Ascend (Trylle Trilogy, #3) (14 page)

19. Relief

“I don’t know, Wendy.” Tove shook his head. “I don’t want you to die, but I don’t know what else to tell you.”

“I know,” I sighed. “That’s where I’m at too.”

Tove sat on the chest at the end of our bed, and I stood in front of him, chewing on my thumbnail. We were both still in pajamas, and I’m not sure how well either of us had slept the night before. I woke him early in the morning, when it was still dark out, and immediately began asking him what he thought I should do about Elora’s painting.

“You still don’t know how to kill the King,” Tove pointed out. “And you did promise him our kingdom when you’re Queen.”

“I won’t be Queen if I’m with him.”

“But he won’t let that slide,” Tove said. “Even if you go to him, he might reject you simply because he wants the kingdom.”

“I can tell him that you all booted me out when you found out my plan to combine with the Vittra,” I said. “Then he’ll have me.”

“But he still wants the kingdom,” Tove said. “He’ll still come after it, even if he has you. At best, you’re postponing the inevitable.”

“Maybe so,” I admitted. “But if that’s the best I can do, then that’s what I have to do.”

“But what then?” Tove asked, staring up at me. “What happens after the King has you?”

“You’ll become the Trylle King,” I said. “You’ll protect our people.”

“So that’s it?” Tove asked. “You’ll go, and I’ll stay?”

“Yes,” I nodded.

Loki threw open the bedroom doors, making them bang against the walls. I jumped, and Tove got to his feet. Loki’s eyes were fixed on me as he stormed in, ignoring my husband.

“What are you doing?” I asked, too startled to sound angry.

“I knew it!” Loki shouted, and his eyes never wavered from me. “As soon as Duncan told me, I knew you would immediately jump to suicide. Why are you so intent on being a martyr, Princess?”

“I’m not a martyr.” I straightened my shoulders for a fight. “What did Duncan tell you? And what are you doing bursting into my room at six in the morning?”

“I couldn’t sleep, so I came down to see if you were awake,” Loki said. “I heard the two of you talking, but I already knew that’s what you would do. Duncan told me about the painting, and I knew you’d try to go back to the Vittra.”

“You were eavesdropping?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I’m in my personal chambers! You have no right to spy on me or come into my room without being invited!”

“I wasn’t spying on you.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so dramatic, Princess. I paused outside your door to see if you were awake, and you clearly were, so I came in.”

“You still can’t just barge in.” I crossed my arms over my chest.

“Would you like me to go back out and knock?” Loki gestured to the doors behind him. “Would that make you feel better?”

“I would like you to leave and go back to your room,” I said.

I hadn’t talked to Loki, not really since we slept together, and I could see Tove from the corner of my eye, watching us. Loki wouldn’t look away from me, so I refused to, like we were having some kind of staring contest that I was determined to win.

“I will,” Loki said. “As soon as you admit that giving yourself to the King is completely preposterous.”

“It’s not preposterous,” I bristled. “I know it’s not ideal, but it’s the best we can come up with. I can’t let that painting come true.”

“How do you know that going with the King will change anything?” Loki countered.

“You didn’t see the painting. You don’t understand.”

“The only way to truly stop the painting is to kill the King,” Loki said. “And you’re the only one strong enough to do that.”

“But I don’t know how to,” I said. “And you’re strong. You can do it. I need to do something to divert the outcome of the painting until you can figure out how to stop him.”

“Wendy, if I could kill him, I would’ve done it by now,” Loki said with a lopsided smirk. “You know that.”

“It doesn’t matter.” I waved my hands and stepped away from him. “This isn’t open for discussion. I’ve decided what I’m going to do.”

“And you think I’ll just let you go?” Loki asked.

“
Let
me?” I glared at him. “You don’t ‘let’ me do anything.”

“You know I can stop you.” His eyes met mine evenly, and he stepped toward me. “I will do everything in my power to keep you from him.”

“Loki, he will kill us all,” I said emphatically. “The King will kill Tove and me and
you
. This is the only way I can protect us.”

