Ashes of Twilight (18 page)

His question startles me enough that I lift my head. Was I in love with Alex? “He was with Lucy.”

“I know that.” He continues to play with Pip, softly whistling and waving his finger to entice him. Pip studies the finger with his dark bead of an eye. “But that doesn’t mean you weren’t in love with him.”

I think about it. Did I love Alex? Have I ever loved anyone? My grandfather, certainly, and Peggy, who is so kind and giving. But Alex? I recall how he looked at Lucy, how Lucy looked at David. How Peggy and Adam look at each other.

“I wasn’t in love with him,” I confess. “I never
let
myself be in love with him because he only had eyes for Lucy.”

Pace studies me for a long minute before he finally speaks. “I don’t know where Alex got out.”

“But you have an idea.”

“Yes,” he admits. “I do.” He continues. “I think there’s some, in the inner circle of the enforcers, who’ve been out. And they don’t dare say anything for fear they will die too. It seems like there are two different groups of enforcers. The ones like me, who patrol the streets and keep order, and the ones who report directly to Sir Meredith.”

“Who is Sir Meredith?”

“He’s the one who’s in charge, up there.” Pace points to the ceiling of the cave. “The royal king is just a figurehead. Sir Meredith runs the dome.”

“And the enforcers who report to Meredith have been out?”

“It’s just a feeling I have. From different things I’ve heard. And I think there’s something out there that they’re afraid of. That makes them keep everyone inside.”

“But it’s not flames.”

“No, not flames.”

We sit quietly for a moment. I’m thinking of all the possibilities of what could be outside while Pace looks around the cave.

He picks up the lamp and moves it closer, as if it will give him some warmth. “Did you know that before they moved into the dome people used to bury their dead in the ground?”

I didn’t. I never ever considered the possibility of burying people like we bury our waste. “Really?”

“Yes. They were called cemeteries. They were in churchyards and they’d put them in a wooden box and they’d dig a hole six feet deep, called a grave, and then they’d mark it with a stone.”

“Instead of burning them?”

“There must have been thousands of graves out there.” He shrugs. “Hundreds of thousands. Probably more than you could count.” He looks up at the ceiling. “That’s why I hate being in the dark. I feel like they’re reaching for me. From up there. And they want to pull me in there so they won’t be alone in their boxes.”

I shiver. “I’d rather be burned after I’m gone. Because then at least maybe my ashes would have a chance to escape.”

We are quiet again. I need to go but I don’t want to. I hate the thought of leaving him.

Pace puts his head on his knees and wraps his arms around them. “I don’t think I’ll ever feel warm again.” And then, just like when he kissed me, he surprises me by wrapping his arms around my waist and sliding over so that he’s lying in my lap. “Help me be warm.”

I should go. I know my grandfather will be looking for me. I need to eat, I must get some rest, but more important, I need to know what’s happening in my world and the one above.

Instead I do the one thing I shouldn’t do. I take off my jacket and spread it as wide as possible on the cave floor. Then I lie down and pull Pace into position next to me. I wrap my arms around him and he moves in as close as he can get. His head tucks under my chin and he threads his legs around and through mine until we’re wrapped together and touching every possible way. He doesn’t speak; he just huddles against me, trying his best to soak up my body heat. Finally his shivering subsides and I realize he’s fallen asleep.

And then so do I.

14

I
wake up
as if I’ve been kicked. Something jolts me from my dreams but I don’t know what it is. It takes me a moment to ground myself as I don’t know where I am.

Pace … Sometime in our sleep we moved. He lies pressed against my back with his arm around me so that I am pulled tight against him. He’s warm. I can feel the heat rolling off him.

A fever? I turn slowly, easing myself around. Pace murmurs something unintelligible and tightens his grip around my waist. I stop, wait until he settles, and move once more until I’m able to place my hand on his forehead. He’s warm but not burning hot. If he has a fever it’s a slight one. It’s a chance I don’t want to take. I’ve got to get him some things to survive on.

How long did I sleep? I have no way of knowing. I do know I have to get back, that it’s already too late and that I will be in trouble.

