Asa (Marked Men #6) (13 page)

Rome paused in pulling open the front door. “Cora told you?”

“Dude, I worked with her last time you knocked her up. I know what those mood swings and overnight double D’s mean. I’ve known for months. I was just waiting for one of you to come clean.”

Remy looked between the Archer men and widened her bright blue eyes that looked so much like her father’s. “Baby?” At least that was what I think she was saying in her own little-baby way.

Rome nodded and groaned while Rule and I laughed. “Yeah, honey, a baby.”

She just giggled and repeated the word over and over again. Rome shook his head in exasperation. “We just found out it’s a boy. Cora really wanted you and Shaw to have your moment in the new-baby sun before saying anything.”

Rule grunted and followed us out into the driveway, Ry now fully asleep and content against his chest.

“There’s enough excitement for the good things in life in this group to handle Ry and your new addition, you both shoulda known that. A boy, huh? We’re gonna run out of
R
names at this rate.”

Rome chuckled. “I think maybe this go around we’re gonna go with a
C
after Half-Pint. We’ll just have to see.”

Rome moved around the truck to get Remy situated and I moved toward the passenger side when Rule stopped me by saying my name softly.

I looked at him and was surprised at how intent and serious his icy gaze was. “You’re quick with some really good words for other people, Opie. You know just what to say and exactly how to say it. So when do you start giving yourself some of that advice?”

I frowned a little because I wasn’t following. “What do you mean?”

“I heard you finally let Royal catch you, but now that you’re on the hook, you’re flailing around like a fish out of water.”

I didn’t love how that image made me look but it was pretty damn accurate. I rubbed a hand across the back of my neck and looked down at the ground. “To be fair, I wasn’t running too far out ahead of her in the first place.”

“Doesn’t matter. Think about what you just told me. You’ve never had anything good in life before, it’s new to you, so maybe you just need to allow your own learning curve like me and the little man here. We all need a break every now and then.”

“The difference is you earned your break. I haven’t earned anything.” Especially a shot at something lasting with a knockout redhead that blew my mind and made me feel like with every breath I took that had her in it, I was finally, truly waking up from that coma I had been caught in. I didn’t want to think about it, so I just nodded a good-bye and climbed up into the truck.

It was a pretty quiet ride back to the Bar. RJ fell asleep and Rome seemed lost in thought. He offered to drop me back off at Wheeler’s so I could pick up the Nova, but I told him I would find my own way there. I had work in less than an hour, so I hung out and asked Darcy to feed me until my shift started.

She was mopey, had been since Avett vanished. I knew she was worried about her daughter and at a loss about what to do in order to help her. Plus we were now down a cook and hadn’t been able to find anyone to fill the spot. Darcy couldn’t work day and night, so Brite had called in an old Marine buddy to fill in the slot until Rome and I could come up with a more permanent solution. I was surprised at how much I was worried about the pink-haired menace myself. I knew she wasn’t taking money or beer for herself. I knew she wasn’t making excuses for an abusive boyfriend because she was stupid. There was deeper trouble there. The kind I used to be intimately acquainted with, and I hated that Avett had found herself down in that gutter. No one should have to experience that, not even someone as young and foolish as Avett.

The shift started out pretty slow and then picked up when a bachelorette party wandered in. Dixie was frustrated that all the girls wanted to do was flirt with me and make sexy eyes at Church, so she pretty much hung out behind the bar while I handled the group. They were pretty tipsy and extra handsy, but I knew a killer tip was at the end of it, so I didn’t mind throwing on the drawl extra thick and making sure I smiled at each and every one of them individually a lot.

At some point in the night the older woman that had become a regular fixture found her way inside, and when she noticed I wasn’t locked back behind the bar, she took a seat at one of the tables. She was watching me like I was a steak and she was starving for some red meat. I saw Dixie give me a jaunty wave from behind the bar as I sauntered over to my admirer and asked her what I could get for her. She smiled at me and again I was struck by how easy it would be for me to fall back into my old habits. Easy was so long ago I almost forgot what a golden opportunity looked like.

“You never call me Roslyn.” She had mentioned her name several times during her visits since she ditched the boy toy, but I stuck with “ma’am” since I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea. I propped a hip on the chair opposite her and gazed down at her steadily.

“Nope. I sure don’t.”

