Ashes of the Day (15 page)

“Same here,” he said and deliberately turned away. As he busied himself moving papers around, he wondered if she realized how much courage it took to turn his back on her, how much trust. He hoped to God she understood how much he cared about her. Because he sure as hell didn’t dare to let it show.

“Good-bye, Brennan,” she said at last. He nodded, waiting until he was sure she’d left before turning back around. When he did, the little room mocked him with its emptiness.

Forget? Yeah, right. Like he’d ever be able to forget the time they’d spent together, the way she made him feel, all the little things he already missed.

He could tell himself all he wanted that it was for the best, that he’d get over her and move on, and maybe that was true. Sometimes, when things like this ended, it was to make room for something else. It was so that other things, better things, could take their place. But sometimes there was no shiny upside. Sometimes things ended for a whole other reason, because there was nothing else they could do. Or because the opposite of moving forward wasn’t going backward, it was dying in place.

Armand was in the gym running through his usual workout and attempting to rid himself of the tension that had left all his muscles—and all of his nerves—feeling stretched too tight. He was making progress, until the door edged open. He didn’t even have to look to know who’d come to join him. He felt her essence, her presence, the weight of her stare, from clear across the room. And, just like that, all his good work came undone.

“If you’ve come to tell me you’ve changed your mind, you’re too late,” he said, continuing to stretch and doing his best to ignore her. “I’ve already talked to Conrad about making you give back the suitcase.” And while he hadn’t received an answer yet, he saw no reason to mention that fact.

“I don’t care about that right now,” Julie replied stepping into the room and closing the door behind her. “That’s not why I’m here.”

Armand cast a quick glance in her direction as she approached him. “Well, judging by what you’re wearing, you’re clearly not here to exercise. So why
are
you here?”

“Because I knew this was where I’d find you.”

Armand straightened. “And why should that matter all of a sudden?”

“It’s not sudden,” Julie protested. She gazed at him entreatingly. “Please don’t be like that. Just because we don’t agree all the time, that doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends, does it?”

He could have flinched at the word. He was somewhat proud that he didn’t. “So what’s happened that you need a friend so badly?”

Julie shrugged and looked away. “I broke things off with Brennan. I told him he had to leave, that he couldn’t stay here anymore.”

Armand rolled his eyes. “I bet that went over well.”

She shook her head. “It was awful. He wouldn’t even look at me.”

“That’s not so surprising,” he said gently. “Did you expect him to be happy about it?”

“No. Not
happy
, exactly. But why should he be
so
mad? He knows I’m only doing what’s best for both of us. And don’t you start telling me I should have handled things differently.
You’re
the one who told me he was addicted. You’ve been bitching at me to do this for weeks.”

“I do not
bitch
,” Armand insisted, reluctantly amused in spite of himself. “Besides, I didn’t say his addiction was altogether a bad thing. I merely pointed out that it made it unlikely that
he
would choose to break things off with
you
.”

“And that’s exactly why he has to go.” Julie scowled. “Because
nobody
here sees it as a problem. Everyone would just keep hitting on him and hitting on him and he wouldn’t be able to say no to any of us—just like before. He doesn’t want that, Armand. He hated being fed on all the time, feeling like a piece of meat. He said so. So…yeah, you know what? He
should
be happy that I took care of things for him.”

“
Oui
. I’m sure it must give him great pleasure to know you do not think him capable even of caring for himself.”

Julie sighed. “Well, that’s just stupid.”

“Come,
chérie
, try and view it from his perspective. You’re not only depriving him of your company, but at the very same time you’re threatening to turn him out of his home
and
taking away his livelihood. How could he not be upset?”

“But that’s not true. He knows that. I told him. Conrad promised to help him out until he’s back on his feet.”

“Wait. You went to Conrad about this?”

“Of course. I asked Conrad to let him go.”

Armand shook his head. “Unbelievable.”

“What?” Julie asked frowning at his expression.

“It’s as I said the other night. You really are spoiled, aren’t you?”

“Me? I’m spoiled? You went to him about a…about a suitcase and some clothes and a dead girl who means more to you than— At least
I
was concerned about a-a
live
person. Someone I care about. Someone I…I…”

Armand watched in horror as Julie dissolved into tears. “No, no,
chérie
,” he said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her toward one of the weight benches. “Don’t cry,” he begged as he urged her to sit, then sat beside her. “You said yourself, it’s for the best.”

“I told you I needed a friend right now, didn’t I?’ she demanded between sobs. “You didn’t have to say a word. You didn’t have to ask me all these questions or be so mean. You could have just held me. Why couldn’t you just have held me?”

“Why should you want
me
to hold you at a time like this?” he asked bitterly. “Is that something a
friend
would do?” He didn’t want to be “just friends” with her. If he were honest, that was never what he’d wanted.

Julie raised her tear-stained face and gazed piteously at him. “I know that’s not what you want, Armand, but…I don’t really know if we can ever be anything more. And if you tell me now that I can’t even have that…”

“Shhh, don’t cry,
chérie
,” he begged as she burst into tears again. He held her close, rocking her a little in his arms. “Of course we can. I’ll always be your friend, no matter what. We’re linked by blood, after all. Are we not?”

“So what?” Julie demanded in petulant tones. “So are you and
Damian
.”

“Very true. But, then again, we didn’t start out as friends, so why should that change either?
N’est pas?
”

“Maybe. I guess.”

“I’m sure of it. Now, come. What is it that’s making you so sad? Tell Uncle Armand all about it.”

To his astonishment, however, Julie gasped and shook her head. “No! Oh, God, no, Armand. Don’t say that! Please!”

“What?” Armand asked in alarm. “What did I say?”

“
Uncle
Armand.”