“Don’t go.” He’s awake and staring at me with his beautiful blue eyes. He holds me in his arms and hooks his leg over mine to hold me in place.

“I have to go. I have to get food. I have to work. If I don’t they’ll come looking for me.”

He stares at me another moment. A moment in which I once more wonder, no, not wonder … I hope that he’ll kiss me again. He doesn’t. He sits up and runs his hand through his hair.

“Is there any way to get news from above?” he asks as I stand and stretch from sleeping on the ground. “I’m so worried about my mother.” He clenches his hands into fists. “I’m afraid…” He swallows and stops.

I put my hand on his shoulder and he places his over it. “I’ll find out what I can,” I say. “I probably can’t get back until morning. But I’ll try to come before my shift.”

He hangs on to my hand until our arms are outstretched and then finally we let go and I make my way once more into the darkness.

*   *   *

I hurry back the way I came, making sure to stay out of the main tunnels. I have no way of knowing what time it is or how long I slept. I can only imagine the chaos that might be happening. To play it safe I go directly to the stables. My ponies are still there, dozing in their stalls as the other shift is still out. I am so relieved that I go into Ghost’s stall and put my arms around his neck. He’s confused as to why I’m here so early and tosses his head about at my interruption of his nap. I rub his long nose between his shadowy eyes. I have to admit I’m hiding instead of going home. I’ve got to make it back without anyone seeing me and come up with a good excuse as to where I’ve been.

At least my grandfather can rest assured that I haven’t been above. With all the guards about, there’s no way I could get there.

“I’ve been looking for you.” My heart jumps into my throat as I turn.

“Lucy?”

“This is a good place to hide,” she continues as she leans against the stall door. She looks up at the loft. “Maybe sleep even? No one could find you. No one would even think to look for you up there except for me.”

I’m so shocked by her appearance that I can only nod in agreement. She knows Pace is below and she’s keeping the secret. She comes into the stall. Ghost snuffs at her scent. It’s a new one to him.

“How is he?” Lucy asks.

I look around to make sure no one is about. There isn’t. It’s funny how paranoid I’ve become lately. I guess it comes with having secrets.

“Cold. Hungry. Scared. He hates the dark.”

Lucy shivers and rubs her arms. “I know how he feels.”

I give Ghost a last pat as we leave the stall. “What are you doing here?”

“News has a way of getting around above the same way it does below. There’s talk about some filchers coming below and disappearing.”

“It’s true,” I say.

“So said Poppa,” Lucy says. “I went to find him after I came here.” She stops by the tack room. “I brought you some things from above.” She picks up a bundle. “I knew it would be hard for you to get things down here since it would all be easily missed.”

I take the bundle from her. Inside are two blankets wrapped around a clean shirt, a loaf of fresh baked bread, dried strips of beef, apples, and a wedge of cheese made from cow’s milk, which is a delicacy for us. “Why?” I ask.

She shrugs. “It’s just some things that were left at the laundry. And the food? I just knew you’d need it.”

“That still doesn’t explain why.”

“I’m doing it because of what they did to Alex. Because they murdered him. Because helping your friend hurts them.”

I’d never heard Lucy talk this way before. It surprises me, but it shouldn’t. She feels the same way I do. Why would I expect her to feel differently?

I hide the bundle behind a feed bin so I’ll be able to grab it easily tomorrow morning when I go back to Pace. I rub the ears of an orange cat that sits on top of the bin. I know she’ll keep the rats and mice away from it.

“I can help you,” Lucy continues. “They won’t question me going back and forth. I can bring news down. It’s the least I can do for Alex. For his memory.”

“What is the news?” I ask as we walk to the village.

“There’s talk of a full assault from the bluecoats. David thinks they’ll let the filchers try for it first. The reward is the biggest ever offered. Quarters in Park Front and full privileges.”

“The royals will never allow it.” I shake my head at the thought. Filchers living among the royals. What a bizarre joke.

“The royals aren’t the ones in charge,” Lucy says with authority.

“Who is?”

“Lord Meredith. He’s over the enforcers.”

The same man Pace mentioned. Lucy stops me before we come to the cross tunnel and guards. “There’s something you need to know about Alex and the seekers.”