“I don’t care,” Loki said. “I would rather die fighting him. I would rather see
you
die fighting, than knowing that you surrendered to him. You can’t give up.”

I lowered my eyes and swallowed. Tove stood off to the side. I’d hoped he would jump in, say something, but he didn’t.

“What do you propose I do?” I asked quietly, still staring at the ground.

“We’ve still got time until he’ll come for you,” Loki said. “Learn how to kill him, and when he comes, fight him.”

“What if we lose?” I asked. “What if I can’t stop him?”

“If you can’t stop him later, then you can’t stop him now,” Loki said. “Giving up now doesn’t mean you can stand up to him later. It just means you’re dead.”

I glanced over at Tove, who still kept silent, and I thought about what Loki said. I hated that I didn’t know what the right thing was. All I wanted to do was keep everyone safe, and I was terrified that if I made the wrong decision I would get us all killed.

“Okay,” I said finally and turned back to Loki. “I’ll stay for now. But you need to work twice as hard with Finn. The trackers must be prepared for whatever happens.”

“As you wish, Princess.” Loki smiled slightly, the corner of his mouth turning up. But something glowed behind the usual sparkle in his eyes, something deeper, burning. When he looked at me like that, my heart pounded so loudly I was certain he could hear it.

I became acutely aware of how close Loki was to me. He could reach out and touch me if he wanted, and I made sure to keep my arms firmly folded across my chest so I wouldn’t be tempted to do the same.

In a way, I had been grateful for all the chaos in the palace because I hadn’t had a chance to think about Loki, but with him standing here, I could think of nothing else but the night we’d spent together.

More than the things we’d done, the imprints burned into my skin from where he touched me, was the memory of what we’d actually shared. A moment where I’d never felt closer to anyone, as if the two of us had become one.

The painting flashed in my mind, the image of Loki skewered at the hands of my father, and I knew that I would do whatever it took to save him, even if it went against Loki’s wishes. I could not let him die.

“I trust you have much to do, Markis,” I said, numbly, and my cheeks flushed when I realized we’d been staring at each other for some time. With my husband watching.

“Of course.” Loki gave a quick nod and turned to leave.

Tove walked after him, closing the double doors behind Loki. Tove stood in front of them for a moment, leaning his forehead against the wood. When he turned back around to face me, he didn’t look at me. His mossy eyes flitted around the room, and he pushed up the sleeves on his pajama shirt.

“Is everything alright?” I asked carefully.

“Yes.” He furrowed his brow and shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m happy that you’re not going off to die. I don’t think I would like it if you died.”

“I wouldn’t like it if you died, either,” I said.

“But…” Tove trailed off, staring intently at a spot on the floor. “Are you in love with him?”

“What?” I asked, and my heart dropped to my stomach. “Why would you…” I wanted to argue, but the strength had gone out of my words.

“He’s in love with you.” He lifted his head and looked up at me. “Do you know that?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stammered. I walked over to the bed, needing to do something to busy myself, so I pulled up the sheets. “Loki is merely –”

“I see your auras,” Tove interrupted me, his voice firm but not angry. “His is silver, and yours is gold. But when you’re around each other, you both get a pink halo. Just now you were both glowing bright pink, and your auras intertwined.”

I stopped and didn’t say anything. What could I say to that? Tove could physically see how we felt about each other. I couldn’t deny it. I kept my back to him and waited for him to go on, for him to yell at me and accuse of me being a slut.

“I should be mad,” he said at length. “Or jealous. Shouldn’t I?’

“Tove, I’m sorry,” I said and looked back at him. “I never meant for this to happen.”

“I am jealous, but not the way I should be.” He shook his head. “He loves you, and I… I don’t.” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “The other night, when I had the break down, and I hit you –”

“That wasn’t your fault,” I said quickly. “That never changed the way I felt about you.”

“No, I know,” he nodded. “But it got me thinking. I only have so much time before I completely lose it. These abilities, they’re going to keep eating at my brain until nothing is left.”