She batted her eyelashes at me and lifted her fingers to play with the fancy and obviously expensive necklace at her neck.

“You should. I would love for us to be friends.”

I tossed my head back and laughed. If her forehead hadn’t been chemically pumped with Botox, I bet she would have frowned at me. Instead her mouth went flat.

“You don’t want to be friends, Roslyn. You want something I told you isn’t on the menu. I’m not interested.” For bigger reasons than Royal. There was no way I was even going to crack that door open a little bit. Easy was addictive and I had gone cold turkey. I wasn’t going back.

She reached out and clasped my hand as I pushed off the table when one of the bachelorette party started to pull off her clothes. Church caught my eye, shook his head, and moved toward the noise and revelry. I looked down at the woman and her desperate hold on my hand. I didn’t remember easy feeling so suffocating. There was something wrong here. There was a level of anxiety and want pouring off of this woman that felt toxic and dangerous. It was like she was throwing down this gauntlet not because she wanted to, but because something was telling her she
had
to. I didn’t like anything about it or how uneasy it was making me feel.

“Anything is on the menu for the right price. Do you want to bartend for the rest of your life, Asa? Isn’t there something more out there? Don’t you want more for yourself?”

I had. I had wanted more than more, I wanted it all, and it had nearly killed me and almost destroyed my only family. Now I just wanted what little I could do for myself and a brief minute of blinding perfection that was Royal Hastings. It was more than enough.

“No, more is an inescapable trap because it’s never enough. I’m not sure you’re really suggesting what I think you are, but I have to say I’m not exactly thrilled that you think I would be into that.”

She let go of my wrist, pushed her chair back, and rose elegantly to her feet. She considered me thoughtfully for a second before picking up her purse. “I like pretty things. Men are complicated and more of a headache than I can endure. My dating days are long past, but I still like to have a good time and be treated well. I’ve learned one surefire way to make that happen is to offer something most men want, lots of available sex and money. I like to take care of people that take care of me. You’re beautiful, Asa. I would make any time we spent together very much worth your while.”

I just bet she would and I hated that there was a greedy, snapping buzz under my skin just popping at me to take her up on her seedy and scandalous offer.

“I don’t have sex for money and I don’t take advantage of lonely women no matter how attractive they may be.” At least I didn’t do any of those things anymore. She was a couple years and a near-death experience too late. “I’m not in the market for a sugar mama, Roslyn, and frankly you need to be more careful who you invite to keep you company.”

She pursed her lips and moved past me with a haughty air of offense, like I had somehow been the one in the wrong. “I won’t be back.”

I nodded at her. “That’s probably a good idea.”

Her gaze skimmed over me one last time. “What a waste.” And then she was gone. Church walked over to where I was staring after her with an obviously disturbed look on my face. He lifted a pitch-black eyebrow at me and I wished I could read what was going on in the fathomless dark of his calculating gaze.

“Everything okay?” Church was from somewhere deep in Mississippi, so his drawl was far more pronounced than mine. He even had a really deep and gravelly growl that was kind of similar to Johnny Cash’s unmistakable tone. With the voice and the sandy hair that contrasted with his darker complexion, it was no wonder he was constantly fending off overly zealous female admirers. Ladies loved a good brooder and I don’t think I had ever met anyone that brooded better than Church.

I lifted a hand and rubbed it over my face. “I just got propositioned to be a gigolo.”

“Shit. No kidding?” He turned to look in the direction Roslyn had disappeared in. “That’s pretty fucked.”

I looked at him and dug my phone out of my back pocket. “I guess no matter how far you come, how far you go, once you’ve been on the bottom long enough, it just sticks to you. It identifies who you’re always going to be. She obviously thought I was the kind of guy that would be up for fucking for a few bucks.”

I pulled up Royal’s contact info and started to text her. After the weirdness of today something was shifting inside of all that darkness that weighted me down, something reaching desperately for the brightness she brought around with her.

Wanna do something with me tomorrow night?

The new guy needed a shot at shutting down the place on his own and I needed a breather. I just hoped she wasn’t working.

