“
Fuck it all!”
She never wanted and yet feared something as badly
as she did now. Sweat ran down her throat like a wild river under
her skin. Wouldn’t someone liberate her from this hell? Why
couldn’t she have the life she
always
wanted? Was that too goddamn
much to ask for?

She vowed she would pull the trigger
this time. She closed her eyes and her finger curled against the
trigger. She gasped as she felt a hand touch hers.

Vivian.

The gun fell from her chin at the
sound of the voice. Suddenly, she was touched by a presence she
hadn’t felt in years. Was it possible her aunt’s soul found her in
this quiet park?

Almost two years passed since Vivian
hugged her in the hospital and whispered her good-byes. More than
anyone else, she inspired Vivian to live by her dreams and never
surrender.

Her aunt’s voice echoed through her
mind again.

My dear Vivian, I’m sorry
that you’re having these thoughts about giving up. You assume that
suicide is the answer to this pain. You think living is too much of
a burden and no one would notice if you disappear.

You are wrong.

You were put on this earth
for a reason. Maybe one day that purpose will become clear to you,
but it’s clear to your mother and father. Your family and friends
overflow with love for you. Don’t leave them behind. You’re never
as alone as you think you are.

Please don’t make the
biggest mistake of your life. You’re only here for a short time.
That time is too precious to waste on tears. Let this experience
mold you into a stronger and better person, not a victim… but a
victor.

Love yourself and live
passionately. You’re a spark in a world with too much darkness.
Don’t let your light go out.

Vivian wiped away her tears. How could
she be so cruel to herself?

She knew more obstacles lay ahead, but
she would muscle through them. She would win this war over her
soul. Her happiness didn’t stem from a person that filled the
cracks in her life. She would find true joy in herself—without the
crutch of lovers.

Milo was never the one for her. She
only projected what she yearned for onto him.

Vivian stifled the tears and assured
herself that beautiful beginnings were just around the corner. Most
of all, she took comfort in the fact that she was loved. Camilla’s
voice rang in her head before they parted ways.

Your wounds don’t have to
become scars. You can heal if you want to.

“
Thank you, Camilla. My
past is over and my pain doesn’t define me.”

She relinquished the agony within. She
never thought of Milo again. After all, she was only in love with
the idea of him.

Vivian’s feet slapped against the
trail as she ran through the park. Instead of running away from
fear, she ran toward something greater. Clarity. Strength. Hope.
She felt her spirit soaring like the snow caught on the
breeze.

She smiled because she knew no one
could stop her.

A new chapter in her life welcomed
her.

She’d be damned if she missed out on
it.

* * *

Relief poured over Camilla as she
returned to her apartment and its familiar comforts. Since the day
she found Milo’s sinister warning, it didn’t feel like she
possessed a home anymore.

No such fear followed her as she
studied her desk and her personalized wallpaper of newspaper
clippings. The futon where she indulged in late night fantasy
reading looked more comforting than it ever had before. Now she
could reclaim her home and banish the lingering specter of
terror.

She turned around to hang up her
jacket. An envelope was peeking out from under the door.

Her heart went from a calm staccato to
hammering against her ribs. She spun toward the bedroom,
half-expecting to see her brother looming in the doorway with a
polished dagger in his hand.

She was alone.

Still, that didn’t quell the storm of
panic roaring in her heart. She latched the door behind her and ran
through a quick check of the windows. She rushed to the kitchen and
seized a cutting knife. Dashing back to the living room, she peeked
behind any hiding spot that might conceal a man. She threw open the
wardrobe and pushed the curtains aside.

No one was there.

She breathed a little easier but one
unresolved matter remained.

Camilla timidly picked up the letter.
She wasn’t surprised by the absence of a return address. She balled
up the fear inside and crushed it. She refused to feel like a
victim anymore. She learned firsthand that her strength was greater
than any cowardly attack aimed at her. She smoothed the letter on
the dining table.

Dear Camilla,

I’ve approached your
apartment half a dozen times. But each time I try to knock on the
door, my body freezes. I want so badly to see you, to hold you and
hug you as my daughter.

What must you think of me?
You grew up without a mother. That moment can never be replaced by
hugs or apologies. I never wanted you to be without a mother. I
grieve for every day that was lost to me that I could have spent
with you.

Please know that I never
abandoned you. As you must know, my absence was not my choice.
Despite the ocean of time that separates us, I never forgot how
soft you felt in my arms. Your eyes lifted me up in ways I still
can’t describe to this day. I never could have imagined something
so small and fragile would set me free.

Thanks to the light you
shed on the laundries, I’ve known freedom for the first time in
twenty years. It took months to find you and arrive in
Prague.

I want to see you but I
don’t know when the time is right. As much as it pains me, I don’t
know when I’ll be ready to meet my own daughter.

I hope we can be together
again one day.

Until then, whatever
happens, know that you will always be dear to my heart.

I will love you always and
forever.

Camilla’s tears ran freely as the
emotions swept her away. A wondrous smile creased her lips. She
used to smile like this and it felt beautiful to do so
again.

One day she would come face-to-face
with her mother and hold her. They would laugh, weep, and embrace
until their tears burst forth again. They would ultimately be
whole, like scattered fragments of souls flying on the wind to
reunite. She could wait a little longer for that moment.

Soothing warmth kindled in her heart
and she instantly understood what it meant. Somewhere out there,
her mother was alive.

Unfortunately, so was her
brother.

_____________________________

About the Author

Nathan Wilson was born and
raised in Lansing, Michigan. He was inspired by his sister to write
fiction at the age of seven. His other publications include
The Undying God
and
Red Widow.

Discover other titles by Nathan Wilson
at Smashwords.com:

The
Undying God

Red
Widow

Connect with me
online:

nrwilson.com