“No matter what happens, I’ll be by your side.” I stepped closer to him, trying to reassure him. “Even if I care for…” I paused, still not wanting to admit how I felt about Loki. “Other people don’t matter. You are my husband, and I am with you in sickness and in health.”

“You really would, wouldn’t you?” Tove asked, almost sadly. “You would take care of me if I lost my mind.”

“Of course I would,” I nodded.

It had never occurred to me to leave Tove, at least not because of what happened the other night, or if he became sick and frail like Elora. Tove was a good man, a kind man, and he deserved as much love and care as I could give him.

“That makes what I’m about to say so much harder.” He sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“What?” I sat next to him.

“I realized how little time I have,” he said, “before my mind completely goes. Maybe twenty years, if I’m lucky. And then it’s gone.

“And I want to fall in love with somebody.” Tove took a deep breath. “I want to share my life with somebody. And… that somebody isn’t you.”

“Oh,” I said, and for a moment I felt nothing. I didn’t know how to feel about what he was saying, so my body just went numb.

“I’m sorry,” Tove said. “I know what you’ve given up to be with me, and I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to do the same for you. I thought I was. I thought because we were friends and I believed in you as Queen that would be enough. But it’s not.”

“No, it isn’t,” I agreed quietly.

“So, Wendy, I think…” He paused, taking another deep breath. “I want a divorce.”

And then it happened. I started to cry. I’m not sure why exactly. A combination of relief and sadness and confusion, and so much else that I’d been struggling to hold in. I was happy and relieved but sad and frightened, and a million other things all at once.

“Wendy, don’t cry.” Tove put his arm around me to comfort me, the first time he’d really touched me since we’d been married. “I didn’t want to make you sad.”

“No, I’m not sad.” I shook my head and wiped at my eyes. “I’m overwhelmed. And you’re right. We should get an annulment.”  I nodded and stopped crying almost as soon as I started. “Sorry. I don’t know where that came from.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Tove asked, eyeing me up.

“Yes, I am.” I smiled weakly at him. “It’s probably the best thing for us both.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Tove nodded. “We’re friends, and I’ll always have your back, but we don’t need to be married for that.”

“True,” I agreed. “But I want to wait until after this is all over with the Vittra. In case something happens to me, I want you to be King.”

“Are you sure you want me to be King?” Tove asked. “I’m going to go crazy someday.”

“But until then, you’re about the only person I trust that has any power,” I said. “Willa would be a good ruler someday, but I don’t think she’s quite there yet. She can take over for you, if you need her to.”

“You really think something’s going to happen to you?” Tove asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I need to know that the kingdom will be in good hands, no matter what.”

“Alright,” he said. “You have my word. We’ll stay married until after the Vittra are defeated, and if something happens to you, I will rule the kingdom to the best of my ability.”

“Thank you,” I smiled at him. 

“Good.” Tove dropped his arm and stared straight ahead. “Now that that’s out of the way, I suppose we should get ready. We have the Chancellor’s funeral at eleven.”

“I haven’t prepared my speech yet,” I sighed and Tove stood up. “What should I say about him?”

“Well, if you plan to say anything nice, you’re going to have to lie,” Tove muttered as he walked over to his closet.

“You shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.”

“You didn’t hear what he wanted to do to you,” Tove said, talking loudly to be heard from the closet. “That man was a menace to our society.”

I sat on the bed, listening to my husband gather his clothes before he went to shower, and despite everything that was still going on, I felt as if this immense weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I still had no idea how to stop the Vittra and save everyone I cared about, and I had to write a eulogy for the Chancellor. But for the first time in a long time, I felt like there might be a life after this. If I could defeat the King, if I could save us, there might really be something to live for.

20. Orm

Willa wore all black, but the hem of her skirt only came to the middle of her thigh. At least she had classed it up a little for the funeral. My eulogy had gone over well, or about as well as a eulogy could go over. Nobody had cried for the Chancellor, and that seemed sad to me, but I couldn’t bring myself to cry for him either.

His funeral had been held in one of the larger meeting rooms in the palace. Black flowers and black candles decorated the room. I’m not sure who had planned the funeral, but it looked like a Goth kid at a Cure concert had thrown up here.

