At the Queen's Command (49 page)

She laughed. “You will do better, sir, to listen with your ears, rather than your mouth. You did not lead me on. You have been very direct, from the first, that you are married and you love your wife. I have known this from things you said about her, and things you have not said. I know you love her from things you wrote in your journals, and the letters you had me write for you during your convalescence.”

“Miss Frost…”

“No, Captain, I beg you. Let me say my piece directly, or I shall never get through it.”

“Very well.”

She wet her lips with the tip of her tongue. “I am neither silly nor stupid. When you first came to stay with us, I knew you were different from the others. I enjoyed your company. I enjoyed seeing you argue with my brother and discuss with my father. I felt very much at ease around you. I had not known that sense since Ira had been taken from me. I thought certain I had made a fool of myself and I was pleased when you left with Nathaniel, as it gave me a chance to recover my dignity.

“And yet, while you were away, I found myself missing you. When a missive would arrive, my father would read it aloud, and I would take it and read it over to myself. More than once. Perhaps that was silly, but it gave me comfort.”

Bethany’s grip tightened on his arm. “And then when word came that you were lost, I felt the same pain I had at the news of Ira’s death. It left me prostrate. I prayed for your safe return as I had for his—and told God that He had taken one from me, so He must deliver you to me. And yet, even as I did so, I remembered your wife. I remembered you belonged to her.”

A hand rose to brush away a tear. “When you came back, God had answered my prayer. I made certain you would get well. That became my mission. For me, yes, but also because I knew your wife would feel as I did, and I would not have anyone know such grief. This is why I wrote those letters for you, why I reminded you to write her when your strength returned.

“But now she will be coming. I will lose you to her.”

Owen’s guts roiled. Bethany had been his angel during his captivity and during his recovery. The very fact that he feared her hating him more than his wife doing so had revealed the nature of his feelings for Bethany. Those feelings were wrong—he knew it, and her hatred would be just punishment. The pain in her voice lashed at his heart, for only by misleading her could they have reached this state of affairs.

He stopped and turned to face her. “Don’t, Bethany, please. I…”

She pressed a finger to his lips. “You will tell me you have feelings for me, too. Of course you do. How could you not? I nursed you back to health. But you love your wife. She has your heart. I know that. I am content with that, with knowing I am your friend. But I shall have to be your friend at a distance.”

“It does not have to be that way…” Owen stopped, not certain what he was saying. “I wish I had not done what I did.”

“You did nothing, other than be yourself. And this is why I must put distance between us.” She shook her head. “It will hurt, but to not do this will hurt more.”

“Miss Frost…”

“No, Captain. You see, I know a woman who married a man she did not love because she thought her heart’s desire was dead. She listened to rumors that were false. And even though those rumors had been spread by the man she married—spread because of his desire to win her heart—she is married nonetheless. Still, she yearns for her lover and sees him. And I see how it tears her apart when they cannot be together.”

Owen clasped her hands to his chest. “There are so many things I wish to say that I cannot. You have been more of a friend to me than anyone I have ever known. You have treated me better than my family ever did. You tended me in a way that my wife never could have. You have made me welcome in Mystria. Miss Frost, were it not for you, I should board the next ship to Norisle and read of Rivendell’s folly in a book.”

“No, you would not.”

“Yes, I would.”

She lightly pushed him away. “You’re lying. He will create disaster, and you want to be there to prevent it. As much as you might dread seeing du Malphias again, you dread more seeing him on the outskirts of Temperance.”

Owen nodded. “You know me too well.”

“And I am proud to know you. You are truly an amazing man.” She slipped to his side, linked her arm through his, and steered him south again. “Due to you, Caleb is more reserved in his comments about Norillian soldiers. He’s not been in a tavern scuffle since your return.”

“Less his respect for me than his growing up.” Owen glanced over at her. Moonlight gave her skin an alabaster tone, and let glisten the track of a tear. “You have changed the subject, however, and I must be given a chance to finish my thought.”

“It does not matter, Captain, for I know what I must do, and nothing you can say will change that.”

“It is not my intention to change it. I shall respect your wishes completely. Tomorrow I shall move out of your family’s home. I will take apartments elsewhere. And I shall have to invite your parents to dine there. Catherine will want to entertain. She will want me to invite you as well.”

