Atomic Beauty (14 page)
Authors: Barb Han
Murdock angled his head and pressed his lips into a thin line. “I needed startup capital to fund Sanctuary and he said he knew what to do. I didn't ask questions. I looked the other way when I shouldn't have. That was my fault. Those are the actions I have to live with every day. I don't condone what he did in any way, shape or form. I don't hate him for it, either.”
“Why not?”
“Because he saved my life in Vietnam and I owed him one. Because I knew the real reason he crossed the line was to help me and give you and your mother everything he felt you deserved. And because he was the best friend I ever had.”
“She was raped and murdered because of him. He took everything away from me.”
“He never saw that coming. You know that, right? No matter what else you believe about your father, his love for his girls was without fail.”
“You always said we were cut from the same cloth, my dad and me.” She dug her fingernail into the palm of her hand.
Murdock chuckled, an attempt to alleviate some of the tension. “You are. Both of you push yourself beyond any reasonable boundary. Both of you excel at everything you put your mind to. Both of you finish what you start. And mules are downright submissive compared to either one of you.”
He was right and it made her laugh in spite of the heavy feeling pressing down on her chest.
“That's where the similarities end,” he said, urging her to come closer.
“How do you know?” She reluctantly stepped away from Jace, from his arms that had been wrapped around her, holding her steady.
“When your dad was angry, he lashed out at the world. Wanted others to feel his pain.” Murdock glanced at her arms, even though most of her scars were covered by her sleeves. “You only ever hurt yourself.”
She contemplated those words for a long moment. The truth they held. Cutting herself had been about controlling her pain. She'd always turned inward when the world was too heavy. No way would she consider doing anything that might hurt others.
“We're all made of dark and light, Erika. The side that wins is all about the choices we make. And just like your mom, you always choose light.” He motioned toward Jace, who stood nearby, looking impatient as hell. “You have to decide what path you're going to take.”
The urge to dig her nail in deeper overwhelmed her. She wouldn't give in. Not this time.
“I need time.” She turned to Jace. “I'll be in touch when I'm ready to talk.”
She palmed the keys she'd lifted from Jace's pocket and slipped into the sedan. This time, she didn't look when she pulled away.
* * *
Watching as the sedan became a dot down the drive, Jace knew in his heart that Erika was gone forever. He'd always known she'd have one of two reactions to the news. She would've leaned on him or disappeared.
His heart battered his ribs and he felt as if his chest might explode. But then what the hell had he expected from her? Two-point-five kids? A freakin' minivan?
Erika's demons were as bad as his own.
People like the two of them didn't get white pickets, which totally sucked because Jace was completely crazy in love with her.
And how the hell was he supposed to walk away from that?
No choice. She did the walking for both of them.
Fuck.
Two Months Later
Erika had expected to be filled with rage at her father during those long weeks she'd spent alone at the cabin, but she wasn't. He'd had the same lot as everyone else. He'd made mistakes and had been forced to live with the consequences.
But he'd also done his best as a husband and father. And she, like Murdock, chose to focus on that side of him.
Sometime later, she'd find a way to make peace with the rest. Her headaches were already easing and, with that, she had gained more access to her memories.
At first light, she'd sent a message to Murdock and Jace to meet her. She'd given them the coordinates to the cabin.
No more secrets.
The men directly involved in her mother's murder were gone. Erika had personally attended to each one after securing the information from Murdock. The second had seemed to know she was coming. The rest of Exacto leadership was still intact, leaving her to wonder if the others would accept an eye-for-an-eye or seek revenge some day.
And now, she was ready to move on with her life, which began with getting her old job back. Murdock would insist on medical clearance and she would provide it.
Tree branches crunched to her left. She pivoted toward the noise.
Jace stepped from behind a tree, hands up, palms out.
“Who'd you bring with you?” she asked.
“How did you know?” It was so fucking good to see his face again.
“I wouldn't have heard you coming if you were alone.” She lowered her SIG Sauer. “So who is it?”
To Jace's right, Murdock stepped from behind a tree, his face sheet white.
“Come in.” Erika turned, walked into the cabin, and took a seat on the edge of the sofa.
Jace appeared in the doorway, eating up the frame.
“You want something to drink?”
“I'm good.” He stepped inside.
Murdock tentatively followed.
“You can both relax. I'm not going to hurt anyone.” Erika didn't want to admit how much being near Jace again settled the unrest inside her. He did other things to her, too, but that wasn't why she'd called them both there.
