Ashes of the Day (24 page)

“Oh…nothing, everything. The past. The future. Distant memories…”

“Paul, perhaps?”

A slight flush rose in Damian’s cheeks as he asked, “Why would you ask that?”

“It’s New Year’s Day,” Conrad replied with a shrug. “The two do seem to go together, do they not?”

“I suppose you could say so.”

“Are you sorry you never had the chance to turn him?”

“What a very odd question,” Damian said as he turned back to the mirror and resumed brushing his hair—so vigorously, Conrad thought it a wonder any of it stayed attached to his skull.

“Damian?” Conrad prompted after a moment.

“I don’t understand why you would ask something like that,” Damian replied in querulous tones.

“It seemed a reasonable enough question.”

“Oh, did it? Why? Because then he would not have died? He’s not the first person to have done so. I assure you, the practice has been going on for ages. They say the dead are at peace, do they not? If that is so, then what is there to be sorry about?”

“Damian…”

“Men die, Conrad! Surely you’re not suggesting we turn them all? What would be left to eat, if we did?”

“Damian! Come here.”

His mouth tight, Damian flung down the brush. “
Sí, mi señor. ¡Inmediatamente!
” He was breathing hard as he walked across the room to sit on the bed. “
Estoy aquí. ¿Qué quieres?
”

Conrad reached for his hand. “I’m sorry. I did not mean to upset you.”

“I’m not—” Damian stopped and bit his lip, unable or perhaps unwilling to give voice to such an obvious lie.

“You’re not still cross because I asked you to move in here with me, are you?”

“Of course not.” Damian shook his head. “There’s nowhere else I could ever wish to be. If you recall, it was I who suggested it in the first place.”

“I know that.” For a moment, as Conrad urged Damian to lie beside him, he contemplated letting the subject drop. It was a tempting idea. Surely a smarter man would do so.

A smarter man would rightly assume that, whatever was on Damian’s mind, he would tell Conrad about it when he was ready to do so. Or, better yet, he would simply work it out on his own. It was only a week ago, however, that Damian had complained they didn’t talk enough. Just because Conrad didn’t agree with that assessment didn’t mean he couldn’t at least try to demonstrate a willingness to please his partner. Why shouldn’t he take the initiative? Why shouldn’t he ask the hard questions? “However, it’s been over a month since you made that suggestion, and I can’t help but feel that something’s changed since then.”

Damian shrugged. “It’s true I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, what with planning for the party and all this unpleasantness with Marc. Perhaps reorganizing the household at the same time was not what I would have chosen, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be here.” His tone was casual but the look in his eyes suggested there was something more, something he wasn’t saying.

“Then what is it? There’s something troubling you tonight. Don’t try and deny it. I know you too well.”

“As I said, perhaps it’s just the new year stirring up memories and…and things of that nature.”

“Things like…regrets, perhaps?”

Damian’s gaze faltered. “Perhaps. Something like that.”

Conrad lifted his hand to lightly frame Damian’s face. “What is it you regret,
caro
? Is there naught I can do to ease your mind about it?”

“It’s not regret, exactly.”

“Well then?”

“There
are
some things I regret, you know. When I thought I’d lost you, when I thought I’d doomed myself to an eternity of unrequited love—I regretted
everything
I’d done to cause it.”

Conrad pulled him close and hugged him fiercely. “I’ve told you that will
never
happen. Banish the thought from your mind. I will love you forever.”

Damian nestled against him. “
Gracias,
querido
, but just because you’ve said something once is no reason not to repeat it. And that thought in particular is one you may repeat as often as it pleases you. I promise, I won’t take offense.”

“Very well, then. I shall love you forever. Satisfied?”

“
Sí
.” Damian smiled. “For the moment.” Then he sighed. His face was troubled as he gazed at Conrad. “But, how can you really promise such a thing? How can anyone? What if I do something else to displease you? It’s certainly not impossible, you know. I fully realize I am not completely without fault. And how likely is it that fate would grant us a second reprieve? If we were to part ways again, what are the odds of another miracle occurring to bring us back together?”