After they took the Chancellor away to bury him in the palace cemetery, most of us stayed behind. He didn’t have any family or friends, and I’m not entirely sure how he got elected in the first place.

The mood was decidedly somber, but I don’t think that actually had much to do with the funeral. All the guests in attendance were muttering, whispering, huddled in corners talking quietly, and they kept glancing at me. I heard the word “painting” floating through the air like a breeze.

I stood off to the side of the room, talking mostly with Willa and Tove. Ordinarily, any of the royals would be eager to make some kind of small talk with me, but today, they all avoided me. Which was just as well. I didn’t have much I wanted to say to any of them.

“When is it polite for us to leave?” Willa asked, swirling her champagne around in her glass. I think she’d already had a couple glasses more than she should have, and she hiccupped daintily before covering her mouth with her hand. “Excuse me.”

“I think we’ve been here long enough.” Tove scanned the room, and some people had already left. His mother and father hadn’t been able to make it at all, and my mother could barely move, so she was still on bed rest.

“Whenever is fine with me,” I said.

“Good.” Willa set her glass on a nearby table, some of the bubbly pink liquid sloshing over the top. She looped her arm through mine, more to steady herself, and we left the room.

 “Well, that went well,” I sighed, plucking a black flower from my hair as we went down the hall.

“Really?” Tove asked. “Because I thought that went horribly.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“Oh.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked beside me. “It could’ve been worse, I guess.” 

“You should’ve drunk more,” Willa said. “That’s how I made it through that thing. And you’re lucky you’re my best friend, or I wouldn’t have gone at all.”

“You need to start doing more stuff like that, Willa,” I told her. “You’re so good at handling people, and someday you might need to do it.”

“Nope, that’s your job,” she smiled. “I lucked out. I’m free to be the naughty drunk friend.”

I tried to argue with Willa about the merits of being a good Trylle citizen. She schmoozed much better than I ever could, and she was a great ally, when she put her mind to it. But right now, she was too tipsy to see reason in anything.

She was giggling at something I’d said when we reached the rotunda. Garrett was coming down the stairs, but he stopped halfway when he saw us. His hair was a mess, his shirt was untucked, and his eyes were red-rimmed.

As soon as his eyes met mine, I knew.

“Elora,” I breathed.

“Wendy, I’m sorry,” Garrett said, his voice thick with tears, and he shook his head.

I knew he wasn’t lying, but I had to see it for myself. I pulled my arm from Willa’s and lifted my black gown so I could race up the stairs. Garrett tried to reach out for me, but I ran past him. I didn’t slow at all, not until I got to my mother’s room.

She lay in bed, her body more of a skeleton. The sheets were pulled up to her chest, and her hands were folded neatly over her stomach. Even her hair had been brushed and smoothed, shimmering silver around her. Garrett had arranged her the way she would’ve wanted him to.

I knelt down next to her bed. I’m not sure why, except I felt compelled to be near her. I took her hand, cold and stiff in my own, and that’s when it hit me. Like a wave of despair I hadn’t even known I was capable of, I began to sob, burying my face in the blankets beside her.

I hadn’t expected to feel this much. Her death felt as if the ground had been pulled out from under me. Epic blackness stretched on forever to catch me.

There were things her death would signify, consequences I wasn’t ready for, but I didn’t even think about that. Not at first.

I clung to her, sobbing, because I was a daughter who had lost her mother. Despite our rocky relationship, she did love me, and I did love her. She was the only person that knew what it was like to be Queen, to give me advice, to shepherd me into this world, and she was gone.

I allowed myself an afternoon to really feel the loss, to feel the new hole that had been torn inside of me. That was all the time I had to mourn Elora, and then I had so much more I needed to do. But for that one afternoon, I let myself cry over everything we’d never been able to have, and the moments we’d shared that were worth treasuring.

Willa eventually pulled me away from Elora’s body so Garrett could begin the funeral arrangements, and she took me to Matt’s room. He hugged me and let me cry, and I’d never been more grateful for my brother. Without him, I’d feel like an orphan.