He cocked his head to the side and scowled at me. “That’s bullshit and you know it. Some chick thinks you’re for sale? That’s on her not you. I’ve worked with you for almost a month and I haven’t seen a single thing that indicates you’re on the take. The bottom is all about perspective. You should see some of the things I’ve seen, the poverty, the ravages of a lifetime spent fighting a war no one asked for, the loss of everything …” His mouth pulled tight. “And yet there’s joy, happiness, and love in places where there really shouldn’t be any. There is life on the bottom if you know where to look, and the only thing that can identify who you are is what you do. You told her to get lost.” He nodded like his point was made and walked away from me.

Everyone was suddenly full of advice. Too bad I was far better at giving it than I was at taking it. My phone vibrated in my hand and my heart tripped a little at her response.

In bed or out?

I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my mouth. She was just my speed, fast and a little bit wild.

Both.

Count me in. Where are we going?

I had an idea I thought she would like. She was so good, so law-abiding and upstanding all day long, I wanted to see if she liked walking on the dark side just a little bit.

It’s a surprise.

It took a minute but she finally sent back a smiley face and the simple words:

So are you.

It made some of that darkness that always wanted to engulf me not just retreat but vanish altogether.

I winced as I watched Dominic maneuver himself on his crutches to the seat across from me. He had called, telling me he was going crazy cooped up in his apartment, and asked me to meet him for lunch on my day off. Of course I had told him I would and offered to pick him up since he couldn’t drive with his immobilized leg. When I got to the apartment it was obvious his sister was going just as stir-crazy as Dom was, and she told me that he was extra grumpy because he needed to get laid. Dom had barked at her to be quiet even though it made me laugh. Dom was pretty quiet about his private life, had always kept his interests and sexual preferences close to the vest, but he was beautiful and single, so I’m sure the fact he was laid up and stuck in an apartment with his sisters had put quite a damper on his social life.

Surprisingly, instead of feeling guilty and blaming myself for yet another thing I had ruined in Dom’s life, I just laughed about it with his younger sister, Ari, and hauled my best friend off to get some lunch. Instead of wallowing in blame and regret, I was determined to enjoy spending time with Dom for the first time in too many weeks to count. It looked like my sessions with the department shrink were starting to pay off … well, those and hanging out with Asa. There was something about watching him be eaten alive from the inside out by the mistakes of his past that really made me question how tightly I wanted to hold on to feeling like I had destroyed Dom’s life when my partner clearly didn’t agree that I had. Also, working with Barrett, having him appreciate my contributions to our partnership, had made me realize I really was a good cop with or without Dominic at my back.

He grunted and leaned the crutches up against the chair next to him. I couldn’t get over how much weight he had lost since being injured. He looked like a different person.

“You’re so skinny.”

His green eyes glittered at me in humor. “I know. I don’t think I’ve ever been this thin. Not even in high school.”

We both got water and told the waitress we would need a minute. Dom was watching me thoughtfully and I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was finally doing all right or not.

“You look good. Really good. Your new partner must be taking pretty good care of you.”

I picked up the water and took a sip. I shrugged and pushed some of my hair over my shoulder. “Barrett’s a nice guy, a good cop. I could’ve ended up with someone much worse.”

Dom leaned back in the seat and put his arm across the back of the extra chair. “It wouldn’t matter who you ended up with. You’re great at your job, Royal. You always have been.”

I considered him for a second. “I guess I’m really just starting to understand that about myself. Do you think I just followed you blindly into law enforcement? Do you think I just didn’t know what to do without you, so I convinced myself that I wanted to do it?”

His mouth tightened just a fraction and his dark eyebrows furrowed over his eyes. “What do you think?”

The waitress came back over and looked a little annoyed we hadn’t even cracked open the menu yet. Dom grinned at her and just the flash of his straight white teeth was enough to make her blush and scamper off giggling.

“I think I’m where I’m supposed to be. I might not have gotten there the right way, but it’s a destination I’m happy with now. I don’t know, honestly. I wasn’t sure I could do this job without you when I went back to work, but it turns out I can, and without you to lean on all the time it makes me better at it.”

Something dark moved across his emerald gaze and I realized it sounded like I wasn’t thinking about what would happen when he healed up and returned to the force. I opened my mouth to tell him that of course I couldn’t wait for him to be my partner again, but he held up a hand to silence me and shook his head slowly back and forth.

“Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t want any more platitudes or apologies. We both know that my shoulder is pretty fucked and I lost a kidney. Plus, with the leg, who knows if I’ll have a limp or not. My future in law enforcement is uncertain and that’s just the way it is. It’s not your fault and I want you to keep doing what you’re doing with or without me. All I’ve ever wanted for you is to succeed and for you to be happy.”

