At Peace (48 page)

The girls joined me halfway through the
photo tour, listening and appearing even more fascinated than me.
Vinnie joined us at the end when we were at the front of the
restaurant staring at a photo, place of honor, right when you hit
the hostess station, the biggest one in the house.

It was taken at the front of the restaurant
and it depicted Vinnie and a taller man, even more handsome than
Vinnie (who was hot when he was younger). That man was Joe’s
father, Big Joe (Vinnie told me) and he and Vinnie were standing
together in the middle of the grouping. Theresa was on Vinnie’s
right, Angela, Joe’s Mom, on her husband’s left. A young Joe was
standing in front of her, her hand on his shoulder, her husband’s
arm around Angela’s shoulders, holding her snug to his side. Vinnie
Junior with his sister Carmella in front of Theresa and Vinnie,
Benny, a toddler, on her hip, Manny in Theresa’s swollen belly. All
of them were laughing, even the kids, even baby Benny had his head
tipped back and was smiling up at his mother.

Cal was six in that photo, we knew this
because Vinnie told us.

“Two days later, they found the tumor,” he
said softly and I heard Kate and Keira join me in pulling in
breath. “Two years after that, almost to the day that picture was
taken, Angela lost her fight.”

At this news, Kate moved into me.

But my Keira, she moved into Vinnie.

He seemed startled for a second as she got
close. His eyes had been staring at the picture, his mind
elsewhere. Then he smiled a sad smile at Keira and slid his arm
around her shoulders, his eyes coming to me.

“
You never forget,
cara,
” he whispered, knowing my pain, I felt the tears
sting my eyes and Kate pressed in closer. “But, with time, you
learn you don’t want to.”

I nodded and, silent as usual, Joe moved in
behind me, his arm sliding around my stomach, pulling me and Kate
into his front, another something I didn’t fight because at that
moment, I couldn’t.

“Thanks, Vinnie,” I whispered.

“
You wanna talk,
cara
, have Cal give you my number,” he
offered.

I nodded.

“I mean that, Vi,” he told me.

“
Thank you.” I was still
whispering.

“We’ll come down and visit soon, yes?”
Theresa chimed in and I looked at her, instantly forgetting my
lovely moment with Vinnie and feeling panic.

“Yeah, Aunt Theresa, that’d be good,” Joe
replied, Theresa beamed and my stomach dropped. “Gotta get them
home,” Joe finished, moving us to the door.

“I’ll get Mom’s purse,” Keira said then she
started to move away, stopped, turned into Vinnie, gave him a hug
around the middle with her cheek at his chest, tore free and
started to run to our booth.

Vinnie’s eyes watched her go then they went
to Joe and the gentle and content look in them made my stomach drop
more.

“Don’t forget Mom’s shoes, Keirry!” Kate
called. “They’re on the floor.”

“Gotcha,” Keira yelled back like they’d often
been honored guests, family stopping for dinner at Uncle Vinnie’s
pizzeria and they could yell at each other and run through the
restaurant.

We waited for her to get back and all of
them, sans Benny who was sorting out his kitchen after Vinnie had
let loose in it again, walked us out to the car. We got big hugs
from Vinnie, Manny and Theresa then the girls piled into the
car.

As Joe opened his side after getting
another back pounding from Vinnie, Vinnie still with him, their
hands in a grip, Vinnie close and talking about something that
looked serious but I couldn’t quite hear; Theresa caught my
attention by catching my hand.

“
Next time you’re here,” she started and my
heart clenched because I knew there wasn’t going to be a next time,
“when it’s a good time, a happy time, one you wanna remember, we’ll
get your photo. Put you and the girls on the wall with the rest of
the family.”

“Theresa –” I began, not knowing what to say
and again pissed at Cal for putting me in that position at the same
time confused why in the hell he would.

She squeezed my hand, cutting me off and
whispering, “Bring him back to his family soon, yeah,
cara
mia?
”

Shit.

“Yeah,” I whispered back. I mean, what could
I do?

“Thank you,” she replied, kissed my cheek
then stepped out of my door.

