As I Am (5 page)

“Look
, guys look at the package we come in. If Miller doesn’t like the package he’s seeing, then I have to change strategies so that he will,” she says, moving along. “Once he’s enticed by that, then he’ll get to know me and like me.” Addison’s right. If a guy doesn’t like the wrapping, it’s hard to get them to open the gift. That’s what is so great about Cal’s interest in me. He spent time over this last year getting to know the contents, getting to know me on the inside, that he can’t help but like my outside, too. It’s what I’ve been waiting for.

“Whatever you think you need to do
, Addy.” I’d push the fact that Miller made it clear Addy was not his type, but I might slip and tell her that he said I was the more interesting of the two of us, and I don’t think that would go over well with her.

“Oh! I have a great idea! What if you and Cal, me, and Miller took a walk to the lake?
You and Cal can go do your thing – wink, wink – and then Miller will spend some time getting to know how totally fabulous I am!” she squeals.

This is a terrible plan. There’s no way Miller is going to take a walk with us, but, as usual, I appease my dear sister. “Yeah, that’s great. We should totally do that,” I say with zero enthusiasm. “We should go. Just let me grab my camera and we can head down.”

“Are you really lugging that thing down there?” Addy asks with a roll of her eyes.

“Yes! In case you forgot what I just told you, Mr. Fellows asked me to be the official photographer. I’m taking this very seriously, Addy. I wish you would stop acting like this is some little hobby!” I chastise her with a loud tone and she takes a step back.

“Alright, alright! Geez! I’ll back off. Go ahead and change and we’ll go right down.”

“I’m just going to throw a hoodie on,” I tell her.

“Okay, listen. There are a lot of things you know about that I don’t. And there are a lot of things that I know about that you don’t. I’m not trying to be mean, but I know about guys and what you’re wearing isn’t exactly going to confirm to Cal that he’s making the right move with you. Yes, he already likes you, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to think about how you present yourself. You let me help you pack so let me help you put something together that’ll make Cal know he’s got the whole package right here.”

I have to admit that Addy
does
know more about what guys want. I honestly wouldn’t wear a third of the clothes I have if Addy hadn’t made me get them. She’s going to make a career out of this fashion thing so I have to trust that she knows what she’s doing when she dresses me. It’s hard for me to find clothes that are really cute
and
complement my body. It’s not like I have to shop at specialty stores or anything, it’s that just because it comes in a size twelve or fourteen doesn’t mean it looks good on me. And, honestly, I don’t know what I’m doing when it comes to fashion. For that I do have to thank her.

The problem is, because I’m behind the camera, and often on the ground in order to get the best shots, I don’t ever think about wearing anything other than jeans and
T-shirt and hoodie. It’s only when I’m going somewhere with Addy that I ever stop to think about what I should wear.

“
Fine. If you think I should change, what do you think I should wear?”

Addy smiles and does a giddy jump before opening the drawers to the dresser. “Yay! You wouldn’t let me do this last summer, but since you’ve got Cal now I guess you’ve seen the light!”
she giggles. Addy gets really happy when I let her do this. I’m her life-size, definitely-not-to-scale, Barbie doll and she loves dressing me up.

I don’t
have
Cal. I don’t really know what’s going on except that he wants to spend more time with me. But, to Addy, a guy asking to spend time with you puts you in control and makes him yours.

Fifteen minutes later we’re hitting the bottom of the porch steps and I’m wearing the last thing I would have put together to wear to a bonfire. I’ve got on khaki shorts, a pink sleeveless swing top, a green cardigan
, and gold sandals. I have to admit that I do look pretty cute but it seems like a ridiculous outfit for the setting. I really hope I don’t have to get made up for every bonfire. That will get really old, really fast.

The bonfire is set up through a cluster of trees in a clearing on the other side of The Lodge. The Fellows wanted to make sure we could be almost as loud as we wanted to and not disturb the campers. I love how traditional
the setup is. It’s so reminiscent of those old pictures of 1950’s camps. The roaring fire is surrounded by huge logs where we can huddle together with the cool of the night to our back and the warmth of the fire in front of us.

