Ascend (Trylle Trilogy, #3) (13 page)

17. Consequence

The curtains were still drawn around the bed, but if Aurora pulled them back, she would find me naked in bed with a guy that was not her son. I heard her moving about the room, and I was too scared to speak or even breathe.

My mind raced to remember what had become of our clothes. Were Loki’s pajamas pants on the bedroom floor? And what became of the panties he’d torn off me?

“Princess?” Aurora said again, and I could see her silhouette through the curtain. She was right outside. “Are you in here?”

“Yeah,” I said, afraid that she would open the curtain if I didn’t answer. I tried to quiet the panic in my voice. “Uh, yeah. Sorry. I’m really… out of it. Yesterday was… exhausting.”

“I understand,” Aurora said. “I’ll take my whole bag so I can get ready and give you time to wake up.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Aurora’s footsteps went toward the door, then she stopped.  “Tove feels terrible about what happened last night. He never meant to hurt you.”

 “I know that.” I winced at the mention of Tove. The warm memories of last night turned into painful truths. I’d cheated on my husband.

“He’ll want to apologize for himself, but I wanted to be sure you knew,” Aurora said. “He’d never hurt you on purpose.”

That was like a knife to my heart, and it cut so deep I could barely breathe for a second. I knew that Tove didn’t love me, but I doubted he’d be happy about me having sex with another guy. And he deserved so much better than that.

“I will see you downstairs for breakfast,” Aurora said.

“Yes,” I said, my voice tight to keep back tears.

The bedroom door shut behind her, and I let out a long shaky breath. I pulled away from Loki and sat up. I’d never felt so conflicted in my life. I wanted nothing more than to lay with him forever, but being with him made me feel guilty and horrible.

“Hey.” Loki put his arm around my waist, trying to pull me back to him. “You don’t have to rush away. She left.”

“We have a lot of stuff to do today.” I pushed his arm off me, hating that I had to reject him, and grabbed my nightgown from where it lay crumpled at the end of the bed.

“I know,” Loki said, sounding a little hurt. He sat up as I pulled the nightgown on. “I’d never try to keep you from you work, but can’t you spend five more minutes in bed with me?”

“No, I can’t.” I shook my head and refused to look back at him. I didn’t want to see the look on his face or think about what we’d done. I could still taste him on my lips and feel him inside me, and I wanted to sob.

“So… that’s it then?” Loki asked.

“I told you that last night was all we could have,” I said.

“That you did.” He breathed deeply. “I guess I was hoping that I could change your mind.”

I got out of bed and found my torn panties sticking out from under the dust ruffle. The bed creaked as Loki got out after me. I turned back to face him. He’d pulled on his pants, but he hadn’t worn a shirt here.

“You’ll have to sneak back to your room,” I told him. “Nobody can see you.”

“I know,” he nodded. “I’ll be careful.”

We stood there, staring at each other and not saying anything. There were only a few feet between us, but it felt like miles. There was so much that I wanted to say but couldn’t. Any words would only make it worse.

If I said aloud how much last night had meant to me, it would make it too real.

Loki walked toward the door but stopped next to me. His hands were balled up into fists, and I could see him struggling with something. Without saying anything, he grabbed me suddenly and pulled me toward him.

He kissed me so passionately, my knees felt weak. I wasn’t sure I would be able to stand when he let go, but I did.

“That was the last time,” I breathed when we stopped kissing.

“I know,” he said simply. Then he let go of me and walked out of the room.

As soon as he was gone, I folded my arms across my chest, hugging myself. My stomach lurched, and I was certain I would throw up for a moment, but it passed.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry
. I repeated it over and over in my head, but I couldn’t use my own persuasion on myself. I reached behind me and grabbed onto the bedpost, afraid that my legs would give out.

What had I done? To Loki? To Tove? To myself?

“Princess?” Duncan knocked on the door, but I couldn’t form the words to answer him. The lump in my throat was too great. “Princess?” He opened the door, and I did my best to compose myself. “Wendy, are you okay?”

“Yes.” I nodded and swallowed back tears. “I’m tired. Yesterday was too much.”

“Yeah, I know,” Duncan said. “I slept like the dead, but I had all these weird dreams about banging noises. Did you hear anything last night? My room was right next to yours.”

“No,” I shook my head. “Sorry.”

“I just wanted to check on you,” Duncan said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lied.

“I talked to Kenna this morning, and she’d like to send those whose homes are unlivable to Förening for now,” Duncan said. “Willa suggested that we all return today and get the survivors settled in at the palace. Then we can send back people that actually know how to rebuild Oslinna, since none of us really know how to build a house.”