“Captain, you do not understand women. She will tell you she wants me there, but she does not.” Bethany’s eyes tightened. “Were I to come, I should be made to feel the provincial cousin. She would be kind, while being cutting. She would be as Lilith Bumble is, but more gracious and subtle. No, you shall ask, and I shall be feeling ill. I will send my regrets, and at the thought of missing you, they shall be sincere.”

“Catherine would not do that.”

“It is no slight against your wife, Captain, just the reality of being a woman in love with a man such as yourself. She will show everyone that you are truly hers. That is her right as your wife. I truly am happy that you have someone.”

They walked in silence, then turned west at Kindness. Thin clouds striped the sky, eclipsing stars, moving slowly. Crickets chirped and dogs barked here and there. From the upper floor of one house came soft singing of a lullaby, the words unintelligible, but the melody soothing.

Owen laid his hand on hers. “You mean that I shall never see you again.”

“You will, at a distance. You will come to church, and I shall be there. In the crowd when you march off to destroy du Malphias, I will be there. You’ll see me with my uncle and my brother. You’ll see my hand in stitches sewn for uniforms. You will be able to find me, but I cannot find you.”

“And if I wished to send you a letter?”

“Please, Captain, do not. I lost you once, then came you back. But now I cannot have you. Please do not make this more difficult.” She looked up and smiled briefly. “You will have your wife, and you will go back to Norisle and forget me, almost completely. Perhaps when you see the scar on your side and notice the stitching, you’ll remember, but memory of me will fade far sooner than that scar. No matter.”

“You’ll forget me as well.”

“No.” She shook her head, looking down. “Women do not forget the men… Do you remember the first girl you ever kissed?”

Owen thought for a moment, then nodded. “Her name was Jenny. Cook’s daughter at Overton Park Academy.”

“Very good. Do you remember the first kiss?”

His brow furrowed. “No. I mean, I can remember the circumstances, but…”

“You can
reconstruct
the circumstances, Captain, but you cannot remember the touch of her lips, can you?”

“No.”

“I remember my first kiss. I recall the scent of clover and the warmth of the summer air. I remember butterflies in the field, and the hiss of grasses as a breeze sent waves through them. I remember him, Ira, taller than me, casting a shadow over me. The sun made a halo around his head. I remember him bending over and kissing me quickly, so no one would notice, though we were utterly alone. I remember my lips tingling and my stomach feeling as if a dozen butterflies had flown down my throat. I remember every detail, and this was before I ever knew I loved Ira.

“So, Captain Strake, you will come to forget me. You might be able to reconstruct me, but you will have no memory of me. Your wife, your family concerns, will bury me but, again, I do not mind. I shall remember you as tall and handsome, honorable and brave. And that will be quite enough for me.”

They turned east on Generosity and headed back toward the Frost home. “Have you any idea how remarkable a woman you are, Miss Frost?”

“Remarkable rather than infuriating?”

Owen chuckled. “Remarkable will do. You have wisdom beyond your years.”

“Not wisdom, truly, just the knowledge that life seldom unfolds as one wishes it would.” She smiled up at him. “And that is not terribly cynical, just realistic. So many people grumble and complain, waiting for things to change instead of accepting them as they are, or working to change them. But changing things is very difficult, so only the brave attempt it.”

Owen nodded. “Thank you.”

“For?”

“For yet one more gift.” His eyes narrowed. “If we are going to defeat du Malphias, the old way of doing things will not work. We will need to change. I will not allow Rivendell to resist change, but force him to address reality.”

“It could cost you your career.”

He shrugged. “And it will save men’s lives. The risk is worth it.”

“And that, my dear Captain Strake,” she said as they stopped in the shadow of her parent’s gate, “is why I love you.”

Chapter Fifty

May 22, 1764

Old Stone Face, Temperance

Temperance Bay, Mystria

"I
reckon that’s the ugliest troop of monkeys I ever did see.” Nathaniel smiled as he greeted Major Forest. “Heard tell you was back.”

Forest turned, his eyes sharpening. “Nathaniel Woods, there’s a sight for sore eyes. I’d offer to shake your hand, but I’ve been a bit on the rude side since Villerupt.”