We pass through the trees, following the glow of the already blazing fire
and the sound of clanking bottles. It looks like everyone is already there so I scan the crowd for Cal. He’s standing, beer in hand, near the other side of the fire with his buddies and a couple of the new girls, including the one I saw him with earlier. Fear nudges at me and feelings of inadequacy rise up in me. I push it to the side, though, reminding myself that Cal knows me. He likes me. She’s just some new girl. He turns his head and catches my eye, smiling his eternally charming smile. I smile back and he raises his beer in a wave.

“See,” Addy sings.

“Yes, yes … you were right. You’re always right, Addison,” I say. I admit she was right, but I can’t give her ego too much praise so I keep the excited tone low.

“Do you see Miller?” she asks, scanning the crowd.

“No, but I’ll tell him to come find you if I see him.” I begin to walk away from Addy and move toward Cal when she stops me.

“You can’t go until we find him,” she says, shocked I would dream of leaving her standing alone.

“Just go find Mia or somebody then you can look for him without looking like you’re looking for him.” That sounded as sad coming out of my mouth as it does ringing in my head.

“Oh, my gosh, there he is.” Addy turns to face me like she didn’t just see him. “He’s standing up, over to your right, talking with Carrie, Bridget, Amy, and Matthew.”

“Yep, there he is! Now you can go see him and let me get to Cal. You know, Cal. The guy you made me promise I’d give a chance? The guy you are now keeping me from?”

“Just
… come on.” Addy pulls the strap of my camera bag, almost making it slide off my shoulder. I follow her because, well, that’s what I do.

We approach our friends and Miller’s eyes seem to light up. I know Addy thinks it’s for her, but there’s a little voice in my head telling me that sparkle in his green eyes is for me. I smile back at him, slightly ashamed that I’m enjoying Addy not getting
this admiration so easily for once.

“Hey! I’ve barely seen you two all day!” Bridget says.

“Yeah, Bridget was just recapping last year’s beer commercial for Miller here. She’s thinking that in honor of him, this year’s drunken commercial will be for Miller Light!” Carrie laughs.

“Light? Really? I know I’m new around here, but c’mon
… light?” Miller laughs. Look who came out of his shell! I’m actually really glad that Miller seems to have bonded with our friends. Compared to Cal’s buddies, who really are kind of jerky, and a few of the other girls here, these are the best people around. I wish we all went to the same college. I missed them when we left last year, and I know I’m going to miss them again this year. Thank God for email and unlimited texting.

“I can promise you that, light or not, Bridget’s commercial will be epic!” I laugh.

“Well, if you say it’ll be epic, then epic it will be,” Miller says, looking straight at me with a cute smirk on his face. My connection with him is broken when Addy takes a little step and pretends to lose her balance into me. “Oh, uh, Miller, you remember my sister, Addy,” I say.

“Yeah
… hey, Addison. Kinley mentioned you today during our little adventure,” he says with a tight-lipped smile. Addy’s head jerks a little, surprised by his statement. I told her I talked to him. I didn’t tell her under what conditions I did that. I didn’t think it mattered, but it clearly bothers her that I’ve had a little “adventure” with Miller.

“Oh, that was so sweet of her. She’s such a sweet girl. Cal seems to think so. You better go catch up with him
, Kinley. He was dying to see you tonight. I think he’s got something special planned for the two of you later!” Addy says. She’s almost shoving me out of the circle and into Cal’s direction.

“I’ll go with you,” Amy says. “I already need another drink.”

“Right. I’ll catch you guys later then,” I say, stumbling away but being caught by Amy.

“Later, Kinley
.” Miller smiles. I just smile back at him apologetically and anticipate a tongue lashing from Addy later for not giving her every detail of my encounter with Miller.

“Why do you let her do that?” Amy asks as we walk away.

