At Knit's End (4 page)

I will stay alert to all yarn strategies. I will choose beverages that match my project.

 

Properly practiced, knitting soothes
the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt
the untroubled spirit, either.

— E
LIZABETH
Z
IMMERMAN

I
n the nineteenth century, knitting was prescribed to women as a cure for nervousness and hysteria. Many new knitters find this sort of hard to believe because, until you get good at it, knitting seems to cause those ailments.

The twitch above my right eye will disappear with knitting practice.

 

To be without some of the things you want is
an indispensable part of happiness.

— B
ERTRAND
R
USSELL

I
hear all kinds of things about specific yarns that make me want them. Yarn A is so soft, Yarn B comes in an incredible heathered blue, Yarn C is light as a feather. I can be tempted by the things I see other knitters make from a certain yarn, coerced by an incredible colorway or texture of a yarn. Nothing, however, will impel me to spend hours and hours of time and tons of money faster than hearing that a yarn is “discontinued.”

There will be another yarn like this one someday. I do not need to buy all I can find of this one.

 

All's fair in love and war.

— F
RANCIS
E
DWARD
S
MEDLEY

O
verheard at a yarn shop sale:

Knitter A: “This is a beautiful yarn. I wonder how it knits up.”

Knitter B: “That? I heard it's horrible. Splits while you knit it and pills when you wash it. Sort of a funny color isn't it?”

Knitter A: “Really? Well, it's probably not worth the trouble, even at 50 percent off.” (
Wanders off
.)

Knitter B was seen shortly thereafter at the cash desk with ALL of the yarn in question, scoring it at 50 percent off.

Do you want the yarn or not?

 

Sleep that knits up the
ravelled sleave of care
The death of each day's life,
sore labour's bath
Balm of hurt minds,
great nature's second course,
Chief nourisher in life's feast.

— W
ILLIAM
S
HAKESPEARE
,
Macbeth

I
don't know of even one knitter who does not hope, either actively or secretly, to learn to knit in her sleep.

Should I fall asleep with my knitting in my hands, I will remember to check for signs of progress when I wake up.

 

Lead us not into temptation.
Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

— S
AM
L
EVENSON

I
cannot count the number of times I have been in a yarn shop. Hundreds, probably thousands of times. I can count on one hand the number of times I left with nothing: three. Once because I'd forgotten my money, once because my child felt ill, and once because my credit card was declined. (It was the second yarn shop of the day.)

Even the worst yarn shop has something you need.

 

We cannot waste time.
We can only waste ourselves.

— G
EORGE
M. A
DAMS

S
ometimes, people come up to me when I am knitting and they say things like, “Oh, I wish I could knit, but I'm just not the kind of person who can sit and waste time like that.” How can knitting be wasting time? First, I never just knit; I knit and think, knit and listen, knit and watch. Second, you aren't wasting time if you get a useful or beautiful object at the end of it.

I will remember that not everyone understands. I will resist the urge to ask others what they do when they watch TV.

 

Comedy is tragedy plus time.

— C
AROL
B
URNETT

I
remember this one gray sweater. I used the last of a discontinued yarn and spent hours pouring over magazines and books to find the pattern that would do it justice. I spent hours knitting it, and it dragged out into a project that took months. I was meticulous; I corrected every mistake, pulled back every sloppy stitch. When it was finally finished, I spent more time scouring the city for the exact, perfect buttons; the ones that would allow the wonder and the glory of this sweater to shine for all time.

When it was done, I put it on the bed so that I could admire it as I passed by. Immediately thereafter, my husband, doing one of the four loads of laundry he has done in our marriage, shrunk it into oblivion.

Sometimes, time does not heal all wounds, but it can get you out of doing the laundry.

 

Join, being careful not to twist.

— K
NITTING PATTERNS

T
he chances of being able to join a multitude of stitches on a circular needle without twisting them and knitting a freak of geometry are influenced by the following variables:

• The number of stitches

• The amount of time allotted to perform the task

• The material being knitted

Taking these rules into account, I understand that the odds of joining 300 stitches in my sister's mohair birthday sweater without twisting them are just about zero.

 

USA Today
has come out with a new survey:
Apparently three out of four people make up
75 percent of the population.

— D
AVID
L
ETTERMAN

I
was surprised recently to discover that the majority of sock knitters darn socks the way I do. Considering how many hours of hard work are in a pair of socks, there are not many knitters who would merely throw a pair away because they have a hole in them. Most use my darning technique, which consists of loudly exclaiming DARN and a few other choice expletives before dropping them in the garbage.

I will forgive myself for preferring knitting to darning.

 

A #6 aluminum needle has been known to
furnish an excellent emergency shearpin
for an outboard motor.

— E
LIZABETH
Z
IMMERMAN

O
ther uses for knitting needles:

• Cake tester (when knitting needle comes out clean, the cake is done)

• Stir stick

• Back scratcher

• Lock pick for the bathroom door when your three-year-old is in there alone and you can hear repeated flushing and a very angry cat

Really, if you carry these things around all the time, you find a lot of uses for them.

 

Isn't it awful that cold feet make for a
cold imagination and that a pair of
woollen socks induce good thoughts!

— F
RANZ
G
RILLPARZER

4
reasons to knit socks:

Hand-knit socks are the most comfortable socks anyone will ever wear.

Knitting socks has passed virtually unchanged through history. You are doing what knitters have done for hundreds of years.

Turning a heel makes you feel smart.

Sock projects are portable and fit in a pocket or bag.

Finally, an impressive finished project that is beautiful, functional, comfortable, and a historic lesson can be had for the cost of only two balls of yarn.

 

You know you
knit too much when …

You cite the fact that
knitting burns about
90 calories an hour, not
allowing extra for style,
conviction, and retrieving
your ball of yarn from
under the couch.

 

Most people want to be delivered from
temptation but would like it to
keep in touch.

— R
OBERT
O
RBEN

I
sign up for every yarn catalog I can. I get them in the mail, I pore over them, I drink my coffee, and I imagine ordering lovely things from all the wonderful places. The interesting thing is that I continue to get the catalogs, even to renew my place on the mailing list … from shops that carry nothing I would ever use. I even get catalogs from shops that I openly mock, and if these shops stop mailing me the thing (presumably because I have never bought anything), I will phone and insist that they begin mailing it again.

Never look away from a yarn opportunity.

 

Some are kissing mothers
and some are scolding mothers,
but it is love just the same.

— P
EARL
S. B
UCK

O
n very cold days, when I pull my daughter's hand-knit sweater over her head or when I watch her play in the snow with warm mittens on, I feel like a good mother. There is just something about knowing that my children are warm because I knitted them something that feeds my motherly soul.

I hope that it makes up for all the times I said I'd help them after “one more row.”