“Um, yes, I think that sounds good,” I said. “I’ll have to speak with Kenna first.”  I realized something and looked back at him. “Is everyone awake then?”

“Yeah, everyone but you, Tove, and Loki,” Duncan said. “But I just saw Loki in the bathroom, so I guess he’s up now. What happened with Tove last night? Aurora said that he was sick or something?”

“Yes,” I said quickly. “He’s… sick.” I rubbed at the bruise on my arm, trying to cover it up. “I need to talk to him. Is he in his room?”

“As far as I know,” Duncan said.

“Thank you,” I said. “I’ll go talk to him and get dressed, and then I will meet everyone downstairs. Does that sound alright?”

“Yeah, that sounds great,” Duncan said. “And, Princess, you should really take it easy today. You look like you’re coming down with something.”

I waved him off, and he left. As I walked down to Tove’s room, I kept trying to think of what I wanted to say. Should I tell him about Loki? Not here. Not now. We had too much to do for the people here. I didn’t want to waste time on a fight.

Timidly, I knocked on the door. I still hadn’t come up with what I was going to say to Tove. He opened the door, and the sight of him made it worse. He looked like hell. His hair was always disheveled, but not this bad. I know he’d slept, but he had bags under his eyes. His normally mossy-tan skin had paled, and worst of all, he appeared to have aged a few years overnight.

“Wendy, I am so sorry,” were the first words out of his mouth, and for a second, I didn’t understand what he had to be sorry for. “I never meant to hit you. I’d
never
do that. Not if I was thinking clearly.”

“No, it’s okay,” I said numbly. “I know. Yesterday took a lot out of everybody.”

“That’s no excuse.” Tove shook his head. “I should’ve… done something.”

“You couldn’t have,” I said. “And I understand.”

“No, you don’t. What I did, it wasn’t okay. It’s never okay to hit a woman, let alone my wife.”

The word
wife
made me flinch, but I don’t think he noticed. I didn’t want to have this conversation anymore. I couldn’t handle listening to him apologize to me after what I’d done. I didn’t condone hitting women either, but that wasn’t Tove. He hadn’t been in his right mind.

I hadn’t exactly been in my right mind when I slept with Loki either, but if I was being honest with myself, I
wanted
to, even when I was drained from my powers. Yesterday’s overload of work had only weakened my inhibitions, so I was more willing to give into something I wanted.

I still wanted to be with Loki, and that’s why my crime far outweighed Tove’s.   

I brushed past Tove and went over to my suitcase to get a change of clothes. He tried apologizing again, and I reiterated that he had nothing to be sorry for. Before he could bring up last night again, I changed the subject to talk about all the things we had to get done today.

We had gotten all of the major cleaning done, so there was nothing more we personally could do for Oslinna.

I got dressed and went down to start figuring out how to get people out of here. Some vehicles were still in working order, but not enough for everyone. We’d have to send out more cars once we got back to the palace.

As we helped organize the transport, deciding who would go and who would stay, Willa commented on how strange I seemed. I was acting as close to normal as I could, except any time Loki came near me, I left in a hurry. I couldn’t even be around him.

Once everyone was loaded up, we drove home. Kenna stayed behind to run what was left of Oslinna, but I promised her that more help would be on the way soon. Rebuilding the town would be my top priority. Well, right after protecting the kingdom from Vittra domination.

Willa and Matt rode with Tove and me to Förening, and I was grateful. I don’t think I would’ve been able to handle a long car ride with just Aurora and Tove. Matt sat in the back seat, sketching and talking about all the things we could do for Oslinna.

When we got back, we helped get the refugees set up in the spare rooms in the palace. It would be weird having so many people living here, but it might be good too. I tasked Willa with getting the resources together to rebuild Oslinna, and Matt was more than happy to take over the plans.

As soon as the people from Oslinna were settled, I went down to the library to continue my research. I still had to find a way to kill Oren and stop the hobgoblins. Eventually, we would be up against the Vittra, and I needed to know how to defeat them.

Besides that, it would do me good to immerse myself in work. I didn’t want to think about the mess I’d made of my personal relationships.

I spent most of the evening searching through old Tryllic texts to no avail. None of them mentioned anything about immortal trolls, or at least not that I could understand. I went back over to search for a different book. When I looked up, I saw Finn standing in the doorway to the library.

I didn’t think my guilt could get any deeper until I saw him. Despite the fact that Finn and I had never even really been together, not to mention that whatever we had was officially over, I still felt as if I’d cheated on him too.

“Are you alright, Princess?” Finn narrowed his eyes in concern and came into the library.