“Do what?”

“You let her treat you like crap
. She did it last year, too. Don’t you remember what happened with Ryan? She sent you on little reconnaissance missions to find things out about him so she could feign interest in them. It’s pathetic, Kinley!”

Amy is nothing if not straight forward and honest. She’s a great person to have on your side. If you need someone’s ass kicked, Amy will either do it herself or find someone to do it for you. She’s just that loyal. She’s also ridiculously fun. Last year Mr. Fellows let us make a drugstore tampon run. There were a few poor girls who started their cycles for the first time at camp. That’ll be a story that will live on
forever for them!

T
he drive to the drugstore was the best. Amy has stopped smoking since then, but the entire drive to the store she kept her left hand holding her cigarette out the window and with her right hand she drove, shifted gears, and changed the radio station. She’s talented like that. Then, of course, we got lost on the drive back to camp. That adventure included incorrect landmark sightings, several dead possums, and almost getting hit by a Mac truck. Good times that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

“Thank you for your concern, and I get what you’re saying, but
, Addison is my sister and despite how things can appear between us sometimes, we really do have each other’s back,” I say, locking arms with Amy. “She’ll get with Miller and I’ll spend the summer with Cal and everything will be different and better than it’s ever been.”

“If you say so, Kinley.” Amy squeezes me closer to her and rests her head on my shoulder.

“I do say so. This is going to be my best summer ever. You’ll see.” I look over to where Cal had been standing but don’t see him now. Rather than walk around aimlessly looking for him, I figure now is as good a time as any to see if I can get some bonfire shots. The angles are going to be key if I’m going to get anything worth keeping. “Hey … do you mind being my test subject? I want to see if shooting at the bonfires is going to work. If it doesn’t, I won’t bother bringing my camera down with me again.”

“Sure! Where do you want me?” Amy asks.

“Hmmm …” I take a few steps to my left and then to my right, tilting my head to see if there’s a good angle.

“This is a familiar scene,” Miller’s voice rings behind me.

“You’re developing a habit.” I smirk at him. “Where’s my sister?” I’m a little surprised at his ability to get away from her once she had his attention.

“She went to get a drink
, or something. I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention.” Miller takes a swig from his bottle and waits for me to say something. Now I’m looking for my sister, sure she’s going to be embarrassed and then furious.

“Well, I’m sure she’ll be back in a second and you two can resume your little get-to-know-me session.” I really don’t like that I’m pushing him on her, but if Addy found out I did anything to ruin her chances with Miller, it’d be the start of Armageddon.

“You’re not as delusional as she is, are you? There’s no way you think I’m remotely interested in her.” He looks at me with sarcastic confusion.

“I still don’t get that,” I say.

“I am an excellent judge of character, Kinley. And ever since I started listening to my gut, it’s never steered me wrong.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really. I’ll prove it to you. First, your guy Cal is a real douche. Typical football player. I’m sure he’s probably a nice guy if you’re one of his
people
, but otherwise, he’ll hang your underwear up a flagpole while you’re still in them just for the sport of it. On the other hand, Matthew and Pete: stand-up guys you could trust with your life. Amy: she’s a sweetheart and she totally kicks ass. Carrie? Bridget? As nice as they come. Dave? Well, Dave’s a good guy, but a bit of a wild card. All in all, these are people you’d be lucky to have on your side any day of the week and twice on Sunday.” Miller takes another swig from his bottle and smiles proudly. Okay, so he doesn’t like Cal. He just doesn’t know him. But, he’s hit the nail on the head about the rest of them, that’s for sure.

“What about Addy?” I challenge, hoping he’ll give me some clue that he’s actually noticing her sweetness.

Miller looks at me for a moment, I assume deciding just how honest he wants to be with me about what his gut is telling him about my sister. “She’s a nice girl. Stereotypical fashion major: obsessed with clothes and how she looks. If you’re in her circle, she’ll fight for you, but not at the cost of her reputation.”