“But that was a joke,
chérie
. I was merely trying to cheer you up.”

“It’s not a joke,” she sobbed, leaning against him and crying even harder. “Don’t you see? I wish it was a joke, but it’s not. You really
could
be my uncle. Or worse!”

“Julie,” he chided. “Of course I could not. Aside from the fact I was an only child, I think I would know if I had such a pretty niece. Besides, you call Damian ‘uncle’ don’t you? I’m sure I’ve heard you do so.”

“Exactly,” Julie answered in somber tones. “That’s exactly right. It would be
just
like that.”

Armand sighed. “This is too much. I don’t understand. What
is
he to you? For months I’ve been trying to make sense of it. How are you connected to him? He can’t actually be your uncle…can he? You can’t possibly be that old?”

“Please don’t ask me that,” Julie begged. “You know I can’t talk about it.”

“
Oui
. I know that’s what you’ve said. But why is it so? You claim I’m your friend, so good. Here’s your chance to prove it. Tell me what I want to know.”

“I can’t,” she insisted, eyes flashing as she straightened away from him. “Stop pressuring me.”

Armand’s arms ached to reach out and reclaim her. “Of course you can! You can tell me anything. When will you realize that? Why won’t you trust me?”

She stared back at him, breathing hard, her internal struggle plain on her face. But, just when he thought she might finally answer him, she launched herself back into his arms instead. Her hands clutched his shoulders. She pressed her lips to his. For all of an instant, Armand tried to resist. He would not be distracted. He would not be so easily manipulated. But the taste of her lips, salty-sweet with her tears, the faint pinch of her teeth as they closed on his lip, obliterated his resolve. Groaning, he pulled her more fully against him and kissed her back.

Julie’s breath shuddered out in a lengthy sigh as Armand dragged her into his arms then turned to straddle the bench, so that she ended up caged between his strong thighs.
This was a mistake
. It was everything she’d wanted and needed in a kiss, everything she’d wanted and needed, period—but it was still a mistake.

How could he think she didn’t trust him? She’d come to him tonight with her heart in her hands, stripped-bare and broken. Did he think that was something she’d do with just anyone? All she’d wanted from him was a shoulder to cry on. A hand to hold. Maybe a few choice words. They didn’t have to be lengthy or involved, just something to show he understood, that she’d made the right choice, that she’d done a good thing. Instead, she got questions and criticism and a sickening reminder of the last thing she wanted to be reminded of right now—how hopeless this all had to be.

When all the words she wanted to say were forbidden, what choice was left but to take action? So she’d kissed him.

She’d thought it might reassure him. She’d hoped it would at least make him shut up for a little while. One kiss. One quick kiss. That’s all she’d had in mind. But this kiss—
this kiss!
—was nothing she’d expected, nothing like any of the kisses they’d shared before. And now, she was really in trouble because she never wanted it to end.

His fingers caressed her throat, gentle, possessive. She wanted more. She wanted his hand to dip lower, wanted to feel his fingers trail beneath her clothes. She wanted his hot mouth on her throat, wanted his venom in her blood, but even that wouldn’t be enough tonight. She wanted to lie back on this bench, right here, right now, and let him lay claim to everything…

Action followed thought. Julie wrenched her mouth from his and twisted out of his arms. Her eyes met his and she smiled in invitation as she lowered herself onto the cushioned vinyl. Heat swirled in the hazel depths of his eyes and then went molten, bronze and green.

Bad idea. Such a bad idea.

The feeling came out of nowhere, washing over her like a wave, leaving her insides a knotted mass of guilt.
Whose thoughts are these
? She couldn’t even tell.

We can’t do this. We mustn’t do this
.

The thoughts and emotions that swirled through her were alien. Inexplicable. Undeniable. In a panic, Julie pulled herself erect. “Wait.” She couldn’t stop the racing of her heart as she swiveled around on the bench again, this time to face away from him.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Concern and confusion laced Armand’s voice. “Julie?”

His hands closed lightly on her arms. She shrugged them off. “Stop. I don’t know.”

“Julie…”

“This is what’s wrong, all right? You. Me. Everything. We can’t. We just can’t.” She wasn’t sure why, exactly, but she’d never been more certain of anything in her life.

Stunned silence met her outburst. A moment later, Armand surged off the bench.

Julie risked a glance in his direction. “Armand?”

“No.” He held up a hand to stop her. “No more words, no more games. Do you know what it is that
I
can’t do anymore? I can’t do
this
.”

“Please,” she begged as she got to her feet. “Can’t we just…”

“What?” he asked, taking one quick step closer. His gaze was so angry she would have retreated, if there’d been any room. “Can’t we what,
chérie
? Can’t we just stay friends? You started this, remember?
You
kissed me.”

“I know.” She ducked her head and whispered miserably. “I know I did and I know you’re angry. I don’t blame you for that.” She deserved his anger, deserved his confusion. Hell, she was pretty confused herself right now. “I don’t understand what’s happening.”

“Well,” Armand’s breath huffed out on an angry-sounding sigh. “That makes two of us then.”

“Can’t we just talk about it? Please?”

“No.” He shook his head when she tried to say more, silencing her with a single word. “No more talking. When you figure things out, you know where to find me. Perhaps I’ll be waiting. But, either way, until that time, just leave me alone.”

With tears in her eyes, Julie watched him go, the second man she’d somehow managed to lose in one night—all by trying to do the right thing. She thought briefly about calling him back, chasing after him, doing…something. But what was the point? She couldn’t even explain to herself what had happened.

All she knew was that, from the moment their lips met, pictures had begun to flash before her eyes, like snapshots. Images of other people, other times, things that might have been. There’d been parties at Christmas and Halloween. She’d seen herself baking cookies in the kitchen, playing hide-and-seek out in the woods…