Tove stayed with me in Matt’s room, not saying anything, and eventually, Duncan joined us. I sat on the floor with my back leaning against the bed, and Matt sat beside me. Willa had sobered up rather quickly, and she sat on the bed behind me, her long legs draped over the edge.

“I hate to leave you like this, but I think I should I go help my father.” Willa touched my head when she stood up. “He shouldn’t be doing this alone.”

“I can help him.” I started to push myself up, but Matt put his hand on my arm.

“You can help tomorrow,” Matt said. “You’re going to have a lot to do. Today, you can be sad.”

“Matt’s right,” Willa said. “I can handle this for now.”

“Alright.” I settled back down and wiped my eyes. “We need to keep this to ourselves if we can. Keep her death quiet, and hold off on the funeral for as long as possible. I don’t want the King to find out.”

“He will eventually,” Willa said gently.

“I know.” I rested my elbows on my knees and turned to Tove. “How long do I have until I’m Queen?”

“Three days,” Tove said. He leaned back against Matt’s dresser, his legs crossed at the ankle. “Then somebody has to be coroneted.”

“So we have three days.” I let out a deep breath, my mind racing with all the things that had to be done.

“We’ll keep this quiet,” Duncan said. “You can arrange a private funeral.”

“We can’t keep the death of the Queen secret forever,” I said. “We have to begin to prepare now.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Willa said, offering me an apologetic smile. “Take care, okay?”

“Of course,” I nodded absently.

She gave Matt a quick kiss before leaving. Duncan came over and crouched down in front of me. His dark eyes were sympathetic, but I saw a fierce determination in them too.

“What do you need me to do, Princess?” Duncan asked.

“Duncan, not now,” Matt said sternly. “Wendy just lost her mother. She’s not in the right frame of mind.”

“I don’t have time to get in the right frame of mind,” I said. “We have three days before I’m Queen. If we’re lucky, we have four or five days until Oren comes to claim his prize. I’ve already taken too much time crying over Elora’s death. When this is all over with, I can mourn her. But now, I need to work.”

“I should tell Thomas,” Tove said. “He needs to have the trackers ready.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “When Willa gets back, she needs to talk to the refugees from Oslinna. I’m sure some of them will want to fight against the Vittra that killed their families and destroyed their town.”

“What are you going to do?” Tove asked.

“I still have to find a way to stop the King,” I said, and I looked up at Duncan. “And Duncan’s going to help me.”

Matt tried to protest. He thought I needed to process what was happening, and maybe he was right. But I didn’t have the time. Duncan took my hand and helped me to my feet. Tove opened the bedroom door to leave, but he stepped aside, letting Finn come into the room.

“Princess,” Finn said, his dark eyes on me. “I came to see if you were alright.”

“Yes.” I smoothed out my black dress, wrinkled from me sitting on the floor for so long.

“I’m going to talk to Thomas,” Tove said.

“I’ll wait outside for you,” Duncan offered. He gave me a small smile before hurrying out after Tove.

Matt, however, stood next to me. His arms were crossed firmly over his chest, and his blue eyes were like ice as he stared at Finn. I was actually grateful for Matt’s distrust. It used to be that I would kill to get a moment alone with Finn, but now I had no idea what to say to him anymore.

“I’m sorry to hear about your mother,” Finn said simply.

“Thank you.” I wiped at my eyes again. I’d stopped crying a while ago, but my cheeks were still sticky and damp from tears. 

“She was a great Queen,” Finn said, his words carefully measured. “As you will be.”

“We have yet to see what kind of Queen I will be.” I ran a hand through my curls and gave him a thin smile. “I have much to do before I am to be Queen, and I’m sorry, but I really must get to it now.”

“Yes, of course.” Finn lowered his eyes, but not before I saw the hurt flash in them for a moment. He’d grown accustomed to me turning to him for comfort, but I didn’t need him anymore. “I didn’t mean to keep you.”

“It’s quite alright,” I said and turned to Matt. “Will you accompany me?”