I bit my tongue to stop the automatic apology for having any part in his uncertainty. He knew I loved him and he knew I was sorry. The shrink was right. We had a risky job and the situations could have easily been reversed and I could be the one trying to figure out what was next, and there was no way I would ever hold Dom accountable for that.

“I’m working on both of those things, success and happiness.” Watching Asa struggle all the time really drove home how important it was to find some kind of peace with my life and what was going on in it.

He lifted both of his eyebrows at me and we finally ordered a couple of burgers from the waitress that was now openly flirting with him.

“Oh yeah? Who’s making you happy?” That was why I loved Dom with my entire being. He just knew me so well.

I bit on the corner of my lip. His eyes widened at me and his nostrils flared a little as he deciphered my expression.

“It’s the guy we arrested a couple months ago, isn’t it? I knew something was up when you were so anxious to push his paperwork through when his sister showed up to bail him out.”

I nodded a little bit and then rested my elbow on the table so I could put my chin in my hand. “I like him … more than like him, really.”

“He has a pretty nasty record.” Of course Dominic would remember that.

“I know. He won’t let me forget about it, in fact.”

Dom chuckled. “Well, at least he knows he’s not good enough for you.”

I tapped the edge of my fingernails on the top of the table and narrowed my eyes at my best friend. “Don’t say that. He tiptoes around all these … feelings.” I wasn’t sure what else to call the currents that dragged the two of us around when we got together. “Because he thinks something tragic is going to happen and I’m going to be forced to walk away from him. I’m trying to pull him closer with both hands and he’s fighting me every step of the way.”

Dom grunted. “But he’ll go to bed with you.”

I felt a fiery blush move up my throat. “Yeah, but I was the one that made all the first moves.”

“You’re chasing heartache, Royal.”

I groaned. “I know, but he’s a risk I have to take.” I was tired of thinking about my own too-hot-to-handle love life, so I switched the focus back to him. “Why does Ari think you need to get laid?” It was hilarious to hear his little sister state the fact so blandly.

He grumbled a nonanswer as the waitress finally brought our food. I didn’t miss the way she lingered by his side until he gave her a little wink and told her everything looked great. It was probably a good thing Dom wasn’t interested in the ladies, they would never stand a chance against his rugged good looks and rough-and-tumble charisma.

“I was seeing this guy—briefly. After I got home from the hospital, he never even bothered to stop by. It wasn’t like we were serious or anything, but a ‘hey, glad you didn’t die’ would’ve been nice.” He chomped on the burger a little angrily, which made me grin. “Ari thinks I need to find a boyfriend and settle down, but I’m pretty sure that’s actually Mom talking and not her.”

“Isn’t that something you want? Someone to come home to at night? Someone that you know is there for you always?”

I had never actually seen it up close and personal until I met Saint and Nash, but now, with that entire group of friends and family, I knew it existed and was beautiful. I had to admit I wanted it for myself. I wanted it with Asa.

Dom made a face and settled back in his chair. He had to shift his body and I stuck my tongue out at him when his cast banged into me.

“I don’t know what I want anymore. I wanted to be a cop, to follow in my dad’s footsteps and take care of my family.” His pitch dropped and his eyes got darker. “But now my sisters are taking care of me and I don’t know what I’m going to do if I can’t go back to DPD, so yeah …” He trailed off. “I just don’t know. But I do know that if what you’re looking for is some easy kind of happy-ever-after, maybe you should consider looking for it with a guy that doesn’t have a criminal record as long as my arm. I know he’s gorgeous and that southern drawl is hard to resist, but you know better.”

I winced because he might as well have been talking about my mom. She had never been one to resist a pretty face and it never worked out well for her or me when I was growing up. Desperation was such an ugly and dangerous emotion.

“When you first got hurt and I couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t handle that I felt so responsible, I sort of went a little crazy.” I pushed my plate out of the way and leaned a little closer so that Dom could tell what I was saying to him was important. “I was acting irresponsible, spinning out of control, and somehow, someway, Asa was the one that kept catching me before I went all the way over the edge. I was hating on myself, my life, every choice I had ever made, and no one could stop me from choking on it except for him.”