I turned to look at Joe who was staring
down at his uncle. I saw, somewhat astonished, that Joe’s face was
set tight. Vinnie’s face was pale and, I gawked,
angry
.

What was that all about?

“You get what I’m sayin’ to you?” I heard Joe
ask quietly.

“I get it, son,” Vinnie’s voice was
tense.

“Whatever it takes,” Joe finished, I knew
this was the finish for I saw Vinnie nod once, his hand jerked
Joe’s and then he clapped him on the shoulder, let his hand go and
stepped away.

I thought I imagined the look on his face,
his tense voice, when Vinnie looked at me and gave me a gentle
smile.

“See you soon, Vi,” he called.

“Yeah,” I said again because there was
nothing else to say.

I climbed in, Joe folded in, we slammed
our doors and the girls and I waved at Vinnie, Theresa and Manny as
Joe pulled away.

I thought, nursing my anger, there was no way
I’d fall asleep.

But breadsticks, antipasto, great pizza,
delicious cheesecake, a full bottle of wine and a weird and
emotional day got the better of me and I passed out before we were
out of Chicago.

I woke up with Joe’s hand at my knee, his
mouth at my ear.

“Wake up, baby.”

My eyes fluttered open and I saw we were home
and he was bent into my open door.

“The girls are out,” he went on and I turned
to see this was true. “Get out, buddy,” he finished gently.

I exited the car and moved out of the way as
Joe pushed the seat forward and then bent in. Seconds later, he
moved out again with Keira in his arms.

“
I get her to bed, you can deal with her,
yeah?” Joe asked but didn’t wait for me to answer; he was striding
to the door.

I fumbled with my purse, pulled out the
remote, hitting the buttons then lamely hustled around him and
unlocked it, pushing open the door as he walked through.

I tried not to let this affect me, Joe
carrying Keira to bed, but it did, strong, hard, a sock to the gut,
but a weirdly warm one and, even partly asleep and it being the
middle of the night, it still pissed me off.

I hurried after them as best I could on my
foot, catching up to them in Keira’s room after Joe had put Keira
on her bed and Joe walked by me as I walked into her room. His eyes
caught mine but he kept going and I closed the door halfway and
went to my daughter who always slept like a log. I took off her
shoes and struggled with her dress, so much she half-woke. Helping
her, we got on her pjs and I pulled back the covers.

“Where’s Joe?” she mumbled sleepily as she
settled in and I heard movement outside, footsteps, Joe and
Kate.

“He’s bringing Kate in.”

Keira rolled to her side, her hands going
under her cheek as she asked, mostly still asleep, “Do we have him
back?”

That hit me too, a sock to the gut.

“No, baby,” I answered honestly but she
didn’t hear me, she was asleep.

I pulled the covers over her, tucked them
around and then bent and kissed her hair.

Then I moved out, saw Kate’s door closed and
I went to it, knocking softly and going in at her call.

“Hey Mawdy,” she said, I’d caught her with
her knee in the bed, she’d already changed. “Joe helped me in,” she
finished as she collapsed in bed and pulled up the covers.

I moved to her and tucked them tight all
around.

Then I slid her hair away from her face.
“That’s good.”

“I asked him to sleep on the couch, like
Mike,” she told me and I felt my body freeze then I forced it to
move and I bent and kissed her hair.

“What did he say?” I asked her hair.

“He said, ‘sure, girl’,” she muttered, her
lips tipping up in a drowsy smile and she cuddled deeper into her
pillows.

I was going to fucking
kill
him.

“All right, baby, go to sleep,” I encouraged
but it was a wasted effort, she was already asleep.

I turned out her light, left her room and
closed her door.

Joe was dumping my purse on the kitchen
counter, my pumps on the floor when I limped into the living room
and then through it, right to him.

I leaned in and hissed on a whisper, “You’re
not spending the night.”

He took me in for a moment then replied,
“Promised Kate.”

“Then it’ll suck, you needing to break your
promise, because you’re not spending the night.”

“Yeah, Vi, I am.”

“No, Joe, you’re not.”

“Baby –”

I leaned in further and demanded angrily,
“Don’t call me that.”