“What?” Matt sounded surprised, probably because I hardly asked him to do anything with me anymore. So much of what I did involved the business of the palace, and I couldn’t let a mänsklig tag along with me.

“I’m going down to the library,” I clarified. “Would you come with me?”

“Yeah, sure,” Matt nodded, almost eagerly. “I’d love to help you any way I can.”

Matt and I left his room, but Finn walked with us because he was going in the same direction. The trackers were doing most of their training in the first floor ballroom since it had the most space. Tove had already gone down to work with them, but Duncan had waited for us.

“How is the training coming?” I asked Finn, since he was beside me, and I needed to fill the space with something.

“It’s going as well as can be expected,” Finn said. “They are learning quickly, which is good.”

“Is Loki being of any help?” I asked, and Finn stiffened at the mention of Loki’s name.

“Yes, surprisingly.” Finn scratched at his temple and seemed reluctant to say anything nice about Loki. “He is much stronger than our trackers, but he’s done a fine job of teaching them how to maneuver. We will be unable to beat the Vittra hobgoblins with our strength, but we have the upper hand with our wits.”

“Good,” I nodded. “You know we only have a few days until the Vittra will come.”

“Yes,” Finn said. “We will work overtime until then.”

“Don’t overwork them,” I said.

“I will try not to.”

“And…” I paused, thinking of exactly how I wanted to phrase it. “If they can’t do it, if you don’t honestly believe they stand a chance against the Vittra, do not let them fight.”

“They stand a chance,” Finn said, slightly offended.

“No, Finn, listen to me.” I stopped and touched his arm, so he would stop and face me. His dark eyes still smoldered with something, but I refused to acknowledge it. “If our Trylle army cannot win against the Vittra, do not send them to fight. I will not let them all go on a suicide mission. Do you understand?”

“Some lives will be lost, Princess,” Finn answered cautiously.

“I know,” I admitted, hating that it was true. “But it is only worth losing some lives if we can win, otherwise the lives were lost for nothing.”

“What do you propose we do then?” Finn asked. “If the troops aren’t ready to fight the Vittra, what will you have us do?”

“You will do nothing,” I said. “I will take care of this.”

“Wendy,” Matt said. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I started walking again, and they followed more slowly behind me. “I will handle things if it comes to that, but until then, we will continue with the plan. We will ready ourselves for war.”

I marched ahead, walking faster so I didn’t have to argue with Matt or Finn. Both of them wanted to protect me, but they couldn’t. Not anymore.

On the way to the library, we went past the ballroom. Finn went inside to finish the training, and I glanced in. All the trackers were sitting on the floor in a semi-circle around Tove and Loki. They were both talking, explaining what would need to be done.

“Should I go in with them?” Duncan asked, gesturing to the room of trackers.

“No.” I shook my head. “You come with me.”

“Are you sure?” Duncan asked, but he followed me down to the library. “Shouldn’t I be learning how to fight with the rest of them?”

“You won’t be fighting with the rest of them,” I replied simply.

“Why not?” Duncan asked. “I’m a tracker.”

“You’re my tracker,” I said. “I need you with me.” Before he could argue, I turned my attention to my brother. “Matt, we’re looking for books that have anything in them about the Vittra. We need to find their weaknesses.”

“Okay.” He looked around at ceiling-high shelves filled with books. “Where do I start?”

“Pretty much anywhere,” I said. “I’ve barely made a dent in these books.”

Matt climbed one of the ladders to reach the books at the top, and Duncan dutifully went along to start collecting books for himself.

While the history of the Vittra was interesting at times, it was irritating how little we knew about stopping them. So much of the Trylle past had been about avoiding them and making concessions. We’d actually never stood up to them.

By all accounts, Oren was the cruelest King the Vittra had had in centuries, maybe ever. He’d slaughtered the Trylle for sport and executed his own people for simply disagreeing with him. Loki was lucky to even be alive.

“What’s this say?” Matt asked. “It doesn’t even look like words.” He was sitting on one of the chairs on the far side of the room, and he pointed to the open book on his lap.