Murdock took a few more steps toward her, his gaze floating around the room, overwhelmed with emotion. “This place reminds me so much of your mother and father.”
It did her, too. Which was the reason she loved it here.
“I want you to have these.” She picked up the bundle of documents on the coffee table and held them toward Murdock.
“That what I think?” He eyed her cautiously, trepidation written all over his face, but made no move to take them.
“It's everything you want to know.”
“I survived knowing your father was mixed up in those things by looking the other way. I take those and there's no going back, is there?”
“Afraid not.”
“Did you look at them?”
“I had to know. It's as much a part of him as all the good.”
“What do you want me to do with them?”
“That's up to you. I don't want to see them again. And that erases any proof Sanctuary was involved with CorMeds.”
Murdock took the stack of papers and tucked them under his arm. “I'm not ready to face it just yet.”
“I understand.” She had no choice. She was his daughter.
The past few weeks had given her time to think. She'd expected to feel alone, but she didn't. She had Murdock. And he was family. “What happens now? I took out some of theirs, they'll come for me,” Erika said.
“No they won't.”
“How do you know?”
“For now, I made a bargain. We leave them alone and they let you two walk. All you have to do is disappear for a little while until the dust settles. Both of your jobs will be waiting for you when you're ready. But not for a while. Both of you need to take some time off,” Murdock said.
So they were free? She liked the sound of that and a part of her wondered if Jace would vanish now that he was clear.
“Time to put the past behind us, Erika, and start fresh. Why don't you two come by for supper on Sunday?” Murdock asked. “We could barbecue.”
A laugh burst from Erika's throat. Oh, wait. He was serious.
She looked at him. “Now I know you've lost your mind. Us? Barbecue? Like in the backyard or something?”
“Why not us?”
Jace had been quiet the entire time. He had a get-out-of-jail-free card. Would he use it to disappear?
“Think about it and let me know, kid.” Murdock smiled. So much made sense about how he'd taken care of her as a teenager. The constant workouts. The best teachers in martial arts and weaponry. He'd spent all of his time developing her into the best warrior she could be.
“In the meantime, I'll take good care of this.” Murdock patted the files and then left.
She walked over to Jace, stopping in front of him and digging her fingernails into her palm. He looked as if he couldn't figure out if she wanted to punch him or hug him.
“Fuck it,” he said under his breath as he hauled her into his arms.
She loved the way her body went all liquid, molding to his, when he pulled her close.
“You have plans this weekend?” she asked, leaning into his chest.
“I'm going to be very busy.”
“Oh. Okay.” She felt her body stiffen, wondering if she'd misread something, and then she pulled back.
He caught her arm. “Where do you think you're going, angel?”
“I, uh, figured you'd want to get busy doing whateverâ”
“Hold on a minute.” He pulled her close then dipped his head so his mouth was right next to her ear. In a low, gravelly whisper, he said, “I plan to let you fuck my brains out all weekend.”
Erika laughed, relaxing into him. Did she save him? Because he sure as hell saved her.
“Well then, you're going to be pretty hungry by Sunday night when I'm done with you,” she said. His rapid heartbeat matched her own. “You heard Murdock. He wants us over for a barbecue, so we might as well eat with him.”
Jace pulled back, the full force of those light blues intent on her. “Are you asking me on a date?”
“So what if I am? You got a problem with that?” She started to dig her nails deeper into her palm, but stopped herself. No more fear of the unknown. No more controlling her pain. She'd put herself out there and she'd deal with the consequences. That was the deal everyone had with life, and she was no exception.
Jace wrapped his arms around her waist and then trailed his lips on her neck. “No problem here. In fact, I like that very much. But what do you plan to do with me after this weekend? Kick me out? Because I don't plan to go anywhere without you. Call me crazy but I love you, Erika.”
She just stared up at him for a long moment. Then, she finally released the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
“You own a suitcase?” she asked.
He nodded.
“You could unpack it at my loft in D.C. if you want. I could make a little room in the closet. The place is too big for one person anyway.”
“What about here?”
“There's more than enough room for two.”
“Good.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Because you're not getting rid of me. We're pretty goddamn good together.”
Sweet relief washed through her.
“Yeah. We are.” She pressed against him, loving the feel of his muscled chest against her. “And we have way too many clothes on.”
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ISBN-13: 9781460380239
Atomic Beauty
Copyright © 2015 by Barb Han
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This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.
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