“Um, yeah, I’m great.” I lowered my eyes and walked back to the desk I’d been studying at. I wanted space between us, and a huge wooden desk would definitely help out.

“You look so pale,” Finn said. “The trip must’ve taken a lot out of you.”

“Yeah, we all worked really hard there,” I said and flipped open a book so I would look busy. I wanted anything to keep my mind off of Finn and his dark eyes.

“That’s what I heard.” He leaned on the desk in front of me. “Loki came to see me today.”

“What?” My head jerked up, and my stomach dropped. “I mean, did he?”

“Yeah.” Finn gave me an odd look. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

“Yeah, it’s all great,” I said. “What did Loki say?”

“He told me what he learned about the hobgoblins from your visit to Oslinna,” Finn said. “All of the damage was focused on property, and people happened to get in the way. He seems to think the hobgoblins are relatively peaceful, but he’s still coming down to help me train the trackers tomorrow.”

“Oh.” I fidgeted with my wedding ring and lowered my eyes again.

“I’m starting to think he might not be quite as bad as I thought he was,” Finn said, almost grudgingly. “But you still spend too much time with him. You have to be careful about appearances.”

“I know.” My mouth suddenly felt very dry. “I’m working on it.”

Finn stood on the other side of the desk, as if waiting for me to say something, but I had nothing to say. I stared down at the book, almost too nervous to breathe.

“I just came to see how the trip went,” Finn said.

“It went well,” I said quickly, nearly cutting him off.

A few minutes later he left, and I let out a shaky breath.

I buried myself in the books, although it didn’t do much good. I couldn’t find anything. I’d tear apart the entire library if I had to, but I really hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

It was getting late when Willa knocked on the open door.

“Wendy, I know you’re really busy, but you need to come see this,” Willa said. “The whole palace is talking.”

“About what?” I asked.

“Elora’s new painting.” Willa pursed her lips. “It shows everyone dead.”

18. Future

Elora had the “gift” of precognitive painting, although she’d be the first to tell anyone it was more of a curse. She would paint one scene from the future, from an event yet to happen, and that was it.

Since she’d been so weak lately, she’d hardly painted anything. It drained her too much, but if Elora had a powerful vision, she couldn’t hold it in. The precognition caused her terrible migraines until she painted them and got them out.

Also, Elora tried to keep her paintings as private as possible, unless she thought they had some value that everyone should see. And this one definitely did.

The painting sat on an easel at one end of the War Room. Elora had tried to keep the gathering small, so only the people who needed to know would see it, but as Willa said, word of the painting was spreading through the palace like wild fire.

Garrett stood by the door, keeping the riffraff from sneaking a peak. When Willa and I entered, Marksinna Laurent, Thomas, Tove, and Aurora were gathered around it. A few others were sitting at the table, too stunned to say anything.

I pushed Laurent to the side so I could I get a good look, and Tove stepped back. The painting was even more horrifying than Willa had explained.

Elora painted so well it looked like a photograph. Everything was done in exquisite detail. It showed the rotunda, its curved stairwell collapsed in the middle. The chandelier that normally hung in the center had crashed and lay destroyed on the floor. A small fire burned at the top of the stairs, and gold detailing was coming off the walls.

Bodies were everywhere. Some of them I didn’t recognize, but others were startlingly clear. Willa was hanging off the destroyed stairs, her head twisted at an angle that she couldn’t survive. Duncan was below the chandelier, broken glass stuck all over him. Tove lay in a pool of blood spilling out from him. Finn was crumpled in a mess of broken stairs, his bones sticking through his skin. Loki had a sword run straight through his chest, pinning him to the wall like an insect in an entomologist’s display box.

I lay dead at a man’s feet. A broken crown lay smashed near my head. I died after I’d been crowned. I was Queen.

 In the painting, his back was to the viewer, but his long dark hair and black velvet jacket were unmistakable – it was Oren, my father. He had come to the palace and caused all this carnage. He killed countless people, at least twenty or more bodies littered the scene Elora had painted, and he had killed me.

We were all dead.

“When did you paint this?” I asked Elora when I found the strength to speak.

She sat in a chair to the side of the room, staring out the window at the snow falling on the pines. Her hands were folded in her lap, the skin gray and wrinkled. She was dying, and this painting had probably nearly pushed her over the edge.

“Last night, while you were gone,” Elora said. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell anyone. I didn’t want to start an unnecessary panic, but Garrett thought that you all should know.”

“It might help change things,” Garrett said, and I glanced back over at him. Worry tightened his expression. That was his daughter dead in the picture too.

“How can you change things?” Laurent asked, her voice shrill. “It is the future!”