His hand came to my neck and I was so
furious, I jerked free. His hand stayed suspended in mid-air then
both his hands moved quick, grasping my hips. They yanked me
forward, my body slammed into his and his arms locked around me,
one low at my waist, one high up my back. Caged.

“Let me go,” I ordered, pushing against his
shoulders.

“We gotta talk.”

“Yeah, we do, later, when I don’t wanna rip
your head off, we’ll talk. There’s a few things I wanna say to you.
Now, you’re gonna go.”

“Nope.”

“Joe!”

“Shut it, buddy.”

I tried a different strategy. “The girls are
both going with Dane and his parents to the lake early tomorrow.
They’ll be gone by eight. That’s four hours away. I’m sure we’ll be
safe for four hours.”

“I am too,” he replied and I knew what he
meant.

“Joe –”

“Go to bed, Vi.”

“Joe –”

His face came close and I stopped
talking.

“You can go to bed or you can stay in my arms
and argue. I’ll tell you right now, baby, I’m tired and need sleep
so I’m not arguin’. You stay in my arms, I’ll be forced to find
creative ways to stop that mouth of yours. You want that?”

He could just
not
be
believed!

“We’re over,” I reminded him.

“I didn’t agree to that decision,” he shot
back and I felt my body turn to stone.

“What?” I whispered.

“Go to bed, Vi.”

“But, Nadia… you said –”

He cut me off, threatening, “Should I get
creative?”

I clamped my mouth shut and shook my
head.

Joe held me awhile, staring at my face in the
dark.

Then he leaned in and kissed my neck, lifting
slightly, he whispered in my ear, “Sleep.”

Then he let me go.

I instantly turned and walked (okay, limped)
as calmly as I could to my room.

I was trembling as I got ready for bed, my
mind too full, too active, too
crazed
, I didn’t even think when I pulled Joe’s tee out from
under my pillow and, after I took off my suit, brushed my teeth,
washed my face, I slipped it on.

Then I got into bed.

My mind so active, so crazed, I thought I’d
never sleep.

But I did.

And I did it soundly.

But I woke up when I heard the muted noises
of the girls moving around and I felt him there, his shoulder
against my cheek, his arm curled around my waist, my thigh thrown
over his.

I didn’t have a chance to react when he slid
out from under me carefully then pulled the covers over me while I
acted like a chicken and feigned being asleep. Nearly silent, he
got dressed and left the room. But he left the door open partway
and I heard the girls and Joe murmuring. Then I heard the doorbell,
Dane’s murmur mingled with theirs then the door closed.

Then silence.

I kept my eyes closed, waiting, but he didn’t
come back.

Somehow I fell back to sleep, telling myself
that whole thing was a dream.

Now I was awake, hoping the same. But I knew
he’d gotten into bed with me.

The bastard.

I stared at the ceiling wishing I hadn’t
encouraged the girls to go with Dane and his parents. They’d wanted
to cancel and Dane had said it was okay, even that he’d stay and
not go with his brother and parents to the lake which they’d done
every year since he could remember.

But a month ago, when they asked Kate to come
along and to bring Keira that was all either girl could talk about.
I hadn’t been able to give them a summer vacation and Dane’s
parents rented a cabin for four days, Thursday through Sunday. It
was all water-skiing, tubing, lying out by the lake and getting a
tan, fishing and barbeques every night. An end of the summer blast.
A vacation, not a long one, but it sounded like a fun one.
Something, not much, but it was something and I wanted them to have
as many somethings as they could get.

They didn’t want to leave me and I didn’t
want them to, but I didn’t want them to miss it either. I didn’t
want them to miss out on anything in life. I wanted them to live
their lives while they had a chance and remember it could be a
blast. Even now. Even so soon after Sam.

Especially so soon after Sam.

And Sam would want that too.

Now I realized my mistake. It was too soon,
way, way too soon for me and, probably, for them.

I looked at the clock again.

They were probably already there or close.
I’d call them after I had breakfast.

I got out of bed and padded to the bathroom,
using it, washing my face, brushing my teeth, I padded back out and
into the kitchen. There was a note by the coffeemaker. I picked it
up and read it.