ATONEMENT (48 page)

S
he paused for so long he wondered if she’d passed out or something. If
it wasn’t for the soft sobbing noises
in the background
he’d believed she had. Then she said with such despair, “I signed them…I won’t fight
it. I did this, I killed us.” She wailed into the phone, “
How can I expect you to love someone else’s child or me
? I’m stupid to think you loved me so much you would. I’m an asshole for believing we were more than our mistakes…I would’ve forgiven you...I would have
been furious, yes…dammit…I would’ve been but if you were repentant…truly sorry and wanted to keep what we have…I would’ve forgiven you and
loved your kids like my own because they’re part of you and
we all sometimes lose our way. Your child wouldn’t be less loved because it would be innocent! You never truly loved me…you couldn’t have…you’ve been lying too…I see it now…and to think I almost aborted these babies because I loved you and didn’t want this to happen –but I’m glad I didn’t…I’m so fucking glad I had the courage not to!” A
hiccup
at the end of the long rant reverberated then, “I asked God for forgiveness, I no longer need it from a man. T
ake care of yourself, bye
!
”

Once she hung up, Alfonzo slumped over with his head hanging down in futility. His chest ached at how pitiful and dejected she sounded. His eyes became moist then overflowed to run along the brid
g
e of his nose. He hadn’t cried in years, not even when they cremated Vincent. He wanted to, the mourning socked him around many days but he hadn’t out
-
and
-
out cried.

He sniffled
hard,
and then
balled
his hands into fists. The tears wouldn’t stop and he let them go unabridged. He loved Selange so goddamn much and it killed him to divorce her…it literally caused heart palpitations. The tears were his blood spilling for her. She didn’t understand how close he came to putting a bullet in his head
when he returned from Italy
. She didn’t see the drunken nights he stumbled around smashing anything he could find to keep from hurting inside. He’d
suffered weeks of a rollercoaster of emotions, anger, disbelief, guilt, denial and at his weakest,
almost took the easy way out.

Weeks
felt like a lifetime but he came out of it, seeing the kids helped, working helped but it always got bad when he saw her belly and
it’d
c
o
me roaring through his gut all over again
. He might’ve forgiven the affair, but seeing reminders of it every day was like rubbing his nose in it. Were they in such heat Nico didn’t think to use a condom? See, that’s the painful part,
you know? It’s sort of,
‘what the fuck’, did he love her so much he wanted it raw, wanted to impregnate her then send her back
to her husband carrying his seed
? Yeah, see this is why Alfonzo couldn’t do it; he’d keep doing this to himself, looking for answers when sometimes there aren’t any. People sometimes don’t think, they fuck-up and sometimes when they d
o it’s an earthshattering event. Selange’s mistake was not ‘thinking’ about her husband
.

Her words were stinging, because in truth, he believed she would
’ve
forgiven him. Many times she had, but he wasn’t the forgiving kind, not when it came to this. She forgot, hadn’t she? The first night they spent together, he’d told her about it and she forgot.
The first girl he thought he loved, cheated and it ripped him apart. This was different…Selange was his
wife
…not a girlfriend
or a youthful crush but a woman he’d gladly die for…which made it ten million times more devastating!

He wanted to be there at her side
today, she shouldn’t be alone but his feet wouldn’t move. There were troubles
spiraling in the midst of his personal problems. Yes, he rushed the divorce, he had to. He had to protect his kids and Selange from what was coming.
Don Gregorio had turned
state’s evidence against Alfonzo
. He
’d
begun cooperat
ing
with the feds
to avoid time for a ten year murder and
racketeering charge
s
. Lou got wind of it but by then Don Gregorio and his family were placed in The Witness Protection Program.

Vincent was right, he should
’ve eliminated
Gregorio. Now, Alfonzo could only wait for
the inevitable. His
known
assets w
ere already frozen, but of
course this was the least of his problems. In the end, he had to get to Gregorio
, for Vincent’s wisdom rang in his ear. “In my experience it’s better to rid yourself of a rat then have it come back and bit
e
you
in the ass
later!”

He missed Vincent…he missed his wife but they were gone and he had to get out of this jam
. With the help of his political connections, he could get Gregorio’s location but there was only one man who could eliminate the problem. He was the best of the problem-solvers
and
also the man Alfonzo would never call. Nico!
 

                                
              
***

Selange gripped the railing with one hand, trying to will away the uncomfortable pain pressing
against
her uterus. Geez, this wasn’t like when she gave birth
to Sal or Allie, there were two jockeying to get out
and she was alone. Literally,
left in a room by the nurse who flippantly said she wasn’t fully dilated yet and she’d be back in a minute, she was going to get the doctor.

Somehow, the thought of going through this
without anyone to hold her hand
almost made her cry. Yep, she cried a lot. She cried when Allie called her fat, she cried when
Amelda
and
all the women
came
for a
visit. Oh she cried over not having someone to rub her back at night, goodness, there were cries for crying.
The contractions were
getting closer
and the nurse hadn’t brought her ass back yet. Where did she go, Timbuktu?

The Lamaze classes at least helped in the breat
hing part and she did the silly, ‘
hee-hee-hee
’ nonsense
until she tired. Then the wind from the door caused her to look up and her eyes widened in shock.
The joyful surprise when she saw her unexpected visitor evident as she exclaimed, “
Nico
!
”

He came to her side and
took
her hand. She gripped it tight, gratefully tight and he massaged the base of her spine, “You didn’t think I’d let you go through this
by yourself
, did you?”

She
leaned sideways to his chest. Her round belly was covered by a sterile sheet and he wondered how far apart the contractions were. He didn’t get to ask because she asked first,
“How
…how did you find out
?”

His mouth tugged into a half-smile, she hadn’t guessed
?
The security feed to the house
. Wasn’t
she
curious about
why Alfonzo always asked him to check security?
There wasn’t time to get into all of that, she’d be surprised at how easy he could hack her security feed and zero in
on
places in the house. Last week, he saw her crying in the living
-
room
. It made him so upset, h
e’d shut it off because he hated see
ing
her miserable. He was here because it appeared Alfonzo didn’t have a heart after-all and all the bull-shit he talked about loving her…well…this was the test and he failed!

“No questions
about how, I’m here
.
This is a ‘now’ moment.
”

She smiled
, overjoyed at his take-charge attitude and hoped he wasn’t risking too much to be here
, “Your wife is going to kill you
, Nico
.”

“
Don’t
worry;
my ex-wife and I are friends. Matter-of-fact she’s got herself a lawyer boyfriend. But, hey she’s happy, that’s all that matters. Okay, enough about me, let’s start focusing on a far more important subject.
You and
frick
and
frack
there.”

She actually laughed. Oh, snap, hearing the sound come out of her mouth was as jubilant as Christmas. She grew encouraged,
“
I can do this...I can do this…right…twins
…they’re small babies
not elephant
s
, right?”

He laughed at the brave fear, “
Far
tinier than
elephant
s
.”

His eye
s twinkled
when she began to
pant again
, “
Hee-hee-hee
!”

Nico leaned closer
and
smell
ed the delicious minty scent of her hair. His eyes were lovingly drinking her in and he breathed with her.
She needed him today more than ever
and he came. He
caressed her
arms,
“
You’ll know when they’re actually about to come
,
let me know and I’ll call the nurse,
okay?”

“Okay.”

“Are you soldiered-up?”

“Damn right.”

They breathed again and in a resting phase he asked as a distraction,
“Have you decided
on
names?”

“
I
want to name
the boy
Vincent
if
it’s
okay with you?”

The sudden flicker in his eye was a sign of
happiness
. “
P
erfect.”