I see the pain in her eyes. Is it the pain from Alex’s death or the pain of her betrayal?

“Alex found out about the seekers from me. David started them. Alex didn’t know about me and David then, but I think he suspected. He wanted to know what I found so interesting above. So I told him. I told him there were people up there who were not happy with the way things were. That they wanted things to change so that everyone could have a better life, not just the royals. And it’s not just the people in service like David and his family. It’s people from all factions of the dome. Even the scarabs. What they have in common is the belief that the world outside should be explored and we’re being kept inside for a reason beyond the rumor of flames. That’s why there was a tunnel for you to escape through. Any gathering is suspect, especially one that includes people from separate parts of the dome. That’s how they gather.”

“So Alex decided to start a seeker group for the shiners to compete with David?”

Lucy shook her head. “I should have told him before that I loved David. I just didn’t want to hurt him. I kept pushing him away and he kept coming back.” Lucy chokes back tears. “He saw us together and that’s when he said he’d prove it to me. That he’d do more than just talk about it. And that’s when he died.”

“Did David tell the seekers about what happened to Alex?”

“Yes. And they are more determined than ever to find the place where he got out. For most of them it’s all the proof they need.”

“If only it were the same way down here,” I say.

“I heard about what James did to you. How he’s poisoned everyone against you.”

“Now they’ll never believe me. Pace is the only proof I have.”

“But that’s only if they believe him too.”

“He’s scared, Lucy. Scared of what they’ll do to him and his mother.” A shiver goes down my spine and I rub my arms against the chill. “I guess I’m scared too.”

“You’ve got every reason to be,” Lucy says. We walk through the cross tunnel. The guards, a man and a woman, watch us pass without a word. I can feel their dislike as I walk by. I can’t help but wonder how long it will be before it blossoms into full hatred. How long before I am suspect in everything? I can’t slip up. Not if I want Pace to live. Not if I want him to show me the way out.

“Pace said he thinks there’s some in the bluecoats who’ve been outside.”

“David says the same thing.”

“It must be true.”

“That’s why they killed Alex, why they killed Pace’s friend, and why they want to kill him and now you,” Lucy says. “But it’s got to be something more than just going outside. There has to be a reason why they don’t want anyone out there.”

There are guards at the entrance to the village cave. “Maybe it’s not that they want to keep us in so much as they want to keep whatever is on the outside out,” Lucy says as we approach them.

Another thing I haven’t considered. Another question that needs an answer. Not knowing is the worst feeling. It’s just another part of not having control over your own life.

“Pace is worried about his mother. Can you find anything out about her?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Lucy says. “The one thing I’ve discovered up there is that people love to talk. All you have to do is stand back and listen.”

My grandfather stands at the bottom of the ramp. As I expected, he’s missed me.

“Where have you been?” he asks as soon as we’re in earshot.

Lucy laughs. It’s a pleasant sound, like water trickling over the rocks. “I found her asleep in the loft at the stables.” Her lie comes so easy. Almost without effort. I’m glad for it, yet I’m filled with a sense of sadness. Things will never be the same for my grandfather and me after this. I’ve had to make a choice, and it breaks my heart that I couldn’t choose him.

“You chose not to come home?” he asks me.

“I don’t exactly feel welcome here,” I say, which is not a lie. “Has anything else happened?”

“Nothing yet. The guards have made sure no one comes below that doesn’t belong here,” he says with a smile at Lucy. “It’s good to see you, gel.”

“Thank you.” Lucy’s smile is dazzling. “I shared what I know with my father.”

“And he’ll tell us at council,” my grandfather returns. “Don’t you be doing anything that will put you in danger. We’ve got enough to worry about as it is.”

“It doesn’t take any effort to listen,” Lucy says. “A lot of people pass through the laundry. And people like to talk.”

“That they do.”

“You had anything to eat today?” he asks me.

“No.”

“Go on … there’s food on the table for you.” His kindness and trust make me feel worse about my lies, and I have to remind myself that a life is at stake. That he wouldn’t understand.

“I’ll walk with you,” Lucy says. Another surprise. In all my life I can’t remember her ever coming to our house.