Dom copied my pose and we were leaning into each other intently, our voices low, and the seriousness of what we were talking about thick between us. I had never felt for a guy what I felt for Asa Cross, and while Dom would never make me justify my choice, it was important that I impart to him just how serious I was about breaking through that cloak of warning and retreat Asa kept throwing up around us. Even as he stuck out a hand to lure me closer every now and again.

“He’s done a lot of wrong in his time, and instead of apologizing for it, trying to repent for it, he’s holding on to it so tightly that it’s suffocating him from the inside out. He tells me all the time he’s a bad guy, he tells me over and over that he’s capable of really bad things, and I believe him. I really do. But I also believe if he let go, just forgave himself for some of those mistakes and regrets that weigh him down, he could grow, float to the top of the ocean of past misdeeds, and become the guy he is supposed to be now. His self-loathing made me see how dangerous not being able to forgive myself for what happened to you could be.”

Dom swore. “What if he never lets it go, Royal? Are you going to sink to the bottom with him? You’re telling me you’re willing to drown for this guy that you aren’t even really dating?”

I couldn’t answer that. Every time Asa told me to go away, told me that we were bound to implode, it just made me more determined to hold on to him. When I had first started chasing him, it had been about him trying to save me from myself. Now I wasn’t sure who was trying to save who or if we were just destined to destroy each other like he seemed so certain we were.

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m a strong swimmer, and hopefully it won’t come to that.”

The mood was somber after that and Dom decided to fill me in on every single episode of
Veronica Mars
he had been watching on Netflix while he was laid up. It was so nice to have our easy camaraderie back without all my tension and anxiety keeping distance between us. I could tell Dom had missed having the regular old me around. I stopped to get ice cream to take back to Ari and then the three of us spent the rest of the day hanging out like we used to do when we were kids. It was exactly what I needed to gear up for my date or whatever it was that I was going on with Asa later that night.

I was anxious because he wouldn’t tell me what he had planned, and beyond going to breakfast or lunch after I spent the night with him, we hadn’t really ever done anything alone together. This was our first, actual, out-of-bed spending time together, and I was practically giddy that he had been the one to initiate it. I could talk a big game about being willing to go under for him, but really I needed Asa to do more than tread water if this thing between us was ever going to go anywhere.

My mom called me as I was leaving Dom’s apartment and asked me to stop by her town house for dinner. I could tell by her melancholy tone that she was bummed out, which could only mean things with her newest boy toy hadn’t panned out. They never did, but I loved her too much to remind her of that.

Since Asa wasn’t meeting me at my apartment until much later, I agreed to swing by. I almost immediately wished I hadn’t. My mom was dramatic on a good day, but when she was feeling unwanted and undervalued, she was an emotional nightmare. She had a tendency to act like a cheerleader just dumped by the captain of the football team, her emotional state that immature and erratic when her heart had taken a hit. She was going on and on about getting older, about not being attractive anymore, and I had to tell her that she didn’t need any more work done like twenty times. She had sucked me dry and left me feeling bad that I couldn’t help her. I could never help her when it came to her issues with men. The way she needed them to love her, to worship her, was scary, and I would be forever grateful that I had always had Dom to keep me clear of that way of thinking.

There wasn’t time for me to rest, though, as I raced through a shower then worked to dry and straighten my hair. Since I had no idea where we were going, I wasn’t sure what to wear, so I settled on a knee-length, gray-and-yellow skirt that had a high waist and a dangerous slit in the back, and a black top that was asymmetrical and left one of my shoulders bare. I made my hair as straight as I could and it nearly touched the small of my back once I was done, which was a little more elegant than my normal ponytail or messy bun. I kept my makeup minimal so that I didn’t look like I was trying too hard, and decided on ballet flats instead of heels since I didn’t know if walking was part of Asa’s mysterious plan. He had mentioned he finally got a car and he was picking me up, but beyond that I had no clue what was in store for me.

I heard a knock on the door a little bit after eleven and had to take a couple deep breaths to stop from reacting like an overeager teenager about to head to prom. When I pulled the door open I felt my heart trip over itself and my breath halt in my lungs. Asa always sort of looked rugged and rough. It was like he avoided any kind of sophistication on purpose, but not tonight. Tonight he was full of polish and shine. It was making me too stupid to function.