“You can’t prevent the future,” Tove said. “But you can alter it.” He turned to me for confirmation. “Can’t you?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “That’s what Elora told me. She said the future is fluid, and just because she paints something, it doesn’t mean it will happen.”

“But it might happen,” Aurora said. “The course we are on now is set up so that this will be our future. That the King of the Vittra will destroy the palace and take over Förening.”

“We don’t know that he’ll take over Förening,” Willa said, futilely attempting to help. “We only see that some of us are dead.”

“That is a great consolation, Marksinna,” Laurent said snidely, and Tove shot her a look.

“Aurora has something,” I said. “All we have to do is change the course.”

“How can we possibly know that we’re changing the course the right way?” Laurent asked. “Maybe whatever action we take to prevent this scene is the action we needed to do to cause it.”

“We can’t do nothing.” I stepped back from the painting. I didn’t want to see everyone I loved dead anymore.

I leaned back against the table and ran my hands through my hair. I had to think of something to stop this. Something to change it. I couldn’t let this happen.

“We have to take out an element,” I said, thinking aloud. “We have to change something in the painting. Make something in it go away. Then we’ll know we’ve changed it.”

“Like what?” Willa asked. “You mean like the staircase?”

“I can go get rid of that right now,” Tove offered.

“We need the staircase,” Aurora said. “It’s the only way to the second floor.”

“What we don’t need is the Princess,” Laurent muttered under her breath.

“Marksinna, I told you that if you said –” Tove started but I stopped him.

“Wait.” I stood up straighter. “She’s right.”

“She’s right?” Willa was confused.

“If we get rid of the Princess, the whole scene changes,” Aurora said as it occurred to her. “The King has been coming for her this whole time, and in the painting, he finally succeeds. If we give her to him, the painting goes away.”

Nobody said anything, and by the confused, worried expressions on both Willa and Tove’s face, I’d say that even they were considering it. It was hard not to. If it was only one of them dead, they probably would still fight to keep me here, but everyone is dead. My life is not more valuable than all of theirs.

“You’re not giving him my daughter,” Elora said firmly. She grabbed onto the back of the chair and pushed herself up. “That is not an option.”

“If I’m going to end up dead anyway, at least I should spare the people,” I said.

“You will find another way,” she insisted. “I am not sacrificing you for this.”

“You’re not sacrificing anything,” I said. “I am willingly doing this.”

“No,” Elora said. “That is a direct order. You will not go to him.”

“Elora, I know the thought of losing your child is unbearable,” Aurora said as gently as she could. “But you need to at least consider what’s best for the kingdom.”

“If you won’t, then we’ll have you overthrown,” Laurent said. “Everyone in the kingdom would stand behind me if you were going to lead us all into certain death.”

“Death isn’t certain!” Elora snapped. “Overthrow me if you want. Until then, I am your Queen, and the Princess isn’t going anywhere.”

“Elora, why don’t you sit back down?” Garrett said gently and walked over to her.

“I will not sit down.” She slapped his hands away when he reached out for her. “I am not some feeble old woman. I am the Queen, and I am her mother, and I have a say in what happens here! In fact, I have the
only
say!”

“Elora,” I said. “You’re not thinking this through. You always told me that the good of the kingdom came first.”

“Maybe I made a mistake.” Elora’s once dark eyes, looking almost silver now, darted around the room. I’m not sure she could really see anything anymore. “I did everything for this kingdom.
Everything
. And look what’s become of it.”

She stepped forward, although I don’t know where she intended to go. Her legs gave out from under her, and she fell to the ground. Garrett tried to catch her, but he moved too late. She was unconscious by the time she hit the floor.

I rushed over to her side, and Garrett was already pulling her from the floor into his lap. Her white hair flowed around her, and she lay still in his arms. A thin line of blood came from her nose, but I doubt it came from her hitting her face on the ground. Bloody noses seemed to be a reaction that happened when abilities were overloaded.

“Is she alright?” I asked, kneeling beside her. I wanted to touch her, but I was too afraid to. She looked so frail.

“She’s alive, if that’s what you’re asking,” Garrett said. He pulled a tissue from his pocket and wiped at the blood. “But she hasn’t been doing well since she painted that.”

“Aurora,” I said, looking back over my shoulder at her. “Come heal her.”

“No, Princess,” Garrett shook his head. “It’s no use.”

“What do you mean it’s no use?” I asked, incredulous. “She’s sick!”

“There’s nothing more that can be done for Elora.” Garrett stared down at my mother, his dark eyes swimming with love. “She’s not sick, and she cannot be cured. Her life has been drained from her, and Aurora can’t give that to her.”