Conrad shook his head. “Fate has nothing to do with it. And you must think me a very great fool to even ask such a question. You speak of regrets, my love, as though you were the only one who’d ever had experience with such things. If there are truly only
some
things you regret, you should consider yourself very fortunate. The list of things I regret, on the other hand? Well, that list appears nearly endless, as the nightmares that plague me can attest. Do I promise that neither of us will ever make another mistake, or that we will never again find ourselves disappointed with one another in the future? No, that would indeed be a foolish thing to suggest. But, Damian, be assured that
nothing
could ever induce me to part from you a second time. I had no idea how great a mistake I was making when I sent you away. Now I do. And while I might very possibly lose my temper with you in the future, believe me when I say that I would have to lose my entire mind and all of my senses before I ever make that mistake again.”

“
Querido
.” Damian threw his arms around Conrad’s neck and kissed him passionately, raining kisses down his cheeks, his neck, his face, his lips.

Conrad hugged him fiercely. “I do not say this to boast, my love. It’s a testament to my own weakness and not something I take pride in. E’en were I convinced it was for your own good, I don’t know that I could bear to lose you again. It would be too hard and I am far too selfish.”

“I don’t care what the reason is,” Damian murmured. Burying his face against Conrad’s neck, he let down his fangs and lightly scored Conrad’s skin. “And, if it truly is selfishness, then I pray you will be as selfish as possible. I swear I will never have cause to complain of it again.”

Conrad rolled them over until Damian was beneath him. He speared his hands into Damian’s hair for the sheer pleasure the contact brought him. Damian smiled up at him, sweetly, eagerly, a wicked grin that left his lips parted for Conrad’s kiss and the sharp tips of his teeth clearly visible. “So now even my flaws have found acceptance with you?” Conrad joked. “It’s no wonder I find it so easy to love you.”

Despite his own eagerness, Conrad took Damian’s mouth in a kiss that was much like the one they’d shared at midnight, long and slow. For where was the need for desperation now? Where was the need to hurry? The nearly endless future stretched out before them looking as bright as it ever had and as secure as anything in this world could ever be.

They had forever to explore, to demonstrate their feelings for one another, to mate and claim and love one another. When, at long last, Conrad ended the kiss, Damian tipped his head back, granting Conrad his neck. This display of willingness and trust still shook Conrad’s soul and stole his breath away.

He did not need to feed tonight, still he could not resist running his open mouth over Damian’s throat, loving the taste of his skin, that luscious throbbing of his pulse, the heady call of blood to blood.
Mine
. As his lips encountered the uneven ridges of flesh that made up the scars on Damian’s shoulder and neck, Conrad’s heart ached, his breath faltered. It was a miracle he hadn’t killed Damian. That Damian had not hardened his heart against Conrad, that he did not fear him or hate him, that he still came to him willingly night after night, was an even bigger miracle. It humbled Conrad. It exalted him. It left him wanting to weep with gratitude.

It was a gift made all the more sweet by one very basic fact of Vampire life. Whether Damian had wanted it or not, Conrad could have had him all the same. Willingly or unwillingly, he could have compelled Damian’s affections and forced him to cede control to his body as well as his mind. It would have taken but a moment’s work to make that happen, but the sweetness of this moment would have been lost and tonight would have meant nothing to Conrad had he done so.

He’d lived on that side of the power equation for far too long. He knew the hell of being forced to give one’s self unwillingly to another. He knew what it was like when your wishes mattered not at all, when you belonged—body and soul—to someone else. It was a horror he could never allow himself to forget. And he would rather die than inflict it on another.

Thankfully, he knew that he would never again be forced into such a situation. Inasmuch as it was possible for a vampire to be free, he was. He was his own master. His mind was under no one else’s sway. Unfortunately, the same could not be said for his children.