Beyond the Major stood an open face of weathered rock. Quarrymen had been cutting into it from the west, but had left a hundred feet of old stone with pine trees on top and broken rock at the base. A couple stout men amid the trees—one being Makepeace Bone if Nathaniel’s eyes weren’t lying—hung on to ropes lashed to men making the ascent. The climbers each wore two long sticks across his back, and two pouches filled with stones.

Forest smiled. “You can take your turn next, Nathaniel.”

“Iffen you think I can’t climb that face…”

“If you want to be one of the picked men, you have to earn it. Kamiskwa, too, if he’s going to join up.”

“He’s gone back to Saint Luke. Gonna see how many braves want to join us.” Nathaniel surveyed the men gathered by the cliff. Most tended to be big, with Makepeace at the upper end, and his brother Tribulation being the only one taller. Weight-wise they ran about the same, with Trib being shaggy on top and clean-shaven otherwise. Others varied in height, but most carried a lot of muscle. Those tending toward leaner, like Nathaniel or Justice Bone, had a wolfish look about them.

Forest followed his gaze. “It’s a good crew answered the call. Those boys over there, with the red caps, they’re down from Summerland, town of Farmingtown. Were bringing in furs when they heard about the call. Those two over there, in the brown jackets, they came up with me from Fairlee. Uriah and Jubal Hill. As good shots as you are.”

Nathaniel smiled. “They related to Colonel Hill?”

“Not soes I know. They muzzle-load their rifles, so they are not as fast as you, but they are as good.”

“I reckon some wagering on that point might be in order.”

Forest nodded. “Have the Count back you again?”

“That was his call.” Nathaniel shrugged. “You serious ’bout me skinning that hill?”

“I am if you expect to be a captain of one of the companies.”

Nathaniel folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t think you’ll be wanting me in command of no one.”

“Command? Perhaps not.
Leading
, on the other hand, without question.” Forest pointed toward where Caleb and another of the college boys were beginning their ascent. “Many of these men have fired shots in anger, but not all. Like it or not, you’re a legend. They all know three things about you. First, you’ve been where we’re going. Second, you embarrassed Lord Rivendell, which means, to most of them, you’ve redeemed Mystria. Third, you
are
Magehawk.”

“You know better than most just how much that Magehawk talk is hooey.”

Forest shook his head. “Better than most, I know how much isn’t. You were younger than any of them here when you went off, and you’re not the oldest here now. Lots of men have bragged about shooting jeopards, but you’re the only one who has the Governor-General bragging for him.”

“I ain’t special. I just done what needed doing.”

“And that’s what you’ll do here.” Forest smiled. “Your quiet confidence, Nathaniel, will calm a lot of nerves before we go up that cliff. Any boy thinks of quitting won’t for fear of disappointing you.”

Nathaniel shook his head. “I ain’t thinking I want that responsibility. I just want to get me a clean shot at du Malphias.”

Forest stroked his chin. “Let me put this a different way, Nathaniel. Either you come as a Captain of the Northland Rangers, or you’ll not be going at all.”

“Now, I don’t reckon…”

“No, you don’t reckon at all if you interrupt me. The situation is simple. If I can’t have you in a leadership position, I can’t have you in the ranks. You will chafe under someone else’s command. Men will follow you because you’re a natural leader. That creates division. And if men refuse to follow orders—and we will have scant time to train them at anything—they will die. And while you and Kamiskwa have been to Anvil Lake, you’re not the only men who know how to get there.

“If you are not under my command, you will still be a divisive force. You just want a shot at du Malphias. I understand this, but none of us can hazard you taking that shot regardless of our plans. If you’re not with us, you won’t be allowed on the expedition. Is this clear?”

Nathaniel’s nostrils flared. “You’re beginning to sound powerful close to that idiot come to lead us.”

“No. He sounds the way he does because he supposes that is how he should sound. He has no real clue as to why he should insist on discipline. That others oppose him is an affront to his honor, and that is all he cares about, his honor and his glory.” Forest tapped a finger against his own chest. “If I ever had such dreams, I was clutching them in the hand I left in the Artennes Forest. I’m commanding and demanding because that is what will keep men alive. You’ve seen the fortress. It will be a meat-grinder. As much as I admire you and want you with me, if it is not on my terms, you will do more harm than good.”