“She can do something, though,” I insisted. “Something to help.”

“No,” he said simply. Still holding Elora in his arms, he got to his feet. “I’m taking her to her room to make her comfortable. That’s all we can do.”

“I’ll go with you.” I stood up and looked back at the room. “We will continue this discussion tomorrow.”

“Hasn’t it already been decided?” Laurent asked with a wicked smile.

“We’ll discuss it tomorrow,” Tove said firmly, and he draped a cloth over the picture to cover it.

I went with Garrett to my mother’s room and pushed thoughts of the painting from my mind. I wanted to see Elora while I still had the chance. She didn’t have much time left, not that I even knew what that meant. Her time could be a few hours, a few days, maybe even a few weeks. But the end was drawing near.

That meant I’d be Queen soon, but I couldn’t think of that either. What little time I had that I could still spend with my mother, I wanted to just be with her. I didn’t want my mind on what would become of the kingdom or my friends or even my marriage.

I sat in the chair beside her bed and waited for her to wake up. It took longer than I’d expected it to, and I ended up dozing off. Garrett actually alerted me when she woke up.

“Princess?” Elora asked weakly, sounding surprised that I was there.

“She’s been waiting by your side,” Garrett said. He stood at the end of bed, staring down at her looking so small beneath her blankets.

“I’d like a moment alone with my daughter, if that’s alright,” Elora said.

“Yes, of course,” Garrett said. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

“Thank you.” She smiled at him, and he left the two of us alone.

“How are you feeling?” I asked and scooted my chair closer to the bed. Her voice was hardly more than a whisper.

“I’ve seen better days,” she said.

“I’m sorry.”

“I meant what I said before.” Elora turned her head to me, facing me, but I don’t know if she could see me. “You shouldn’t give yourself to the Vittra. Not for anything.”

“I can’t let people die over me,” I said gently. I didn’t want to argue with her, not when she was like this, but it seemed like sacrilege to lie to her on her deathbed.

“There has to be another way,” she insisted. “There has to be something more than sacrificing you to your father. I did everything right. I always thought about what was best for the kingdom. And all I asked for in return is that you would be safe.”

“This can’t be about my safety,” I said. “You never cared this much about it before.”

“Of course I cared.” Elora sounded offended. “You are my daughter. I have always cared about you.” She paused, sighing. “I regret making you marry Tove.”

“You didn’t make me marry him. He asked. I said yes.”

“I shouldn’t have let you, then,” Elora said. “I knew you didn’t love him. But I thought if I did the right thing, I could protect you. You could end up happy, but now I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that will help you be happy.”

“I’m happy,” I said, and that wasn’t a complete lie. Many things in my life made me happy. I just hadn’t been able to enjoy them much lately.

“Don’t make the same mistakes I did,” she said. “I married a man I didn’t love because it was the right thing for the kingdom. I let the man I did love slip away, because it was the right thing for the kingdom. And I gave away my only child because it was the right thing for my kingdom.”

“You didn’t give me away,” I said. “You hid me from Oren.”

“But I should’ve stayed with you,” Elora said. “We could’ve hidden together. I could’ve protected you from all this. That is my biggest regret. That I didn’t stay behind with you.”

“How come you’re talking like this now?” I asked. “How come you didn’t say any of this to me sooner?”

“I didn’t want you to love me,” she said simply. “I knew we didn’t have much time together, and I didn’t want you to miss me. I thought it’d be better for you if you never even cared at all.”

“But you changed your mind now?” I asked.

“I didn’t want to die without you knowing how much I love you.” She held out her hand to me. I took it in mine, and her skin felt cool and soft as she squeezed my hand. “I have made so many mistakes. I only wanted you to be strong so you could protect yourself. I am so very sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” I forced a smile at her. “You did everything you could, and I know that.”

“I know you’ll be a good Queen, a strong, noble leader, and that’s more than these people deserve,” she said. “But don’t give too much. You need to keep some of yourself for you. And listen to your heart.”

“I can’t believe you’re telling me to listen to my heart,” I said. “I never thought I’d hear that from you.”

“Don’t act on everything your heart says, but make sure you listen to it,” Elora smiled. “Sometimes your heart is right.”

Elora and I stayed up talking for a long time after that. She didn’t tell me much that I didn’t already know, but in a weird way, it felt like the first real conversation we’d had. She wasn’t talking to me as a Queen talking to the Princess, but rather as a mother talking to her daughter.

Too soon, she grew tired and fell asleep. I sat with her for a while after that anyway. I didn’t want to leave her. What little time I had left with her felt precious.