At present, they lived under his
aegis
and must do as he commanded. Some of them might chafe under his leadership from time to time, but Conrad knew he would be doing them no favors by pretending they were free to do as they pleased. Someday, a few of them might do so, but it was by no means guaranteed. What was more likely was that they all might someday find themselves living under someone else’s rule, possibly even someone who wouldn’t scruple to use or abuse his or her power in ways Conrad never would.

Even though he’d long since sacrificed any right to self-respect, Conrad still took pride in that fact. He’d used his ability to compel his brood rarely, sparingly, only when absolutely necessary, and
never
for his own, selfish pleasure.

“Conrad,
mi amor
…”

The urgent, breathless tone of Damian’s voice made Conrad smile. He raised his head to meet Damian’s eyes. “
¿Sí, caro mio?
How may I please you? What is it you desire?”

“Love me,” Damian begged. His face was flushed. His eyes were heavy and dark with heat. He looked gloriously debauched already.

Conrad could not help teasing. “But I already do, beloved. Is there nothing else?”

Groaning impatiently, Damian slipped his hand between them. “With this,” he growled as his hand closed over Conrad’s cock.

Conrad gasped in surprise then closed his eyes in bliss as Damian continued to taunt him, stroking slow and firm, rubbing his thumb across the slick crown, taking control. Normally, such a bold move would have the beast stirring, ready to do battle. It was oddly quiescent tonight. Perhaps it was the lateness of the hour. Or maybe the beast was finally satisfied, content to be pleasured, content to believe Damian was truly his. Tonight, even the man was satisfied in that regard, Conrad realized with a sense of shock. It had been so long since he’d felt that with any real surety. Another wave of gratitude washed through him. He dropped his head to Damian’s shoulder, moaning softly. “Damian…”

Damian turned his head and pressed a kiss to Conrad’s temple. “Or perhaps you wish me to make love to you?”

“Whatever, my love.” Conrad lowered his head further, teeth nipping at the smooth wall of Damian’s chest. Lower still, toying now with the small, gold ring with which he was pierced. “Whatever you wish. I am in your hands.”

Damian stiffened as Conrad laved the hard nub of flesh. “Do you mean it?”

In response, Conrad rocked his hips, thrusting his cock again through the circle of Damian’s fingers. “Evidently, I do,” he teased and once again flicked the gold hoop with his tongue. He remembered with crystal clarity the night he first saw them, the rage and the terror they’d inspired within him.

Damian had found them with Paul’s belongings after his friend’s death, or so he’d said. He’d immediately taken them for his own, bringing them to some random human, someone whose name he’d picked out of a phonebook, to have them transferred to his own flesh.

Conrad was well aware it was partially his own bitterness, his own black despair that had fueled his fury. Here was some other man’s mark adorning Damian’s flesh. Here was yet more proof that Damian was no longer his. But there was legitimate fear there too.

“Who was this human? What if he’d noticed something amiss?” he’d demanded. Vampire flesh did not react to such wounds in anything like the same way human flesh did. Damian was hardly a fledgling. At his age, he should know better. He should be past the point of foolish mistakes. “Didn’t you even consider the danger, the stupidity of your actions? Had he realized what he was dealing with, he might have killed you in a panic, slaughtered you right then and there, in…in…in where, precisely? Some anonymous town! Even now I don’t know its name. I might never even have known what had happened to you.”

“
Sí.
In much the same way that I would have never known what had happened to Paul if we had not kept in touch,” Damian pointed out.

“Are we discussing that subject again right now? No! We are not. We are discussing your foolishness in once again risking yourself needlessly.”

Damian shrugged. His sublime indifference to Conrad’s opinion clear. “Very well, if you insist. Tell me then, what risk was there? I was there but a moment—a handful of minutes at most. He noticed nothing odd.”